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Posted: 9/23/2009 9:34:56 AM | Anyone had bizarre experiences with online dating?
Met a guy and started emailing texting all went well he ticked most of my boxes and it seemed I did for him too. The MSN was chatting daily when work for us both permitted. Arrangements were made to meet for 2 weeks time as he was in another city.
Then after about 3 days of normal contact he starts sending very intense texts “I LOVE YOU ““MARRY ME” “ I AM SO IN LOVE” “I CANT EAT” I told him to hold on a sec we hadn’t even met and to take it steady and slow down and I responded with normal responses. The intense texts continued and he kept sending the same photo of himself to my phone. Nothing bizarre just a head shot.
Then suddenly all communication ceased. Phone turned off no texts no emails no messages. I thought great he has at last slowed down and is taking stock so I waited for 3 days then texted a “ hi how r u” message. No response and the message hasn’t been opened. So I thought ok maybe he lost the phone so I emailed and got the same, no response, and he hasn’t been on msn either.
Now I can accept someone looses the phone but everyone picks up email once a day or every other day. So it seems that his MO is so strange. What do you make of someone who swings from moods of intense overwhelming feelings to no contact? I must say I find it so odd? The last message recieved didn't even have any indication that he was pissed off or anyhting it was "Hi STUNNER MISS YOU SO MUCH" | |
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| OVERWHELMING intensity to NO CONTACT
Posted: 9/23/2009 10:40:01 AM | | a)Thinks you've rejected him, b)he's been hit buy a bus, c)he's on the bus and on his way to be with you forever.Fact is you'll never know unless communications resume so stay happy and don't the "reasons why"drain you of your energy. | |
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Posted: 9/23/2009 10:49:37 AM | | wow well your well rid don't think I could tolerate that kind of behavior and you know what I actually don't reply to messages with xxx on them as personally I think it should be earned!!!!!!! | |
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Posted: 9/23/2009 2:57:22 PM | | Wow, that is very strange indeed. Personally I would have given him the heave ho, when the I Love You message came in, without ever having met him but then the no contact afterwards could be because you didnt tell him you loved him too? | |
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Posted: 9/23/2009 3:52:56 PM | | dont even ponder on it for another moment, just breath a huge sigh of relief and move on! He is a nut job, anyone who says I love you before they meet are clearly living in a bizarre fantasy world, one you dont want to be part of. For a start you will never live up to his fantasy, and if he is as erratic as this before you even meet can you imagine what he is in real life. He is what i like to call a male bunny boiler, a breed that exist as rampantly as their female counterparts but dont get nearly as much bad press. | |
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Posted: 9/23/2009 3:57:38 PM | So, just for the record this isn't what women want when they talk about a guy willing to express emotion/his feelings  | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 6:52:51 AM | | eh not before we meet the guy. when a suitable time has passed and the guy has go to know us and starts to love us then it is what we want to hear, if he is already in love based on a few mails or IM conversations its a big NO NO from me anyway. No man of sound mind falls in love this quickly. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 8:12:24 AM | No man of sound mind falls in love this quickly.
Funny you should say that, its the exact qoute of my tatoo.....over my ho ha.
Seriously though, I agree, its not possible to be in love with someone without ever meeting them RUN RUN RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!
And count your lucky stars he has cut contact. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 9:29:28 AM | UPDATE
Received contact via email sayiing he had lost the phone and was still as smitten as ever and looking forward to our meeting which he has cancelled for this weekend due to family stuff????? Seems even more odd now he doesn't even seem in a rush to meet?
Definitley some kind of screw loose i'll keep him on the line and see how it plays out as I'm curious myself now to see just to what level his madness extends! | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 1:02:34 PM | | Just be careful............... and bare in mind that its very easy to type the words I love you, different when it has to be said face to face. And Im sure you have been told this all before but.....if you do decide to met him make sure someone knows where you are and met him in a public place. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:35:59 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
MALASAM
ahhhh thats so sweet honey thanks for the advice im a big girl but its always lovely to hear concern from a fellow himan being | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 4:36:32 PM | | davlaa, that made me smile! Couldn't be put any better. I dont think she wants to hear though. I suppose out of curiosity it would be tempting to see how it plays out, but if I was OP i'd cut him out now before the drama starts. | |
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Posted: 9/25/2009 7:06:45 AM | thanks to you all I really laughed at the tin hat! If only all the nutters did wear some easily recognisable uniform!
and its not that i dont want to know Scenic really! I am a medical professional and to be honest he fascinates me as a specimen!
I don't think it will come to a meeting though because he has made some claims that would be hard to back up in real life! I am just seeing how this plays out. | |
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Posted: 9/27/2009 1:18:26 AM | I think that he is married and his "other" life just caught up with him for a while.
Or you are not the only one that he is txing the same garbage. He probably has multiple phones!
