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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 1:03:02 AM | Well, my girlfriend of a year and a half dumped me, we've been living together in a rented apartment and now that she's gone I feel super bad, not just because she's gone (obviously that's a factor too) but because there's nothing to do now, sleeping is hard because she isn't in bed so I stay up all night bored out of my mind and the cat keeps meowing because he misses her which adds to the stress.
What should I do? day OR night?
Keep in mind that I don't have many friends, maybe 6 in total but they're usually working/schooling so I'm left not doing much, hell, that's why I'm on here right now wondering what there is to do :P
Ideas? Past experiences? | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 1:13:15 AM | Well doing nothing is a bad choice :D
Have you ever tried meetup.com? Its for meeting new people with common interests. It'll serve two purposes. One, get out, two make new friends.
Volunteering is also a positive thing.
I would also strongly suggest, as soon as you can, move out of the apartment. Nothing but sad sad sad sitting there. :( | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 1:16:40 AM | | yeah, you're not kidding about the sad thing, and volunteering, hmm... how that i havent thought of, not that i want to volunteer right now but I might find something fun to do actually :) | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 1:23:20 AM | WORKING OUT!!! releases the stress dude
Or sign for kickboxing or judo or something. Do something fun and good for you | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 1:50:26 AM | hey man, just read your post.
I've gone through pretty much the same experience as you a little while back.
people have different ways of coping with a break up, first of all, you're free mate, single again, and thats good.
Sports is good, and it doesn't have to be competitive, just get out of the house and do somethin you love. For me it was rounds of golf with friends, every weekend, also cricket...me and my mates would get in our gear and practice bowling and batting, wicket keeping at the local cricket club. Lots of fun, I got in shape & just good to hang out with mates. Fishing is good too, dont even have to take any home, just catch and release.
Dont show her that you are stressing. This will just fuel her ego. She will be surprised, coz she'll be expecting to see you all depressed and crying etc.
When you do happen to bump into her, and you're all upbeat and cheerful, that will make you feel good, but more importantly, it will annoy the crap out of her, lol yeah thats it dance banana dance!! | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 3:21:05 AM | Hey DrPattyCakes...
All I can really say to you is everyone has there breakups it's bound to happen. All woman are different everyone's problems in relationship's are different. Depression is going to happen if it doesn't your not normal. Sometimes hanging out with your friends isn't the best idea because all there going to do is ask you questions regarding what went down with you and the girl which is going to make you think about it more.
I don't know your plans as for attempting to hook up with her again after time or not. So the best possible thing to do in my opinion would be to first think about what you really want. If you decide it's 100% over between you and her. Then go out, Sitting home is gonna do nothing but make you think about her. Put yourself in a social environment where you can meet new people such as going to Bar or a Club. Enjoy a Ice cold beer shoot a game of pool with a buddy Socialize a bit. Will make you feel better and take your mind off the stress. Possibly meet a girl make friends and things will start getting better from there. Making the first step is always the rough part. Good luck Bro.
WORKING OUT!!! releases the stress dude
-Anthony | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 3:22:06 AM |
When you do happen to bump into her, and you're all upbeat and cheerful, that will make you feel good, but more importantly, it will annoy the crap out of her, lol | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 4:08:43 AM | I feel you dude. I'm going through that same BS myself. At first, I just played my situation with my ex over and over in my head. You gotta say to yourself, NEXT! I've been doing everything I can to keep myself busy. I bought an acustic and electric guitar, got myself a personal trainer at my gym, reading self-improvement books, and more importantly I am out there dating. If I run into my ex she will see that I don't need her to be happy. I did love the girl, but she dumped me so she doesn't deserve ANY attention. It is hard because it has only been a month out and I really want to contact her, but I won't. I got a life, lol.
So, seriously you gotta snap out of it and just do ONE thing differently. It can be anything. Volunteer like that one poster said, hit up the gym. Just get out and enjoy life! | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 4:50:02 AM | This does not draw much sympathy from me.
