| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/21/2009 10:02:49 PM | For those who have obtained a Ph.D., is it essential to date someone who is educated to an equivalent level?
I would not have thought it important at all but it always seems to breed an inferiority complex. Can people merely not converse without reflection as to what one does for a living or how one is educated? | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:09:51 PM | I have found that dating without phood involved is difficult. Conversation over phood is a real good starting point. Women like it when you can suggest a restaurant.
However if the one in whom you're interested is truly worth dating then she won't judge you negatively just because you don't have phood.
I often find myself without phood, yet I have had beautiful and enduring relationships with women who have had phood.
Yet, here I am on POF. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:21:10 PM | Hmm..."PhD Dating" has a nice ring to it--might be a catchy name for a dating service geared toward n3rds.
Be that as it may, I find the idea of dating a person with a PhD to be depressingly daunting. I mean, I can barely stand hearing myself speak most of the time, so what chance is there of my being able to sit through someone else droning on and on about nothing in particular and everything in general? Not much of a chance, I imagine.
Wow, I just realised why I'm perpetually single. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:29:26 PM | | Love that last reply. Why do people find it hard to find each other attractive? Whatever happened to chemistry? Why would you need a PhD to get anywhere with somebody in order to begin a relationship? Have they educated you out of your senses? Have you all lost your humanity? Why is it so difficult? I have been married 34 years and still remember the physical sense of this person I married. Well...I was open and probably humble and did not have a gazillion expectations. Things can improve from any beginning. Go out be open and let your fate welcome you. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:32:41 AM |
For those who have obtained a Ph.D., is it essential to date someone who is educated to an equivalent level?
In this day and age of "equality" and "partnership", of course. Nobody wants to throttle their high expectations by "dating down" or "settling", regardless of what characteristic is being considered. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:03:02 AM |
I would not have thought it important at all but it always seems to breed an inferiority complex. Can people merely not converse without reflection as to what one does for a living or how one is educated? Can't imagine why a Ph.D. would come up in a conversation unless you mention it. "I'm a scientist / geologist / rockhound" would do just as well. If it's one of the first things you blurt out, it's probably interpreted as something you feel is important. It may be more productive to introduce your personality before your qualifications.
I would imagine lots of people are smart enough to get Ph.D.s and don't for one reason or another. I know many very talented, attractive and accomplished ladies without Ph.D.s. Artists, company executives and the like who may regard a Ph.D. as an accomplishment, but are far from intimidated or intellectually overpowered by it. As with this post, some of them find their own accomplishments intimidating to the men they meet.
someone else droning on and on about nothing in particular and everything in general?
What a strange definition of "someone with a Ph.D." It's amazing to me how many people insert filters and preconcieved notions between themselves and reality. I've learned so much from people without Ph.D.s. In some instances, recognizing that some of these folks understand more than science has so far acomplished. And sharing such diverse interests guides me through a fascinating world that I would never have ventured into on my own. The whole being far greater than the sum of its parts. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:04:50 AM | Obviously, like most people, I've known and been friends with people who have doctorates.
But the degree isn't really a measure of intelligence - more like an indication of the person's goal. One friend wanted to teach Political Science, so he did the PhD route. His girlfriend was an artist, so she didn't. They were well matched on all levels.
I think the most important thing is the level of intellectual curiousity. Someone who has a PhD is generally going to be interested in ideas and will fit new ideas into his or her worldview, or modify the worldview accordingly. Unfortunately many people actively avoid new ideas simple because they don't fit into their understanding of the world. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 8:32:50 AM | Dating a PhD is not any different than dating a person who digs ditches. I will date some one because I like them as people, I respect their morals, their view on life and, well, I'm attracted to them. Although what we do for a living does make up a percentage of what we are, it is not everything. I avoid talking about classical music, opera, performance issues because they are work to me. I would prefer to connect on many other different levels.
And just because one is a master in one field, does not negate the fact that they may be a novice in another.
Yes, attaining a PhD can be a daunting task, and can say much to the determination and goal setting abilities of an individual, but there are so many other things that make relationships work. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 9:01:15 AM | When you announce your docterness, people will react. That moment is when you can confirm your idea that inferiority is being conceived. Or, you can not do that and get over yourself. They may be thinking that whenever someone with a PhD says they have it, a superiority complex is at work.
I'm not sure what the source of pride is in having taken 8 years or so to complete what most people at a 2-year school get done in 1/4th the time. Why would it take reading that many more books, taking that many more classes, and having to write a dissertation justifying your mastery of a subject, unless it was to satisfy some doubt that you knew your stuff? I think they only require that extra work of students who need it, like when some kids had to go to summer school in order to graduate from high-school. I admire the tenacity but if it was me I would not be so quick to advertise how long it took me to graduate.
Knowledge aside, the chain of command, or pecking order, of having academic ranks comes with the usual problems of setting up people as better and worse. While in one sense the PhD represents the depth of study, in another sense it represents the relative worth of the person, compared to who they are talking to. "I am better than you" might be hard to hear without feeling "no, you're not." It's not inferiority, it's a keeping things equal in response to an assertion that things are not equal. Your insistence on superiority might be a problem. Tact is the solution. Tact and bribery, effective here as elsewhere. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 10:26:02 AM | I dont see why it matters
where does a savant fit into this
what type of phd was it..was it a kiddy on one
etc
I refer to my first line and 2nd, and change a word to individual..on account of it not mattering a jot
hypothetically speaking of course | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 6:35:42 PM | | I guess what I look for is compatibility in life; that doesn't mean being in the same profession or having the same level of degree. But it does mean having the same level of curiousity about the world so that your interests and conversations fit well with each other | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:29:53 PM | | I find intelligence sexy. My friends with Ph.D.s are anything but boring. They don't blather on about nothing, as one poster suggested, and they don't particularly advertise their degree unless they are looking for a job. They tend to be pretty interesting. I like their company and the few I've had as lovers were better than average. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/22/2009 7:34:46 PM | You know, somehow I doubt the Drs here are going to use your endorsement:
"I have a PhD, and according to research, that means I'm a better than average lover."
