| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:12:49 PM | | I have noticed that there seems to be a "window of opportunity" when a woman expresses interest in me. If I do not act fast enough, it seems that window seems to close pretty fast. Here is my problem with this. I meet someone and they express interest in me. Instead of taking things slow, it seems like they want an "instant relationship". When I resist a bit or move slower than they would like, it seems their interest drys up as fast as it appeared. Maybe it is something I said about myself that turns them off. At any rate, the romance fizzles out before it gets started. Why is this? This does not seem like a realistic way to get to know someone. I see on women's profiles that they want to take things slow, but there are some women who want to go at lightspeed then change their minds. Anyone care to explain this to me? | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:21:02 PM | Sounds like you attract fickle, capricious people. The kind that fall in love fast and fall out of love as quickly. The fantasy is all this type seeks. The starring role will only fall to you a short time regardless of what you do, say or how you approach.
Then again, how slow is slow?
I could be that their definition of slow and yours is different.
Instead, focus on women who are willing and open to going at the pace that is most natural and comfortable. This isn't a specific time frame as it will vary person to person and by the feelings and chemistry that each inspire. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/26/2009 11:24:53 PM | | You are not alone...this is a common problem for both men and women. From a woman's point of view: men are notorious for being terrified of the "C" word...you know the one....Commitment. Some women on the otherhand ARE looking to jump right into a relationship once a guy shows even the slightest interest. If a man is moving "slow" for this type of woman, suspicion may set in as to how available he is, how "into her" he is, how many other women he is into in, etc. A woman wants to believe she is special to any man she speaks with, that she is the only one he is thinking about....so if you're slow to show how much you want to be with her...she may just look elsewhere. Of course, this may not be the type of woman you are looking for because she is often insecure and desperate. Wait for the woman who will respect and appreciate your willingness to get to know her...it'll be worth the wait! | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:13:01 AM | There is only ONE way to find your way out of a forest -- Start walking.
You don't get into a relationship by slipping in some "window" and suddenly being crowned king. You have to walk in the front door and make a valid offer to woo your mate.
"I was moving too slow", "I was moving too fast", pfft!!! What makes you think you'd have a real relationship with some woman you are quite seriously out of tune with? Are you really trying to convince me that if you waited just ONE MORE date to slow things down, or called ONE HOUR earlier to speed things up, then all would be fine?
C'mon!! You were travelling different directions and crossed paths. It was nice you gave each other the once-over, but hey...it was doomed before it started. Don't fret about those women you are so totally out of sync with!! | |
|
| |
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:31:59 AM | A hypothetical situation:
Man & Woman have 5 or 6 dates. (or 3 or 4, or whatever)
They have sex.
Woman says, "Hey if you're boinkin me, I'd prefer you not boink anybody else."
Man freaks out. He feels pressured and says he isn't ready for such a commitment.
Woman breaks it off.
Woman loses faith in all of humanity, and reads the forums for entertainment.
Gee I feel better. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 8:42:56 AM | Well, OP, are you TALKING to these women about your intentions, wants, needs, desires, etc, or are you thinking whatever you say in your profile is good enough?
No matter what someone says in their profile, there is still a need to actually communicate in real life with this person. Ya know, talk to them about what they want compared to what you want ... tell them how you work, what your "style" is, how you like things to progress, etc. You should probably do this on several occasions, btw, not just once, one the first or second date, but multiple times throughout the beginnings of the relationship. Why? Well, this online thing is funny ... if you don't keep up the constant communication, other people's profiles start to look mighty good ... "Hey, this guy here says he's trying to find his soulmate, while this dope I'm with is draggin' his feet and we've already been seeing each other for TWO WHOLE WEEKS" ... sounds ridiculous, but it's the way it seems to work for a lot of people around here.
You wanna keep someone interested? Talk the talk and walk the walk. Make sure they're ALWAYS aware of where you are and what you want and what you're thinking. Dating has become quite the sport these days. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:15:15 AM | There's taking it slow and then taking it slow. Yes, things can click and all of sudden he/she wants to see more and more of you. But without knowing more, I'm going to guess that while you were taking it slow, it could come across as no longer being interested. There's a fine line in showing enough attention to let her know you're interested.
