| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:29:40 PM | | Just kind of curious if being a single parent has changed your dating life or how your time is spent with a significant other. Do you hire a sitter and go out? Do you involve the kids in your dates, or maybe you find it better to spend time with your other half at home just spending time together with the kids and alone time after kids go to bed. Just curious what People have found that works best for them. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:37:23 PM | | Well, I'm probably not the perfect example because I haven't had a date since become a single dad raising four. But I will use sitters so I can go out. And after getting to know the person maybe outings to the beach or zoo etc. with the kids, as a friend and no pda in front of the kids. The older ones are incouraging me to date so I feel good about it. some may not agree. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/15/2009 6:51:37 PM | Yeah, I haven't been the best example at times either, SSD. We make mistakes, and hopefully learn from them in order to not repeat them. Knowing and doing are, well, you know...
Dust, you pretty much covered it in your question. It is life & everything that you mentioned is what it entails. Kids aren't stupid, depeding on their ages, they understand adult time out and everyone needs a break from each other every now & then. If I have a sitter or they have a sleepover, do ya think they're worrying about what I'm doing? LOL
Do we all also enjoy eating off of the stove or grilling burgers while listening to music and dancing around like fools in the living room? Or cutting up at the Museum then going for an art walk? It's all part of it.
I prefer improvising instead of having an itinerary. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/16/2009 2:46:12 PM | | when you do not have the children...socialize...and if you do have the children all the time...share with friends...take turn and then you can have their children while they are socializing...paying for a babysitter is expensive...and if you have friends you can all help each other | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/16/2009 5:39:50 PM | I might not have the greatest answer but I have always had an active social life, of both men and women. I just invite them over for dinner with a group of other people and we all spend time getting to know each other. I can tell by how he acts during and after dinner if he is a good fit. Does he actually want to help me wash dishes or pick up? When I ask for volunteers to help set the table, does he offer? If he seems interested, then after my son was in bed and everyone else left, we would spend time as adults getting to know each other.
From there, it is a blending of our time. A sitter for movies or going out... Friends houses for mad, passionate love... but mostly, he becomes a friend. Less stress and then he seamlessly blends in if it ever progresses to more. Thus far, we usually just end up as incredible friends. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:12:24 PM | I NEVER spent any time with a woman unless my kids were totally taken care of.
I NEVER involved my kids in my DATING.. and they NEVER woke up to find a woman in my house, NOR my bed.
If the woman didnt understand that,,, she was GONE.
Some selfish biotches wanted to be IN my kids life after less than 2 weeks of dating. They bolted when I said.. NO WAY..
Some lasted for 6 weeks.. 2 dates a week.. of 4 hours average..
Let's do that math.. six.. times two.. times 4 hours.. equals BARELY 48 hours of knowing me.. and they thought they DESERVED to get involved in my childrens lives.. Hmmmmm.. Let's review | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/16/2009 11:35:08 PM | I said SOME.. looks like I've found one more.. since this is the THIRD post of mine you've followed and ONLY posted a comment about my comment.
What does that say about YOU?? Other than you are completely FASCINATED by me and really want me.. and want me a LOT. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/17/2009 12:04:07 AM | Here is how I handle it, and not everyone will agree with me, but I have talked to a child psychologist about it who said he thought there was no issue with it. I am one of those women who just happens to have several PLATONIC male friends.
So, If I am dating someone and want to spend time with that person, she is introduced to them as just another "friend". Now, that means, no hugging, kissing, hand-holding, cuddling, or spending the night around her. When she is around, we act simply as friends. Especially if you meet a man who has a child/children somewhere in the same age bracket as your own. If we want to take it further than that, her bedtime is 9pm, and we can be a bit "friendlier" then.
Up until recently, her father has had her every other weekend so I do my carefree dating then. I also have a few sitters that will watch her for me if there is something special that comes up and I really want to go and it's not a kid-friendly event, but I try to keep that to a minimum.
I am fortunate, she has an uncle up the street from me who will take her anytime and she loves going over there because there are several other kids there. Also, I recently met the neatest woman at my apartments who has 2 daughters the same age as mine so we swap sitting, and we also swap taking and picking up from school. It's great.
Not everyone agrees with me, but that's ok. I don't live my life to please everyone. I live my life to take care of my daughter and she loves hanging out with my friends, especially the ones with kids.. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/17/2009 4:36:36 AM | | Normal kids do not have a problem meeting new people, that includes the women I date. Finding time is hard even for people with out kids. The best dates I have had are with women that like to meet up with me and my kids at the beach, river or park. Then may be a a swim in my pool and a pizza or tackout dinner and a dvd. My kids love days like that also, as they can be fun healthy days for all. Then there is one on one time after the kids crash. One on one time is important to most people I know, but not all here on the forums. Now I have dated some women that did not want to be around my kids, can still date, but it is a lot more difficult. I am not getting a sitter every time I want to go on a date and would never think of hitting the beach without the kids. As I read the forums and I see people that say they have problems or their kids have problems because they are dating; even seen the slut word getting tossed around, I think to myself, there are some messed up people out there. It up to each person to decide for them self how to handle dating. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/17/2009 5:48:57 AM | Whether dating, seeing someone, having a relationship.. whatever or not, I have always taken 'me' time.
This is time that I use to just be, to exist in the world without children for a time.
When in a relationship, 'me' time easily translates into 'couple' time.
Also, when I do start dating someone or seeing someone seriously then it is not something new for the kids. It's already been established.
When my children were younger I never involved them in the dating process. I really am uncomfortable with guys that want to introduce me to their children before I even have a chance to know if I like them as a person or not and have no desire to introduce my children to some guy before then either.
