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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?      Home login  
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 proud_dad
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 1
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Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?Page 1 of 1    
Okay, so i was with her for 3 years before we got married. We married in October and found out Christmas day that we were going to have a baby. Just after my son turned 1 she left and said i was a horrible husband. Turned out she was having an affair which i found out about on My Space. So we started the divorce process and just before we went to finalize she said she screwed up and wanted me back and wanted to keep our family together. For my sons sake i agreed. Well now hes just turned 2 and it happened again with the same guy only this time she said she is so torn because i did everything right and she just wasnt happy. So once again we are going through a divorce only this time i am going to be primary care giver for my son. I just dont understand...why? Any input is much appreciated. Thanks!!
 jimmorrison4
Joined: 3/8/2009
Msg: 2
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:01:31 PM
She's a wh0re. That's why.

The 2nd time was because you let her get away with it.
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 3
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Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:01:47 PM
People don't change, they just convince other people they have changed. Get the divorce, get your son, good riddance. Once might have been a mistake, twice, she's a whore. Sorry to say it, but she is. Best to get rid of her, she isn't going to change. Some women are emotional irrational creatures, with no sense of dignity or honor. Unfortunately she is one of those.

Go find yourself a loving woman who will enjoy being in a relationship, instead of constantly looking for the greener grass on the other side of the fence.

My condolences.
 proud_dad
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 4
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Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:05:11 PM
The Reason: Oh dont worry ill never go back to her. I did it once so that i know i tried for my sons sake.

Thanks for the comment
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:09:37 PM
It's not about you, it's about her. Some people need lots and lots of therapy before they can sustain a relationship. Your soon-to-be-ex is likely to be one of them. Sorry.
 mandanj
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 6
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/27/2009 10:55:44 PM
Because they are not happy (with themselves and otherwise)

Just focus on being the best dad to your little guy and fostering a postive relationship for him and his mom, regardless of your feelings towards her and moving on yourself (though not necessarily rushing into the dating thing)
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 7
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:17:40 PM
Two kinds of cheaters.

One kind is the kind that likes attention from other men and women and don't want to settle down. That attention can turn into sex and sex with different people can be good. Different sex, different faces, different bodies, different personalities, different people who will do different things. People do this kind of cheating for various reasons - because they are insecure and trying to prove themselves, because pu$$y or d1ck is just so readily available that they can't say no, because they have issues and one way to temporarily solve those issues is to be in the arms of another - but not the same person because that can get boring.

These type of cheaters should never get married or they should get married to someone who allows for an open relationship. They can love one person deeply... they just can't commit to monogamy. They will say yes to marriage and try to commit to monogamy for a while but it really won't work and the wife/husband will just wind up feeling used and disappointed. This type of cheater is usually male but you find women in this group. It best to divorce this person or never marry them if you want monogamy. They make good friends tho if you keep yourself from sleeping with them.

The 2nd type of cheater is usually someone that is and has been very monogamous but something is missing in the relationship and probably has been missing for quite a while before they decided to cheat. They may not plan to cheat but someone just happens to come along and offer them whatever it is they were missing in the relationship and although sex is not planned - it can and usually does happen within this mutual attraction. Sex is usually not the primary goal of this relationship - unless the problem in the marriage was sexual. But most times it is someone feeling unloved, misunderstood, lonely, unappreciated, overburdened, emotionally bereft, etc. This type of cheater doesn't cheat with many people, but may have a longer-termed relationship with 1 person. This person usually fulfills the need by talking to married person, giving them a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen too, an easy laugh, and understand mind and heart. They may go places or do things that interest the married person but the spouse doesn't like to do.

This type of cheater loves their spouse very deeply and usually does not want to end a otherwise good marriage. Or even if its not that good - they love the spouse enough to not want to part or get a divorce. The part they are missing they would most likely love to get from their spouse, but for whatever reason can't and depend on the affair to get it. This type of cheater is usually women but a lot of men may fall here - especially if the spouse if sick or suffering a long-term illness.

Your spouse may fall in into the 2nd group of cheaters. And I am saying this because she has cheated with the same person twice. It sounds as if she really does love you and wanted to make the marriage work - but something was missing and when you two recovered your relationship the first time, it was still missing. So she went back to the man she cheated with.

Men (and a lot of women) hate to talk about cheating before one cheats - but they should. I knew what I was missing in my relationship and tried to talk to my husband about it. I even said straight out 'I am not getting what I want and it's causing a desire for me to cheat and get it from someone else. But I love you and don't want to lose you.' His comments to that were ego and macho driven and did nothing to save our relationship.

So the only thing I can tell you is to use this change in your life for insight and understanding. What did she tell you her life was like when was growing up? Some people come to a marriage expecting a spouse to fulfill something they lacked in childhood - like physical love and attention (as in my case). What were her complaints about you or the marriage? What did she want or ask for constantly and felt like she wasn't getting? Did she ever tell you why she cheated? Just some things to ask yourself. Learn from this and it may help you in your next relationship. Just be very aware of the type of women you dealing with and LISTEN TO HER.

HTH.
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 8
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/27/2009 11:23:34 PM
This is 'Ask a GIRL' - because ofcourse men are of no help with it comes to any dam thing dealing with emotions - per the replies to this thread.

It's so easy to classify one as a whore, but like usual you never seem to get or think any deeper than what you see.

You would think that with having two heads instead of one - it actually help you think. But one head has a brain all it's own that is led by sex and it is totally throwing your 2nd head off.

I wonder if eunuchs are better emotionally equipped since their small head has had a lobotomy.
 lovemesomemen
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 9
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 12:00:05 AM
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?


