| | Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?Page 1 of 1 | ok... I'm getting some mixed singles from this girl. We emailed for a while, went out 3 times and have each other's phone numbers, etc.
The problem is I can't figure out if she's shy, disinterested, or just really has nothing much to say. I'm always starting off the conversation and she doesn't elaborate a whole lot on her answers. I think if I didn't say anything there would be very long silences. I know some shy girls (especially if things went wrong in the past) can take a while to open up. Normally I would think the girl just isn't that into me. Eventually I need to make a decision to keep making the effort or move on.
But what keeps me lingering is that she always says she had fun, she does laugh at my jokes and respond when I ask her stuff. I asked her after each date if she wanted to get together again and she says yes and to call her. We also had a great kissing moment at the end of the 2nd date that seemed pretty passionate from both sides.
She's busy all this weekend at a tournament but said I could call her. So I was thinking I could text her and ask how the tourny is going and tell her that if she has time and wants to chat to call me, or if she wants to get together after the tournament ends to call me. I'm trying to put the ball in her court to see if she'll initiate the call/plans to get together again.
And obviously I like her otherwise I wouldn't be trying to figure this out.  | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 11:56:32 AM | Pay attention to the body language if can't tell by how she talks to you on if she's interested or not.
Just cause a person is quiet, shy, sucks at conversation doesn't mean their a bad person and can't be a great person for you... All talking does (other then a way to get to know someone) is make there be no awkardness with the silence. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 12:19:34 PM | When I went to her place for a movie on the 2nd date she had no hesitation to sit up close to me (touching) but made no advances. Well, I guess that's an advance in itself. We spent pretty much the whole day together doing minigolf, supper, and a couple movies. That was the night we had a really nice kiss.
The last time we went out and played pool. She won a game so I gave her a quick kiss. It was a bit awkward just cause I think I surprised her. And I kissed her when we parted ways for the night. And I get the sensation she 'hangs around' waiting for a goodbye kiss. She's not jumping in her car after the date.
She does play with her hair and 'fix' her clothes every now and then. So I take those as signs she's trying to keep a good appearance which means she's interested.
Next time we're together I think I'll push for more contact, be more myself (totally silly and joking around a lot) and really try to make her feel comfortable opening up and talking about what she likes more.
I think I'm just used a more aggressive girl. My last girlfriend was very forward and not afraid to initiate anything. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 12:32:24 PM | | It seems that you were asking just a day or two ago about how to go about your next date; In my opinion you need to be more assertive! Please don't take offense to this, but, you sound like a putz! With each date you are either gaining or losing ground. She can go play pool with her brother or other male relative and earn a peck on the check or equally awkward kiss....dude step it up a bit. This doesn't mean be crude, but, can you find a happy medium. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:41:00 PM | I tend to think she is the shy type...but
Did she say Call her or you CAN call her? Big difference.
You CAN call means she doesn't care one way or another and you are someone just to pass some free time with so she will keep being nice.
If she said call me. She wants you to call....See?
Just an opinion, but I think it is a great idea to see if she initiates anything.
You are waaaay over reading hair play here. I don't know where that urban legend came from.
It is also a sign of boredom, anxiety and daydreaming | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 1:53:36 PM | The problem is I can't figure out if she's shy, disinterested, or just really has nothing much to say
Does it really matter? The end result is you are not enjoying your time together. Well you enjoy it, but it makes you worried if she likes you. She is not talkative with you. And you don't seem to like it. It's not necessarily a sign of shyness. Some people can talk non-stop all day long and still reveal nothing about themselves (i.e. not open up to you). I'm self-trained to do just that, if I want to. Cause it makes people more comfortable. When I'm silent, who knows what I might be thinking. When I talk talk talk you can rest assured that I'm thinking what I'm talking.
I'm trying to put the ball in her court to see if she'll initiate the call/plans to get together again.
You can do that, but keep in mind that she might silently refuse to do anything with that ball. Not because she's uninterested, but because she prefers for you to be in the initiating role. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 3:28:07 PM | | I'm always playing with my hair even when nobody's around. Anyway, I would suggest that you invite her for another date, it sounds as though she likes you, especially with the kiss. Don't sweat the small stuff, just go with the flow, let it unfold. Sometimes we can analyze something to death. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 4:13:56 PM | | I think she's waiting for you to step up the game. She's probably wondering the same about you. She may prefer to be wooed, not to feel like she has to make the first moves, and as a shy person she may not be able to make the first move. It does sound like she likes you - or at least she does so far. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 5:53:51 PM | But what keeps me lingering is that she always says she had fun, she does laugh at my jokes and respond when I ask her stuff.
God, this ought to be taught in high school instead of so much of the useless drivvel.
Rule #1: action speak louder than words. (General human wisdom, here.)
Rule #2: If a woman is seriously interested in you, she will make time for you. Period. Bing, bang, bong.
No other rule comes even close to rule #2, so I won't even mention any others. Just master that one first, and see how your dating experience changes.
Move on.
