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 Ruby Darling
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 1
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to Page 1 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
I was reading a book by Steve Harvey Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man where he said on pages 26-28 something to the effect that men have created a certain mindset among women that if she expects him to pay for her drink, then she is automatically a golddigger, that women should expect a real man to do that, that because there are so many men out there who walked out on their families leaving women supporting their kids alone now women take pride in paying for things men should be "man enough" to pay for.

This was the first time I read/hear such thing ever, anf from a guy!

He adds that although that he is aware of women who pursue/marry men for nothing more than the "hard cold cash", the term gold digger was invented by men to cop out on their financial responsibilty of supporting the woman they love.

As a serious go-dutcher myself, I find this very intriguing...

Who is pro and who is con?
 guyd42
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 2
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:14:59 PM
This guy is full of shit.
 Chitownguy40
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 3
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:20:11 PM
Both types of people exist. Some men do throw the word "gold digger" around because they're cheap; some women do see men as cash registers. It is not an either/or proposition.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 4
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:24:10 PM
Most successful couples support each other emotionally as well as split the financial burden. Having a man treat you to a wonderful date is fabulous but sometimes the guy needs a special night out as well.
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 5
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:26:35 PM
Bulls_ _t !!!

There are women out there who truly are only interested in finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and NOT the leprechaun who is guarding it.

Sadly there are women who only deem a relationship of any value with a man so long as there is money there.

Because they are lazy and don't want to work, and feel that their vagina is worth X amount of dollars. The platinum pu_ _y mentality. ( which it rarely is, and when you actually do find that platinum Pu_ _ y that woman already has a 3 carat diamond ring HA ! )

Gold Digger is not just a term men invented to cop out of their financial responsibility in a relationship. It's a cold hard fact to describe women and men who are only interested in the money that a person brings to the table.
 PeggyI
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 6
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 7:49:24 PM
This guy is a total self serving moron, and no one should waste their money on the crap he sandwiches between two covers.
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 7
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 8:00:29 PM
Yeah, and I'm sure there's a "book" out there somewhere that says if a woman accepts a drink that he offers to buy, then she's a...umm, promiscuous.

So, the question becomes...'what do you believe, OP?' With all of your experiences with men in your lifetime...is the author mostly right, or mostly wrong?






~ds~
 Ruby Darling
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 8
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 8:07:35 PM
I don't know if he is right or he is wrong.. I know that I don't like what he said.
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 9
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 8:13:31 PM
I think his book sounds like an interesting read

I don't have a problem going Dutch ~ if a guy is old fashioned and wants to treat, then I would want to reciprocate the next time

I guess it's all about just being who you are and going with what's comfortable for you
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 10
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 9:17:57 PM

He adds that although that he is aware of women who pursue/marry men for nothing more than the "hard cold cash", the term gold digger was invented by men to cop out on their financial responsibilty of supporting the woman they love.

Well, I would be very interested in seeing the author's sources backing up his claim of which 'men' "invented" the term.

Sounds more to me, like a hypothesis.






~ds~
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 11
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 9:21:08 PM
There are women out there who truly are only interested in finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and NOT the leprechaun who is guarding it.

I agree there are, but I disagree that there are that many; their frequency seems greatly exaggerated by men. What's amusing to me is that it is most often the guys with no or very little money that label women gold-diggers. Millionaires in Bel Air EXPECT women to want their money--that's part of the reason the guys MADE it. But Bel Air isn't like the rest of America--most of us aren't that rich, most of us aren't that pretty, and frankly, most of us aren't that shallow. Maybe Miami is. But those of you living in Indiana, you don't have "golddiggers".

Um, also what's amusing is this was written by a comedian. So he's hardly an expert on anything, he's just like one of us Forumites giving his opinion.
============
VVVV Then the term "gold digger" is a misnomer. Perhaps something more realistic like "lead licker"?
 anaglyph
Joined: 7/30/2009
Msg: 12
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 9:28:00 PM
I read a book about sociopaths, people with no conscience, and the book asserted that 4% of the population fits this category. They manipulate and use other people. I'd speculate that a real gold-digger is a sociopath.

But there are a lot of ordinary and stupid sociopaths. They're not all mad geniuses or ruthless business executives. Some of them probably target men without much money. Because they're stupid.
 kebemik
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 13
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:01:09 PM
I would be most interested in hearing from rich men on whether they think there are a lot of gold-diggers out there. I agree with CassaGo that I most often hear the term used by men who have very little gold to dig.

When a man posts pictures of himself with lots of expensive toys (sports car, boat, airplane), brags about his world travel, etc., he should not complain about gold-diggers. This is like a woman who posts pictures of herself naked, then complains that men are only after sex.

