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 oohlala21
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 1
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Shorter man Taller womanPage 1 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
There is a guy I'm interested and he's interested in me.

He's a little shorter though (not by much maybe like 1.5 inches) and weighs a little less than I do. I think we've both sort of acknowledged that it's something neither of us has experience with and it does make us a little uncomfortable, but we like each other enough anyway.

On my end, I think I am used to guys who manhandle me a bit even if we're just making out, so they've always been bigger and stronger than me, which I now associate with being sexy. That may be his issue too with why he wishes I was shorter than he was, although I don't know because I haven't asked.

So just out of curiosity, anyone else have experience with the traditional height difference being reversed? How did you handle it? Any tips/tricks? Did you feel at all that it led to gender reversal when it came to other physical aspects of your relationship?
 r90sboxer
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 2
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Posted: 9/20/2009 8:08:53 AM
At somewhere between 5'8" and 5'9"....I am what I am.Also 165 at this writing.
And my favorite woman from my past was a 6'6" green-eyed redhead with a ton of freckles,thin and flat[read that as not very busty]and to this day I still use her as the "scale" I go by....knowing very well that having such standards also leaves me a great deal of room for compromise if I so choose.Of course she's on her 4th husband now and 6 kids so maybe I did a good thing by moving on.
But she could rest her elbow on my head at the movies.......got a laugh from some folks behind us.....



There is a guy I'm interested and he's interested in me.


Guessing this is a different guy than your "continent away" guy?
 77Angela
Joined: 6/20/2009
Msg: 3
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:25:10 AM
I'm 5'9'', and have always been stronger than alot of guys.
I've dated all different body types, and it seems to usually work out that the skinnier, smaller guys have more "staying power" (if ya know what I mean!). Bigger, stronger guys seem to be more "lotsa power for a short time" types. Both are nice for whatever kinda mood I'm in...
 Stumbled In
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 4
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:27:47 AM
If he floats your boat, I'd say go for it.
I don't recall dating anyone taller than me but only because the opportunity hasn't presented itself. I've dated women heavier than me though, when everything else feels right. Don't sweat the small stuff (no pun intended)
 aaamm
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 5
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:50:17 AM
Went out with shorter and taller all of my life. I don't know what problems I was supposed to experience. What difference does it make when they are shorter or taller? Honestly even in the bedroom, you aren't there comparing heights.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 6
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Posted: 9/20/2009 11:19:29 AM

That may be his issue too with why he wishes I was shorter than he was, although I don't know because I haven't asked.

Not implying that he's not a good guy but come on, his masculinity is challenged because of 1.5 inches of height (or anything else for that matter). As long as he realizes that you're attracted to him there shouldn't be a problem.
 Scratch off
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 7
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/20/2009 11:46:36 AM

So just out of curiosity, anyone else have experience with the traditional height difference being reversed? How did you handle it? Any tips/tricks? Did you feel at all that it led to gender reversal when it came to other physical aspects of your relationship?


I'm 5'8" tall. I met a woman on POF two years ago who was 5'9". We got as far as date number four before deciding to not continue seeing her, and height was never an issue for either of us.

Five years ago I had a very serious relationship with a woman who was 5'11". Height was not an issue for me, but I could tell it was an issue for her. She never wore heels when we went out, but I know that she owned quite a few platforms. Once when we were shopping, I noticed she was walking slumped down a bit. (I always made it clear to her that nothing was wrong with her, but I later learned that she was always very self conscious about her height.)

Last weekend, I almost approached a woman who was a few inches taller. I would've, but she was involved in a conversation at the time. (I waited for almost a minute, waiting for pause, but no such luck.)

Overall, if you are both confident in who you are, and you are attracted to each other, it won't matter. But if you're wearing big shoes, with most people it's just human nature that one person is bound to feel awkward.

I'd say go for it, because you start your post off by mentioning that you're both interested.
 Pleaser1965
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 8
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:05:55 PM
On the general gender issue, maybe he is stronger than you are, which can re-establish some aspect ofthe traditional gender roles in both of you.
On a side note my mother has been with my stepfather for over 27 years now and she is taller by a few inches, does that help?
Back to YOU my dear taller woman, being dirty minded as I am, I would have NO problem being with a taller woman when it comes to sex. Publicly all is good for you, the difference is small and accepted but in bed it allows me to use my mouth, lips and tongue more easily on a taller woman's breasts during intercourse, and kissng is easier too, I find it a bit of contortion with a short woman.
Between you and your shorter sweetie, find the advantages and positves, and focus on them to make it a good experience.
 P.R.Handgrenade69
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 9
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/20/2009 12:08:58 PM
I don't think that men care as much as women do about this subject. 1.5 inches is not that much of a difference when you think about it. Anyone remember Susan Anton and Dudley Moore? Huge difference in height there and they didn't give a damn.

