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Posted: 9/16/2009 1:46:50 PM | | So i met a amazing guy on here. We talked on the phone nonstop and texted all the time till one day he decided that he wanted to meet me . We both already had feeling for each other and it was obvious that we clicked. Met him everything was perfect we started hanging out every day it was amazing. He even told me he loved me after a few more weeks and i got very close to him he was no longer just a friend he was a best friend and a lover...Weeks still went on and he told me i was his soulmate and he knew i was the girl for him. Spent an amazing weekend with him and his family and then all of a sudden he started acting really different. Couple days went by havent been hearing from him as much then 2 days went by not hearing anything. He calls from a different number and says his phone was messed up. I could tell something was different by talking to him and he tells me he is still in love with his ex girlfriend and havnet heard from him now its been a week and my heart is hurting so bad to where i dont know if ill ever let anyone get this close again... | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 2:06:39 PM | Im amazed at some of you kids, a guy tells you he's your soulmate and you lose all common sense, sleep with the dude and you wonder why he's gone faster than Fried Chicken Gizzard at a Uncle Billy Bob annual hillbilly picnic for inbreds...........sweet Jesus.
Look kid, if you want to know if a guy is real, he will want to be with you and not even worry about sex, he just wants to be with you so next time a guy says " I love you" or youre my soul mate, within in the first weeks of meeting, beat his sorry ass and kick him to the curb and do the RUN FOREST RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 2:14:56 PM | He's throwing the "L" word around too easily.
People who don't use that word as intended cannot be trusted.
I don't think it's going to work out. | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 3:07:48 PM | You confused liking him with truly knowing and trusting him.
talked on the phone nonstop and texted all the time
already had feeling for each other
everything was perfect
started hanging out every day
told me he loved me after a few more weeks
told me i was his soulmate
Didn't any of this seem weird to you?
You shouldn't let anyone get that close in such a short period of time.
Next time you hear this BS you'll recognize it for what it is- BS | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 3:12:07 PM | | Alicia, I think most everyone has been hurt once by someone who professed neverending love and then did a 180 on them. When I was 20, my heart was broken like this three times. The good news is that, guess what? You'll be ok. You'll be wiser with your next lover. Trust me. Hang in there. Good luck to you! | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 3:57:21 PM | Clearly the OP took a big risk with the wrong person. I'd like to say, however, especially to the "Laundry" person, that sometimes it is indeed possible to KNOW that one loves another in a relatively short period of time. I've experienced it very positively. My partner and I (both over 50) were each single for several years (he 8, and 3 for me). We've both "dated" quite a bit. Once we made contact, we were pretty sure something "real" was going on. When we met, we were more certain. Now we are very happily and appreciatively living together, and planning to marry.
The bottom line, in my opinion, is that if you are willing to jump into something with abandon you must be ready to accept the results. Perhaps take a good look at your established patterns, and see if you might be expecting different results from repeated behavior of your own. | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 4:31:38 PM | I'm sure you will let someone get that close again. All in good time though. Sorry that you had to learn this lesson the hard way like you did, but I'm sure there's a few positives that you can take away from this experience. Once your heart stops hurting like it does you will be a lot stronger than before.
Each time out we learn a little more. Maybe next time you're getting close to a guy be a little more wary when he starts using words like "love" and "soulmate". Never be too eager to hear the things that you want to hear. Make sure that ex's are really out of the picture before getting in too deep.
You're 20 and there's a lot of loving and learning to do. Make sure you learn to protect yourself so that you don't end up like the bitter 40 and 50 something year old bags on here who go through experiences like this every couple of years because they never learn anything from their relationships. | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 4:36:37 PM | OP...All us fishies on here and in the real world have been played by men, and women as well. It is NOT your fault that he didn't have his act together....From what I have concluded with reading your thread...you were a rebound lover....sorry that you had to go through it, but next time someone comes on too strong...especially sexually....run, don't walk and hopefully this was one of those life lessons that will stick by you .....don't worry, there are some good ones out there, you just have to be a bit more selective to who you give your heart to .....I am sure if you really sat down in your quiet moments, lit a few candles to get some serenity into the room, I guarantee you that some little part in your gut told you something wasn't quite the way it seemed....
Best of luck to you and please don't give up (-: | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 5:37:46 PM | | You can't use this bad experience as a basis to judge all men. If that were the case, I could never trust a woman again. My ex that I thought was "the one" ran off with my best friend. After I thought about the whole relationship with her, I noticed a lot of "red flags" that should have been more obvious. I was just "blinded by her" like a moron. A lot of guys think that the best way to get over a girl is with a rebound. The rebound gets attached while the guy truely isn't emotionally all there. Then the guy either goes back to the ex (like in your case), or will start seeing someone new. It's a horrible thing. No need to worry though; you'll find a great guy, I'm sure. Just keep your head up. | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 5:48:32 PM | | The problem with the soul mate fantasy is that it is a fantasy. The sentiments are expressions of infatuation, which is the initial emotional excitement of getting on very well in terms of sexual interest. The dream lasts only while the excitement does. If there is nothing else there, once the thrill is gone you wake up in a cold bed with a stranger. Going slower gives more time to develop something more substantial. | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 6:02:08 PM | i don't understand... you met someone....hung out....fell madly in love.... had sex and broke up...sorry he went back to his ex!
this is modern love. he should be back soon. he is just being environmentally friendly, you know recycling his girlfriends? | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 6:35:37 PM | Oh.. my dear I feel for you. I am kind of having the same feeling right now with another guy right now. I met him on Sat night, we had an amazing date with dinner and a movie he even kissed on our first date. Then we saw each other Sunday night. Had a great evening together. Text each other all week, now and we were suppose to see each other yesterday and then today but both times he has gave me excuses for not seeing me.
