| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:17:00 PM | What have your kids taught you about yourself or life in general. About what's really important to you or anything else...
When I had my son, he taught me not to take things for granted. He has special needs and it was (and continues to be) a bumpy road for him. Just because you get pregnant and do everything right, it doesn't mean everything will be ok when the baby is born. I grew up alot when I had my son. I learned what my priorities were (for the most part) and what was important in life.
My daughter... Now she's another story... As many of you know, her birth father isn't in the picture. She taught me that MY perfection isn't always everyone ELSE'S perfection. She taught me to get my head out of my butt and DO something. When I got pregnant with her, I was working a dead end $hit job, an alcoholic, BARELY hanging on to what I DID have. Now, I don't have much more BUT I have been clean in 2 years, I'm going to school, have a better appreciation and respect for myself and others. I learned that for certain people I will never be "good enough" and that its ok... I have to be good enough for ME. No one else. I learned that I have to love myself before I can love anyone else... Example: I was fat when I left my ex husband. I lost weight and got pregnant, now I'm the same size again. THEN I hated myself. I couldn't stand to look in the mirror, wore baggy sweats and baggy shirts all the time. NOW I don't FEEL like I'm as big as I was then even though I know I am. I wear "real" clothes... Nice jeans and shirts, I take time to make myself look better, etc. I still don't like looking at myself in the mirror but I'm better with it. I still want to lose the weight but not really so I can LOOK better but so I FEEL better and am healthier for myself and my kids.
My son taught me alot, but my daugther taught me more... | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:26:15 PM | OP, I wonder if you will get many responses to your question. I have come to realize that many people view children not as teachers but as people that require our teaching. I see them as both.
From my son;
I learned what love really felt like
I learned that I don't always have to be perfect
I learned that my happiness is not measured by how much I have but how I affect the people around me and how I am affected by them
I learned that sometimes it is better to take some time before acting on feelings to calm down so I can act and not react
From my daughter;
I have learned patience
I have learned that I can handle more than I ever thought I could
I have learned that sometimes looking in the mirror hurts but it also heals (she is a mini me)
I have learned to slow down and look at the world through her eyes (she is 4) and in doing that I've been reminded of the beauty around me in the world
I do believe that all children can teach us if we are willing to listen. They are "pure", their logic is not tarnished by the sometimes harsh realities of life. Their emotions are raw...not yet tempered by life and are authentic. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:43:28 PM | I agree with your post itsall... To add to it... Children haven't been "programmed" to react a certain way to things... Or "prorammed" that certain things don't exsist or aren't real. Like spirits or ghosts... I believe they exsist. Especially when I saw my son (who was an only child at the time) sitting in his room talking to someone. I asked him who he was talking to and he said "Pap Pap" I of course looked at him strange since his dad's father had been dead for several years and asked him if he was sure. He said he was. I then showed him a picture of his pap pap and asked if this was the man he was talking to. He said yes. I've always believed in ghosts and such but this cemented that belief. I'd felt my ex husband's dad with me at various times in the last 7 years since I met my ex husband.
As for most people thinking that kids "can't" teach us anything... If you're are TRULY a parent, you will know what I mean. EVERYONE in our lives teach us SOMETHING. When you stop learning, you stop moving forward. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:06:15 PM | | jla it is interesting that your son was talking to Pap Pap. When my daughter was young and not yet talking, she would stare at the picture of my grandfather (who passed before she was born) all the time. Later when she became verbal, I asked her if she knew who the man in the picture was and she said great-grandpa. I never told her who he was ..... so.... yes, I do believe that we get programmed to "rationality" or what society deems rational and ghosts/spirits are simply not "rational" to mainstream society. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:20:58 PM | That is very true. I can't say I ALWAYS believed in spirits... But I started to when I was 17 and the clock my grandpi gave my mom started working again after he died. It hadn't worked in months! Even now it only works around his birthday, holidays, and the day he died. Also, my mom has VERY sensitive skin and can only where beaded necklaces like pearls. The metal in chains makes her break out and all itchy. My grandpi, when he was in the hospital about to die, turned to his son and had him go back to the house to get something... My uncle came back and handed grandpi a small box. Grandpi used most of the rest of his strength in his body to open it and say "I got this for you, baby." My mom took it and put it on knowing that she'd break out from it but wanted her dad to see her wear it at least once. He died that night and surpisingly, my mom NEVER broke out from wearing that necklace. She can still, to this day, only wear that necklace on her bear skin. It was a silver chain with a CZ pendant.
