Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 1
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
If you have in your profile that you are looking for a 'Friend' - what does that mean to you?
What do you expect?
What are you looking for?

I think there is a discrepancy in what people say about what they want in friend versus what they actually want.

I think some people put 'friend' with a sexual-no-strings-attached connotation aka a 'intimate encounter' basically but that might give off the wrong impression.

Friends w/benifits - a sex buddy. Probably the same as above.

A 'friend' that has same potential as a spouse or SO - so they are really seeking a future spouse or LTR.

Some people are looking for hot attractive hook-ups and then state 'friend.'

What I'm looking for in a 'Friend' is basically the 'Talk/Email' option but I'm looking for a more intimate emotional connection that the 'Talk/Email' option conveys.

It does not include sex
hot hook-ups
long term relationship or LTR
a commitment to date you and only you if things go well

It includes someone you talk to about stresses, problems, parenting, and my 5 favorite subjects - race, politics, religion, sex, and... I forget the last so I leave that open.
It's someone you learn things from and teach things too and is open to both learning and teaching. It's someone you meet, date, and probably kick it with like an 'activity partner.'

Technically speaking - a 'true friend' can cross socio-economic lines, can be on any attractiveness level, any gender, and maybe even any age, sexual orientation, religion, etc.
(but who am I kidding? I'd love a straight friend who looks no worse than Patrick Stewart, Flava Flave, Clive Owen, James Earl Jones, or Heavy D - and very generous with their large amount of money. That what I would like have, not a total necessity).

Why aren't people looking for a 'real' friend but instead of using the word to imply something else - like sexual hookups or LTR relationships? I understand those looking for LTR's might put 'friend' because they think a great relationship start with good friends - but aren't you missing out on good friends by not considering those who don't want an LTR? And isn't that confusing to those who want 'friends' minus the LTR?
 applesn2pie
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 2
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:02:00 AM
I think it means start as friends. Maybe don't want any pressure. First hang out do some fun things and see if they like you enough to do past friends.
 BoredStill
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 3
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:34:15 AM
I think you're thinking about it way too much! I think friends means just that. Some people may mean something else by it, but why try to figure it out? Lots of people come to this site just for the forums, but are open to meeting people who have similar interests. Friends. I'm here just for the forums, but would be open to meeting people with similar interests because I've had a pretty bad year and could use a few new friends. I'm simply not interested in dating right now. The only time I wonder about the 'friends' category is when the person has all kinds of restrictions as to who can contact them (such as only the people they would be interested in dating).
 leglover
Joined: 6/21/2007
Msg: 4
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:41:39 AM
It can be whatever you want it to be, you have the power to be their lover or just someone to hang out with. Just keep an open mind and have no expectations. We all want sex in some form or fashion and friendship can sure lead to that but you have to stay honest at all times if you want to keep things in order. I`ve had many female friends over the years that i just loved and we talked about sex and EVERYTHING else but we never crossed the sexual line. Other times we did but kept it in perspective and were able to stay friends along the way. Just be honest with yourself and your friend so no one can ever say "i thought we were....." I find it hard to meet people who want to be friends without hoping for marriage or something so i guess many see it as a foot in the door for whatever they truly seek. people on here are no different than anywhere else, they tend to say and do what is acceptable until no one is looking.
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 5
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:46:13 AM
You are in the friend zone until they decide wether or not you are good looking enough to have sex with.
 OnlyThis
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 6
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:48:21 AM

'Friend' - what does that mean to you?

Move on to the next profile...
 CookieLady66
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 7
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 12:24:52 PM
In the case of MY profile, it means....FRIENDS. I'm not looking for a relationship, just access to the forums. I already have a FWB, and am NOT looking for more.

Why is it necessary to dissect every single word in a profile? Is nothing obvious any more?
 deborah815
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 8
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 3:00:09 PM
Some married people are on POF looking for "friends", a/k/a some nookie on the side.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 9
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 3:29:24 PM
It means they are about to move and they need friends to help with the furniture. You won't find anyone on here looking for friends if they are either planning to stay where they are, or have no furniture.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 10
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 3:52:31 PM
I'm simple so friends means friends. If they don't know what that means it's not someone I'd be interested in talking with.
 AuntEmily
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 11
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 4:15:02 PM

If you have in your profile that you are looking for a 'Friend' - what does that mean to you?
What do you expect?
What are you looking for?