I see you have been a member since 4-15-2009 (right in the thick of this year and a half relationship) you also asked for a profile review on 4-21-2009
Is it at all possible she realized she was spinning her wheels with you? Did she find out what a cheat you are? When did you decide she was important? pfffft. Now she is gone and you are free to do as you please and all you do it mope and feel bad!!!! should have thought of that .... oh... around april 09...... the 15th to be exact!! | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 4:57:36 AM | OP, I totally understand how you feel. My ex decided to leave after 14 years. - We lived together for about 9 of those 14 years.
Yes, when he left, my place felt so empty, right along with my own life. It really sucked and boy, did it ever hurt! I was kind of in a fog for a while, but once that lifted, I got more involved in things. - Thank God for good friends who helped me.
I took some time from relationships, and dating. - You may want to do that as well, to prevent the rebound situation. Don't go bar hopping or hit the party/club scene. - Getting drunk every night and trying to find "Ms. Right Now" won't help your situation. - Trust me - I know you didn't mention it on here, but I thought I would throw that out anyway.
I joined a bowling league, a book club, volunteer at a wonderful museum and now a hospital. In doing these things, yes it was VERY awkward at first, but I kept going knowing it would be good for me to get a change of scene, get out of the house, do something fun and constructive, and to broaden my circle of friends. - yes friends. I did NOT go into these new ventures with the idea of finding someone new. In time, I met some wonderful and very supportive people who became very instrumental in my healing process.
In fact, at the year anniversary of my ex's leaving, I actually went out to dinner with my old AND new friends and celebrated how far I had come and also my newfound independence and resourcefulness. We all call on each other for support and we also call on each other if good things happen too. - We usually meet once or twice each month for dinner and cut loose, visit, and relax. Heck, that is better than therapy!!! lol
Two years after my ex left, I moved out of my old place and started anew in another. I was ready to start fresh, it was the best thing for me, although the timing in some ways couldn't have been worse. - At the time, I was also clearing out a jam packed house that belonged to my grandmother and aunt as they both passed away within a year of each other and my mother and I were charged with this daunting task. Well, in the process of all this, I not only cleared out my own place and moved, but was able to get rid of a lot of things my ex and I had. - Some furniture, dishes, linens, etc, because I inherited a whole houseful of beautiful antique furniture and other things from the estate. So now I am in a new place that my ex has never been in and I felt like a huge weight lifted off me when I got settled in and started furnishing my new place the way I want it.
So now, you need to take some time to figure out what YOU want for your life.
Is moving to a different place an option? - Starting fresh? If not, then get rid of some things you and your ex shared. Get something different - it doesn't need to fancy. Hit some estate sales and I'll bet within a year or two, you will find some beautiful things you can use and enjoy, and more than likely, you will get a great deal. Paint the walls, redecorate with things YOU like. - If moving is not an option.
How about attending classes at the local college? Get a degree, a certficate in something you are interested in.
Volunteeer somewhere? - We can all use another pair of hands.
Join a sporting league? What sport do you like?
Join a Gym? Working out will help you physically AND mentally.
Join a club? What are you hobbies?
I will reiterate: DON'T go into any new ventures with the idea of finding someone new. Take some for YOU and figure out what YOU want. Fill up your time with constructive, fun, and positive things to do. In time, you will meet up with some great new friends, and yes, when you least expect it, you may find someone, but for now, just be on your own. Yes, you will have some lonely times, but when you feel comfortable enough, you will be able to reach out like I did.
Good luck, God Speed, and keep us posted.
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 5:14:21 AM | What should I do?
Learn to accept finding yourself in that situation or to be happy by yourself!
And at your age, you should focus on more constructive things such as an education and career. | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 5:48:33 AM | You HAVE to keep yourself busy. Read, pick up a new hobby, join www.meetup.com... just get out a do stuff.
