| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 2:28:05 PM | What are the limits to your patience with the whole dating thing? And what can you do when you reach that limit?
If at first you don't succeed then try and try again - at least that is what traditional wisdom tells us. But, there are limits surely. Imagine someone who has been asking people out on dating sites for years; who has spent money on dating agencies and not been matched; who has never been set up on a date by friends even though they know he is looking to meet someone; who has spent days and days in chat rooms and in pubs without success; who uses gyms, visits galleries and concert halls and has never got into a conversation with an eligible woman; who has not had a relationship for over 15 years and even that lasted only a few months and with someone who made it clear that she actually wanted to go out with somone else. Then imagine this person also feeling increasingly anxious about never finding a woman who wants to share intimacy of mind and body with him. Imagine him finding plentyoffish and not getting anywhere with that either. And then imagine him being told that later this month there may be a party where a woman who may be attractive may be present; but nothing is fixed and (in the manner of Kafka or Beckett) these things may also just as well not happen. He may have heard all this before.
In these circumstances would it be appropriate to think that he may have reached a limit of some kind? And what would you do if you were to find yourself in such a position?
If that person were me I might consider giving up on the idea of romantic affection altogether and turning to merely materialistic and hedonistic concerns. But my heart would not be in that and I would be back to square one again. | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 2:37:12 PM |
In these circumstances would it be appropriate to think that he may have reached a limit of some kind? And what would you do if you were to find yourself in such a position?
Turn to porn
This 'hypothetical' person you describe, its you isnt it?
Materialism and hedonism gets such a bad press, i love it personally | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 2:46:26 PM | The limits will be different for each of us.
'Romance' just happens - we cannot do anything about its creation..... | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 2:48:49 PM | op you need another interest. this dating lark... its not supposed to be a life consuming pursuit, its supposed to be fun.
lighten up a bit.... | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 3:01:53 PM | Despite what the old adage says, maybe it is time to stop trying, or rather trying so hard.
Something is definitely wrong somewhere if a male has been to so many places and not managed to get into a conversation with a female.
I've had females start a conversation with me on the train home from working a night shift when I've been tired, dirty and looking out of the window. If I'd been sitting there sneaking glances at them or openly staring whilst trying to think of something to say, I'd likely have made them nervous and wary.
Basically, what I'm saying is that he/you shouldn't give up entirely, but should devote a lot less time and energy on the process and relax. | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 3:06:08 PM | Just turn up to the party and have a good time matey, if it's close to you then you can have a few drinks aswell which is a bonus.
Just be yourself dude(common cliche i know but sometimes it works)
I've been invited to a few party's but can't feel that i can relax cos they're too far away. | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 3:10:26 PM | | Mate, can only echo the posts above. The 'theoretical' situation reminds me of something I read a few weeks ago. Give me 5 minutes & I'll get Mr Google to find it for me........ | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 3:17:00 PM | In a blog registered in his name, Sodini described himself as a “total malfunction” who did not get a second look from women. “No girlfriend since 1984, last Christmas with Pam was in 1983. Who knows why. I am not ugly or too weird,” Sodini wrote on his website on Christmas Eve.
“No sex since July 1990 either (I was 29). No shit! Over eighteen years ago. And did it maybe only 50-75 times in my life.” On December 29, he added: “I actually look good. I dress good, am clean-shaven, bathe, touch of cologne — yet 30 million women rejected me — over an 18 or 25-year period. That is how I see it. Thirty million is my rough guesstimate of how many desirable single women there are.
“A man needs a woman for confidence. He gets a boost on the job, career, with other men, and everywhere else when he knows inside he has someone to spend the night with and who is also a friend.”
This was the blog of George Sodini. In no way am I comparing the two, it just reminded me of it. I wish the writer more luck than George had (and his victims) | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 3:19:10 PM | Patience is limitless, although it ends when you are dead and you are no longer aware of your limits or your patience.
Change your aftershave and your underpants, rock up to the next local POF event with no expectation or illusions/delusions ................... you may or may not meet your soul mate, but you will meet mates, have a laugh, relax and enjoy the moment.
You have to love yourself before someone else will, so take yourself on the next date and enjoy 
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 5:17:41 PM | Well if he has done all that and still nothing try posting flyers. 