The other point I'd make is that there is a big difference between expecting/allowing a man to pay for a date and gold-digging. If a woman expected a man to pay for every date and never reciprocated, or cooked him dinner at her house, then yes, maybe she's a gold-digger. But if a man asks a woman out for a date and expects her to pay half, then, in most cases, I think he's cheap. Once a couple has an established relationship, then I think it is normal to split costs in the way that makes the most sense for that particular couple.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 14
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:16:28 PM
I am not a gold-digger by any means. I pay my own bills and support myself and my child just fine on my own. I always have and always will. But when it comes to dating, I see things a bit differently than some of you do. If a man asks me out on a date, he should pay. He is the one inviting me, so he should treat. If I ask him to my home for dinner, I certainly don't expect him to bring the groceries, nor would I expect him to assist with the preparation of the meal. I would be taking care of all of that, and wait on him completely. When I go out on a date, I usually invest in the cost of an outfit, getting my hair and makeup done, nails done, not to mention the extensive prep time it takes to make sure that I look my best for him. I do this for my boyfriend every time we go out. Believe me, it is not cheap. Usually it is more than the cost of the dinner, or event we are attending.

In the beginning of a relationship, it's a matter of the courtship ritual...I like the feeling of being taken care of when we go out. If a man doesn't want to pay for the dinner, sure, I'll pay for mine, but he won't get another date with me. Not because I mind the money part, but it's the fact that he is that petty that he can't even spend what? twenty or thirty dollars on a dinner with me? If he is that broke, then he really is going to have trouble when I want to plan a vacation, or go to a charity event for business.

My boyfriend has let me pay for dinner out one time, and that was because he accidently left his bank card on my dining room table with his keys and we had taken my car to the restaurant, and he was mortified. I didn't mind a bit, because he also has never let me open my own door, or forgotten to pull out my chair, or let me order first, or offer me the first bite of a shared dessert. He is always considerate when we go out, and treats me like a lady. But hear this...

When we're at home, I cook, I do his laundry with mine and fold it and have it ready for him for when he goes back to his house. He doesn't have to fix his plate for dinner, I fix it for him. I know what foods he likes and doesn't like, and I make sure that what I serve him is what he enjoys eating. When he's watching the game, I refill his glass when it's empty. We snuggle on the couch together and I make sure he's happy. I don't say no to sex, because it's always good, and I love it!

My point is, he spoils me, and I spoil him. He takes me on weekends to all sorts of places, sometimes as a surprise, sometimes planned. But we enjoy our time together. I respect his opinions and he respects mine, even when we disagree in points. Oh, and if you're wondering, I'm about as naughty as they come in the bedroom, and there's nothing he can ask for that he won't get. I'm a lady in public, but a very naughty girl in the bedroom, and you can bet he appreciates it!

So, if you went out with me and paid for dinner and classified me as a gold-digger, you'd be missing out on a good thing, because there's a lot more to me than just what you see over the table at a restaurant. Some of us enjoy traditional roles.

Maybe before you worry about who's paying for the pasta you should see who you're really eating with...instead of a gold-digger, you may have a gold mine!

Beth
 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 15
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:45:53 PM
"their frequency seems greatly exaggerated by men. What's amusing to me is that it is most often the guys with no or very little money that label women gold-diggers"
So is the number of shark attacks. One shark bite can ruin a whole beach for you even though nothing happened the other 364 days. And it is all relative. A steady income of $80K pa can be rich enough to a trailer trash woman. Perhaps it is a combination of liking and gold-digging, otherwise it would be plain prostitution or ASS (Anna-Nicole Smith Syndrome). But without a doubt, some women have dollar signs for pupils.

Look for profile keywords 'princess', 'treat', 'deserve' and 'classy'. Or phrases like 'travel a lot', 'finer things in life' and 'hand me your wallet and nobody gets hurt - get a hint already when I said my favorite color is green'.
 Ruby Darling
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 16
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 10:55:25 PM
Well, I travel alot, and won't stop doing it, and it is on my profile because it's one of my passions. If a guy will think I am a gold digger because I travel alot, by all means, he should never bother writing me as I don't tolerate judgmental people.
 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 17
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:02:16 PM
"I would be most interested in hearing from rich men on whether they think there are a lot of gold-diggers out there. I agree with CassaGo that I most often hear the term used by men who have very little gold to dig."
How about I offer a possible explanation with arbitrary numbers. Let's compare a million dollars per annum income with $80K pa, for simplicity no tax considerations. Let's say digger A siphons 80% from the annual millionaire while digger B only gets half out of our more regular Joe. That makes A relatively and absolutely more efficient than B. But what is left? A leaves behind $200K and B $40K to live on. Suppose the cost of living is $20K pa, then A's guy has $180K left and B's $20K. Even if the millionaire's cost is a bit higher, who do you think feels the pinch from a high-maintenance woman more? If you consider the disposable income, average guys bleed more.
 Brenoso
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 18
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:05:29 PM

In the beginning of a relationship, it's a matter of the courtship ritual...I like the feeling of being taken care of when we go out. If a man doesn't want to pay for the dinner, sure, I'll pay for mine, but he won't get another date with me. Not because I mind the money part, but it's the fact that he is that petty that he can't even spend what? twenty or thirty dollars on a dinner with me? If he is that broke, then he really is going to have trouble when I want to plan a vacation, or go to a charity event for business.