Ghosts exsist. We just have to open our minds to it. To this day, I can't SEE them.. I feel them around... | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 4:19:25 PM | Well, My kids taught me to keep laughing when times are hard, My kids have been through alot they are 9 and 10 and have seen me go away on deployments for the military, Seen me and there mom divorce, See me divorce a second time, move to republic and move back to marshfield. You know they didn't miss a beat we sit down and talk and they understand things happen we cannot control. They taught me to deal with changes and to drive on they always seem happy even after all of this. I still ask them how they feel about this and that and they are happy just being us 3 .
I look up to my kids there mother is not really in the picture she calls twice a week and hasn't seen them in almost 3 months don't know why. But they keep on truckin it is like they have an instinct so it really helps knowing they are happy it makes me feel good even after all the things we have been through.
Kids can teach alot of people things, things that most of us forget u know like treating others with respect, not lying, sharing, helping others out. Kids atleast like mine are more caring to others than most adults I know. So yeah kids can teach us alot if you take the time to see it. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 4:49:23 PM | | Marrying their mom may have been a mistake, but ask yourself this... Do you love your kids? Would you HAVE you kids if you hadn't made the decision to marry their mom? So can you TRULY regret the ENTIRE marriage? | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 5:10:46 PM |
Would you HAVE you kids if you hadn't made the decision to marry their mom? So can you TRULY regret the ENTIRE marriage?
My four daughters and their mother have been and still
are the only truely decent and good thing in my life...
(my other post was a tease.. )
---SoldierByte---. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:04:46 PM | My kids taught me so much...
to take it easy, to have some fun, how to turn things around,...
Boundaries, they really helped me with boundaries. ( The ex runs a close second on that one, hehe.) They taught/teach me how to communicate better...
And to love. When I am not sure if I should proceed with something, I just ask myself how I would counsel my daughter if she was in this situation. Just wish I would ask myself more often.
beautiful question, OP. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/20/2009 10:21:33 PM | My son has taught me a couple of things...
- Sometimes the biggest scrape can be calmed by a hug, and a kiss
- Never try to share your food with the dog.
- You can't sneeze and keep food in your mouth.
- The world is a nicer place after a nap.
- A good story can be read many times without growing old | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/21/2009 3:18:05 AM | Wow. This is an amazing idea for a post. And ever so thought provoking.
My son, and the fact that I nearly died during my pregnancy, has taught me an incredible amount. I have learnt about the value of little things- he has taught me about making the most of every moment, and finding the best in every situation. Teaching and entertaining him, allows me to view everything differently. And that goes the same for many situations in my life. In looking at the lesssons I want him to learn and the morals I want him to live by, I have had to look at myself. Little things , like not using words like "hate" and "stupid", eating three regular meals a day, taking more of an interest in the wider world. I always wanted to be the best I could be, but my son has shored up an intensified that desire.
Even relationships I may have approached negatively and with a bad attitude, I'm now approaching positively and trying to see the best in. I emphasise the positive and use the negative in my past to try and better myself.
I guess that overall, I just appreciate everything more. It's such a gift, everything. Seeing the world through his eyes, getting to embark on the adventure called life, with him. Little things like empowering him, so that he can confidently go to school, and learn. I'm just so thankful for him, and being entrusted with him makes me such a better person. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/21/2009 3:32:02 AM | | Before he was ever born, my son taught me that an epidural is the best thing in the world! And that nubain will make u higher than a kite! | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:58:40 AM | My children have taught me that I have control of virtually nothing and that 99% of the "stuff" we deal with on a daily basis does not matter.
I think in many ways my children have taught me to be a better person because your entire thinking changes when you have children. For the first time in your life, there is really something that is more important than you. Children can also smell bullshit a mile away so if you don't walk the walk with what you tell them, i.e. take the high road with friends, spouse and anyone else, they certainly aren't going to.
My kids have taught me that trying does count, lol, because we can't be perfect parents but I believe that if we are conscientions, intentional parents, it will be good enough and guide them to the point that they can be wholly responsible for their mistakes as well as their successes. They have also taught me that I am a better parent than I think I am because they are, at least for today, making good choices.