HR  | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:18:09 AM | You resisting to them sounds like no interest. Women get more mail than men on this site and not all of them are willing to sit and wait for a response. All you have to do is email back and take it as slow as you want afterwards.
What have you got to lose? | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:35:07 AM | It's not clear where in the continuum you're having trouble. Is this mainly at the email stage, or once you've been on a few dates?
Without knowing, I'll agree with the women who are saying your slowness is being interpreted as a lack of genuine interest.
If I perceive a man as being worth the wait, then I don't mind putting my own brakes on to accommodate a slower-moving partner. If I'm not viewing them in that way, then it's easy to move on to the next opportunity. Especially in this genre of dating when there's a queue of potential.
Good luck. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 12:50:52 PM | | Some good comments here. Some of you are confirming what I suspected. For the record, I am not talking about people I have met on POF but people I have met in person. For some reason I attract much more attention in person than I do on here. Must be my lousy pics. Anyways, when I say moving slow, I am not talking about 5 or 6 dates. What I mean is after just meeting someone you start getting emails everyday or pressure to call or see them immediately. I have had women tell me they love me after dating for 2 weeks. I cannot buy this. Granted, this does not always happen to me, but has happened often enough for me to start this thread. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 2:19:31 PM | When women mean slow that means they don't want to hop into the sack on the second date.
When you say dating for two weeks, does that mean you are seeing them every day for two weeks? or just e-mailing for two weeks? From your last post it sounds like you ran into a woman in real life and now you just e-mail her because you are afraid of calling her.
In fact that is a bit too slow and perhaps backwards, if you had met these women in real life initially. That could be misinterpretted as disinterest on your part. There are so many men on here complaining about people online not ever graduating from chatbuddy to phonecalls.
These women met you on the street, and you deliberately made them chatbuddies! In fact they ask you to call them, and you think that is pressuring? You have already met them!!! Yes that is too slow. There is a different expectation with people you have met from real life situations than from those you meet in cyber world.
In their mind the two of you already have some mutual attraction or chemistry, the next logical step is for you to take them out for dinner, movie, or go to the gym together...or whatever the two of you have in common. If you consider them to be a person of interest then you would be calling or texting them of your own volition. It shouldn't feel like they are pressuring you.
I could see the two weeks of e-mailing if it was someone you met on a dating site. But why would they hang around just e-mailing you? They might as well go on a dating site, or pick up another guy on the street who will do all of the above activities with them rather than just send them e-mails. In fact they probably were since you weren't being active about it.
If you didn't call them when they were suggesting it several times, they likely felt that you really weren't that into them afterall.
Just saying. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/27/2009 4:13:30 PM | | If you have a date with someone and it goes well and you both want to see each other again, then the woman is likely to want to keep up contact in between dates. She is obviously interested. When a man is interested, he will do the same thing and there's nothing odd about it. I suspect you experience any sort of follow-up in the gaps between meetings as an infringement on your freedom whereas they see it as building a relationship. Maybe you find the emotional side of relationships too intense and can only cope with contact in small doses. This will mean any romantic prospect will accidentally infringe your rules just by behaving naturally. Maybe there is a control element there too and you want to be the one dictating terms. Are you really interested in these women or just looking for sex? If you only want a casual relationship, you need to say so. Otherwise, I would just relax and get to know them properly. Don't panic if they seem to need more contact than you, expect it. Tell them it's too soon for falling in love but you do want to get to know them. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/28/2009 1:58:31 PM | OP:
Women have the upper-hand on POF because they receive so many more communications than we men do.
What you are experiencing is a "Grass is Always Greener" mentality. The women here are presented with a many options and offers. You are not exactly what they want and/or may be moving a little too slow or quickly for them so they move on to the next poor schmuck who has contacted them.
A woman not participating in on-line dating may be a lttle more flexible and co-operative because she may not have as many options. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/28/2009 3:28:36 PM |
What you are experiencing is a "Grass is Always Greener" mentality. The women here are presented with a many options and offers. You are not exactly what they want and/or may be moving a little too slow or quickly for them so they move on to the next poor schmuck who has contacted them.
