| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:15:49 AM | I didn't know where else to post this, but I could really use some input...
A little background:
I have a group of 3 friends that I've known since, well, birth. We grew up together and were inseperable until one by one they each got married. I, being the only single one, don't really see them too much anymore. I miss them terribly.
Two weeks ago I came across some older pictures from about 10 years ago; group photos of us taken at weddings, christenings, holiday parties and a few taken at our old ski house in Vermont. Each of us looked good (no weird faces). No one in the photos were shown smoking/drinking/partying, etc. All of us were all smiley and young (lol). I decided to post them up on Facebook and share them with the group - for old times sake.
Now they are all mad at me. I apologized to them and promised to never do it again. They are still not happy with me.
I have to go to a party this weekend and all of them will be there. I'm not sure if I should even go or what to say to them at this point. I really didn't think it was a big deal.
I should also mention that we are all in our 30's.
Any advice as to handle this? | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:37:16 AM | I think you should go, and ask them. Make it it clear that you have since asked others why such reactions, and now may understand other's viewpoints, but because no one can read minds, ask-"out with it ladies...what gives?"
Likely there are several reasons ranging from, "ask me first" to privacy issues.
I dunno- maybe marriage has turned them all into c*nts. Good luck on this. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:39:20 AM |
I dunno- maybe marriage has turned them all into c*nts..
LOL - I hope not, although sometimes it seems that way. They're all suburban moms now...far from the carefree girls they were 11 years ago... | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:45:03 AM | That's a new one. I'm new to Facebook - although the friend who nagged me into joining says she frequently gets into wars of words with one of her fb friends over politically charged topics she posts. My friend is liberal, her fb friend is conservative. But the picture issue, that would stump me. If someone had a decent pic of me, I'd be thrilled! (They are rare indeed - being the world's most unphotogenic woman, a title inherited from my mother upon her passing. Thanks, mom.)
Have any of them explained why they were so incensed? | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 6:49:18 AM |
Have any of them explained why they were so incensed? .
I was told that they felt those pictures were private - nobody's business.
My feelings were obviously hurt - especially because one of them was at my son's Christening 13 years ago - my good friend was holding my son in his little christening outfit standing in front of the church...she looked so pretty.
I just don't get it...but,yeah, I took all the pics down from facebook. The originals are back in the shoebox I found them in and put back in my closet where I guess they'll stay since I'm not supposed to show them to anyone (?).... | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 7:49:09 AM | \\I'm not sure if I should even go \\
I'll be your chaperone along with my 14oz boxing gloves ...
Any crap, i'll sort it  | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 7:52:33 AM | | Why would you put up 10 year old pictures in the first place? you should never post pics of other people for public viewing without telling them, common sense.. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 7:55:01 AM | OP it sounds like kind of a collective overreaction on their part(s). They do realize you can privatize those photos on FB, to where nobody can see them but you and your friends, and sometimes you can even make it to where all your friends can't even see them. But even bearing that in mind, what's so bad about these pics?? Do they look significantly different , in a bad kind of way, or ?? It's not like you posted sexual-type pics of all of them from a girls gone wild party or something like that (no, those you should just send to me  ), but seriously I mean....what's the big deal?? I would bring this up with them and just be frank and open about it. Have it out with them if you have to but I'd try not to lose any long-time real-life friends over FB. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:07:32 AM |
what's so bad about these pics??
I honestly have no idea. I thought everyone looked really cute.
Maybe they were mad because I'm not good friends with them anymore? Maybe they don't look fondly on those days as I do?
Although I apologized, I still don't see what the big deal was. I know they are going to confront me again at this party on Sunday... | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:41:45 AM | Well, they're YOUR pictures.
Just untag their names and ignore their "hurt".
What a silly thing to get upset about.
Do what I do--post a picture of your finger and tag them there. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:45:24 AM | How dreadfully insensitive of you to post some nostalgic photo's of you and your once carefree, slim girlfriends. They'll get over it. Honestly, sounds more like two camps, the single vs married "friends"...
The only sin you've commited here is posting some photo's of days gone by that you mistakenly thought would be fun to share. Apparently your friends have lost their ability to recall the good ol' days and took offense.
Take them off facebook. Respect their reaction, which is what it is.
Go see them and have a really good look at them and their lifestyles...if nothing else you can feel a twinge of satisfaction that you can understand where they're coming from, and were able to validate their silliness.
Friends sometimes grow apart over time...there are seasons for some friendships...
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 8:50:07 AM | | friends getting married is friendship divorce- if not, then it's definitely friendship divorce if they have kids and you don't fawn over their children. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 9:27:37 AM |
How dreadfully insensitive of you to post some nostalgic photo's of you and your once carefree, slim girlfriends. ...
LOL - my thoughts exactly.
posting some photo's of days gone by that you mistakenly thought would be fun to share.
Funny you should say that...because that's excatly what I told them.
I took a walk down memory lane, obviously they wanted to get off at the first exit. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 10:09:38 AM | IMO when they took the original group pictures, they gave up rights to who sees them, especially within the group. If you tag friends on FB, they are free to untag themselves - and they should if it's that big a deal.
I could see if you posted a pic of one of them doing something they shouldn't be, but a group of friends in one pic doesn't really belong to anyone in the sense of wanting privacy. If they did, they would have never wanted it taken in the first place. They should have ducked or declined and walked out of the frame.
If I get tagged and don't like a pic of myself then I untag or e-mail and explain - but I don't get bent out of shape and cut people out of my life over it. And trust me, I don't like many of my pics at all.