I have patience I didn't now I had (not enough but still), I am wiser than I thought I was, and I am sure I am screwing up in ways different from my own parents and leaving them challenges about how they wish to parent their own children. They have taught me that a parent is the better for allowing them to see your mistakes and learn from them rather than trying to hide things from them and blowing smoke up their butts.
And there are times when being a parent still makes me feel like I know absolutely nothing, which is probably a good thing, keeps me from getting a big head. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/21/2009 8:07:09 AM | My kids proved(taught) to me that humans are behavioral beings (mammals).
They start out with absolutely a blank slate, that life experiences are written on that slate coloring the ability to accept new coloring as time goes on.
Everything we do and react to is conditioned by the things we've been exposed to and taught in an earlier time.
They taught me that they see and hear a lot more than most adults think kids do and from a lot younger age. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:18:22 AM | My kids have taught me that
every time I think I'm at the end of my rope.....
I still have a little more rope!
And a little more love. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/22/2009 11:57:30 AM | | That's an interesting point 1kindman... They do hear alot more than we give them credit for and the UNDERSTAND alot more than we give them credit for. My son was 2 when I left his dad and he knew that things weren't quite right. He knew that mommy and daddy weren't happy together anymore and he's the reason we decided to end things when and how we did. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/22/2009 1:58:28 PM | JLA.. which is the WHOLE point behind my comments on other threads about not introducing someone you are "just DATING" to your kids until it is the commitment decision time.
Everyone on here seems to think that they NEED so know how the kids and new mate will get along together and that they cant DISCERN or DECIDE how they will match up until there is a TRIAL RUN. I keep saying that those "trial runs" are incredibly destructive to the KID, and that as a RESPONSIBLE ADULT, it is your job to decide absent any experiential evidence.
If you dont know how to pick a mate who will be a good fit with your kids, then you dont know how to pick a mate, at all. Of course, the PROOF of the bad "mate-picker" skillset is evidenced by the fact that you already screwed up once in picking their other parent. Yeah.. one screw up casts self-doubt on the next one it seems.
Yeah.. that's it.. I want my KIDS to be the FINAL DECISION MAKER on my next spouse.. Hmmmm.. from age 8 till 16, my youngest STILL wanted it to be my EX.
NOT because she didnt like who I was dating, according to her, I was NOT dating ( I hid it very well and did so on purpose) HER reason for wanting me to reconcile was her own selfish(but honest) motivations to NOT have to have the every other weekend away from her daily life, JUST to see her mom.
Again.. Should have left it up to my daughter.. Yeah.. THAT's the ticket
Edit: Here's a metaphor for you.. I think Truman made a decision about the A-bomb, as that "buck" stopped on his shoulders in totality. Now THAT was a LIFE CHANGING decision for the whole world. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/22/2009 2:15:51 PM | | 1kindman4u, you are obviously more of a nurture than nature believer. I am not. I don't believe we are entirely blank slates at all...if we were, children raised in the same environment would be quite similar as toddlers before they venture into the world and get affected (or is that corrupted) by the outside influences. Personality I believe is very much nature, not so much nurture, although I do believe in cognitive behavioural therapy to correct some "issues". | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/22/2009 3:23:48 PM | Although I was probably too young to fully appreciate it all at the time, over the past 22 years my daughter has taught me:
- Nothing is as bad as you think it will be
- Band Aids have magical powers
- The dog's head is harder than an 8 year olds nose
- Breathing deep before responding is a good thing
- I can handle pretty much anything
- Working extra was not nearly as important as time at the park
- Life's bumps are much smoother when dealt with together
- Hugs have amazing healing strength
- The mirror does not reflect true beauty
- Time to heal old wounds is important
- Laughter and ice cream just go together
- Family mean the world
Moving forward, I find I am reminded of other lessons by my one year old grandson:
- The most precious feeling in the world is holding a newborn
- The dog always wins
- Kisses have healing power
- Mom is amazing and the only one who can soothe some tears
There are so many more things that I am sure I have learned from these two and undoubtedly a full book worth to learn yet. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/22/2009 3:38:10 PM | My son taught me that sometimes, all it takes is someone to hold your hand to make the monsters go away. Below is a blog I posted a few years ago regarding my son.