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/18/2009 9:11:50 PM | | You aren't in junior high school anymore. This is pretty serious stuff. Climatic moments or cliff hangers only happen in the movies so call her before she puts you in the friend zone. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/19/2009 6:42:00 AM | I totally agree with #2. But with this case (ie. being busy this weekend) I have no issues with it whatsoever. She's a championship player in the sport and pays a lot of money to enter the tournaments. I get that she's very serious about competing and doesn't want any distractions, especially from someone she just met and might be shy around. If she said she was busy with friends... then I'd get the hint.
There was some pretty blunt comments in here and I agree I need to be more assertive (part of my problem). From past relationships I guess I'm just not used to being in the driver's seat. It could have ruined my chances with this one, but we'll see. I'll give it one more college try if she'll see me again and see what happens. | |
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LDF85
| | Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 12 | |
| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/19/2009 6:35:49 PM |
Just cause a person is quiet, shy, sucks at conversation doesn't mean their a bad person and can't be a great person for you
Good point. But it seems that when it's a guy who's shy or quiet then he's automatically lumped into the not-so-great-person category, just read the threads. I suppose it's because of our traditional views about men and women.
Male or female, I don't think that shyness or quietness is an excuse for being an unenthusiastic conversationalist, especially when someone is opening up to you and being receptive to your thoughts. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:41:03 AM | I wouldn't read too much into it. When I was younger .. and sometimes even now I tend to be the same, quiet, shy, awkward when I am with someone I like. It was usually only when I was with someone I was interested in as I got older. Now I am more social but still tongue tied or awkward when I am with someone who really catches my interest.
Body language says a lot so keep an eye on it...see how she looks at you. I would still rather sit back and watch/listen to other people. The more comfortable I get the more verbal I become. The thing with shyness is that the person fears making a fool of themselves and sometimes relies on the other person to take the lead so they know exactly what to expect.
Good luck! | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:07:18 AM | Control-Alt-Delete! This is your issue ~ not hers.
She's shy ~ so what. Does her personality make you uncomfortable, doubtful.. insecure? Silent moments are nice ... it's learning to be comfortable with someone who cherishes silence and isn't into a energizer bunny.. assertive kind of lifestyle.. etc. That's your challenge ~ if you're "into her". Perhaps you're looking to be entertained or wow'd in conversation/actions and she isn't keeping up with you. Are you keeping score?
So I have to ask. What is it that attracts you to this woman? Can't be that she has a mind of her own, isn't assertive w/men, engaged in other activities besides you... what is it? I get that she's a champion player in sports... OK.... I'm listening.
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:56:51 AM | Motto Bella, I'm attracted to her gorgeous eyes, nice hair and her "girl next door" good looks. And, to be honest, something about that kiss we shared... There's no denying there was a connection there. Emotionally, we make each other laugh and we're both down-to-earth and relaxed. She's got a good head on her shoulders from what I can tell.
I don't want to give the wrong impression of her here. She's not mute or dismissive with conversation. When I start conversations with her she engages easy enough and we laugh and joke around. I just have to initiate the conversation and date plans. I think monarchmom is close to the target of shy/awkward. Maybe, like me, she has limited dating experience.
She's been on my mind all weekend, so even if I can't put my finger on what it is, she's left an impression for sure. Anyway, I'm likely way over-thinking this and should just enjoy being with her!
And Brad... I'm looking for a relationship, not a lay. I've done the "sex on the first date" before and it led to a physical relationship, but nothing great otherwise. I'm ready to settle down with someone, and for a long-term girl I find it WAY more attractive if she has some restraint so I know she hasn't done 50 guys before me drunk at clubs and parties. Besides, the build-up and make-out sessions makes ya feel young! | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:40:50 PM | I would leave her be this weekend, step back and let her do a little bit of the work. If you are chasing her too much she will become bored and you will come across as being quite needy (big turn off for most women)
When you do meet up next try to change your questioning technique a little, ask her open ended questions instead of closed ones which require no more than one word answers, listen to what she has to say and build on it from there.
EG: What made you become interested in sport? (this is an open question)
Can you remember your first game? (this is a closed question)
Hope this helps
Gill
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:59:18 PM | Well from what you've said I would just say that she is Shy and doesn't have a great deal to say, maybe she is nervous, unsure of how you feel about her, worried about saying the wrong thing.
If she was not interested in you then she would not want to meet up with you again, she would not say that she had fun and wouldn't be laughing at your jokes that much. You need to decide what you think of her, do you want to go out with someone who is quiet? Would that bother you in the long term because perhaps you would feel better around someone more outgoing and it's best to realise early on whether your suited to someone or not. | |
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| Shy, Disinterested, or Boring?
Posted: 9/21/2009 3:19:46 AM |
I'm likely way over-thinking this and should just enjoy being with her!
^ Bingo!
Given 'your' personal desire to settle down ~ perhaps you're placing an unnecessary amount of pressure on yourself. The relationship is still new/fresh.. enjoy it for what it is "now" while staying on course to explore without sabotaging the possibilities. News flash: Love isn't predictable.
Cheers ~ | |
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