Exercise
Exercise
Exercise
It'll make you feel better just because it does.
Sorry for your situation, but she's one less "frog" you have to kiss before you meet the right woman.
Best of luck! | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 8:32:02 AM | Grieving is no fun, but not a death sentence. Lots of good suggestions that all remind you to engage in life, not give up on it.
You may also be experiencing situational depression. It is a normal, but mistaken human reaction to obsess on the past and project that the past controls the future. Remind yourself that you can choose to do things that make you happy.
Both grieving and depression are well-studied, as are the successful strategies for overcoming them. You can do a little research, or see a counselor a few times.
You are not the Lone Ranger; almost everyone goes through these spells. This is an opportunity to add some new coping skills to your emotional toolkit.
Good luck. | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 4:57:07 PM | | Your life needs a central purpose. Love goes along for the ride. An life empty of purpose will have a void to fill, and trying to fill that with romance is disastrous. Find your calling. | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 7:11:02 PM | Find new and more friends. Get out there, volunteer, sport, hobby or whatever.
Right now, if you do not occupy yourself your mind will only do one thing: think about how sad you are. You need to do things that entertain your mind, to keep it from wandering to feeling sad as well as to just learn (and this will take time) that you can have a lot of fun by yourself!
You can do it man, you're strong inside and you know it. | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/24/2009 8:50:52 PM | If you can swing it,take up dancing lessons, and martial arts, great place to meet quality people, get your self esteem back and have fun.
Or take up a instrument but please dont write any sappy songs for the ex, the world doesn't need anymore " Oh she left me , left me blue and my souls' a dying
my poor cat is crying, and my heart is lying and I burn the chicken that is frying" blah blah blah. | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/26/2009 7:20:04 PM | Well man I feel you there, as of right now I'm dealing with the same bull shit. the only thing that I would suggest like Mahogany-rush said take up martial arts, there are some people there that has the self respect and confidents, and has better manerisum as well. It may cost money but it's well worth the investment. It shure beats bar-hopping as far as meeting people's concerned, you do'nt want to cach yourself singing these old sappy blues songs let alone listen to them, that's what a bar has to offer. Martial arts is a great thing to get into; that defanatly helps especially in the long-run.
I wish you the best. | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/27/2009 7:06:31 PM | Move on... Her loss.. get use to being alone..Get Ice in your veins... care for nobody except yourself...NOBODY!!
The last thing you should do is go internet dating as suggested.. Women really have no idea.. Im sure another thousand or so rejections is not gonna help your state of mind.
Turn yourself from a nice guy into a mean self centred, sob.. live for yourself and nobody else...
You get one go at this... dont waste time on someone who is just not worth the effort. | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:17:54 PM | | Ive been there....take a class, take up a new hobby, exercize yourself so hard in the daytime that when u get home at night your too tired to stay up all night missing her.....just get busy...even if you get a second job just to take up your time for a couple months, its takes away the empty hours...or else u could always volunteer...just find ways to better yourself! | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:34:59 PM | | Start living the life of a man who is interesting. Don't you have any hobbies? What do you do when you hang out? Who & what do you want to be? There were some good suggestions here 1. volunteer 2. exercise. What interests you? Get a good digital camera - take photos of the cat. Be honest with yourself & if you start living a life instead of waiting to just be with someone that is when you actually meet someone. Years ago (ok I'm old enough to be your Mother) my husband tried to 'hit on me' (we lived in the same building on campus) and I was fed up with guys until I heard him in an art gallery asking intelligent questions & I said I want to talk to that man. The conversation lasted until the day he died. Become a well rounded person. Join the Sierra Club, learn to ski, play an instrument, help rescue animals-get off your duff boy, go out there in the world and have fun but don't forget to feed the cat. Maggie | |
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| What to do, literally?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:11:52 AM | | call of duty world at war.. all day all night.. modern warfare 2 comes out in november also.. | |
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