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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!      Home login  
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 Andrew755
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 1
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Ok, here goes... So I met a girl at a bar one night and we chatted for a bit and then I asked for her number, which she said sure. I waited about 5 days to call her and then I asked her out we went to a pub and had dinner together. That went really well, we communicated well and there was attraction there.

Since I'm the guy I took this positively and about 3-4 days later I called her up and left a msg, she responded in 10 minutes... I asked her out for the weekend, she said sure would be fun. We ended up going to the zoo and had a blast again, she drove. We ended up kissing for a bit at the zoo, in an quiet area when nobody was around (guys near the bisons). I brought my camera and got pictures of the animals... first sign that made me raise my ears... I asked her if she wanted to get a picture with any of the animals/etc. I got, nope no pictures for me. But all in all it went really well, at the end of the date she said she was going to call it a night. I got home and got a text "thanks for a great time and that I was really easy to get along with".

Two days later I get a text from her asking me if I wanted to do something on Wednesday night. She decided on a movie... and said i could pick a location that was more convenient for me. We went to see district 9, the whole movie we were playing with each others hands and stuff, there was def a lot of tension. Then in the parking lot we had a really nice goodnight kiss.

So a couple days later we are texting back and forth, I ring her up and she calls back... and i'm like what are you up to tomorrow night. She is like she has a horse show and her seeing her parents for dinner. I'm like oh sounds like you are busy, we can meet up another day. Then she is like nono I'll make time later in the evening. I'll let you know tomorrow.

Sunday eve comes and I get a text msg from her that she can't make it, that her dinner is going later then she thought I respond with a text, thats fine enjoy. The next morning she texts me asking would I like todo something on thursday night.... I respond later in the day after work sure. She calls me that night and we are talking... she is going to make dinner at her place (she has a roomie) and we are going to watch a movie- something chill. I confirm Wednesday eve at like 9 and say so I'll be by around 7ish. The next morning I get a text saying 2 problems with tonight, 1 there is a leak in their apt and the tv is in the middle of the floor under a blanket, 2) there is a seminar for a hockey team she does personal training for and that is the only night it is available.

I didn't respond to that text, two flakes in one week.. why should I?!? . And the fact of the matter is Why is she texting a cancellation and she must have known about this stuff beforehand right??? Furthermore why is she cancelling a date that she asked for as a make up date. And nope we haven't talked since... but i'm sensing that if a girl cancelled twice and was actually interested in guy she would probably be too freaked out to call again...

She wasn't a bombshell but I was actually really attracted to her personality at the time.

Any opinions? Suggestions?
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2
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Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:28:22 PM
Sounds like she likes you and is having the scheduling problems that people with a life tend to have. I don't see what the problem is. You've never had to rethink plans with anyone based on stuff that came up?

I didn't respond to that text, two flakes in one week.. why should I?!?

What was the other one?

If she repeatedly cancels and stands you up, then I see your complaint. That's not what seems to be happening here. However if you are leary of her based on some situation from your past she will lose interest. She'll sense it.

If she's telling you she has to reschedule and offering alternative nights or plans, that's called life.

That's your choice.
 adventurousme57
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 3
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:30:25 PM
Seems like you might be making a bigger deal out of it than is neccessary. Other than her busy schedule, it seems like things were going pretty well? Did you feel like she was blowing you off? It didn't sound like it from your explanation.

I can see letting her know how you felt about her bailing out on you, but was it really a big enough deal to dump her? You are obviously having second thoughts or you wouldn't have posted this.

Sounds like she might be worth another chance...just my opinion.
 Andrew755
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 4
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:40:23 PM
Thanks for the replies.

So two cancellations in a week is a lot. And to cancel both times by text is kind of insulting... there is something about phone calls to initiate and cancel dates that makes it so much more personal. Example, she is a personal trainer... will she text her clients for a cancel or call them. Probably call... so why should a guy of interest be any different.

And I'm always of the notion that if a girl really likes you she will take a plane if she needs to just to make it out. Out of all my years of dating ( I'm 29 now), I've cancelled twice....

Maybe my expectations of her are high... but 2 cancels in a week (prob for legitimate reasons), and cancelling by text kind of turned me off, the second cancel which she hasn't reinitiated a make up date.

And you are right.. I was really into her...She wasn't my usual type and I really liked that.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 5
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:40:38 PM
I'd give another shot to a guy who'd come up with these. They're too random and just odd to have been made up! And I think she probably texted instead of calling because it was embarrassing. She certainly had made it clear that she did really want to see you.

Now, a third strike, and OUT! Just because a chronic overscheduler is also a chronic pain in the ass. But, in your shoes, I'd call and give the opportunity, see if she does strike out or not. I think you're right that she probably won't call you again if you don't get in touch with her - she's likely mortified.
 annasthasia
Joined: 5/4/2005
Msg: 6
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:47:54 PM

She wasn't a bombshell but I was actually really attracted to her personality at the time.


