| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 9/25/2009 7:04:11 AM | I've read a number of posts on here regarding why men don't date single mothers. I happen to be a single father myself but there are a lot of single mothers that ruin it for the good ones and once or twice bitten, a man then gets turned off by it. The whole experience he would rather not waste time or money figuring out if your a decent one or a bad one. This really applies to both types of single parents but I hear a lot of defensive single moms out there. So I'll tell you the main reasons so stop asking:
1. as a single father already or even if a single man (but especially for single fathers) life is pretty tough. we are working are asses off, already supporting children or paying bills and we do not have money to spend on your children. Maybe some to spend on you but not your children. that's the childs father's responsibility. you'll make a man run by expecting him to treat your child as his own.
2. zero time. narcissistic men want all your attention but regular men don't mind sharing your attention because we know you have children but if you've built an unrealistic family setting around your children to where they are you're whole world and they are brats if they don't get all your attention, we still have wants and desires to be with you. that's the way it is in a normal family, children do not run it. if yours do, then they guy will run.
3. bad ex. men are territorial creatures and most women initiate divorce or the breakup so in most of the cases the guy still is upset and wants you back. he causes problems. bad ex means....we don't want to deal with it.
4. your mother. chances are being a single parent is tough so a lot of women have enlisted the help of their mothers. their mother now acts as a parent and is butting into the relationship and is over protective of the child and if the child is undisciplined, the guy either has to accept it or be the bad guy to you and your mother because you all just see a perfect little angel when the rest of the world sees...a spoiled over protected brat running around.
5. talking about your ex all the time at how bad he treated you. okay...here's the deal. he wasn't bad enough to spread your legs for and for you to get pregnant so....it makes you look really stupid and bad decisions.
6. if not divorced having a child out of wedlock. we all know accidents happen but in this day and age 40% of children are born out of wedlock....way more than before birth control was even invented. if you have a child out of wedlock it may mean you're irresponsible because children need two parents and if it was in a marriage then at least you were trying to do the right thing. Out of wedlock births means...it's all about you. not in every case but again...40% of children born outside of marriage...there can only be so many excuses for that. not worth the risk for figuring out if you had an acceptable reason...you were raped, on antibiotics while taking the pill. there's only a few excuses but it says to a man...you may have just been a slut or just wanted a child and were selfish thinking it's okay for a child to grow up in a broken home to begin with. it's not.
7. undisciplined children. we may love you but it takes time to love another man's child. it's not automatic like we have to blindly accept another child. make it easier by making sure you're doing your job correctly. if the kid is undisciplined, uncontrollable and is not that man's child he's gonna want to step in and correct it...but he can't. doesn't matter if you think he's your angel, even if a man's own kids were crazy he'd step in and correct it. do not get defensive over your child and think oh he just doesn't like my child. no he's running because your child is a spoiled brat and he knows he can't do anything about it and it will cause him an enormous amount of headaches.
I'm not saying all single moms are like this but....there are a lot of them out there like this and it ruins it for the good ones. The main difference between men and women single parents is that men generally if they truly love a woman put her as the main focus while taking care of their children's needs. single mothers have a tendancy to put the children always above the man and that is a big problem. in a normal family setting the marriage is first, kids needs are met, and they grow up knowing their place in the family. it's opposite with dating single moms.
I know this cuts both ways....some men are like this to. But what are you teaching your children by coddling them and making them the center of the universe....nothing about life or real relationships so they can't go make their own relationships later on. they will be too self centered. I'm fully aware of the fact that a lot of women don't want to date me because of some stereo type about some guys with children and the crap they pull but it seems to be worse with single moms. the odds are much higher you'll run into the scenarios above with a single mom because she has her kids all the time. I'm not bashing single moms but you have to realize there are a lot of selfish, irresponsible women (with a 40% out of wedlock birth rate now and a 50% divorce rate) that are ruining it for the good ones. The odds are not worth it to a single man and the even worse if you're a single date already with responsibilities. Bottom line is don't fall victim to the above scenarios and them you might get what you want a decent man for long term. most men will date you for sex but....if you want a good man, know the rules men look for and tell your friends that are single moms and fall into the above categories...stop doing this crap! you're ruining it for the rest of us! and men to if they fall into the scenarios above. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:08:25 PM | | Here is another one that you missed. Getting attached to the kids, it not working out with the mom, and you end up hurting the kids. My brother got in a situation, where the kid got confused and started calling him dad. When things didn't work out, well it tore his heart out. Because of the little girl, not his girl friend. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:29:53 PM | I have an answer.. and you'll find MOST of it in a couple of other posts in my history
It's late and I cant go through your list , but I will on another day. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:31:18 PM | OK, i guess i take offense to this post.