No just kidding. I think your search can be active when you feel the will so to speak,
get frustrated go into passive mode but do come out again.
What about the 5 minute thing, speed dating, perhaps he will get a bite there.
Go back and ask, or ask a friend and or family members his concerns, ask their opinons and advice. They know you well. Don't they? Should be able to tell you something. Unless his private is just too private.
But no never give up.  | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 9:59:52 PM | The old cliché is true - when you are looking you will never find.
When you decide you don't actually want one you will have to fight them off.
The science is simples: Women want what they cant have
but you cant fake it, Women have a "Desperation Radar" no matter how cool you come across 
The irony being by the time you have to fight them off, you actually don't want one for real - funny thing nature
And to be honest bud, girlfriends are over rated.
Disclaimer:
The above statement does in no way include my current date.
Who if anything is quite under-rated
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:10:38 PM | The science is simples: Women want what they cant have
Should that have said...
The science is simples; Men want what they have not got
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/1/2009 10:14:50 PM | or The science is simples: women want what men have got! maybe
I'm all confused now, it too early  | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:51:43 AM | Women can smell desperation a mile off and it is not a nice smell! And vice versa actually.
As others have said, there is such a thing as trying too hard. This dating thing should be a sideline to getting on with every day life. You have to learn to love your life and yourself before you can expect anyone else to even consider sharing it with you otherwise you are doomed to failure.
I've been single for some time but 99% of the time I couldn't care less.
The harder you try the harder it gets. | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:04:43 AM | If at first you don't succeed then try and try again - at least that is what traditional wisdom tells us
May be that is where part of the problem is... On the surface it sounds quite plausible, but on closer inspection it is not. I do not believe clichés without trying to understand them first, because some are flawed...
I believe the above cliché is flawed because it is all well and good trying, but, if what you have to offer is not ‘appropriate’ it will not matter how much you/they try the result is likely to remain the same... unsuccessful! The best thing you/the person concerned can do is change something internally, as it appears you have/they have attempted to fix the problem externally! My wisdom tells me that you cannot fix an internal problem externally, or if you can it's generally only a short-term solution at best
I agree with the desperation comments too | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 3:26:48 AM | | I would imagine that the phrase means to try a different approach each time, not to blindly try the exact same thing and expect a different result. | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 9:52:34 AM | Dear OP Godot ain't coming no matter how long you wait, perhaps after 15 years the time has come to morph into a beautiful new you.
Life is short time is to be spent, not passed. | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:01:28 AM | | Shows what little patience I have. I only read the original first line then couldn't wait to write this. | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:06:45 PM | If that person were me I might consider giving up on the idea of romantic affection altogether and turning to merely materialistic and hedonistic concerns.
That person is you.......... go on admit it!
And there ain't too much wrong with being materialistic and shagging the odd pro from time to time.
What are you all looking like that for? I didn't say I did that sort of thing, just that it might suit the OP's circumstances. I, of course, wouldn't dream of building my wealth whilst renting a bit of love whenever the need arises!  | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 12:13:09 PM |
And there ain't too much wrong with being materialistic and shagging the odd pro from time to time.
At least it would be a sure thing, you would get exactly what you want/paid for, and it would release the tension ...
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:32:03 PM | My advice would be the following:
Sort the barnet out, get lasik and stop whining. | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:47:09 PM | | Theres a big wide world out there and life is passing u by while you are hanging around hope to meet miss right ...........get out and live it | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 1:58:01 PM | you look a bit book wormish/ teacher which spells boring to most women
and the kind of guy that goes shooting crows in that jacket at the weekend
if you want to pull i think you need to work out a bit more and go a bit more exciting and trendy | |
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| The limits of patience
Posted: 10/2/2009 4:15:04 PM |
you look a bit book wormish/ teacher which spells boring to most women
and the kind of guy that goes shooting crows in that jacket at the weekend
if you want to pull i think you need to work out a bit more and go a bit more exciting and trendy
No need to be so personal and downright rude! Never mind making assumptions about the personality of someone you have never met and then thinking offering advice to change who they are.
I'll just go and have a look at your profile and tell you all the things that are wrong with you shall I? But then for you to be so critical of someone else you must be damn near perfect yourself.................. | |
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