| heavy heart
Posted: 10/1/2009 6:40:56 AM | my story - met a girl in feb, and since then we had been texting/emailing every day. In May we met up again and started being bf and gf, and it was pretty full on from the start. id go stay with her at weekends and she would stay with me during the week, this went on for 3 months,.. she even suggested i move in with her! anyways long story short, i was over at hers a few weeks ago and she ended it on the sunday night, said she never really had strong feelings for me, even though she said she did - she said it coz she thought it was the right thing to say, not coz its how she felt if that makes sense. im devastated, i had never felt like this about any girl before even though i had been with others for longer. id even go as far as saying i love her, but i know she doesnt have feelings for me.
im just looking for advice on how to move on... crying myself to sleep these days. i still talk to her online but not sure if its a good idea, feels great at the time we are chatting then im sad again. sigh.
any words of wisdom would be appreciated. thanks. any questions - let me know... | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/1/2009 7:19:49 AM | Sounds like you just need some time to get over her hun ... I think you should take a little time and not even talk to her until you can do it without all the tears or saddness ...
You will find someone ...
Wish you the best ...
AnglFlyn | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:12:32 AM | It sucks, and it sucks big time. But think of it this way; if she really wanted to be with you, she would have stayed. If she didn't, you couldn't keep her even if you caged her. Here's a BIG HUGE cliche: "In time, you will come to realize that the love and care you provide should go to some who DESERVES it!!!"
This may help in the meanwhile...
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/3343/five_easy_steps_to_falling_out_of_love.html?cat=41
Best of luck,
-T | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/1/2009 8:41:17 AM | | smoke a dube, drink a little, listen to old country "she broke my heart songs" and sit around awhile...gee, I read where people who have only been together a few weeks/months are feeling like crap...mine was almost two years...guess the heart hurts just as much no matter how long it is...WAIT! i feel an old country song commin on..... | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:54:39 PM | You will be sad if you talk to her or not talk to her so give yourself a couple weeks away from her with no communication so you can start to heal and feel better.
Try to get out there and be around some other girls too. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:28:10 AM | Go out and buy a new dress that makes you feel hot and sexy. oh...wait...wrong gender.
Try the unsent letter technique. Write her a letter expressing your love, hurt and anger.
Write as much as you can...usually your own internal wisdom will kick in after a bit and you'll find some consoling thoughts like, "If I'm not right for her, how could she be right for me?"
A glass of wine at night to help quiet the circular thoughts, and during the day I try to think about how great the NEXT one will be.
Maybe difficult from where you are emotionally, but look at your relationship history...haven't you always found someone better suited?
Warm wishes
javascript:smilie(' ') | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:04:47 AM | Thanks everyone for your kind words, and advice... just miss her loads and still sad, but yeah i know time heals. i just dont understand why she said stuff to me when she didnt really mean it. :( i hate being this sensitive, but hope i find someone one day who will be right for me...
the words of the bob dylan / jonny cash song - it aint me babe played on the radio today and i imagined her singing that to me.
i might try the unsent letter thing - good idea, altho id be worried that i would send it to her in email but im willing to try it!!! thanks - i just hate feeling so empty and sad all the time | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:44:18 AM |
i just dont understand why she said stuff to me when she didnt really mean it.
THAT'S the stuff that eats you alive, isn't it?
There's the possibility that clarity will come with some time. Check this out:
My last BF did some similar things...prematurely referring to the future: "Think about how you want the yard landscaped," and "Put your money away, it's all going to come from the same place eventually."
His words sounded great at the time, but there was a part of me that knew they were being spoken too soon.
We broke up when he explained how he'd looked into the future and things were, well, just "OK."
Two diametrically opposed sentiments being expressed by the same person. That's a recipe for confusion and frustration.
Over time I was able to look back and see his error: he'd filled in the missing information about me with his own fantasy. As reality began to replace his fantasy, he realized I wasn't the one with whom he wanted to relandscape.
Believe it or not, we're friends now. He's with a gal better suited to him, I'm dating a great guy better suited to me.
Spend time with your friends and family...people who adore you. They will help (a little) with that raw, empty feeling. You'll still feel sad, but you'll be in good company! | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 3:28:27 AM | I understand what you are saying. i still keep thinking of her too much - how do i stop that? like now i am wondering what she is up to today and i also wonder if she will ever miss me...
i dont have family around me - they live on otherside of the world unfortunatly. dont have many friends who live near me either. im off to stay with a couple for a few days from tomorow so that will be good.
ahhh just want to stop feeling like this :( but thanks to you all who are leaving kind messages. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:12:16 AM | Ps21aj, Do yourself a favor, delete her from your life, NO CONTACT for a minimum of 90 days, no emails, no texting, msn, facebook,my-space, your-space, no space what ever.
What you're doing is torturing yourself, to get over this pain you first have identify the problem, in this case you're still talking to her, you have to cease talking to her, how can get over someone when you're still in communication and secretly hoping she will change her mind and take you back with open arms.