1. What makes you think women arent working their asses off too.
i was a full time student, worked 40 hours and went thru a divorce.
2. What makes you think WE have zero time?
what i've seen MOST single dads have their kids because the mother isnt in their lives, so you ALL have zero time.
3.MOST women dont initiate the break.
4. NO most women dont have help as you believe and Most men do have mom helping, and those moms are the ones who try to be a mother to their grandkid because the real mom isnt in the picture.
5. I dont talk bad about my ex because like you said "there was a reason i was with him" also i dont want my kids to have a bad feeling towards their dad just because we couldnt work out our differences.
6.OK men are responsible here to WEAR A DAMN CONDOM it takes two to make a baby
7. OK i know plently of men who's kids are brats because dad doesnt want to disipline them because he only has them 2 or 3 days a week and dont want to be the BAD guy.
I get the feeling you've been burnt by a single mom. But just as you i dont like being stereotyped. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:43:07 PM | A woman's prespective on ur list of things cause some of the points you make are valid.
1. as a single father already or even if a single man (but especially for single fathers) life is pretty tough. we are working are asses off, already supporting children or paying bills and we do not have money to spend on your children. Maybe some to spend on you but not your children. that's the childs father's responsibility. you'll make a man run by expecting him to treat your child as his own.
As a single mother I work my ass off. I work 50 hours a week plus but I still will pay my own way on a date heck I might even treat u. I might actually buy a small gift for your child because I"m a generous woman. I do not expect you to buy anything for my child. My daughter already has everything and then some. You most likely won't even meet my child until I'm sure about you.
2. zero time. narcissistic men want all your attention but regular men don't mind sharing your attention because we know you have children but if you've built an unrealistic family setting around your children to where they are you're whole world and they are brats if they don't get all your attention, we still have wants and desires to be with you. that's the way it is in a normal family, children do not run it. if yours do, then they guy will run
My daughter is not even two yet and she says please and thankyou. She is not a brat. She doesn't throw tantrums. I have never once heard anyone say I have a brat or give me that look "please control your child". I do have a lot of people telling me what a beautiful/adorable child I have. How she is the best behave toddler they have ever seen. I have to work but I can find some time for you if your someone worth spending time with.
3. bad ex. men are territorial creatures and most women initiate divorce or the breakup so in most of the cases the guy still is upset and wants you back. he causes problems. bad ex means....we don't want to deal with it.
I have not seen my ex in over a yr. He does not have the b@lls to cause trouble. I don't even live in the same city as him. Over 4 hours away... so I probably have less baby mama drama then most single dads.
4. your mother. chances are being a single parent is tough so a lot of women have enlisted the help of their mothers. their mother now acts as a parent and is butting into the relationship and is over protective of the child and if the child is undisciplined, the guy either has to accept it or be the bad guy to you and your mother because you all just see a perfect little angel when the rest of the world sees...a spoiled over protected brat running around.
I've always been close to my mother. I don't allow my mom to butt into anything I'm an adult. Actually most people like my mother more then me because she is sweet, and so pleasant. My mom is the nicest lady. I am unfortunately more like my father and didn't get all of my mom's sweetness.
5. talking about your ex all the time at how bad he treated you. okay...here's the deal. he wasn't bad enough to spread your legs for and for you to get pregnant so....it makes you look really stupid and bad decisions.
Please and you men don't do this? That was the one thing I didn't like about dating divorced men is they are extremely bitter. Men hold onto things as much as women do.