Maybe they've let themselves go or made bad choices and those pics are too painful to remember without regretting a lot of stuff? *shrug*
I like Cassa's idea. Take a pic of a certain finger and tag them on THAT. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 10:23:56 AM |
IMO when they took the original group pictures, they gave up rights to who sees them
yeah - to me, it was no different then showing someone my photo album. Am I not supposed to show people my photo album either? lol - I have no idea so I just put the pictures in the back of the closet where I found them.
I look back to 1998 and think "wow - good times, good times" but I guess they don't... | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 11:02:59 AM | A couple of weeks ago my Ex-wife was talking about friends of hers on FB and someone posted something that then turned into one of those Jr. High girlfights with grown women picking up sides, snarking back and forth on FB, and the cellular service towers were crackling with calls among the members of each camp with "Oh my God! I like soooo can't believe she said that!". (Most are 40+ and some 50+).
What happened is that your perspective matured since those days because you've been living in the world. When they got married, had children, joined PTA, and spend their time at soccer games they've stayed in that bubble of adolescence and protected from the world outside the bubble.
Now if their privacy is of concern to them, that's understandable. But an apology and taking the pics down should be enough. However drama doesn't escape "the bubble" so accepting your apology and keeping a perspective doesn't come easy when drama is the way of life.
Go to the party. Offer another apology and explanation how the nostalgia overtook you and you posted without thinking. Smile, be friendly, and be non-confrontational accepting all the responsibility. Seeing you and spending time around you while you are being positive may help them let it go and you might have the chance to reconnect on some levels with them. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 11:14:12 AM |
When they got married, had children, joined PTA, and spend their time at soccer games they've stayed in that bubble .
Yeah - I see your point. They really got 'meaner' when they got married and started families. Think the grown up version of "Mean Girls"...I'm the odd woman out because I chose a different path in life. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 11:38:50 AM | That does happen Tracy.
When I described a situation where they don't have to mature, you are an outsider to whom they don't relate because your life doesn't include their day-to-day rituals. I have heard that married women can be instinctively threatened by their single friends.
Just be that woman that saw those photos and got caught up in the nostalgia and I think that kind of attitude will win out. Those friends do still exist, they just forgot. At the party, through you they might experience some flashes of recollection.
I had a best friend growing up that moved away and we got into this "He doesn't call me so I won't call him" thing for 12 years. His niece got married last year and he travelled back to the wedding. I went to the wedding very nervous that the animosity would persist. When we saw each other, it all washed away and we reconnected as best friends again. Dang, I need to call that guy!
Not saying it would be that way for you, but it's a chance worth taking IMHO. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 12:20:07 PM |
I look back to 1998 and think "wow - good times, good times" but I guess they don't...
Maybe a mixture of that ^^^ and you guys just not being close anymore in general. For me personally, if that happened (and I wasn't close to the people anymore anyway), I'd just delete and/or "block" them on there . And I'd probably not even show up at that party, but that's just me. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 1:08:21 PM | With all the crap about facebook going on, why would ANYONE post pictures up without getting permission from the people IN the photos?
But...it seems a bit "high-school" to me. They are all adults, supposedly, but seem to have the attitude of children. If the mistake has been rectified, then there is NO reason for any further anger or angst.
If they can't handle that, then maybe they aren't such good friends to keep. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 1:48:31 PM | To be fair, you should really have asked their permission (yes, everyone who was in the group photos) if you could put it up on a PUBLIC album- one where everyone on your FB list can see. And lets face it, the term "friends" is rather misleading, as most people add people whom they aren't really friends with, so to these girls, those people would seem like strangers. I think when it comes to group photos, you should never assume that they've given permission just because they're in the photo. Same with couple photos. Its only polite and common sense to ask before displaying photos to the public.
And then you get those who like their privacy, and keep their personal lives PERSONAL and private lol..
I personally would be real pissed if someone put up photos of me without asking first. Obviously I'd say yes go ahead, but I'd like to know beforehand.
On the other hand though, since you've appologised and taken the photos down, I don't see why they're still uptight about the issue. Yeah you made a mistake but you've rectified it, and they STILL refuse to cooperate. What kind of friends are they really? | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 2:13:33 PM | | some people are way too sensitive. if they don't look GOOD, they don't want the pic up there! VAIN, and that's THEIR problem! | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 2:52:00 PM | | You definitely should go. It's the best way to patch things up. If you don't go, you're missing an opportunity. People grow apart - and sometimes back together. What you have is precious and you'll want to hold onto it. You can work this out best - if you're face-to-face. Just my opinion. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:15:08 PM | How would you like if people passed your pic around on the internet without your permission or even telling you. A friend asked me for a pic so I sent it to him. He decided to send to whoever asked without even asking me. I wasn't angry but I surely wouldn't do it again. There is a few web sites with pic of me but without my permission. Do you get it now? People can steal these pics!
What if a guy wanted to use some of the pics for advertising or something? Besides on facebook those pics you upload stays on the server it never gets actually deleted. I do rarely use facebook. I don't use my real name or do I post pics of myself or anyone else. It is because facebook can't be trusted. | |
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| Facebook Fights?
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:38:18 PM | Their reactions are very "high school" ish. It's sad to imagine grown adults getting thier panties all in bunches over a couple great, nostalgic pictures of them having fun in thier younger days.
If I was you, I'd go to the party, I'd dress up really good and I'd have alot of fun! Who cares what they think. And who knows, they may come to you and say how bad they feel about getting angry and you all may have a great time together? Stranger things have happened.
Whatever you do, don't apologise to them again. | |
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