| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:41:14 AM | I have a question mainly for the women out there.
I am a single father, who has his 2 girls on a part time basis that pays his Child Support always on time without FRO's involvement. I have dated a couple of women since my separation over 2 and a half years ago and we had gotten serious and planned to move in together. Now under the old regime of thinking, the male was supposed to be the provider which in my old relationship was the way of the world. I made more than she did. But now I still make the same, we are not together and I pay support which lessens my income. I would never not pay my support as I love my children too much, but my question to everyone out there is this, and I would say its directed more to the ladies.
Would you get serious with a guy that is not your income equal?? Because of the child support. But remember this as well.
1. Would you date the person if he didnt pay child support? Probably not.
2. Would income make you care less about the man?
Just curious about what people have to say about that.
Shawn | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:48:28 AM | | I would care less about income. As long as he can support himself after all his responsibilities are taken care of. But most important is how he treats me....all the rest is life! | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:52:06 AM | Now think about this.....
Would you feel the same if he asked you to move in with him knowing that he is not your equal as far as income in the relationship??
Just curious.. | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/1/2009 11:35:44 AM | I’m a strong believer in family, and as such, the financial responsibilities that this entails. I believe there are a lot of things in life that can be compromised on, but not being a parent. This is a life-long commitment by both the mother and the father from where I stand. Child support and actually spending time with the child/ren are deal breakers if the man shirks his responsibilities and his rights.
As for the income not being equal… I don’t know any couple that earns the same amount of money as each other, so that point is moot. Whether I bring home a couple of dollars more or less than the man is irrelevant to the relationship progressing… more important is how he handles the money he does have remaining at the end of the week. | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/1/2009 12:52:08 PM | | There was a girlfriend of mine a very long time ago whose parents were wealthy and she kept wanting to buy gifts and it made me feel very uncomfortable because I had been struggling to get by working two jobs during my teenage years... one which was flipping burgers... and the other... even though I made a little over $20 an hour... I could only be schedualed 3 hours a day when the weather permits, so I couldn't really afford whatever she wanted. Not to get too much into details, but after her offer of $3,000 to spend the majority of our time together... I just couldn't accept it because I always wanted to prove myself worthy of her altogether as a very successful 3D Graphic Animator and Song Writer by which it was thought to be "ingenious" from what she read... but broke up with me in saying if I could just swallow my pride, we'd do perfectly fine... meanwhile... I figured she would understand my stance soon enough. Anyhow... she was right because I absolutely love her in every way... so don't let such a factor get in the way of what might be a lifelong relationship. | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/1/2009 1:12:05 PM | So just that I understand what you are saying.....
Swallow the pride thing, and as long as she is acceptable and knowledgeable of the situation , let the pieces fall where they may as I may miss out on a good thing....Is that about it?? | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/1/2009 2:05:02 PM | | Yep, that's what she said to me. Knowing who loves you the way you are is what truly matters as that person can look past or even make the effort to remedy what you feel very uncomfortable about and that is great in itself. | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:34:41 PM | As long as they can still support themselves independently while paying their child support it wouldnt matter to me. I support myself and my child, I cant expect someone else to not do the same.
As for moving in with that person. Child support is based off that parents income, not that parent and the person theyre living withs income, so it wouldnt really affect our life together since the amount of income coming into it would be the same as before moving in together. | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:44:04 PM | well you see it would..although lets say my partners income isnt taken into consideration and thats true....that only mine is...what i am asking is that the fact that I would be paying child support and making less money than my partner hinder your decision to move in with that person.....so would you still move in with that person knowing that they will contribute less than you essentially.
Shawn | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/2/2009 2:09:10 PM |
well you see it would..although lets say my partners income isnt taken into consideration and thats true....that only mine is...what i am asking is that the fact that I would be paying child support and making less money than my partner hinder your decision to move in with that person.....so would you still move in with that person knowing that they will contribute less than you essentially.