6. if not divorced having a child out of wedlock. we all know accidents happen but in this day and age 40% of children are born out of wedlock....way more than before birth control was even invented. if you have a child out of wedlock it may mean you're irresponsible because children need two parents and if it was in a marriage then at least you were trying to do the right thing. Out of wedlock births means...it's all about you. not in every case but again...40% of children born outside of marriage...there can only be so many excuses for that. not worth the risk for figuring out if you had an acceptable reason...you were raped, on antibiotics while taking the pill. there's only a few excuses but it says to a man...you may have just been a slut or just wanted a child and were selfish thinking it's okay for a child to grow up in a broken home to begin with. it's not.
Not EVERY woman wants to get married. I didn't want to get married before I had my daughter and I sure the heck don't want to get married now. A lot of people in Canada and other countries that have common-law unions because they have the same protection as a married couple. My ex and I we weren't using protection for that whole month of trying. We were trying to get pregnant. And I didn't want to marry him. I didn't see the need to waist our money on a marriage. And lets face it most marriages end in divorce.
7. undisciplined children. we may love you but it takes time to love another man's child. it's not automatic like we have to blindly accept another child. make it easier by making sure you're doing your job correctly. if the kid is undisciplined, uncontrollable and is not that man's child he's gonna want to step in and correct it...but he can't. doesn't matter if you think he's your angel, even if a man's own kids were crazy he'd step in and correct it. do not get defensive over your child and think oh he just doesn't like my child. no he's running because your child is a spoiled brat and he knows he can't do anything about it and it will cause him an enormous amount of headaches.
I do believe in discipline not spanking but being stern setting boundaries. And I for one will not allow my child to run wild causing mayhem and destruction. Nor will I be indulging my child with every whim. My daughter will have a curfew. She will treat others with respect. And she will not be wearing any clothes that I do not approve of. When my daughter is in her early teens she will not be wearing makeup unless she gets a job and is buying her own makeup. Women are just as adequate of establishing structure in their homes as men are.
I'm not bashing single moms but you have to realize there are a lot of selfish, irresponsible women (with a 40% out of wedlock birth rate now and a 50% divorce rate) that are ruining it for the good ones.
There are just as many selfish, irresponsible men as women. Men walk away from marriages. Men walk away from their responsibility. Men also make empty promises and care more about a car then their own beautiful newborn baby.
I agree that becoming attached to the child and then having the relationship tank would be heartbreaking for the other person. I have a guy friend that got used by a single mom and once she was done she threw him away. And he was totally destroyed because he went from being a father figure to a young boy to being nothing. That does stink. I honestly don't know what the solution is for that because no adult relationship has guarantees. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:01:22 AM | My kids are well behaved... I'm one of the lucky ones that still have Dad VERY involved and we still get along. As for marriage, did that once. Won't do it again. Its a waste of money for a piece of paper that costs the state 20 cents, but costs me thousands.
My kids are my world, but I do not let them have everything they want. They can have everything they need, no doubt. But they don't need playstations, Wiis, etc. I have a playstation and am planning on getting a Wii, but not for the kids. For my son, its a reward. Honestly, since the start of school, he hasn't been good enough. Yes, he acts up, but he is special needs and is trying to adjust from his preschool where there were 11 kids and 4 or 5 teachers to a kindergarten class that has 22 and only has one aid for him. Its a big adjustment for someone who's been through all that he has. My daughter has a thing about new people or people she hasn't seen in a while. That's normal for a 15 month old though.
Not all single moms raise little heathen brats. I've seen married couples that have heathens for kids... The sword does cut both ways, as you said. Only, you forgot to add in married couples and their heathen kids... | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:05:51 AM | Lost in the Koots... You can get the pleasure with out the man... Don't forget that... There's always BOB... lol... Bein alone is much better... Wait! I'm never alone! I have kids! Even a nice bubble bath is interrupted! lol... My alone time is spent doing homework at 2 am when the kids are in bed. Its part of life and I wouldn't change it for anything.