'So I brought a sick little boy home. He couldn't move or feed himself and was in so much pain. I was a microbiology major and the courses were challenging. I was lucky in that I had professors who would allow me to bring my son to class when he was too sore and ill to do anything else. I studied in the ER's or late at night when the worries would keep me up. There was a time when I didn't think I'd ever be able to hug or kiss him again. On good days, he was carried on the shoulders of the young men in my study groups and on bad days, the young girls became his big sisters. But there were many nights I wondered if the fight was truly worth it? What could I give to him, other than myself?"
"I learned the greatest lessons from dealing with my son's illness. He's my hero because he never gave up and even today, he smiles on days when it hurts to move. I've learned the importance of loving someone else unconditionally. I wouldn't trade him in for anyone else in the world because I know that everyday, he makes a choice to live. It's easy to sleep throughout life, to just go through the motions of living... but when you are faced with chronic pain, you choose everyday whether you will stay and bed and watch it go by or get up and stumble onward."
"I finally graduated. I felt that my son and I both achieved something. How could I quit if I kept telling my son that he wasn't allowed to? "
"He's walking now. He's bright and smart and beautiful and old beyond his years. But he's my hero because until I knew him, I didn't understand how prescious life truly was and how the things that distinguish us from each other, isn't how we look or how much we make, but by the spirit and gentleness of our souls."
I wrote that 4 years ago and it is still very much the way I feel. My son made me change every fundamental paradym I had regarding life and death. His illness taught me to pray... when your child is so very sick and there is only time to tell, Gd is all some of us have. He taught me courage. Saying good-bye, just in case. Making the calls and bringing family together and realizing that in this very, unfair world - all any of us truly have is each other.
My son's favorite song for a long time was a Josh Grobin song, 'you raise me up'. I also learned from my son to never apologize for his existance. We all have our issues, for some of us, it is just more noticeable. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:07:32 PM | 1kindman... My kids have a dad that ADORES them. Just because we don't love each other doesn't mean we can't/don't love our kids. I didn't screw up at all in picking their father. I just screwed up in picking my husband. There is a difference. At least to me...
All kids want their parents spouse to be their other parent. Its just how kids are. They want Mommy and Daddy together. There's nothing wrong with that. Though at the same time, you have to let them know that Mommy and Daddy aren't together and won't be getting back together. Though that means you have to let them know that you and mommy still love them.
Besides there's nothing wrong with introducing the kids to "mommy's friend"... They can meet the people. Just don't tell them who they are. That way you can also see how they interact with the person.
Besides, he's suffered no long term affects. In fact he's IMPROVED since his dad and I seperated. We fought (because of out side idiots that we let dictate too much) for a while and when we started getting along again, he started improving again. I don't regret marrying my ex husband. I have my son by him and he's a very happy well adjusted little boy. My daugther knows my ex as daddy and he loves her like his own. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:34:02 PM | [My kids have a dad that ADORES them. Just because we don't love each other doesn't mean we can't/don't love our kids. I didn't screw up at all in picking their father. I just screwed up in picking my husband. There is a difference. At least to me...]
I agree. I dont believe you screwed up even in picking your husband. Sometimes things just don't work. When we are young and stupid, we still believe that love conquers all. It doesn't. Sometimes love is just the bandaid placed on a much deeper problem. | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/24/2009 6:44:44 AM | A tidy, clean home isn't necessarily a happy one! 
To see the forest AND the trees.
A kiss and hug work miracles.
Nobody is too big to say "I'm sorry" and mean it.
You won't stay mad at someone when they smile and hug you.
Summer holidays last forever when you're younger but are gone before you know it when you're older -- how did that happen?!
There's no such thing as a stupid question.
It's fascinating to watch ants. Snails are not the greatest students!
Our children need the tools to realize they can make a difference -- support them when they protest something local and help them learn how all the levels of government work so they can become involved.
I've learned a lot about electricity and wiring since the eldest was a toddler and learned a lot about streetlights this summer.
Being silly for the sake of being silly can be fun.
How to be brave and hide your fears when entering the unknown (Mom, the computer won't blow up when you press that button!)
And lots and lots of other things! :-) | |
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| What have you kids taught you?
Posted: 9/24/2009 9:35:21 PM | My children have taught me:
that responding to temper tantrums with whispers was more effective than yelling.
that taking time to empathise with an upset child was time well spent; but time spent arguing with the upset child was time wasted.
the importance of forgiving yourself.
the importance of modeling the behaviors/character traits I want them to display/have; as opposed to the "do as I say, not as I do" parenting style.
that sometimes you just have to put the housework on hold and PLAY. | |
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