Makes me wonder about the men though. I am only 4'11" and have dated men well over 6', with my last serious relationship being with someone who was 6'2". I have often heard it said that men prefer shorter women to women that are close to their height. The shortest person I have ever dated was 5'8".
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 10
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Posted: 9/20/2009 2:13:25 PM
I've pretty much outweighed every partner I've had. Height/weight has no bearing on if the man will be able to man-handle you. Give the guy a chance to show you what he's made of and what he can make you do... *wink*...
 IdoDares1
Joined: 11/19/2007
Msg: 11
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Posted: 9/20/2009 2:34:19 PM
Not even a consideration for me, no need for tips or tricks as what counts is how we both feel about each other. Of course I wouldn't even date a person who height was an issue with them so it would never come up.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 12
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Posted: 9/20/2009 3:39:55 PM
Tips? Tricks? For what? Reaching stuff on the top shelf? Get a ladder.

I had a brief thing going with a guy who was barely over 5 feet tall. He was ruggedly handsome, in incredibly good shape for his age (or any age), a fabulous dancer, and a good lover.

I don't see a problem and don't know what sort of "tricks" one needs to have a relationship of any kind with someone whose height is different than yours.
 Ice-ey9
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 13
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/20/2009 4:06:39 PM
Being bang on 5'9 myself, I have never purveyed height, my own or otherwise, as some obstacle or challenge to overcome in dating. It all comes down to personal preference, some men (including myself) find some taller women undeniably sexy - that is really what triggers your own individual attraction in a sense. If I were to speak from personal experience, there is no correlation to sexual compatibility and height. One of the best sexual relationships I had was with a woman who was approximately 1 inch taller. I didn't mind if she wanted to wear heels either, in fact I condoned it sometimes when we wanted to get frisky - but that was just because it was just my thing.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 14
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Posted: 9/20/2009 4:47:50 PM
Since you posted this and noted that there is a small level of uncomfortability, I'm going to say that unless that small comfortability diminishes real soon, it won't last very long.

I know with me being a shorter guy, when you sense that a girl is uncomfortable, the guy becomes uncomfortable when seeing it (just like anything else she may be uncomfortable with). So it's like a doubling effect. I never had an experience of a girl being stronger or really weighing more than me, as I'm not skinny and have muscles within my build... so the combo of you being taller and him weighing less than you do -- that's a bit too much for you to handle, unless you had a huge crush or he was the only possible guy to score a date with.

I think a quick fix could be to have him wear boot-like shoes -- that will raise him a little more... and at the same time, wear button-down shirts that have vertical stripes (optical illusion of seeming taller; horizontal stripes on a shirt do opposite). Those combined would make him seem just a shade shorter than you and not be a big issue. But it won't solve the just-as-skinny-as-you bit. Now, for a relationship (ie over good amount of time), he could work out and bulk up some, and in a few months weigh more in a good way.
 oohlala21
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 15
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Posted: 9/20/2009 4:51:31 PM
I appreciate the range of replies.

But regards to things some of you have mentioned: I didn't say he was two inches shorter than me and a body builder, lol. He's a little shorter and skinny, like me.

I had a skinny guy three inches taller than me pick me up and throw me on a bed once. It was fun, but it was pretty obvious he had trouble carrying me, and that felt a little awkward (of course maybe it was his fault for trying to show off, being picked up and thrown on a bed, while a little unexpected and fun, is also a little unnecessary in my book).

I just feel like, in this particular scenario, I'd have to be a bit more of an aggressor to make things work, physically. I'm not saying that's necessarily a bad thing. Just a change.



I know with me being a shorter guy, when you sense that a girl is uncomfortable, the guy becomes uncomfortable when seeing it (just like anything else she may be uncomfortable with).

Well to be fair, I don't think the uncomfortableness originated with me. I think it was mutual from the start, and something he's spoken about, the first time drunk the second time sober.



so the combo of you being taller and him weighing less than you do -- that's a bit too much for you to handle, unless you had a huge crush or he was the only possible guy to score a date with.

Well, that second part seems a little harsh. There are other guys I could score a date with, but of those I'm aware of currently this one is the one I'm most interested in.