As for children born out of wedlock showin irresponsibility and poor decision making on the mother, some (like me) prefer it that way. Yes, I've made some REALLY bad decisions in my life, but I wouldn't change any of them. They've made me the person I am today and I'm proud of that person... | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:37:45 AM | I think that it's too easy to sit in a box and be labelled a stereotype by everyone. "she's a single mum so shes easy, hard to get on with, has a bad attitude blah, blah, blah ...."
It's easy to see that all reasonable people have their own ideas and opinions on every subject known to human kind. Often they just don't think about half the arguement!
All people should just be treated as individuals and only judged in each situation accordingly by their actions NOT their circumstance.
Many single parents carry their load for reasons other than mentioned here and know that they have been helpless to change what happened in their life - if a book should not be judged by it's cover then never should a single parent by their 'title'.
For what it's worth: I can see that my reserved nature in exposing my children to a man I may date would be a good thing for him and me. I don't want him or them caught up in my adult life until that time should become right. I don't want emotional attachment as a problem for them any more than I would want it for me if he had children too. The dilema is just something you work at when it arises not totally avoid because it may. I am still going to look for that man who could make me love again because I know I'm worth it and so will he be.
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:46:05 AM | | i have to step in with the little brat thing. do u not think that sometimes a child might play up because they are affected by it all as well? the fact that they dont have a mum/dad in the picture? the fact that u are the only one taking care of them? they can tell when ur stressed or upset and they play on that because its only u doing the disciplining so they push u. and sometimes having someone new in the picture might confuse them, especially when they are young. they dont understand wots happening. they are only used to having u around not someone else. u need to at least give them a chance to get used to u. i think my little boy is an angel, but that doesnt mean i dont discipline him and let him no wen hes being naughty! and yes i have my mums help, but thats because i was 19 wen i got pregnant. i was on the pill but it failed (dont ask me why). i was young and my partner walked out on me wen i was 5 months pregnant, so i was alone. my mum helps me but she doesnt control me, or my child. she just helps wen i need it. and she no's better then to interfere with my relationship. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 7:09:51 AM | Please ladies...a show of hands of anyone who is heartbroken over any of theses men who won't date us?!..................anyone? Hello???? *Crickets chirping*  | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 8:48:07 AM |
Oh yeah, another single mom bashing/stereotyping thread...it has been too long without one on the board.... Indeed!
The arrogance of men who think they have "the answers" when it comes to why so many of *us* are undateable never ceases to amaze me.
Here's a thought. If men like the OP stopped making ignorant and arrogant assumptions around single mothers that almost always stereotype them in the same old cliched ways, maybe these myths and stereotypes would diminish and more men would be open to dating a single mother.
Out of wedlock births means...it's all about you. not in every case but again...40% of children born outside of marriage...there can only be so many excuses for that. not worth the risk for figuring out if you had an acceptable reason...you were raped, on antibiotics while taking the pill. there's only a few excuses but it says to a man...you may have just been a slut or just wanted a child and were selfish thinking it's okay for a child to grow up in a broken home to begin with. it's not. And of course the father of this child had no culpability/responsibility? Plenty of women...shock horror....out of wedlock...have a child knowingly and willingly based on the committed relationship they have with their partner and his purported desire to have a child.
Seriously, bad enough when this sort of stereotypic cliched BS comes from childless people or partnered parents. At least they have an excuse for their ignorance and assumptions.
Instead of spouting this boilerplate stereotypic nonsense, how about you come up with a list of the "reasons why women don't date single fathers"? | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 8:53:45 AM | One of the biggest reasons men don't want to date single moms is the simple fact that many men do not want to raise another man's kid(s)...
Men make a lot of excuses for it and so forth, but in reality it still boils down to raising another mans's DNA... instead of our own... In the wild, many males(for example lions) will kill the offspring of a rival male...
Normally shared DNA plays a role in bonding... with the absence of a DNA bond, then other methods must be used to create that bond. ie shared interests, involvement, activities etc...
Unless the new man forms a bond with those children, he will forever remain on the outside... and will not feel a part of the family unit... this will ultimately cause division of the unit...