That's what every man wants to hear in the afterglow, "Baby, you were better than average." | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/24/2009 3:04:18 AM | | many of the dumbest people i've met in this life were university grads..all it proves is that you can jump through hoops. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/24/2009 10:55:02 AM | I haven't got a PhD. But I've been told many times that I could do, if I just applied to study for one. Seems like it's well within my capabilities.
Personally, I'd rather date a checkout girl than a lecturer, as I've met both, and checkout girls tend to be more interesting. They're more open to think about things in unusual ways that stretch my mind. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/24/2009 5:32:57 PM |
I haven't got a PhD. But I've been told many times that I could do, if I just applied to study for one. Seems like it's well within my capabilities.
For once, scorpie, I agree with you. We all have human brains. I am dumb as they come but I got a B. Sc. and a few other accreditations. I got them because I put in the time and effort. Everybody who has letters after their name was once not as smart as they are now. If you do the work you will get the smarts.
Personally I will date any check-out girl, nuclear physicist, garbage collector, radio hostess, dog trainer, fish monger, or professoress of philosophy. One's job does not define how nice one is. I like nice women, like Mirabelle13 and divagreen and heterotic... | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/24/2009 7:14:49 PM | Personally I will date any check-out girl, nuclear physicist, garbage collector, radio hostess, dog trainer, fish monger, or professoress of philosophy. One's job does not define how nice one is. I like nice women, like Mirabelle13 and divagreen and heterotic...
and NoRepeats and alli oop...
What? Are you accusing me of being a nice person? Defamation of character, I tell you...
Alli oop, I totally agree with.
I don't know who NoRepeats is.
Heterotic...she is no longer on this site, and I miss her brain-bursting, ball-busting ways...
Now, Mirabelle13...she is uncanny. Sometimes, when I want to post, *poof*, there she is posting exactly what I was wanting to post.
I find it down right creepy...
I think it has to do with the number thirteen...
I am going to sound redundant, but...thank you, for the compliment... 
I will not consider a person handicapped (in the dating world, and outside the dating world) just because they have a PhD.
(Disclaimer: This was in no way shape or form meant to insult people with a handicap, or with a PhD.) | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/24/2009 9:03:51 PM |
What? Are you accusing me of being a nice person? Defamation of character, I tell you...
No, I'm a Slayer fan. I meant "niiiice." | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:07:27 PM | A Ph.D. is a job requirement -- for an occupation. That's all.
Ph.D.s have lots of things that define who they are as persons, that are remotely connected to their training and that matter much more in terms of what a relationship is all about.
Having said that, I like summers off, long Christmas breaks, all major holidays off, Spring Break, and the flexible working hours, and "scaring," I mean, teaching, students, hehe.
I reckon working for that piece of paper was worth it. I actually graduated from ITT Tech -- just "whited out" that name and put "Northwestern University" in, with magic marker. Worked like a charm. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:02:53 AM | As a garbageman, I find that all other things being equal, PhD's tend to be more interesting conversationalists, particularly if their field is one that interests me. The PhD's I have met have become friends that I occasionally hang out with when I'm off-duty and away from the truck. They tend to like hanging out with me too (unless I forget to shower after work)
For dating, my standards are a little higher, and potential dates ought to have at least two postgraduate degrees and/or a post-doctoral fellowship. A net worth in at least the tens of millions (or preferably the hundreds of millions) helps too. (I have expensive tastes and I'm kinda cheap, so it really helps if they can afford to treat.). Appearance-wise, I'm not too fussy and as long as they won a national beauty contest within the last ten years, I'll probably accept them for a date if they'll sign my disclaimer, taking oath that there is no insanity in their family and absolving me of any blame or financial responsibility for harm or losses suffered as a result of affiliation with me. | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:50:40 AM | | hi... I like what one poster said about never apologizing for a PhD... most people want what they bring so if education matters it is not unrealistic to date people who find it important as well...... everyone has a different top 10/5/or less on their list so who can judge what is right for someone else... blessings for happiness | |
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| PhD Dating and dating PhD's
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:06:55 PM | I think it's not so much the education level people have but rather the experiences they share or don't share. I've noticed people who have been to university at any level have a much different point of view on most thing than people who haven't. University culture tends to be more liberal than the real world and full time exposure to campus life is bound to have an effect on someone's personality; likely more of an effect than the actual education they've received and the things they know. This would only naturally effect the way people relate. My life now has nothing to do with the ph.d that sucked up four years of my time plus the six years of preamble prior. I notice a huge difference between university babies and the majority of the people I deal with daily. That difference has nothing at all to do with intelligence, just experience.
They may not know as many facts as the PhD....but being smart isnt about knowing facts...its about knowing how to recognize facts.
Knowing facts, while necessary, is not what getting a ph.d is about. At that level you're supposed to be creating the state of the art in your field. It's up to the candidate to know enough facts either before, during or after the course work is complete. However the measure of doctoral success is being able to apply the facts in such a way that creates new knowledge. | |
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