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Posted: 9/24/2009 1:58:28 PM | Hi guys,
I have the following paragraph in my profile, because a mature adult, I feel that it could happen.
"I am looking for a permanent long term relationship. One that starts with e-mails, progresses to friends first, then dating and finally a committed long term relationship.
At our age, I think that all this can happen within a year, provided that both parties are open, honest and upfront, right from the get go. Your thoughts?"
Is this a reasonable thought/timeline?
MF | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:06:56 PM |
I am looking for a permanent long term relationship. One that starts with e-mails, progresses to friends first, then dating and finally a committed long term relationship.
There is something missing between the dating stage and committed long term relationship.
Furthermore, to achieve a success, the projected schedule should be drastically compressed. | |
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| reasonable or not
Posted: 9/24/2009 2:08:30 PM | | Well, if you want to take a year to get into a relationship, I suspect that you may find yourself disappointed. Typically it would only take me a few weeks at most, if it was going to happen at all. Perhaps if you lived in an area populated by a lot of religious fundamentalists....... | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:17:50 PM |
"I am looking for a permanent long term relationship. One that starts with e-mails, progresses to friends first, then dating and finally a committed long term relationship.
Sounds good to me..!!
How much you got in your bank account and
how many credit cards do you have....
---SoldierByte--- | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:24:49 PM |
I am looking for a permanent long term relationship. One that starts with e-mails, progresses to friends first, then dating and finally a committed long term relationship.
Sounds good to me..!!
How much you got in your bank account and
how many credit cards do you have...
Mr. SB - You forgot to ask about the CC balance. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:27:25 PM | OP said a year for before getting into a LONG term relationship, not just a relationship. OP do you mean living together by that?
I wouldn't get into a living together without knowing the person for two years, and preferable they wouls feel like me and want to keep separate houses. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:29:25 PM | Ms Magic, I suppose you might find a few guys that would buy into that kind of timeline.
I would bet that they wouldn't be all that "stimulating' for you , if you catch my drift...
Mr Magic | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:34:17 PM | You could be about right. I'd say it would take a few months (anywhere from 2 to 4)to get to the exclusive relationship, as in several nites a week overnites. After that it would depend on "how much you into each other".
My last took about 4 months just to get to the comfortable, overnite regularly, etc and exclusive. It just never got to the long term.
He11, I don't know, I got 3 ex es, what advice can I give ya.
outdoorgirl | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:36:55 PM | Taking most of the answers into consideration (up to this post) I have to wonder if perhaps the OP needs to clarify some more. I'm trying to understand what the men are saying.
Are they saying that it shouldn't take that long to get to a "move in together" exchange keys point? I get the impression they are insinuating they are not willing to wait a year to have a woman move in with them. Is that correct?
Where do these men live? Certainly not in my neck of the country. Cripies, we can't even get the men to ask us for a date ... and without a date, no one is gonna get to the "move in" stage ... eh? | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:40:10 PM | ^^^I suspect they're say she neglected to include where getting laid falls in the time line.   | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:42:18 PM |
Hi guys,
I have the following paragraph in my profile, because a mature adult, I feel that it could happen.
"I am looking for a permanent long term relationship. One that starts with e-mails, progresses to friends first, then dating and finally a committed long term relationship.
At our age, I think that all this can happen within a year, provided that both parties are open, honest and upfront, right from the get go. Your thoughts?"
Is this a reasonable thought/timeline?
I don't think it's impossible. However...you're listed as not single/not looking.
I don't think you are reasonable to expect someone to make such a commitment to someone that is either in a relationship and/or not looking to start one. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:47:09 PM |
How much you got in your bank account and
how many credit cards do you have... Mr. SB - You forgot to ask about the CC balance 
I think we got pretty good trend here: friends, dating, LTR...when it's the time to ask these questions? | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:47:14 PM | I think it's great and precisely what I want too. The year is really just a ballpark figure but it's definitely more reasonable and realistic IMO than the few weeks deal.
I'm not looking for live in anyway but regardless of whether it's longterm live in or live out, guaranteed it's not until considerable time has been spent together that a relationship actually evolves.
I've lost count of the number of threads about knowing someone for anywhere from 3 days to 3 months where the person posting is in total shock upon learning something about the one they're involved with.
And it's always something basic that taking a bit of time would have brought out long before the person was declared to be their so-called soulmate. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:49:47 PM |
^^^I suspect they're say she neglected to include where getting laid falls in the time line. 
Seriously, relationships don't fall into nice orderly time lines... wonder how long after the ltr she has the wedding date.... | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 2:55:30 PM | ...relationships don't fall into nice orderly time lines.. This is my personal response... just allow things to progress naturally and see where it goes. Everyone is different. If setting up a planned program, expectations essentially, if that works for you, and the person you connect with thinks that way too, okay. But, I can't really relate to this idea that there are specific steps and a timeline. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 3:00:42 PM | Here's my take on the whole time-line thing: I'm 54 years old. I've been married 3 times. I knew all my ex's for a number of years before we got married -- yet that didn't help me know them any better in the end nor did it keep the marriages from ending in divorce.
So, now, at this time in my life if I wanna get married to some dude I've only known for a week, I'll probably do it. And it may or may not go south. Neither life nor relationships come with a guarantee. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 3:16:49 PM | TryAgain: What am I missing between the dating stage and the long term stage?
I agree with the 'drastically compressed' point. I find that at my age I can usually read people quite well and am willing to explore all that a person can bring into my life. I usually know fairly quickly if there potential for long term. Guessin' I'm not as wishy-washy as I was in my youth.
Mr. Byte: Fortunately, I don't have credit cards (but no debt either) - just investments. BTW - I've been eyeing you for a while now, honey bunny.