So, I understand a little where you are coming from, it hurts a lot I know. You put everything into it and you lose it all. Just keep searching for another man, there are plenty out there. | |
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Posted: 9/16/2009 8:24:00 PM | | I'm really sorry. Don't know what went on with him but the point is you trusted him and he hurt you. It's a terrible shock when your world is turned upside down by someone like this, someone who didn't know their own mind or wasn't thinking of the effect on you. I wish I knew a way to find out who the really reliable and trustworthy men are but I don't. You will get over this pain and look forward again, impossible though it might seem now. Call on all your resources for support now. Talk to your friends, family, anyone who will listen. Even though I swear they will be full of platitudes which will only ring true later, they will care and listen. Consider seeing a therapist for a while to help you come to terms with it. I suggest you take a long time to get to know a man next time. Get to know his character, his background, and wait and see if he's going to stick around before trusting him with more. To a certain extent, it's just the luck of the draw whether you meet someone it works with, but getting to know him well first might protect your heart in future. | |
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Posted: 9/17/2009 7:24:13 AM | | aww i am so sorry :( Yeah it happens to the best of us. It was wrong of him to lead you on like that but next time you'll be wiser. | |
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Posted: 9/17/2009 9:19:31 AM | Sadly OP, you just reinforced this type of behavior. He's now ready to use it to bang another unsuspecting woman.
Live and learn eh? | |
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Posted: 9/17/2009 10:06:58 AM | | Because he's a child. You do not find 'the one' when you are 20. | |
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Posted: 9/17/2009 10:34:48 AM |
No MR, it's not just 'kids' that behave this way...I've seen people in their 50s posting this same scenario. Which i find even more pitiful. At least 'kids' have inexperience for an excuse. I stand corrected after reading a few more threads, that is truly sad, but then again It's usually saps who lives on a steady diet of Jane Austin or Hollywood sappy movie without ever realizing that these are just adult versions of children’s fairy stories.
It amazes me how people find their soul mates through emails. They talk to someone for several weeks and they are in love. They consider the emails part of the relationship before they even meet the other person. At what point did people fail to realize you can be anyone you want to on the internet and say anything you want to hear? Then will come post about 'he/she wasn't who they said they were'? no kidding LOL , but then nothing surprises me anymore, absolutely nothing.Its like putting a band aid on a shark's bite.
I remember when I first joined POF and I met a woman who said after the second date " I think i love you" no wonder I have my travel agent on speed dial ready to book me a flight to the next province | |
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Posted: 9/17/2009 10:39:13 AM | I'm always amazed by this. Why do women just fall for any line of BS that guys throw out at them? Don't you women network at all?
Take your time in relationships. There is no sprint to relationship bliss, it's a marathon. You fell for his crap and I'll bet all my 401K that he was happily banging you AND her at the same time. Finally, she won out in the end.
Obviously it was not "amazing". I am beginning to think when I hear a woman say things were "amazing" it's never going to end well. BUYER BEWARE: If it's amazing too soon, it's too good to be true and it's a line from a guy who wants to get in your pants via the easiest route. That route is by playing you emotionally. He says all the right things, puts on his best Prince Charming act, and the panties fall like Seattle rain.
I'll chalk this up to your age. Learn from this. Don't have to turn jaded or cynical, but my GOD, BEWARE.
P.S. Anybody in your life moving forward that says "my phone was 'messed up', don't believe them". | |
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Posted: 9/17/2009 10:49:13 AM | Still in love with his ex girl friend?
And people are offended if you don't want "separated" to contact you.
Chalk it up to experience and be careful of this instantaneous"chemistry" people are so fond of.
.. in time you won't even remember his name.  | |
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Posted: 9/17/2009 2:46:31 PM | I am going to give you a really good piece of advice.
If you met on POF, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT talk about it in the forums.
Is he a player? Don't know.
But if he is and I am not saying he is, BUT IF HE IS, he may come back here and read your sad little post and say "Got another one."
On the flip side, he might see your post and think, wow why is she sharing our personal business in the forums.
Either way, NOT A GOOD IDEA. | |
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Posted: 9/18/2009 9:02:56 PM | "so next time a guy says " I love you" or youre my soul mate, within in the first weeks of meeting, beat his sorry ass and kick him to the curb and do the RUN FOREST RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN"
I'm going to disagree with you here, at least partway.
If he tells you that, and he's TREATING you like that, then don't run. He may really feel that, and if so, he won't be trying to get anything from you, he will be trying to make sure you know how he feels because (as the song goes) he's "afraid for love to fade before it can come true."
It's less important what someone SAYS than what they DO. A guy who is content to hug and kiss without turning it into a make-out session is worth hanging onto. | |
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Posted: 9/18/2009 9:05:08 PM | "Because he's a child. You do not find 'the one' when you are 20."
My grandparents did. | |
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Posted: 9/18/2009 10:55:56 PM | Huh--assuming everything you say is Truth...
He DID really like you, but he DOES still have a thing for his ex. So he dumped YOU to save YOU because he wanted not to use YOU.
What he did was actually an upstanding thing--in his head. I'm not sure why everyone is thinking he screwed you, got what he wanted, and left. That's too harsh. But it was a stupid thing to do.
Men do this sort of thing much of the time: once they start to feel anything, they run for the hills. I can pretty much say to the moment when the guy I'm dating does this--it IS usually after a tender moment that catches him off-guard, so he has to pull away. It's a stupid, losing game. | |
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Posted: 10/19/2009 9:10:19 PM | God the op's fit!  | |
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