I originally came on here looking for friends and I meant friends in the way it is used in the real world, that is people I like and relate to in a non sexual way. I was hoping to meet some new people who had similar interests to me and would be interested in going out occassionally to gigs, theatre, cinema etc simply as friends with no romantic or sexual connection.

I think some people put 'friend' with a sexual-no-strings-attached connotation aka a 'intimate encounter' basically but that might give off the wrong impression.
Yes I discovered that some people interpreted it that way and others seemed to see it as meaning casual dating that would never lead to a committed relationship.
 Ffrin
Joined: 2/7/2008
Msg: 12
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 5:05:17 PM
Why is it necessary to dissect every single word in a profile? Is nothing obvious any more?

^^ says CookieLady66. Thing is, lots of things are obvious to lots of people, but they all mean different things to those people. So it's interesting to see the other meanings that other people attach to a word whose meaning seems obvious to me. I have lots of friends in the real world and they are all very important to me. I can do with more though. Yes, I would like to find someone to fall in love and live happily ever after with, but then I would also like to win the lottery and I think the chances for either are about equal.
 QTpye16
Joined: 6/29/2007
Msg: 13
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 6:33:32 PM
nappykat,



If you have in your profile that you are looking for a 'Friend' - what does that mean to you? What do you expect?


Exactly what it says...a friend. Someone to get to know, talk to, and/or possible hang out with from time to time. That is what I'm seeking. Now, I'm also open to a relationship as well if it leads to that. I like for things to have a natural flow, no pressure. As far as what I'm expecting, I expect nothing. I take things as is.



Why aren't people looking for a 'real' friend but instead of using the word to imply something else - like sexual hookups or LTR relationships?


Not sure, but maybe that's their definition of "friend"...but regardless, it's up to you to see what they are all about and if you're not on the same page, move on. It doesn't take long to figure that out.



I understand those looking for LTR's might put 'friend' because they think a great relationship start with good friends - but aren't you missing out on good friends by not considering those who don't want an LTR?


Then it's their lost. You can't control other people nor make them be friend. Why worry over something that you have no control over.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 14
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 7:12:25 PM
When I wrote this post - I took the chance and messaged 3 guys on here who had 'friendship' in their profile. All 3 guys weren't interested.

OK, I got over it quick and that's not really the problem.

One said I was too fat and he wasn't interested.

One asked out right if he could meet me, and when I told him I wanted to message back and forth first to get to know him more, he 'read/delete' and I haven't heard anything back from him.

The other wrote back but it was tedious to keep the conversation going and I don't think he was interested. I told him I was attracted to his profile, liked what I read of his character and personality, told him about what part of the profile/personality attracted me and tried to make conversation by asking some mild or trivial questions about his interests or something he had written. His answers were short, curt, and didn't invite any lively discussion whatsoever. I write about two paragraphs with 5 lines of text and I get about 3 short lines of text back. Didn't think that was going to work.

There about 2 others who never wrote at all.

Now I am trying to not to take this personal - and it's working - and I'm not asking folks about why I was personally rejected.

But if you just want a friend - does it matter if I was 'fat' or had or didn't have a specific look?
Why is it important that you meet me immediately after I write you?
And... well I misread the last guy apparently and we weren't a match.

But it just gave me the feeling that they and a lot of other people are looking for something other than what I classify as a friend, and I came here to either confirm what I already think or to see if I might be off.

You all didn't exactly confirm what I already thought... therefore you must be wrong.

Thanks for your responses.

Back to
 StarChaser1109
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 15
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 8:50:32 PM
Wow Nappy. Sorry to hear you apperently contacted some folks who sound like they came out of the wrong end of a horse.

Regarding the "friends" catagory: I think people can apply a lot of creative interpretations to that classification.

Consider this though--I've always wondered about that catagory being a bit out of place on Plenty of Fish, which bills itself as a "free online DATING" site. Is that kind of like going to the hardware store and hoping to find a new dress?

Maybe you're simply looking in the wrong store.....
 Pashune
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 16
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:11:22 PM
A friend. No sex buddies, no secondary relationships, none of that. A good, ol' friend I can share some popcorn with or go to an arcade with. I live in a lousy town engulfed with elderly people and a couple of thugs so it's natural for me to look for friends online.