You cannot be friends with someone especially when you see them or talk to them you desire them even more.
You're dreaming in technicolour son, find some hobbies, do some volunteer work, Back in the day I was once in your shoes but I had enough sense to keep my mind occupied, I would volunteer at the the children's variety village for disabled children and one thing I enjoyed being there was seeing the smiling faces of these precious children , some with missing limbs, or disabled but one thing they had in common was they were all smiles, and it makes you forget about problems in your life.
Maybe you should try that. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 2:56:24 PM | | Think of it this way, not only doesn't she love you, she's a conniving liar. Is she really somebody worth any emotion from you at all? Doesn't sound like it. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 3:25:57 PM | This:
but yeah i know time heals...
Time doesn't heal a damn thing. Instead it's what you do with time that heals.
You will survive this! | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:35:16 PM | | OP, sorry but this is self infliction. Learn to control your emotions in the future. It’s always rosy at first until it ends. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:18:00 PM | yeah thanks everyone... i read everbodies replies with interest and take everything on board - anything to help.
im finding keeping busy helps - its when im bored or at night before i sleep that i find tough. or when i go to a restaurant/place we spent time together, get a sad empty feeling at those times.
but thanks again to you all | |
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katd40
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Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 15 | |
| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:40:56 PM | My last boyfriend explained to me that he told all of his wives and lovers what he thought they wanted to hear to avoid a fight. He lied to me all the time. Maybe your ex-gf didn't want to hurt your feelings.
I understand how you feel. After I dumped my ex-boyfriend I cried so hard no sound would come out. But I had to get rid of all of that hurt of betrayal and anger so I could start to heal.
Process your emotions, and don't jump right into anything for a while. I know it's hard, but it will get better. I promise. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:24:36 PM | I went through a break-up recently with someone who lied to me about his feelings. I went to a counselor who suggested that I listen to audio books while I commute to help. After explaining the situation, she recommended "The Break-up Bible" (VERY HELPFUL with a step by step process on the last tape to progress and move forward) I also listened to one called "co-dependent no more" Apparently people who lie about their feelings do so to try to control other people. Anyway, it really helped me.
I know how hard it can be when you start a new relationship and feel that incredible connection like you have never felt before. You have all these high hopes and expectations. All sorts of visions and fantasies of future go through your mind and to have that person break your heart before you even got to do any of that can definitely make for a more devastating broekn heart than even a relationship that went on for several years. This was confirmed by that Break-up Bible author Daphne Rose Kingma. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/3/2009 7:17:36 AM | | You have to forget her and move on. She doesnt care for because she lead you on, she used poor judgement making statements which she didn't mean. People are accountable for thier actions. Find someone who can be truthful and honest, after all what do women want from men, the biggest on thier list is honesty, expect nothing less than what they expect. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:43:12 PM | | I would recommend not talking or emailing her..only keeps those wounds open longer. I am going through asimilar situation..only mine told me he loved me and found out he was cheating on me!! take some time to spend on yourself and do things with family and friends..time will heal the wounds!! | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:27:39 AM | Well i think the worst part and what makes you so upset is the rejection part!because thats how i feel!when i talk to that person it feels gr8 an then that horrible feelin comes back.Andi tink it would be easier if we were both in there shoes because they arnt the ones being rejected atleast they know we wanted them!!well im in the same position as you and its a horrible position to be in!! hope you feel better!(and me to haha) | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:26:50 PM | | i know what you mean im going though same thing i was in relationship 2yrs i was told everyday i love you never wont you leave but i was put out been two months i still hurt i belive him i dont think you ever get over been done that way makes you not trust noone else.but you know i kinda like the unsent letter thing maybe that stop some pain.dont always believe what your love one says sometimes they just words you wont hear | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/6/2009 12:04:57 AM | how do people learn to trust again?
I feel i have lost not only a gf but a friend, as i shared things with her i dont tell anyone else... arghhh | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/7/2009 2:57:54 PM | If you're a person of integrity you will find a person of integrity you look for common characteristics that mirrors yours. Like attracts Like just as misery loves company with a case of beer and ketchup chips.
This person isnt your friend, friends dont f*ck each other like that , the sooner you realize that, the faster you find a quality person. | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:03:09 PM | | I am kinda going through the same thing. You really need to cut her off. You are just feeding her ego and she loves that. Try to keep yourself busy. I know its hard but I promise it will get better, it just sucks now! Good luck!! | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/7/2009 6:08:43 PM | | Hang this Confucius saying from Nietzsche on your fridge: "That which does not kill me makes me stronger." | |
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| heavy heart
Posted: 10/12/2009 4:31:43 AM | i go from being perfectly ok, to then moments of sadness where im almost crying. i guess i saw her as a friend too so feel that i have lost not only a gf, but a friend.... but like some of you have suggested, perhaps i shouldnt be a friend with someone who messes around my feelings.
time is healing... | |
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