To a woman, the child is "her child". To a man a child is "his child". That works fine when the child belongs to both parents. However, to the new man the child is not "his child" it is seen as "her child" or worse "her EX's child"... So he doesn't see the need to want to raise this child... or support it... To make matters worse, many women loudly proclaim that "my kids don't need a father" or "they are not YOUR kids" etc...
This further separates the new man from the children and further decreases his chances of forming an attachment bond with them...
Add to this, the children themselves proclaiming "YOU are not my father" and the new man develops little or no interest in bonding with the children... Trying to form a cohesive family unit when members of that unit are actively trying to divide and separate is a futile excercise... | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 10:10:00 AM | To be honest, you have some very valid points BUT it works both ways.
I'm a single mom, I am 41, my "little princess" is 21 and a senior away at college. Since I became a mom at a young age, it's very hard for me to find a man around my age with grown children.
For most of the reasons you stated above, I will not date a man kids.
I don't want to put up with a man's angry bitter ex-wife that uses her child as a pawn.
If I have an event I want to go to, I don't want to search for a sitter cause "it's your weekend". I don't want to schedule my life around the ex-wife's schedule with junior. Forget about going on vacation cause that too needs to be scheduled around the ex and junior. Most importantly I really don't want to raise someone else's spoiled rotten kids. I would rather stay single.
I'm not saying all are like that, but I sure don't want to waste my time finding out.
I know it sounds greedy, but I think that it's just better to be honest up front about what you're looking for.
Peace out
Ivye | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 10:35:40 AM | ack ....*shudder*
my .02
1. as a single father already or even if a single man (but especially for single fathers) life is pretty tough. we are working are asses off, already supporting children or paying bills and we do not have money to spend on your children. Maybe some to spend on you but not your children. that's the childs father's responsibility. you'll make a man run by expecting him to treat your child as his own.
^^
Likewise babes.... we don't have money to spend on YOUR child either.. maybe you but not YOUR child, that's you and their mother's responsibility.
2. zero time. narcissistic men want all your attention but regular men don't mind sharing your attention because we know you have children but if you've built an unrealistic family setting around your children to where they are you're whole world and they are brats if they don't get all your attention, we still have wants and desires to be with you. that's the way it is in a normal family, children do not run it. if yours do, then they guy will run.
^^
Allow me to point to all the single fathers who have built unrealistic family settings around their bratty children who demand their attention.
As well to all the single fathers who do NOT have their kids 24/7 like us mothers do.. must be nice to have that much free time to give and take personal attention. Oh how we wish.
3. bad ex. men are territorial creatures and most women initiate divorce or the breakup so in most of the cases the guy still is upset and wants you back. he causes problems. bad ex means....we don't want to deal with it.
^^^^
Umm.. let me get this straight... men are territorial .. they want all attention on themselves refuses to spend $$ on her kids but will on their own, gets upset when the woman has enough of this possessive narcissistic trait and she leaves him.. he then causes problems... she is shunned by other men because of this
... do you really feel good now about your own gender now??
There are alot of crazy ****es within my gender but I am NOT going to punish any man because of this.
4. your mother. chances are being a single parent is tough so a lot of women have enlisted the help of their mothers. ......see a perfect little angel when the rest of the world sees...a spoiled over protected brat running around.
^^
I wish I had a dime for every mommy's boy I've met.
And a dime for every single mother with ZERO help (myself included)....
I'd buy you a mail order bride of your dreams just to shut you up
*giggles*
5. talking about your ex all the time at how bad he treated you. okay...here's the deal. he wasn't bad enough to spread your legs for and for you to get pregnant so....it makes you look really stupid and bad decisions.
^^
Again, a dime for every man I've met that bashes their ex... all of them ( i guess they keep repeating their patterns and never learn... eh???!!!!)
and a dime for every man that stuck their****into crazy ****es, impregnating them then cries about paying child support...
ummm, stupid and bad decisions much?
*rolls eyes*
6. if not divorced having a child out of wedlock. .....there can only be so many excuses for that. not worth the risk for figuring out if you had an acceptable reason...you were raped, on antibiotics while taking the pill. there's only a few excuses but it says to a man...you may have just been a slut or just wanted a child and were selfish thinking it's okay for a child to grow up in a broken home to begin with. it's not.