Maybe you wouldnt be making less money, you never know how much the other person might be making.
But my reasoning stays the same, the amount of usable income coming into the home would remain the same as before moving in together. If I was going to move in with someone I wouldnt be doing it to get money, Id be doing it to share my life with someone. If the bills are getting paid and were not falling horribly into debt doing it it doesnt matter.
Honestly... people are so hung up on money. If youre working and not sitting around on your ass youre contributing. If you cant support yourself due to your own issues thats one thing, but working and paying for your kids so you may have a little less money every month that shows maturity (especially if you want to do it)
Plus support isnt forever, just until college... when it doubles for tuition lol | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/4/2009 10:39:15 AM | I personally would have no problem "...with a guy that is not my income equal", if I were in such a situation. Presently, I'm unemployed, so anyone makes more than I!  However, when I was serious with my now ex, I did earn more than he did and I had no problem with that. Perhaps he did, but that's not the topic!
A father who pays child support on time without involvement of FRO etc. and doesn't "bad-mouth" the children's mother would have more respect than whatever his income level is at. | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/4/2009 5:46:57 PM | | What kind of a guy would NOT pay child support? And also, what kind of a woman would want to be with that kind of guy? Surely any decent woman out there would not hold it against you for taking care of your children. | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:14:49 PM | You know...being in a perfect and idealistic world I guess everyone should expect, admire and value a man who supports his children. However... in the real world...we strongly identify ourselves into a culture of "having" and living a high standard. KarmicEvolution was correct in saying people are hung up on money, more often than you think...we have a new century-decade of trades, jobs, careers than meet and exceed a comfortable lifestyle. And our TV and print media dictate to us our pop culture and hyper consumerism. Money does play a significant role in our society and it does translate itself into our personal relationships..
Shawnba...when you say would a woman date a man who is not his income equal....
There is a subset question that has to be asked....
are we talking disposable income (income after taxes and living expenses+child support/alimony payments)
or gross income...before taxes and expenses...
Everyone knows you can make a high income but have financial obligations up to your ears or be a teenager living at home paying no rent and have more beer money than you know what to do with.
Most of the women who have commented on here saying that dating a man with a lower income level wouldnt be an issue...obviously on the premise that you are paying your own bills and not asking them to help you pay your bills....especially the child support/alimony payments. There are many fair-weather daters out there..... the real test is...if you should happen to loose your job and suddenly find yourself on the the govt E.I plan (now your source of income) would these same "lower income men arent an issue" women be content being the breadwinner (breadwinner as in providing the survival and lifestyle income)...especially sharing their income with you during your financial challenges. That should be the question to ask. I guess as long as your not in a position of needing to "borrow money" from the woman your dating you should be fine...
Women would date a man who pays support..along as his income is comfortable enough to meet all his obligations without imposing on her ...and not detract the possibilities growing financial resources together. (AKA - she has no desire to support you.. so you can make your support payments) | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:50:11 AM | If you seriously have to ask this, you gotta lay off trying to get with gold diggers. Honestly, any other woman doesn't give a shit as long as you're not a mooch, or working for 8 bucks an hour.  | |
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| Dating men that pay support.
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:03:59 AM | I think what you're trying to get at is the impact of the "new" relationship. If you are close enough to your new partner to be wanting to live together, then she should already know your financial situation. She would also know what you can and cannot contribute to financially. If she is ok with the situation, then get over it.
I am in the same situation in that my SO is in the process of divorcing and pays support ... and much more (another story...lol) But we talk about living together all the time, and it's not a matter of "if" just "when". We know that I make more, and also don't have the added responsibilities financially that he does. But my expectation will only be that he continue to make his children the #1 financial responsibility, contributes what he can and what is fair to a new household with me, and that we work together as partners in our relationship and that with his children. The true success of the relationship must be based on the non-financial stuff, which always has a way of working itself out
Good luck! | |
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