A woman not participating in on-line dating may be a lttle more flexible and co-operative because she may not have as many options.
This could all be said about the men on POF (or any online dating website) too. Just change a couple of words. Trust me, this is not gender specific.
Just sayin.....
 | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/28/2009 3:32:12 PM | I haven't read the other posts yet.
From what you wrote, it sounds to me that you're not showing enough interest to maintain women's attention. After all, being with someone who's not into you is a drag, so they're assuming you don't like them and cut you loose.
Maybe their urge to rush into things is making you pull back and seem cold to them. Sounds like you have to adjust your response. Let them know you're interested but want to move things more slowly. Communicate, don't just "resist." | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/28/2009 4:10:16 PM |
Maybe it is something I said about myself that turns them off.
^ Nah ~ some women are ready right NOW despite your direct and best intentions. Relationships will fizzle if there isn't much sizzle (substance). I suspect the ones going at warp speed have a different MO than you (rescue situation) - blah! | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/28/2009 4:23:44 PM | OP wrote
Some good comments here. Some of you are confirming what I suspected. For the record, I am not talking about people I have met on POF but people I have met in person. For some reason I attract much more attention in person than I do on here. Must be my lousy pics. Anyways, when I say moving slow, I am not talking about 5 or 6 dates. What I mean is after just meeting someone you start getting emails everyday or pressure to call or see them immediately. I have had women tell me they love me after dating for 2 weeks. I cannot buy this. Granted, this does not always happen to me, but has happened often enough for me to start this thread.
Seriously, I don't know where you meet these women. When I meet a man offline, I don't exchange e-mails addresses with them - that's like going backwards...it doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Furthermore, if you're coming across women who say they love you after 2 weeks of dating, I'd say change your hang out areas because you're meeting some loons.
On the other hand, yeah, the window of interest is never open forever. If a man 'acts' uninterested, most sane women move on....although from your second post, it doesn't sound like you're meeting sane women, so maybe your story doesn't jive well... | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/28/2009 4:30:12 PM | OP: How slow are you going? I'm not one to jump into a relationship after 1-2 dates, BUT I want to see a genuine interest coming from a man to maintain my interest as well.
Is this occurring during the email/phone calls stage or after you have met/gone on a couple of dates? Makes a world of difference.
EDIT:
Some good comments here. Some of you are confirming what I suspected. For the record, I am not talking about people I have met on POF but people I have met in person. For some reason I attract much more attention in person than I do on here. Must be my lousy pics. Anyways, when I say moving slow, I am not talking about 5 or 6 dates. What I mean is after just meeting someone you start getting emails everyday or pressure to call or see them immediately. I have had women tell me they love me after dating for 2 weeks. I cannot buy this. Granted, this does not always happen to me, but has happened often enough for me to start this thread.
Why would you be exchanging emails with a woman you've met in person? That makes no sense to me what so ever.
If you feel a woman is pressuring you to call: Are you calling her via phone vs. emailing? If you are speaking on phone, then she needs to get a grip/life. Again, as long as you are displaying an interest with your actions, this should not be so complicated.
RE: A woman telling you they love you after 2 weeks- WHOA!!! That's a BLARING red flag. | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/28/2009 4:30:50 PM | Ima go ahead and call BS on the SEVERAL women who have professed love for you after 2 weeks.
I wonder just what they said, versus how you heard it. I wonder if you pick crazies to date. I wonder what YOU are saying to elicit such responses (I notice you don't say what you do, other than run away).
Its a cliche that rings true: YOU are the common denominator in all these scenarios. Why are you trying to figure out what wrong with these WOMEN? | |
|
| When the window of opportunity closes
Posted: 9/28/2009 8:25:28 PM |
If a man 'acts' uninterested, most sane women move on....although from your second post, it doesn't sound like you're meeting sane women, so maybe your story doesn't jive well...[/quote[
I second that, Jewsley. Something doesn't seem right. | |
|
Home
login 