^^
EVERY single man on this earth has a choice whether or not to have sex. Simple as that.
He ***** a woman then calls her a slut.. hello... look into the mirror please and call yourself that too!
How quick men forget this when judging women.
7. undisciplined children. we may love you but it takes time to love another man's child.
^^^
It also takes time to love YOU
you are not god don't act like one.. it's so unattractive
The main difference between men and women single parents is that men generally if they truly love a woman put her as the main focus while taking care of their children's needs. single mothers have a tendancy to put the children always above the man and that is a big problem. in a normal family setting the marriage is first, kids needs are met, and they grow up knowing their place in the family. it's opposite with dating single moms.
^^
Would you like me to point out to the zillions of profiles of single fathers who state something like... "I love my kids they are my whole life and if you don't like it... move on" .... doesn't sound to me like the woman will be the main focus eh?
I know this cuts both ways....some men are like this to. But what are you teaching your children by coddling them and making them the center of the universe...Bottom line is don't fall victim to the above scenarios and them you might get what you want a decent man for long term.
^^
seems to me the main theme of your gripe (yes... gripe!) is that bratty kids made the center of single mothers' lives is a red flag to men.... couldn't you just say this instead of bashing all single mothers with one brush?
sheesh <img src=http://www.plentyoffish.com/smiles/icon_201.gif border=0>
btw.... as for one poster who says men don't want to raise other men's children
ever occur to you it is very, very hard for us to allow any man other than the bio father to raise our children? Really!!
It is a privilege for a man to enter the life of a good woman who is a good mother with good kids. Why else are such women are so picky?!
And they certainly cringe at the thought of dealing with YOUR bratty attention-whoring kids! | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 10:56:13 AM | All this thread does for me is to thank God even more for my step dad, who took on my mom and her six kids ... yea ... I said *six*... and ALL six of us loved him till the day he died and we all miss him very much.
So ladies, they may not make them like my dad anymore, but I have to believe there are better than the ones who only see what they would be sacrificing by being in a relationship with a single mom instead of what they are gaining.
Look for the ones who want a family ... they are out there ... you need to open your eyes.
Just my opinion, of course! Have a nice day! | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 12:32:54 PM |
btw.... as for one poster who says men don't want to raise other men's children
ever occur to you it is very, very hard for us to allow any man other than the bio father to raise our children? Really!!
It is a privilege for a man to enter the life of a good woman who is a good mother with good kids. Why else are such women are so picky?!
And they certainly cringe at the thought of dealing with YOUR bratty attention-whoring kids!
Nice...
However, it doesn't occur to me that is hard for you to allow another man to raise YOUR kids... Why? Because they're not MY kids... What do I care about who raises them?
My "attention-whoring kids" as you put it have not been raised by another person...
My "attention-whoring kids" are young adults... the one is in college... (and no he doesn't have a pregnant girlfriend either....he wants to finish school and get working and get established first) The other, is in a long term relationship with the same guy for many years now... no kids either... because she wants to be financially and emotionally ready before she brings children into the world... She wants to be married and in a house they own first... Guess she's just an "attention-whore" eh? | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 1:38:58 PM | Gee wizzz... I have dated both. Men with kids and without. I have never had a problem with it but, also they have never met my daughter either. So, there has been no bonding with him and her. Which they won't until I know there is a future for him and I. Honestly, I don't know which is better dating men with or without kids. I date who I am interested in. Right, now I am dating a man with a one daughter the same age as mine. Which if it turns into a LTR than the girls will have each other to play with.
Maybe, I am lucky that my daughter's father is in her life and we split the time with her. I have free time to spend with my guy. Not, much drama going on in my life. I just haven't run into a man running from me because of the fact I have a child. We had ended it for other reasons such as... we just weren't compatable enough. He knows before the first date that I have a daughter and they have choosen to date me anyways.