I don't do the 'after the kids go to bed' routine as I just find the idea really, really distasteful. Then again, I have never had to because I already have 'me' time scheduled.
I have only had one serious relationship that included them and that was well after we were dating for a year. It wasn't a standard I had or an arbitrary time frame we established - it just took that long for us both to realize that we really dug each other and wanted a future together.
Now that my kids are older, it really isn't that big of a deal. They try to set me up with men! It's funny. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/17/2009 6:56:56 AM | I think its incredibly difficult to get the balance right when dating.
As a single parent to 20 month old twins, I have a sitter I use twice a week for $40 a week on average £20 a week GBP... and tend to use one night for a date and the other for girlie night out.
However first date is always in a local pub/bar/restaurant, I only ever invite anyone round after a second date, when the kids are asleep in bed, no one has even met my children, and wont until such time as I know they are a permenant fixture in my life.
I dont have anyone stay over, and only date once or twice a week...
It is a difficult time for me because my children are just getting to the stage where they will have memories, and what happens now will influence the rest of there little lives., and I dont want them to remember a string of men, in and out of their lives...
ABSOLUTE MINEFIELD!!!!  | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/17/2009 7:22:20 AM | I said SOME.. looks like I've found one more.. since this is the THIRD post of mine you've followed and ONLY posted a comment about my comment.
I had no clue adding SOME in front of a bitter azz sentence made it ok!! Wow! Ok...SOME people on the forum are very bitter.
Is this kind of like adding "Bless his/her heart" after some crude remark...
Some posters are very bitter...bless his heart.
To the OP- If you have free time then socialize but I included my child on dates as well. Fun outings and stuff like that that everyone can enjoy. If things get serious the child will be there anyways right?! Why not start off like that instead of acting like things won't change later | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:30:35 AM | | I am not comfortable about bringing random guys around my child. So my mom babysits if I am dating. Once I know a person, they can come over to watch a movie where my child is around. With my boyfriend now we've been together going on a year, and we've taken my son to the movies with us and little things like that. Not too often, as I don't want my son too attached incase we don't work out, but enough that he knows my boyfriend & likes him and is most importantly comfortable with him. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 6:13:13 AM | | I wouldn't advocate this for someone you barely know, but after a time...those little kids should be in bed by 8:30 or 9:00 pm. No babysitter needed for him to come over after the child is asleep to watch a movie, hang out with a glass of wine, visit, or whatever other activities you might be able to come up with....When it's time for you both to go to sleep, he leaves for his place, you go sleep in your own bed like usual and your little one wakes up none the wiser! | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:07:57 PM | | I am not comfortable introducing my child to someone I am dating immediately. After several private dates...sure we can introduce ourselves as friends to our children...IF the relationship is moving positively then I think it is a great idea to have our children join us in an activity and go from there... | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:21:42 PM | When I divorced in '91 I was about your age and kept custody of my 2 kids - they were 3 and 5 at the time. Since the structure of their day to day lives changed so much, I figured that they needed stability in their lives, more than I needed a woman. So even though their mother had them once every other weekend, I still didn't date for about the first 3 to 4 years and devoted my time to them. After that, their Mom was taking them about half of the time and I would only date when she had them. In addition, since '91, they have only met 3 of the women that I've dated, simply because I wouldn't introduce them until I was more than pretty sure that the woman was going to be in my life for a long time.
So, that's how I did it... | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 2:36:41 PM | After the kids are dropped of at school, we hook up for some breakfast and adult time.
On his days off I invite him over for dinner at my house, (like Freetime, my kids are not so suppressed in a bubble that they are potentially traumatized mentally by having someone that mommy enjoys spending time with come around the house), late nights when the babies are in bed, he may stop by with some wine and some food from his work (he is a chef), and we have a "date" on my deck, we talk and look at the stars, and if we are not to exhausted by the day already, slip in for a lil adult time, we all go as a group to the beach and to the pool, or grab Burgars at TGI Fridays during the week, if i can swing a sitter on the weekedn we may spend a night together.
neither of us are attached at the hip to the either, sure we have to do a little creative time maneuvering for adult private time, but the fact that we have our own lives makes our together time really appreciated. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:58:20 PM | It use to tick me off when my brother was single and the women would come into his life and try to insert herself in his daughters. To me, she was using my niece, who I love as though she were mine, as a tool. Women are manipulative emotionally more than men in this way.
I agree with kindman on this one. I have seen it happen to single dads. Single moms worry the guy will love them and leave them...single dads worry the women will ensconce herself in his childs life and make it hard for him to leave her. I'm not sure why that is exactly. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 5:48:56 PM | "Let's do that math.. six.. times two.. times 4 hours.. equals BARELY 48 hours of knowing me.. and they thought they DESERVED to get involved in my childrens lives.. Hmmmmm.. Let's review "
100% agree, I would never let my child meet someone who I have known for 2 days.
I don't even let the people I am dating know where I live or have my home phone #. | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 5:54:36 PM | thank you Colorado and Misty.
FINALLY some common sense from women on this site. NOT because you agree with me, but because of your reasons for it.
I wanted to offer my thanks in a private email but I'm being blackballed by this site.
however, thank you for female voices of reason about involving children in
ADULT DATING.
I am humbled(ok.. only a little) | |
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| As a single parent how do you spend time with the significant other?
Posted: 9/18/2009 8:39:59 PM | Simple math. You take time away from your kid and spend it with someone else.
Doesn't work for me, so I don't do it.
My kid is growing so fast, she's the only significant other I have time for...
Mine's still under 10 though... so maybe in the teen years... | |
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