Also, I wouldn't mind him doing bodybuilding (I actually think that's hot) but to me telling a guy that would be as bad as the guy who tells his gf she needs to lose some weight. The possible effect that can have on someone's self-esteem is just not worth it, in my book. You'd be better off leaving them if you don't like the way they look currently. So do I wish he was a little bigger? Yes, but he's in decent shape the way he is now, and I've basically decided how he looks is okay with me...
 serenityCW
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 16
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Posted: 9/26/2009 11:58:20 PM
i'm 5 '10--lost a half inch along they way. i've dated men 5'6 to 6'8. most of the time, if asked, i prefer the taller, around 6'1-2. why? because of the fit when dancing. however, my shortest guy was very self confident and a helluva dancer. so, i did not feel awkward and he could lead me around very well. i noticed that many of the salsa dancers here in town are shorter than their partners and in high demand! my last serious fellow was about my height, thinner and muscular. he didn't look strong, but dam-, he was strong. he seemed okay with it all and prefers tall women. so, i think that if the stuff that really matters fits, the rest kind of attaches itself to the bigger picture.

ps as to the physical comfort? when you are lying down, you really don't notice it much. however, my ex husband was the tall guy. his feet went through the scrollwork on my lower bed board. had to take it down. before that, he looked like a pilgrim in one of those torture chambers that the pilgrims had, when they put your feet and hands through the holes to disgrace you in public!!!! now, he has a really big woman and i hope a bigger bed!
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 17
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Posted: 9/27/2009 4:35:47 AM
LOL..As I'm just shy of being a dwarf, I'd have to date an 8th grader in order for him to be shorter or weigh less than myself. While this has never, ever been an issue for me (dating a guy shorter or lighter than myself) I completely understand the OP's preference for being with bigger, stronger men and finding them more attractive. I feel the same exact way.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 18
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Posted: 9/27/2009 5:09:46 AM
There is really no significance when it comes to size - when you care for each other - you adapt without even knowing you are doing so.
 GWSmith
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 19
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Posted: 9/27/2009 5:18:54 AM
OP: Why should it matter? It might seem awkward at first but eventually you'll adjust. Don't be so superficial to let something like someone's height affect your feelings.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 20
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Posted: 9/27/2009 5:25:15 AM
Ummm

I'm 5'6" and a big girl. Most men are smaller than me and seem to be just fine with that. And there shouldn't BE a traditional anything. If you like the guy, like him for what he is, not his height.

You both sound uncomfortable though so I can't see this lasting too long.

Men who are my height that have approached me are comfortable in their skin and with who they are and don't worry about "traditional" crap. If you spend all of your time worrying about what is traditional and what makes you happy, you won't be happy.

And NO, there's no gender reversal when it comes to other things--aka sex. A man who is confident in himself, regardless of his height, is just that--confident. Neither of you sound comfortable nor confident enough to be happy enough just to enjoy each other.

Which is a shame because he could be the right guy for you.
 nothing_sweet_about_me
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 21
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Posted: 9/27/2009 5:34:40 AM
This situation I've done twice, it's never been a good experience for me, left me feeling always like I was unladylike, not good. A man has to be taller and stronger than I am which means I have a very small pool to swim in, but there's no point in me messing about with someone smaller than me - it doesn't work and makes my back hurt from all the stooping and my girly bone hurt from not being able to wear my heels
 SleepyMcGee
Joined: 5/16/2008
Msg: 22
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Posted: 9/27/2009 7:07:01 AM
I'm 6'2" so if a woman was taller than me I'd be pretty put off I think. No offense to the amazons here.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 23
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Posted: 9/27/2009 9:53:43 PM
Darlin'

at 5'10" you're in the top 1-2% for female height, probably of average by 3-4, maybe 5 std dev. If you've got a thing going with this fella, and all else is equal go for it.

On the other hand if you're height differential is going to call his manhood into question for you on a regular basis, do him a favor and turn him away. He don't need some tall assed woman looking down on him thinking less of him because of something neither of you can control.

Maybe it's just me, but I think tall(er) women are attractive. There was this one lady back in my younger wilder (OK, just younger) days who towered over me by a good half foot. For a while there my only concern was would I need a step to give her a first imprompt to good night kiss. As for body mass, while she was and is a slender woman she was very athletic and once while playing racquet ball we collided and it was I that hit the floor. Did that make me less of a man? Don't think so, she was and is all woman, and still a good friend.

I guess if you equate being "manhandled" as making you feel womanly, this may not be the guy for you.

TK
 goodone4ya
Joined: 10/12/2004
Msg: 24
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Posted: 9/28/2009 9:23:04 AM
Im 5'9 myself and have slept with a woman that was 6'1. We were about the same weight-and i still manhandled her the way a guy is suppose to in the bedroom. Height really dosent mean a thing when it comes to sex--its ur health--ur desire-stamina-and techniques that deciphers wether ur going to have a gd time or not
 xmartin25x
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 25
Shorter man Taller woman
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:30:12 AM
Hey looks r only skin deep... Im 56 and dated a girl 64 looks funny but we got along great..
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