For some weird reason, this sentence bothers me.

It is best to move on. I mean, are you just lusting after her? You were expecting to have sex once you were in her place?... Who knows... She got nervous?... Who knows...

The fact that you do not find her attractive probably lighted up her spiddy senses. Women sense that a mile away. Once the sex thing happens, she may be thinking you are going to move on... Who knows...

My spider senses SCREAM that at me for some reason.

I suggest you find a bombshell then and move on...
 Landra2
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 7
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Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 2:56:00 PM
Just send her a text or whatever and say "Call me whenever you're free to get together. Take care" and leave it at that.
 privat33r
Joined: 2/8/2009
Msg: 8
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Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:19:03 PM
The info about her is mostly positive. She's not jumping in the boat but she's not cutting you off.

So what if she's yarding around a little, yanking your chain and throwing rocks in the trail. It seems she's worth it. Why take a little junk as a problem?

Maybe she gets lots of chasers who're happy to put up with any type of rejection and still smile and forget the last nastiness..
 durandal26
Joined: 3/16/2008
Msg: 9
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 3:24:59 PM
Dude, if she flakes on you twice in a week, and you just go "Ok, that's cool, I don't mind! Let me know when you can fit me in your schedule!"

It will be over. She will have no respect for you, will lose all attraction to you. Women can't respect or be attracted to a weak man. I don't mean physically weak.

What you need to do is say (and not by text) something like: "I don't appreciate being jerked around like that. I hate flaky people, and if you're one of them just tell me now and we can both save some time. If I make a commitment to see someone, I'll fulfill that barring major emergencies because my word is my bond. If you can't give me the same courtesy, then it's not going to work."
 soxfan64
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 10
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:41:31 PM
I am sorry but I don't understand the use of "flaking" out in this case. It's not like she pulled a no show on you. Maybe she texted you because she didn't know if you were available to talk? It seems to me like you are over reading into the situation. Now she probably thinks you are a****for not answering her texts?

You are assuming she isn't into you because she canceled two dates and she is probably assuming that you are not into her because you never responded to her text.

Sounds like dysfunctionality at it's best.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 11
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 6:58:11 PM
Here's my opinion:
1) Quit texting and call.
2) She doesn't sound flaky yet - she sounds like she has a lot on her plate right now.
3) Tell her to quit texting, and to call you instead, if she has to change the plans again. Then you'll know if she's flaking or not, and that would presumably be strike three.
 TorontoWriter
Joined: 6/12/2009
Msg: 12
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:16:13 PM
Trust me, she'll be more trouble than she's worth.

Women that are interested make time for dates.
***Period. End of Discussion. Over and Out.***

Continue at your own peril.
 lorelei540
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 13
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:16:17 PM
What you describe isn't my understanding of "flaking" but if it isn't working for you then move on. And although texting isn't my thing a lot of people use it consistently to communicate so I wouldn't put any weight on the text-vs.-phone issue, it's just a different personal preference than yours.

I wouldn't want a guy to take my picture at the zoo on the second date either, even if things were going well. The second date isn't exactly "making shared memories" time, it's still "getting to know you" time.



She wasn't a bombshell but I was actually really attracted to her personality at the time.
This is the beginning of sour grapes (she wasn't my type anyway, she wasn't that hot, etc.) Move on.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 14
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:17:24 PM
The relationship is new. You both are getting to know each other. IMO you should talk to her. I mean if nothing else let her know why you are choosing not to see her anymore. Otherwise she'll just think she did nothing and you are a jerk. She also wont learn anything.

To me this is small stuff and I wouldn't sweat it. I'd probably tell her I would rather receive a call rather than a text for important issues like cancelled dates, just so there is less chance of miscommunications.

The two cancelled dates in a week? I have heard before that shyt does happen. I believe my response to her there would be " 2 cancelled dates on a week? What's up with that? If I didn't know better I would think you didn't like me".
 **Tee**
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 15
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:22:29 PM
Maybe my expectations of her are high


Umm yeah, I'd say...

I'm going to go along with what 99.9% of the other posters said on this thread.
You're over reacting. It definitely seemed like she was into you and they did seem like legitimate reasons.
As far as the texting...I've come to the conclusion that some people are so used to texting, its become habit. I've actually done that myself without realizing until the text was sent that it would have been easier and smarter to just pick up the damn phone...force of habit.
If it bugs you..mention that you would rather talk to her.

...And about this?

I brought my camera and got pictures of the animals... first sign that made me raise my ears... I asked her if she wanted to get a picture with any of the animals/etc. I got, nope no pictures for me. But all in all it went really well,


Believe it or not, some people just don't like their pics taken, wtf?