He could also be playing "games" that men state they don't play. You know, come on real strong so you back of and take stock, sending photo's to remind you constantly of him. Then disappear which makes you go wondering and looking for him.
Still thing he is married though, God its enough to put you off even starting a friendship eh? if it leads to crap like this. | |
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Posted: 10/4/2009 3:15:50 AM | | Im inclined to go with the others that think this guy might be married. I would forget it or very much approach with caution. | |
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Posted: 10/12/2009 11:50:14 PM | Well I thought I would update the story for everyone who was interested.
So he said he had lost the phone then the emails started with the same stuff,
When contact resumed he kept sending the same messages
I LOVE YOU
NEED YOU SO MUCH
MARRY ME
By then my red flags were well and truely flying so he got very lukewarm responses just to keep him going enough to show what his game was. He'd be sending I LOVE YOU FOREVER and id reply back ' ahh thats so sweet im busy at work will get back to you' It kept him on though, so as long as he had contact it was still game on as far as he was concerned.
I knew that the key to the whole thing was to make him committ to a meeting, as this was something he kept avoiding. So I pushed for it and said we had to meet and he agreed.
Of course I insisted he come to me as he was 'such a gentleman' then for 3 weekends he had excuse after excuse. The first time he had a family emergency, then work emergencies, then his daughter was in a car crash in the UK. I asked for her full name and the name of the hospital to call and check on her, to which he quickly replied she was fine now and out and home!
He mailed me from the UK ( he said) and a quick look at the email headers and a few clicks of the mouse revealed an IP address in dublin where he lives! Also I checked his usual emails sent during working hours and they were coming from a company in the same area, so If I had wanted to bother I could have called up where he worked. Which was a very different company from what he said he did. He said he was an accountant, and he was actualy working in a dublin call centre!
I then tired of the whole thing after about a week, it was no longer fun so I emailed my last mail to him which said
"Looking forward to meeting you this weekend as long as you have
no work emergencies
no phones lost
no family cirisis
no accidents"
he realised I am sure that the game was up and emailed back saying 'what a wit I was'
I am sure that the phone lost thing was him changing sim cards around as he obvioulsy does this as a way of life and will switch from one number to another, and it was because I wasn't responding much by texts and it was costing him money as I was on a different network. For his 8-10 texts a day he would receive 1 every other day from me.
(and that was only when my network had a free offer! you should never let any communication cost you money after all)
On the UK Forum now there is an old thread been resurected about a poor woman in Canada who had a much worse expereince and my heart really goes out to her, as she actualy believed her nutter with terrible consequences for her and her family.
My expereince was interesting to see how far it would go to a meeting point, and what avoidance strategies he would use thus trapping himself in a huge web of deceit, as the whole idea for these nutters is to amuse themselves online and not venture out from behind their screens. It shows that they have no value for anyone but themsleves and will even wish bad karma on family members ie in fake accidents, to use as excuses.
I can't imagine how this would affect an emotionally vulnerable lady and I am sure that even as we speak he is doing some horrible damage to someone's life.
A person who does this kind of thing online and in real life, is hugely damaged psychologically suffering from low self esteem and terrible self image as they must project themselves as the perfect mate with no flaws. To me this was an amusement and bit of fun, and I figured while he was busy with me at least he wasn't bothering some other woman. But on reflection now I see that he is still out there with all of that undealt with damage.
Be Careful Girls and Guys....... | |
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Posted: 10/13/2009 11:12:51 AM | This is the sort of shite that most women worry about when on sites like this.
You can be "chatting" to some right freaks.
These guys give all men a bad name.
As for playing games??? It's just ridiculous.
Couldn't you add a testimonial to his profile to warn others?
Be safe. | |
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Posted: 10/13/2009 12:41:22 PM | | God its all very interesting I have to admit being slightly intreaged, I mean how do people like that behave in there real relatioinships with real people? And how could you keep track of all the lies that were spooled out? | |
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Posted: 10/13/2009 5:08:57 PM | 437609
The MO of these people is they delete the profile fairly fast
'as they have found you and you are the perfect match'
This is so that you can not then watch their online activity. They will likely have several profiles and you only ever know the one they contacted you from.
Here is a link that gives more insight into the behaviour, it makes for interesting reading indeed.
http://www.geocities.com/lycium7/cyberpath.html | |
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Posted: 10/14/2009 3:03:13 AM | exceptionalgirl
Thanks for that, it was certainly “interesting” reading.
And what a playground the internet is for these “cyberpaths” All their Christmases come at once!
“Despite common belief, a cyberpath is not always very easily identified, especially since you cannot see the person "in person."”
This statement puts me off meeting anyone from sites like this. By the time you might have your eyes open to this, in person, too much damage could have already been done.
Exceptionalgirl, I think you had a very lucky escape and a lesson learnt.
Thanks again for highlighting this behaviour and the link. | |
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