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 CuteSailor47
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 1
Are we all looking for perfection?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It seems that one of the problems that I've come across in the on-line dating world and I'll admit I've been guilty of this also, is, it seems that everyone is looking for the "perfect mate".

It's like being in a huge candy store (and this may apply to the Ladies even more so than the Men just due to the ratios).. I digress... The big candy store where the proprietor tells you that you can have one tiny taste (a profile) of any of these thousands of candies that you want but you can only take one of them home with you and if after a little bit bigger taste (first date/meeting) if you don't like it you can come back and start the whole process over again.

How hard is it to decide... Hmmm well this one is good but maybe the next one will be just a little better... and so on and so on......

It seems that dating is vastly more complex now than it was 25 years ago, or maybe I'm just getting old. :~) Don't get me wrong I think on-line dating is great simply for some of the same reasons it frustrates me at times. In that if you work 50+ hours a week, have a home of your own to keep up and aren't a joiner it's difficult to meet quality people. I outgrew hanging out in bars more than a few years ago.

I'm not complaining here simply looking for other people's honest thoughts.

Thoughts?
 nexthyme
Joined: 9/12/2007
Msg: 2
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/14/2009 4:28:13 PM
Will it make a difference if I told you I met my SO, now new husband off of POF?

It is tougher at an older age in the dating world, why???

If people have had a rough marriage, or relationships, they certainly are going to be a LOT MORE picky about who they hitch their wagon to. It isn't fun going through a divorce, and the emotional trauma of a bad relationship. Further more it isn't fun to pick up the pieces of crushed finances, and dreams...

I think a lot of people ARE looking for perfection. However some are looking for that one that they can be compatible with, and grow together...

These days it is harder to commingle all the different interests that people have. In days gone by, there were less to do, and people didn't think of being a college student in their forties or fifties. There was to much to do, and a large portion of people in the same status level were all on the same page.

Now people have to balance a budget that they didn't expect to be balancing. They may have kids, and aren't sure how to bring someone new into their family units life.

With so much going on in life, then in the days gone by, as well as women being more able to care for themselves, and being the major bread winners, dating is more challenging...

BUT it is possible, a person just has to keep a positive attitude, and be willing to accept that they aren't for everyone, as everyone is not for them either...
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 3
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/14/2009 4:31:26 PM
I think too many people want to keep their options open. If someone is interested in me, but only asks me out the same night, then that tells me they didn't get a better offer. If you want to date me, then make a date, get it? One date does not a lifetime commitment make.
 lady read only
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 4
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/14/2009 4:39:28 PM
I am not looking for perfection, infact I am not really looking in general. However I am keeping my eyes open because one never knows what might happen.
Next~ I never you knew you met your love on POF. That is so very cool.
 CuteSailor47
Joined: 9/18/2007
Msg: 5
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/14/2009 4:59:15 PM
Thanks for the input all.

This question was really just me examining myself and soliciting feedback from others.

I think the internet as a whole is a fabulous thing and that as date of that on-line dating is a great tool also. But sometimes it feels a little like we have traded some humanness for conectedness.

Next, that is REALLY Cool!

Childlike, if we lived closer I would ask you for a date. :~)
 Wiyan
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 6
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/14/2009 5:05:04 PM
a perfectionist wouldn't be a perfect fit for me ! But, someone whose imperfections fit well with my imperfections would be a perfect fit! What was the question again?-forgetful and inattentive-see, strike me off the master list!
 Tarah0128
Joined: 2/25/2009
Msg: 7
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/14/2009 5:10:28 PM
I'm not looking for perfection, just sexy, but not sexier than me

 wacowboy3
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 8
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:26:53 AM
As for myself , I do not believe I am looking for perfection. No one is perfect. I think it starts with attraction. May be shallow , but we all find different things attracting. I am not looking for a perfect models body. I understand that especially with age comes a little more weight etc. I start with looking for someone that is average to a few pounds overweight. Then there needs to be some common intrests. I dont think we have to like all of the same things that would be boring . Next I look for somone that is intrested in me and my intrests. Thats the hard part LOL And that lives within a reasonable distance so that we can date. (Another hard one LOL ) Then there needs to be time to date. I dont know how many times , I have had an intrest in someone only to find out that they are workaholics, are so envolved with there kids or an elderly parent that they really dont have time to date. It shouldnt be this damn hard, but it is lol
 Bowflex67
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 9
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/15/2009 11:35:56 AM
I don't know if I am or not. How can I know if I am looking for perficetion, if I don't know wth I am looking for.
 MikeAkaJB
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 10
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/15/2009 12:41:50 PM
you guys sure scare me LOL jk... As for looking for perfection sure why not it could be as easy as imperfections = perfection for those two... its in the eyes of the beholder what works for them basically.

either way in the end why settle for less than what you are looking for or know you are looking for? I mean obviously if you dont want to be with smokers than don't date smokers and so forth. ROFL

I mean not all of us are looking for a girl 2-5 years younger about 5'3 or less, likes to go hiking, funny, intelligent with some higher education, brown or black hair, cute face, likes to do things more than just shop or watch tv, cooking is a plus, likes to walk on the beach, always willing to learn something new, can be trusted, is honest, hard worker, knows what she wants in life, a best friend, non smoker, no children, must love dogs, likes to travel, playful, doesn't play stupid just to get with someone, non druggie, drinks socially, never been on girls gone wild, doesn't have a crazy family, a mother who is cool and not evil, a dad who isn't going to grill you, wants to have a family one day, wants to do the whole own a house and white picket fences, wants 2-4 kids, adventurous side, likes different ethnic foods, wants to understand differnet peoples culture, down to earth, small public displays of affection not like making out in public, likes law and order / csi / ncis, and the list goes on... OH I forgot nice, a true sweet heart, the girl next door, someone you can bring home to mom, someone you can be proud of, not completely scary, and so forth LOL