I dunno... the more I read, the more I'm thinking she should stay away from you

EDIT: Yo Mr. TorontoWriter..I can honestly say I can count on one hand how many times I've had to cancel a date...two of those times happened in one week. Its called life. But then I suppose some people don't have one :)
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 16
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:30:35 PM
ask her if she wants to get together or blow it off?
why not get the straight answer?
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 17
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Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:39:37 PM
Wow, you're tough. She wasn't flaking in my opinion.
I'm surprised she even went on some dates with you considering you waited 4 and 5 days to contact her.
She's actually better off you decided to be so quick to jump the gun. If I found out a guy I was dating made a public post saying I wasn't a bombshell, but he liked my personality, I'd be turned off completely. I'd already be turned off you can't understand life happens and plans change.
And the no picture thing? Big freakin deal! I think you're going to be alone for a long long time if you're this high maintenance/judgemental.
 Shamefullpride
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 18
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:49:48 PM

I think you're going to be alone for a long long time if you're this high maintenance/judgemental.


And that is why I've missed you Vixxn. Ya tell it like it is.


Op, good luck finding a woman with low enough self esteem to make you her whole world after a few dates. She obviously doesn't think as much of you as you do!
 Wiyan
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 19
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:50:11 PM
First of all, tho this was necessarily long, you did a great job being concise while including all the pertinent facts! Secondly, it sounds like there was really some nice chemistry there, and I'm not thinking along quite the same lines at you that you are her victim quite yet. I could be wrong, but it is possible that it was just a week that was difficult to have everything work out according to plan. She did communicate with you and didn't just stand you up with no explan. You seemed to really like her, so maybe you might want to see if you gave her another chance if plans went smoother? She doesn't sound like from what you say so far, the type who is insensitive and self-centered off the bat. If I end up to be wrong in my armchair assess you can write me and tell me that, but my sense is to not give up on this one just quite yet! Best of luck to you and I hope you two make it past the bumps in the roadway Wiyan
 Wiyan
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 20
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 7:58:54 PM
edit:I checked your profile (I know I know, shoulda done that first but...) and you are incredibly gifted in the looks dept and have more going for you than many on this site, so.. am thinking gals are probably USUALLY climbing the walls to get a date w/ you. This tells me that this gal, for having a different approach due to whatever reasons is probably an unusual situation you find yourself in. I imagine you may be used to lots of attention, and she's breaking the pattern you are used to by breaking not one but two! (Gasp) dates with you. If I'm right about that, I still say, wait this one out-might end up being worth it!
 Impune
Joined: 9/12/2009
Msg: 21
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Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:03:14 PM
Op many women can be very flaky after just one date. Many start with
their demands on what they expect from you as a man. Like they're
entitled to make all the rules because they're women. Yaaaaaaaaaaa Right!

My advice is stay away from women on antidepressants or especially Prozac.
On PMS? It's highly recommended to take a weeks vacation from her. LOL

Best of luck You'll need it.
 miss_contemplative
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 22
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Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:05:49 PM
So here I am reading and it sounds like the typical dating scenario where someone actually has a life OTHER than catering to their date...and then I read this...


She wasn't a bombshell but I was actually really attracted to her personality at the time.


You sounded like a decent guy until you typed that. Then you just turned into a shallow and superficial idiot who somehow integrates her appearance into your dating woes.

Big freaking roll eyes icon for you today!
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 23
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Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 8:29:07 PM
Maybe she thinks you are the flake OP. You two meet, you ask for her number and she gives it to you, then you wait 5 days to call her. You go out, have a nice time together, but again you wait several days to call her, thank her for a pleasant evening and to make plans for another date.

Going to dinner with your family and having it run late is certainly understandable. Not liking to have your picture taken is just a personal quirk. Having a plumbing problem and a last minute scheduling conflict is beyond her control. On all those occasions she called you immediately and let you know there was a problem. You on the other hand are keeping her at arm's length and playing games, and now won't even return her call. Feeling the need to put her down with the crack about "she wasn't a bombshell..." says all I needed to hear. Stop reading dating "rule" books about how long to wait to call a woman, and if you have genuine feelings for this woman, or even hope to have them someday, then show them. Pick up the phone, call her, apologize for being a tool and communicate with her about why you were upset. Or just leave her alone and find someone who is OK with putting her life on hold whenever you decide to call and make plans.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 24
Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:45:13 PM
Thank you Miss Contemplative, that is exactly what I was thinking!!

Your a jerka$$ thats my opinion.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 25
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Flakey Girl after the 3rd date.. Opinions please?!?!
Posted: 9/20/2009 9:49:46 PM
She didn't find you a bombshell and also didn't find your personality as interesting as you found hers?

Suggestion, let it go, find someone more your type in both looks and interest in you.
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