Outdoorgirl, cotter and WindRoper: thank you, you understand me.
How does a few (2) weeks of email exchanges, a few (2) weeks of phone exchanges, a few (2) months of dating (i.e. going out, seeing how the other person interacts with strangers, etc.) then the 'exclusivity' talk (and all the 'benefits' that entails). The long term stage would be when you introduce each other to family and friends, and start making plans for the future.
revilors: changed most of my profile tonight and forgot that point. The boat is on its trailor so I now have time to start looking again. Thanks for pointing that out.
I guess I'm wondering when do you decide that enough is enough. I dated a guy for 7 months who I feel never made me a priority in his life. Guessin' I should have bailed after 3-4 months and not wasted my time.
Thanks for your comments. All are something to ponder.
MF | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 3:24:41 PM | I'm going to say this first so - no one starts jumping on the horndog thing.
Much of the reason I don't date anymore ........ sex is EVERYWHERE. It is so bad that it is a turnoff (to me at least).
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Now ......
- friends first (to me) is she is trying to CONTROL me right off the bat. It is an INSULT.
"keep it in your pants big guy ..... I call the shots around here"
She (whom ever she is) wants me to respect her ...... yet she don't respect me.
It goes without saying ladies. If some guy gets pushy - just tell him to go pizz up a rope.
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Time frame ...... (puke then laugh then forget her).
If it is a REAL two way match, the sex will happen and it makes no difference when.
CONTROL - CONTROL - CONTROL
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I don't contact anyone anymore but at first I just passed on blatant attempt at control (she don't even know me). Then I just started to ignore that silly stuff.
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This is boy/girl stuff. There is no control needed.
To be blunt. If she is not as eager to get me naked as I am her ........... it is NOT a match.
Remember I said (above) it makes no difference when.
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OP do what ever you want to ........ just don't cram it in a guys face. You don't even know him yet and are trying to control him. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 3:27:46 PM |
I guess I'm wondering when do you decide that enough is enough.
Everything progresses to an "end". Good or bad.
Sometimes it slows on steep grades...but when it's rolling back downhill with NO chance of stopping it.....it's time to say "when". | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 3:55:27 PM | Message 20 ...
CONTROL - CONTROL - CONTROL I find that to be a little excessive ... over done to say the least.
The OP was suggesting that it could happen sooner but I think she's reasonable to think that a relationship at our age would know where it's going within a year.
At this age I know what I want, know what I will tolerate, know what is of no interest to me whatsoever ... it's not gonna take me several years to decide if this man is or is not for me. On the other hand, what would be the rush to move in or say give up your own place to move in with a SO?
I think it's fair for someone our age to give things about a year. One thing is for certain ... I'm not jumping in bed with men ... only to find out they are not what I want. I have no desire to get sick just for some horndog. If he wants me badly enough he can be patient.
For any man who is interpreting the OP's statement as needing a year to become intimate ... that's just indicative of what pea brains some men have. I can't personally speak for the OP, but I highly doubt the OP was insinuating that in any way.
I like sex ... really like sex ... but I have never ever had even an STD and don't intend to start now. I think it's clear that most of us like sex. Unfortunately, a lot of men (for those who are about to get their tighty whities in an uproar ... note I did not say ALL men) ... our age have a very lackadaisical attitude about STD's. They pretty much figure antibiotics will cure anything and don't appear to be all that concerned about HERPES and HIV.
I think the OP has a good idea about what she wants.
@ Message 25 ...
For any man who is interpreting the OP's statement as needing a year to become intimate ... that's just indicative of what pea brains some men have. I can't personally speak for the OP, but I highly doubt the OP was insinuating that in any way. Was that an idea overwhemingly forwarded as an opinion? It is a legitimate question though insinuations or not. | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 4:04:19 PM |
I like sex ... really like sex ... but I have never ever had even an STD and don't intend to start now.
Ohhh nooooooooo.. I'm AGAIN agreeing with Ms cotter ..!!
but in all seriousness.. I too aint gonna start gettin a STD now..!!
I do get nervous some times.. cause I know I
am not a "ken" doll type.. so I always figure.. if she'll screw me..
cripes -- Lord knows who the h-e-l-l else she been with..!!
So I wind up in a vicious circle of want and fear..!!
I do not even know if that makes sense..!!
Anyways.. (is this the TRUE COFESSION thread..??)
Why the heck did I say/post this..??
---SoldierByte--- | |
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Posted: 9/24/2009 4:45:47 PM | I met a woman a while back whose idea of a GREAT ROMANTIC first date was to get married ... she'd meet a guy (usually at a bar but sometimes just walking down the street or whatever) and, THAT NIGHT, they'd get married ... of course, it didn't often work out for longer than a week or so and then she'd have to wait 6 months for her California divorce before she could date again ... she was waiting for the 7th divorce when I met her ... we were trying to counsel her to NOT DO THAT AGAIN! but she did ...
I'm SO GLAD my idea of a great romantic first date doesn't include a veil and a minister in a chapel!
I'm sure the poster wrote those words in a sincere attempt to communicate her thots but ... if I ran into a profile comment like that, I'd really think "control issues" ... but that's just me and my opinion ...
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Posted: 9/24/2009 4:49:03 PM | The order seems about right but the time line is 51 weeks too long. Time, it is a wasting.
Look, there goes another rose bud. Gather the rest while ye yet may.
Time waits for no man. No man is an island. If not now, when?
The past is history, the future never comes, and the present is why they call it a gift, so dance when no one is watching. Today is the first day of the start of the end of your life. Happiness is a warm puppy. Spend the change you have in your pockets for the world to see. Visualize world peace. Freedom is just another name for nothing much to lose.
Sleep alone tonight and rob a man of love. | |
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