| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:00:17 AM | I've noticed something over the last several months that I didn't notice as much before ... when I email a man on here or any other dating site, it takes them AT LEAST a full day, if not several days, before replying to my message, even though they've read it within minutes or hours of me sending it.
I'd understand the response of "maybe they're just too busy to write back", but I see these same men that I message pop-up on my search screens or who's viewed me as "online now" in between reading and responding, so if you're so busy you can't respond to an email, how is it you can spend time searching the site in between? This is what leads me to believe that maybe it's the online version of the "3-day rule" in real-life dating ... is it that you don't want to appear too eager, so you wait a few days to reply? | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:10:14 AM | I jump on replying to people I'm interested in almost right away. Mostly.
The only times I may delay is with friends and other forumites. I do believe that SOME guys may delay their response for reasons that you mentioned. There may be something to it.
I wouldn't read a whole lot into it. Though, if you get that near instantaneous response, you at least will KNOW he is interested.
Heh.. games. They're all games... | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:15:05 AM | | Welcome to the silly online game of dating where we fail at common everyday etiquette because we try to be something/someone we're not! I'll tell you more about it, but you're going to have to wait either 3 days or a week because I'm busy at the moment and don't want to seem like I am eager or anything that would show weakness in this thread. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:15:59 AM | maybe its taking him a while to read your profile and compose a witty and suitable reponse, something he feels will impress or hold your attention..
maybe hes googling stuff on your hobbies/interests list- ive not looked at your profile so i have no idea whats on there- so he can learn a little about the stuff your interested in so to ask intelligent sounding questions..
maybe hes dyslexic or a cr@p typist and types really really slowly... proof reading it for spelling and grammer mistakes...
or maybe hes playing hard to get..
or got sooo many replies your on a long list of 'people to reply to..'
who knows .. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:22:07 AM | Get this: men have lives. It just so may happen that he checked his messages because he is that busy just to read and write back later on. You don't know if he is searching the site in between but just letting YOU know that he read your message and that depending on how it is between the both of you in terms of messaging back and forth, that you were noticed to begin with and he will message you later on.
Don't assume that because he read your message that he will answer right away because it was YOU who had sent it. I sometimes read messages and not answer right away because I am either not interested or that I didn't get on the site for the inbox but the forums, or coming out of the forums and am about to log off so I might take a look- see. Take your pick.
The fact that he did reply days later is better than not replying. But people can take it anyway they want. No one I know takes it that personal, so it is telling me that it is not an issue to them and they know that it is an option to send me something again or wait on a reply from someone else. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:38:01 AM | Sassy, I DO get all that ... it's not like I'm being snobby here and asking "WHY oh WHY aren't they responding to ME instantly, I'm so great, why don't they respond the second they read my email?!?"
I get people have lives, I get that not everyone responds immediately, my question is, is this a tactic that a lot of men use purposely. I'm not taking it personally, I'm just curious. I know why I take days sometimes to respond to someone, I'm asking why some men do it. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 6:42:29 AM | Yup, sassyborica and ms november have it right. You are doing another example of OVERTHINKING.
1. The "three day rule" only exists in the minds of the people who read that book.
2. Any time you think or assume you know the MOTIVE behind what someone does, you are on shaky ground at best. NEVER categorize the suspicions, fears, or even joyful hopes that enter your mind in the same place you keep known facts. Either ask, or wait for further experience/information. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:04:14 AM |
when I email a man on here or any other dating site, it takes them AT LEAST a full day, if not several days, before replying to my message,
I can't speak for other men but in my case... if I don't respond immediately.. it means you are on hold and I am thinking about it. Why? Well, for example.. let's say your profile is really good but you are over an hours drive away... I may be trying to decide if I really want to pursue that... or there could be some other "hang up" about your profile. Also, I could already be talking with/meeting someone and want to see how that goes before kicking off things with you.
Nothing to do with any rule.... | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:11:53 AM | The problem is that you look to see if he has read it.
who cares when they respond back.
