| Im having some problems i need some insite
Posted: 9/28/2009 12:48:30 PM | | Ok, so here it goes. I just got out of the longest relationship ive had, its left me hurt and all of the above in many ways. She left me took my car and hooked up with someone within a month that i hadent seen her, and was already living with someone else.. i think about her everyday, i wake up at least 4 times a night having bad dreams, i feel sick to my stomache when she or anything we did was brought up. I know it was a little bit me, and after she left i fixed thoes things to make my self a better person. She never admited anything was ever her fault i always took the blame for all arguments. but yet i still wish i was with her after all the pain and long roads we went thru, and i dont know why, im doing better off now i guess, even thoe she was really controlling i miss being with her. i guess im doing better for myself, she wanted me to have a job, but she dident want me to work with other woman, or watch certian movies or go certian places. now i have a job i have a new car i have money i dident have before, but everything seems so bla and plain now, my favorite time of the day was waking up next to her and saying goodmorning i love you.. I want to meet someone that likes me but, the way she left me feeling has me crushed. i go out everyday and drive around or go to places where theres people just to try to meet someone, and i never seem to have any luck, most woman i say hi to ignore me and keep walking, i dont know if its a california thing where the girls are cute but have problems talking to guys that they dont think meets there standards, theres no reas0n i should be shot down, at least give me the chance to talk to you start a conversation, they dont know if the outcomes going to be bad they just assume when they could end up meeting a nice person that likes to have fun and do things. i dont know i guess im just looking for some closure, or what i should do, i just hate not wanting to start a new day. thanks | |
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| Im having some problems i need some insite
Posted: 9/28/2009 2:50:14 PM | | dude! welcome to the club...the whole controling thing was just like my relationship...being with her lowered my self esteem...to the point I was looking online and lieing about it...and I'm a terrible lier...yeah, It was my fault too...and yes, she never took any of the blame....welcome to doormat land....and i feel the same way, waking up in the middle of the night, going out alone only to be in a room full of people alone...I'm just trying to get my head back together and not trying to really meet anyone, the last thing i need right now is rejection...and yes, inside of a month she had a new man too...and that just makes you wonder even more....so don't be all down...I know its hard because I'm down myself...I find myself compareing women to her...and they all don't match up...what to do...well, the old saying (and i hate old sayings) "life goes on" and it does...ya just have to ride it out...work on yourself...I am....and hope for the best, and don't rush...remember, if she fell for another guy so fast, she never really cared that much about you to begin with...and you can't miss someone who never cared about you | |
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| Im having some problems i need some insite
Posted: 9/28/2009 2:57:22 PM | Im going to be honest with you here-
No one who is getting out of a relationship hooks up with someone within
a month and starts living with him - he was around for a while and she was probably
planning this - making it look like you had some "issues" she could not deal with .
Okay I got that off my chest.
Honestly - she is the c word.
Until YOU see this are you going to continue to have sleepless nights and wonder
why you were not GOOD ENOUGH-
guess what- YOU are. She isnt. She is not good enough. She decided to opt
out of your relationship because She DID NOT want to honor the promises of
making a relationship work. YOU fixed yourelf - not good enough - you
know why? Because she did not want to be in this relationship without her
rules and her control- once you molded to what she wanted - well she needed
to find someone else to mold. NEVER EVER change for someone else.
Stop blaming yourself - YOU did nothing. This is not about you but about her.
Now - NO CONTACT WITH HER.
NONE - zero, ziltch.
Closure comes with YOU - YOU give yourself closure with no contact.
Heal and get better for someone who deserves a man with character, integrity
and honor.
She is a liar and a cheat and your not seeing that yet but you will. | |
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| Im having some problems i need some insite
Posted: 9/28/2009 4:32:04 PM | Dont worry man you will find someone who will make you happy again. I ve cheated on also and dumped. I know it hurta and y ou will ge it over with it. Love can make you stupid.
Its a good thing that you realize she was a controlling cheating abusive c unt.
Get over it, your a good looking young man. You got money, you got a nice car anda job. Just find a girl whos all about you, not about your money. Life has just started for people our age | |
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| Im having some problems i need some insite
Posted: 9/28/2009 6:46:37 PM | I’ve found some really good tips on how to deal with the pain of ending a relationship and how get over someone on these forums. I decided to start writing them down because the subject of “what do I do?” comes up so frequently on these forums and there is some really sage advice thrown about various forum posts that I've read. I hope you find them to be helpful.
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Seek closure. Do what it takes to get the influence out of your life. Take down any pictures, de-friend them on Facebook, delete old emails/txts – do as much as you practically can to remove things from your life that remind you of the situation. If there are any outstanding things between you, bring them to a close so you can start healing. If you lived together and you're still living in the place where you were together, I found that moving really helps. Oh, and don’t keep going back there! It’s so easy to get caught up in tormenting death throes in the end of a relationship and these really aren’t helpful to your well being.
Don’t get involved with someone else right away. I have rarely seen a rebound relationship actually work out and if you’re messed up, you don’t have much to offer another person and you will likely just cause more pain. You need to learn (or re-learn) how to stand on your own two feet, fulfill your own needs and regain stability in your life.
Hang out with your friends and try to make new friends. This is a great way to keep yourself entertained and your mind off the situation. If you’re in a new place, and don’t have many friends, get out and do things that bring you around people!