I really don't know the sollution to this... Maybe, everyone just needs to ask more questions before you get involved with someone. I know there are more good single Dads and Moms out there than you think.
JMO | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 1:59:56 PM | | I am single and choose not to get involved with single mothers. Mainly for two reasons, the children resent you being there. The women really has little time to devote to a relationship. I was being nice with her kids and I always get this, I dont have to do this or do that, your not my daddy. The children can get really anoying and act extremely undisaplined. That ends it for me, even if the kids cute at first, its this attatude that kids have about not having thier fathers around. The other thing is the relationship has no "bonus". Relationships are not nessesary, a man or women are a "bonus" in life and need to be respected that way. If the negative aspects outweigh the positives there is no bonus to the relationship. The womens responsability is to the kids, and I dont blame them but this is the life they entered when they chose to have children. Unfortunately it can make for a poor quality relationship with single men. That is why now I date single women or women that have completed thier child rearing responsabilites. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:18:06 PM | I have and will continue to date single mothers. Even after plenty of bad experiences.
Only an asshat is able to forget the good ones and only focus on the bad ones.
I've always been amazed when I see people trying to explain why or defend their reasoning for not doing the same.
I was raised by a very strong and intelligent woman that taught me that RIGHT never needs excuses or defending. Because it's RIGHT.
Besides what the point of threads like this? So what if you don't want to date them. But whats the need to explain or discuss it? Is it an ego thing or an attention thing? | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:05:20 PM | My kids are my world, but I do not let them have everything they want. They can have everything they need, no doubt. But they don't need playstations, Wiis, etc. I have a playstation and am planning on getting a Wii, but not for the kids. For my son, its a reward. Honestly, since the start of school, he hasn't been good enough. Yes, he acts up, but he is special needs and is trying to adjust from his preschool where there were 11 kids and 4 or 5 teachers to a kindergarten class that has 22 and only has one aid for him. Its a big adjustment for someone who's been through all that he has. My daughter has a thing about new people or people she hasn't seen in a while. That's normal for a 15 month old though.
Not all single moms raise little heathen brats. I've seen married couples that have heathens for kids... The sword does cut both ways, as you said. Only, you forgot to add in married couples and their heathen kids...
LOL !! I dont get my kid everything they want, they dont need playstations or wii's--
"I have a playstation and am planning on getting a wii for a reward for my son" LOL!!
"He hasnt been good enough--he is "special needs" aka A BRAT! (most of those ADHD ritalin brats are single mothers kids) "a class of 22 that only has one aid for him--So 1 teacher can control the other 21 kids but your nasty little brat needs a teachers aid there just to control him. NICE! Single mothers children are a burden to society, just think how much resources and money having the aid there just for her kid costs the school system in these hard economic times.
"Its a big adjustment for someone who's been through all that he has" Typical single mother refusing to be accountable for her bratty kids actions and blaming others. Like on the news when a young teenage male murders someone and is being hauled off to jail and the loser's mother is on T.V. crying saying wah wah ma baby didnt do nuffin he's a good boy, it's just that society failed him wahhhh wahh.
"Not all single moms raise little heathen brats."
Statistically the children of single mothers are responsible for 70% of the crime rate.
Most single mothers kids are nasty and the mothers never let thier new boyfriend discipline them so don't bother dating them unless you like dealing with spoiled brats 24/7. | |
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| Why don't men date single mothers...the answer
Posted: 10/15/2009 3:43:12 PM | Hmm...interesting statistics! I'd love to know where you got them from.
Assuming they're correct (which I doubt), then why is that the case? Surely you have to look at why there are so many single mothers. I accept that single parents have a harder job disciplining their children on there own. I accept that all children would be better off and more balanced and stable with two parents. I even accept that some single parents, both men and women do a shockingly bad job.
However, I cannot accept that this is entirely the fault of the 'single mum'. Are you taking the absent father into account? Are you holding him at all responsible? Is his lack of discipline not considered? Was his decision to have a child and walk away from it not damaging to that child? Surely he is accountable too?
You cannot argue a one sided argument. You have to consider both parents. You have a very narrow minded opinion that benefits no-one. | |
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