Didn't she tell you that you were a bad husband? She probably would have left before if not for finding out she was preggo. Then she went back because she was scared and things weren't so bueno with the cabana boy. And she did it again because you were willing to forgive and taker her back after time #1. Or maybe post partum(sp?) depression? You said it was a few months after the kid was born.
 renoirs_dream
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 10
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Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 12:01:56 AM
I know ya wanted a woman's advice... But....

In the court system if you can prove infidelity then you will likely win the case. In MY STATE if you take back the person who does wrong under the law. Then they can claim forgiveness and file for divorce again then the prior claim usually is not looked upon unless she/he does the same act again.

There might be something wrong with her mentally. Some people are never happy. They don't understand that grass is grass and who cares how green or brown it may be in other pastures. Let her go, she wants the other guy. Let her lay in the bed that she chooses. Just mind the advice above.

1. People are free to choose. 2. Lack of morality is terrible. 3. Your better off without her. 4. One day you might sleep with someone and catch whatever that person got by sleeping with someone else.

The list goes on why people mess up nice things.

Good Luck man....
 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 11
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 12:12:51 AM

In the court system if you can prove infidelity then you will likely win the case.
I think Illinois is a no-fault divorce state so trying to prove someone's infidelity is not required. If you want one, you can get one and that way you don't have to tear down the other spouse and open up all your dirty business to the court.

But since they have kids, the custody battle is gonna be the hardest if there is one.


Let her go, she wants the other guy.

Not necessarily. He was probably just there to fulfill her unfulfilled need for this marriage. Since this marriage is now over, she may not need him any longer and I wouldn't be surprised if she left him altogether too.

Since he was the person she cheated with - he served whatever need she had but who knows what issues he himself may have - and that she may or may not be aware of. His own issues may too great for her handle if they live together or got married - so it could end just as well or she may never get with him at all. Just depends really....
 honeyangel1985
Joined: 6/25/2009
Msg: 12
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 2:53:20 AM
The same reason why "men" like my father choose to destroy their marriages and families. Cheating is a choice, your wife chose to ruin her family just like my father did. It's called lack of self control, lack of respect for the sanctity of marriage and family, and the cheater is ALWAYS TO BLAME. The cheater has personal issues within themselves. Someday your son is going to ask why you and his mother are not together. Don't cover up for her. Tell him the truth. I was 8 when my father left and I was told the truth about why (cheating) . The truth was never kept from me. Some parents keep the truth from their children to spare them grief, but what would hurt more is if a parent lies and tells the child when they are older what really happened.

OP, your profile indicates your separated aka married. Don't you think you should wait unti your divorced before beginning the search for someone else?

In Canada there is a 12 month separation period before one partner can proceed with divorce. If there is evidence of infidelity that 12 month period is waived. A friend of mine told me about this as her husband cheated and she has evidence of it. The divorce will be finalized much faster due to his cheating ways.

Focus on yourself and your son.
 brad29483
Joined: 3/29/2008
Msg: 13
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 8:17:03 AM
If a girl cheats, let her go, she will only cheat on you over and over if you stay with her.

You may even want to check if your son is really your son, I am betting not.

Read "Sperm Wars" by Robin Baker, it will explain all of this to you.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 14
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 8:26:14 AM
No one on this or any other forum knows why your wife did what she did.

If you really need the answer, she's the only one who can tell you. I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for the truth if I were you.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 15
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:17:22 AM

I wonder if eunuchs are better emotionally equipped since their small head has had a lobotomy


Nappykat...that is AWESOME!!! It reminded me of Bobbit. Think it helped him?
 curiosity_27
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 16
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Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 9:30:50 AM
Don't be a sucker; she's a whore who has no appreciation or respect for marriage and her family. If she was not happy she should have just left you without trying to hurt you as well if she was any kind of decent and caring woman. sorry but that is how I see it.
 smileatjen
Joined: 6/24/2009
Msg: 17
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 10:27:12 AM
You know the key to forgiveness the first time is having the person really prove that they wanted to change and actually do it. Its obvious she didn't change nor want to and took advantage of the opportunity. Unfortunately, there is no easy answer. Just get your life together and who knows what positive things will happen in the future for you.
 Wiyan
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 18
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 12:55:25 PM
Yes what she did was horribly hurtful, but have you asked YOURSELF what is it about YOU that caused you to allow this kind of treatment from someone, ignoring the obvious, saying you were 'doing it for the kid', etc.? I think answering that for yourself is where your pot of gold is, and I don't mean to feel awful @ yourself, but to become wiser for the experience-JMHO
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 19
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 2:00:43 PM
The way I see it you had a wonderful opportunity to be rid of this woman and you blew it. Don't do it again. You can't complete her or make her happy. It's not you. Leave. Take time for yourself and get your own stuff togehter. And foucs on your son. At some point in the future, date with your eyes wide open. Figure out what you want in a woman and don't pursuit anyone that is going to need you to fix or complete her; because no matter what, she will always need that and it will never be enough.
Peace and good luck.
 _central_scrutinizer_
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 20
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 2:20:17 PM
There are no mind readers here. Who the hell knows.

You already know what she is and what she does. What more do you need to know?

 Pleaser1965
Joined: 8/3/2009
Msg: 21
Why would a woman ruin a marriage and break up a family?
Posted: 9/28/2009 2:42:05 PM
WALK AWAY! DO NOT TAKE HER BACK! You want a third strike, hopefully not ...

I don't know her background, so not too many here will hit it on the nail as to why.

There are safer and more grounded women around but don't rush the process.
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