I don't do the MySpace and Facebook craze if that's what you're thinking.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 17
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/21/2009 9:15:09 PM

It means they are about to move and they need friends to help with the furniture. You won't find anyone on here looking for friends if they are either planning to stay where they are, or have no furniture
Yes.. that's exactly right! :0)

It's to bad we don't have a drop-down choice: "Here for the Forums"
 Passionate Gent
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 18
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:05:18 AM
A Friend is simply someone you've learn to trust and share a variety of life values -without sex. Personally I think the majority of people with "friends" on their profile, regardless of their reasons, are not really interested in a relationship. If your intentions in contacting said individuals is for more than friendship, you might be setting yourself up for failure (As your little experiment proved)
 AuntEmily
Joined: 10/18/2008
Msg: 19
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:41:11 AM

But if you just want a friend - does it matter if I was 'fat' or had or didn't have a specific look?

That had me puzzled too. It has been suggested to me that even if someone is looking for a platonic friend they still apply much the same criteria as they would if looking for a girlfriend. I suspect that is true but I don't understand it - for me friends come in all shapes and sizes.

But it just gave me the feeling that they and a lot of other people are looking for something other than what I classify as a friend,

that was also my conclusion

I've always wondered about that catagory being a bit out of place on Plenty of Fish, which bills itself as a "free online DATING" site.

I understand that view - but if you don't meet lots of new people in real life it is difficult to know where to look for new friends. I joined one (paying) site that claimed to be for friendship and dating. I hoped that would be a better place to meet friends but it was actually worse than POF and they charged for it. So, while POF is not the ideal place for finding friends on line, it may be the best available.

Is that kind of like going to the hardware store and hoping to find a new dress?
lol. I don't think it is quite that bad - I did end up with a couple of friends eventually. Perhaps more like going to a supermarket looking for a dress - there are a few but you have to search hard and there isn't much choice.
 buzzy9876
Joined: 12/3/2008
Msg: 20
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:42:41 AM

What are you looking for?


A friend. Know what I mean, man?
 Dropz of Jupiter
Joined: 9/27/2008
Msg: 21
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/22/2009 10:22:57 AM
I think that some take these sites far to seriously and have huge expectations.

How can you move on to any other relationship; LTR, dating or sexual encounter if you haven't concluded that they are a friend - A PERSON WHO YOU TRUST NOT TO HURT YOU IN ANY WAY INTENTIONALLY.

Once you have trust, understanding and honesty with a friend anything can happen if there is also a sexual attraction but there does not have to be a sexual attraction to have a great friend.

I also imagine that there are some who just want a friend to share life's experiences with but there are plenty of pen pal sites for that also.
 grendal
Joined: 1/28/2009
Msg: 22
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/22/2009 1:33:02 PM
It is only confusing if you become overly fixated on the word "friend" and ignore the rest of their profile. Some users clearly mean "friend" in the sense you describe; most do not. Look at it this way: why post a profile on a dating site if you just want friends? makes no sense.
 sequoyah61
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 23
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/22/2009 2:54:44 PM

Look at it this way: why post a profile on a dating site if you just want friends? makes no sense.


Ah, grendal, it makes perfect sense if you honestly don't want a relationship at this particular point in your life. I live in a small community (I mean, VERY small) that has virtually no social venues unless you like to drink all the time. I'd rather spend my spare time on the forums relating to real people than drinking or watching TV.

JMO.


Sequoyah
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 24
view profile
History
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/22/2009 4:13:29 PM

I have no illusions of that ever present and over used thought process, of finding a long term commitment, marriage, or any of those predetermined ideas that just let you down, time after time, if the one you are with does not meet your total expectations.....


I totally agree with the wisdom of my long time friend.

I really believe that when it's long term, marriage someone may sincerely want or be open to, it does create the expectation of either that or....well nothing. Even if it's subconscious, I can tell by the email I get from men seeking long term. Sometimes it's very personal stuff, but it seems they're checking off some sort of mental list.

I think friends makes it casual enough that you can get to know someone and gee, first off, find out if you enjoy spending time together for no other reason than just that.

I think that's much preferable to ticking off a "what I want in a wife/husband/SO" list.
 Wiyan
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 25
For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?
Posted: 9/24/2009 12:19:34 AM
having read several very well thought out posts from you, all I can say is that if I was a guy, I think you would be the good genuine kina friend. The friendly fishies swimmin by ya?Their loss! Keep posting, you'll make more true friends
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > For those looking for FRIENDS on POF ~ What is It?