Rediscover or establish some hobbies, particularly ones that you can do day or night. Doing something constructive in your life is very beneficial and gives you a sense of accomplishment. Interests can keep your mind off the situation and also gives you something that you can share with others.
Get plenty of sleep. If you’re having trouble sleeping, get up earlier so you’re more tired at night. Don’t watch late night TV or do things late at night that will keep your mind going. Find a way to relax and when you lie in bed, try to focus on nothing (or blackness) so that you can calm your mind.
Get some exercise. Take walks around your house or around town. Go hiking, biking or something that you enjoy and will get your heart rate going. You’ll feel better about yourself and it can stem depression. Escaping into nature, even if it’s just a park, can give you downtime where you can reflect and also can give you a sense of being happy just to be alive.
Eat right. When we eat garbage, it makes us feel like garbage. Processed foods are proven not to be the best for our bodies – you will feel better if you are well nourished and eat in a healthy way. Learn to cook decently, if you have to.
If you’re artistic, express that creativity and dive into whatever it is that you do. Put those feelings into your creativity and get them out of your system.
Write! I have found writing to be very therapeutic and beneficial to gaining clarity in emotionally charged situations. Plus, it’s a kick in the pants to go back years later and remember how you were feeling, absent of all the torment. If you’re not a writer, figure out some other way to express your feelings in a similar way…even if it’s just writing down scattered thoughts or maybe even drawing out your feelings.
Get involved. Whether it’s a church, a non-profit, a cause or anything else that peaks your fancy, getting involved with things can give you a sense of self-worth and also will introduce you to other people who might turn out to be your friends.
Change up your life! If we constantly run in the same circles, go to the same places and do the same things, we can expect similar results. If it’s a new restaurant, planning a trip to a place you’ve never been, trying a new grocery store or anything that’s not what you “typically” do, just break that creature of habit in you and seek something different. It might surprise you.
Get a pet, especially a cat. It’s proven that pets make people happier and they provide endless entertainment. Cats will always love you and need less care than most animals. All they want to do is eat, sleep and curl up on you when they’re in the mood for it.
Watch your alcohol (or drug) intake. These things are counter productive, even though it sometimes seems that that they numb us to the pain. The truth is that pain is our heart’s way of processing a situation and the more we run away from it, the more we’ll repress things and have emotional chasms that we have to deal with down the road.
Dig into your faith in God. Some people aren’t geared this way, and that’s fine…but if you’re a believer, having faith and building up your relationship with God can do wonders for your emotional health. There’s also a particularly good book that can help you sort out your life called, “The Principle of the Path” (by Andy Stanley) who offers very practical life advice to the spiritually oriented person.
Make your bedroom a sanctuary! Have comfortable sheets, good pillows and if need be, go out and buy a nice & comfy layer to cover your uncomfortable bed. Have a stereo available that you can play some chill music on and have some decorations that make it comfortable for you. Make it a place that you can escape to. It will help you sleep better and you’ll look forward to going there (alone) each night.
Watch a romantic comedy! If you’re a dude and you don’t go there, go there anyway! Sometimes just having the influence of a funny “happily ever after” (even if it’s Hollywood) is enough to bring a smile to our face and give us hope that the next thing might work out. Just make sure you don’t build your whole reality around them and loose all your good senses.
When you get home from work or wherever, get out of your clothes and into something that you’re really comfortable in. I just learned this one and it WORKS! It feels so good to be intent on getting out of our worldly clothing and into something that helps us relax.
Give yourself time. Time and distance are the ONLY things that will help you heal. There is no magic solution, there is no instant cure and all we can do are things that will help us FEEL better about ourselves and life we lead. When we feel good about ourselves and find confidence in who we are, we are more attractive to others and have much more to offer. Luck is when preparedness meets opportunity, and if we take care of ourselves, we will be prepared when the next opportunity comes about...and luck just might strike. | |
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| Im having some problems i need some insite
Posted: 9/29/2009 10:10:43 AM |
She left me took my car and hooked up with someone within a month that i hadent seen her, and was already living with someone else..
I can forgive a lot of things but car theft is not one of them. Dude, get your car back.
As for this girl, forget her. She will cause you nothing but pain. | |
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| Im having some problems i need some insite
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:49:09 PM | | I'm sure a lot of people have felt alone in a room full of people at one time or another. I know I have. It takes time to get over someone, and unfortunately life does go on[trying to be funny here], but it's good you are going out and trying to meet others. You could be giving off a vibe that says, don't approach me, maybe try smiling at people for a small start, it may open a door. Good Luck. | |
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| Im having some problems i need some insite
Posted: 9/29/2009 8:49:23 PM | Revcomsla, that was THE BEST list of advice I have ever read for break ups. I agree 100% on each point. That was some really good advice. I wish someone had given me that list when I was going through my pain. Good stuff really.
OP, I recommend watching "Yes Man" with Jim Carrey if you haven't already seen it. It is funny and describes a guy who is in pain and depressed and takes you through various funny situations that ends on a positive note. He finds his own voice. Watch the movie, you will feel encouraged by it.
And know that you are not alone. Everybody goes through this. Sometimes multiple times in your life. The first time is the worst. Know that I shed a tear for you reading your story, but also know that you are young and cute and you are SO going to find somebody. I just hope you don't go too fast. Really just try to be friends with girls and take it SLOW.
You'll be ok. I promise. ;) | |
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