But I mean who is really asking for that much, I mean not I surely not!
 lady read only
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 11
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/15/2009 1:14:56 PM
I think our imperfections are what makes us perfect and unique in our own way. JMO

You guys are funny.
 MikeAkaJB
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 12
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/15/2009 1:51:02 PM
oh yah maybe I shouldnt be coming after all LOL

 NWSingleMan
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 13
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/15/2009 10:07:02 PM
There is no locked in standard of perfection because once one sets a standard for what they believe is "perfection" then they become disatisfied because the standard somehow evolves due to some new unforeseen external influence or a change of heart.
Did anyone anticipate the break up of Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston?

Maturity and coming to grips with the inevitable usually gives us the wake up call.
The que..... that there is no achievable standard of perfection just a lot of dreaming.
There might be something crucial or unflexible that you must have but I believe that you can compromise and still be happy for the rest of your life if your mate is maybe 80% of what you consider to be your ideal vision. There's probably nothing wrong with 70% either. > That's for us older people.... LOL
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 14
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:50:51 AM

There is no locked in standard of perfection because once one sets a standard for what they believe is "perfection" then they become disatisfied because the standard somehow evolves due to some new unforeseen external influence or a change of heart.


You're right ~ say for instance, someone is looking for someone who's athletic, they find someone like that and an injury occurs where they can no longer participate in certain activities ~ nothing is for certain, we have to adjust. It's all well and good to search for a certain type but life happens in the meantime
 Khyrene
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 15
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/16/2009 4:53:05 PM
Can't speak for anyone but myself, but I'm looking for imperfection that compliments my own. :)
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 8/29/2009
Msg: 16
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/16/2009 5:31:15 PM
I think perfection is a feeling and not a look.
 NWSingleMan
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 17
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/16/2009 6:03:59 PM
Have any of you heard of the concept of trading up? It is an agenda of men and women that suggests when they become sexier, more powerful, wealthier or more famous they will dump their current partner for better pickings.

Some people use the analogy that "water seeks it's own level".
A couple starts out together equally enduring hardships together. Through their mutual agreement one partner will take on more of the burdens of the relationship (making sacrifices) while the other makes the move at a significant life enhancement.
The intent is to better both of their lives somehow.
For example: Pursuing a college degree for a career with the potential better income for the household, or a boob job/ health club membership to enhance the looks and sex appeal of the significant other (for the sexual aspect of their relationship).

Where it falls apart is when the shared commitment fails.
The person who has made the enhanced change for the better of the couple's interest has a change of heart and now thinks that since they look way sexier that they can dump the loser that they are with and go for better fish.
The same thing applies for the man or woman that has bettered their career outlook.
They feel that even though they may have been though thick and thin with their significant other at one time that they are willing to dispose all of this for what they believe would be a better life. They want to move out and on with their new life and leave the past behind them.
 *Sassy Redhead*
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 18
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/17/2009 7:57:30 PM
Nope....I'm not looking for perfection....just someone who can mesh with my life and willing to put up with my bullshet.....
 Bowflex67
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 19
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 9/17/2009 8:12:44 PM
Nice to hear a woman can admit they have as much bullsh!t as men do!!!
 totoman
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 20
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 10/20/2009 1:10:41 AM
No. What the hell is perfection? Are you saying you are perfect? Take an honest humble look at yourself and you clearly will find you are not. Why would you think you can have something perfect when it is clear you are not? And even if this imaginary thing existed, why would you assume you are entitled to it? I go for percentages. If a gal has 80-90% of what I'm looking for... grab on to her and don't let go! If it is 75% percent, then I must evaluate a little longer. If it is below. then you probably won't be happy in the long run.
 lady read only
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 21
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Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 10/20/2009 12:23:27 PM
Perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.

Just like a mother looking at her new child for the first time. It doesn't matter the imperfections of deformaties or mental issues, to a mom that child is the most perfect thing and no one can tell her different.

I don't mean to exclude dads from that statement, I know most dads feel the same, and not all moms feel that way.
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 22
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:26:21 PM
So true, Lady ~ we all have interesting tastes in what we find attractive

If I can manage to find someone who isn't repulsive, then I figure I'm ahead of the game


 bo_weeks
Joined: 1/5/2009
Msg: 23
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:08:07 PM

If a gal has 80-90% of what I'm looking for... grab on to her and don't let go!

lt has to be the right 10-20% missing though, right? l mean if she was someone who murdered her kids and husband, but was just right in all other ways (just an example), that would probably be a deal breaker.
l think there is someone who is perfect for another without being a perfect person...that's what l'm holding out for.
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 24
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:18:09 PM
Just don't hang out around women's prisons looking for dates, in other words

You crack me up, Bo


 sightseeing
Joined: 10/21/2009
Msg: 25
Are we all looking for perfection?
Posted: 11/6/2009 11:31:28 PM
I really hope not, because I am no where near perfect.

As a matter of fact, I have kids, some insecurities, bills, oh and kids means previous relationships that I'm not in anymore (guess that means failed relationships, lol), relatives, some off-beat friends, happy days, crazy days, sad days, "I've had it" days....and the list goes on.

....from what I've read on many of the profiles, I'm starting to feel like a minority here!!!
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