Maybe he's just not that into you. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:31:18 AM | | Don't worry so much about it. I just responded to and email from last week. I read it the other day and reponded today. It has been 7 days. The reason why I waited is that I have been busy and was thinking about it. Checking to see if they read it will drive you crazy... | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:33:36 AM | I don't beleive it is a "On-line daiting tactic."
More of a issue of needing time out of a busy life to review the profile, think of a response and sit down and write out a reply. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 7:46:06 AM | There are likely many answers to your question. Personally, I think that playing games is the least likely. Most guys complain of getting almost no initial email and very few responses.
In my own case, I seldom answer as soon as I get a note. The reasons for that I have listed below. I do normally answer within 2 days of reading a message.
1. I want to think of a good response to maintain her interest.
2. I have a date set for the next day or so and want to see how that goes prior to commenting. I do not wish to string anyone along.
3. I have no interest but want to word my message so as not to hurt her feelings. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:00:07 AM | I think it depends, some probably do use a delayed "tactic" but it's going to be different for everyone.
Personally, I may read an email and reply immediately or just not be in the right mindset to reply at that time and wait until I am. I might be busy and even check for messages again without replying. If I want to reply, within a few days I make sure to take the time but unless we've had an ongoing conversation where replies had been frequent, I don't feel like there's an obligation to do it immediately. I'd rather wait until I can provide the best response possible. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:11:02 AM | Because we don't want to be talked about in the next thread as being "too needy...he responded to my email in moments! I think he's moving too fast, he must want only one thing!"
It's not only men, but you women take your good ol' time too. I've found that since I started deleting my "sent" box immeaditly I don't fret over how long it takes a woman to respond to a note if she does at all. Then EVERY email you get is a surprise! No agonizing over read/delet or unread/delete. But that's just me. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:17:48 AM | | Some people like to think about things before putting the words down. I think pretty fast, but sometimes I take a few days to figure out what to say. It goes in the back of my head and sort of stews. It doesn't work on this forum, because the moderators have designed it so that only people who write responses quickly will get theirs up there. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:21:59 AM | actually Tina, it might be that he only had time to read the email (say at work) but not reply to it. that can happen often, also it could be that he was thinking about what he wanted to write before actually doing it.
please understand that if someone logs in and checks their email and forgets to log out it will show them as being online. i do this all the time since my computer is running 24/7 i rarely log out and it looks like i am online. it will show you online for 15-20 mins after as well i think.
also you are right that some men don't want to seem too eager as it can really make some women uncomfortable. we simply learn from our previous interactions with others on how we will do future interactions. you don't know if someone previously found them creepy for answering right away to emails or withing hours. main thing is to not worry about it. worry more about the content of the messages.
if the messages you are getting back are nice and you like them then it's not worth thinking about.  wish you the best in your  . take care | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 8:37:28 AM | It doesn't take that much time to read a profile. So if I get a message I will check it out. But it does take time to write a good reply. So if I'm busy I will read the message, look over the profile, if I like her then I will at a later time, sit down and write a reply. That is all it is.
Some guys might have a 3-day rule or whatever. Just let them have that. If it makes them feel good, they should have it.
But I think most are just waiting for some time they are free to type a good reply. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 12:40:25 PM |
I've noticed something over the last several months that I didn't notice as much before ... when I email a man on here or any other dating site, it takes them AT LEAST a full day, if not several days, before replying to my message, even though they've read it within minutes or hours of me sending it.
Because it's taking me that long to figure out how to unblock me from your email.
Love that smile Tina! The best one on here! 
Actually it's like November babee said. I want to look at your profile, think about the particulars of meeting you and then I'll reply. Most times I reply within one day. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:34:54 PM | | Don't read much into delays in responses its not like your in a relationship a lot of times people may read your letter than decide they will come back to it when they have thought about how to reply. I am normally a natural conversationalist but there have been times that I just don't know what to say. Its better to wait than to write something thats may cause confusion or misunderstandings and often its worth the wait at least in my case it has been. | |
|
| Delay in replies
Posted: 9/23/2009 2:57:06 PM | | if you are worrying about delays and such and not talking to him about them...id suggest not going into any kind of relationship for a while. | |
|
Home
login 