So, if you went out with me and paid for dinner and classified me as a gold-digger, you'd be missing out on a good thing, because there's a lot more to me than just what you see over the table at a restaurant.


If you won't date a guy who doesn't pay for you on the first date/meet beyond that date then you might be missing out on a good thing, because there may be a lot more to them than just what you see over the table at a restaurant.

I'm just point out the hypocrisy in your reasoning.. don't take it offensively- it's constructive criticism.

~Oso
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 19
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:23:28 PM
I hear it from guys without a pot to pee in. They are just bitter.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 20
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:27:34 PM
Sorry there are more "GOLDDIGGERS" out there than you think!!! I have had my share. Fallen for a couple and learned the hard way to be more careful.
I always buy drinks or coffee for a first meet. If there is a spark on both sides we can turn it into dinner. Which I will also gladly pay for.
A golddigger to me is one that a few dates in starts dropping hints on how she can't pay for this or that!!!! RED FLAG guys!!! Run Forest run!!!!
Pay for a date to me falls on the man.....Having said that if the lady looks nothing like her photos I will tell her and still buy the coffee even if she is still pretty the deception of 10 year old or 40 pound ago photos show she will lie! A trait I would just as soon leave alone!!!
My 2 cents!!!!
 ToughLuv1984
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 21
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:30:31 PM
He also proclaims that men only want three things: profess, provide, and protect. I'm at a loss to express how ridiculous this is.


Actually he said this is the way men show they are in love with a woman... they profess their love... they provide and they protect....

They want: acceptance, space, and the cookie (sex)... I think, I didn't read the book entirely just skimmed it in Barnes n Noble.

Actively getting yourself upset and girding against perceived 'golddiggers' is just about as useless as all women beliving guys are pondscum who only want sex... you should not be dating.
 pickleterry
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 22
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:39:22 PM


In the beginning of a relationship, it's a matter of the courtship ritual...I like the feeling of being taken care of when we go out. If a man doesn't want to pay for the dinner, sure, I'll pay for mine, but he won't get another date with me. Not because I mind the money part, but it's the fact that he is that petty that he can't even spend what? twenty or thirty dollars on a dinner with me? If he is that broke, then he really is going to have trouble when I want to plan a vacation, or go to a charity event for business.


LOL. You can't be serious. All you talk about is giving a man a "home cooked meal". A date involves more than a piece of chicken. To go "out" costs substantially more (gas/transportation, dressing, actual price of meal [in your scenario], and whatever other activity is done) than making someone a "home cooked meal". Taking down some meat out of the freezer that's probably been there on the ice for weeks is hardly any comparison to an actual "date", economically speaking. The "home cooked meal" thing is the biggest joke out there ..and you know it..I used to do it..The price you spend on the food is MUCH cheaper than a restaurant.

Point 2 - You argue that if he asks you out, he should pay. Another idiotic misnomer put out by gold digging heiffers. My experience tells me that normally a woman who stands by this rule..NEVER asks a man out. They always throw subtle 'hints' which coaxes the man into asking. OR flat out look at you like you're crazy when the check comes.

Point 3- You label the man who doesn't want to pay for dinner all the time as "petty" and argue that it has nothing to do with money. What's really petty is that you cannot shell out your half of the burden for the night's entertainment... You both enjoyed a nice evening out.. you are not obligated to this man at all..you could switch off like a light switch on him..and what happens to his "investment" (as you would probably put it..) hmmM? where is the return?

To answer the main question here: Steve Harvey is playing the Michael Eric Dyson (et. al.) card .... I will cut to the chase and say that EVERY woman who I DID not willingly shell out money for drinks and allow me to be a human ATM was the one who I hit it off with. Steve Harvey should know better.. and Steve Harvey is the last idiot I'd actually take seriously as someone who would be able to provide a sound psychosocial treatise or analysis on relationships and dating. He has as much expertise in that area as Michael Jordan or any other celebrity...
 MiketheZombie
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 23
Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/2/2009 11:55:46 PM
I call bull----. I've met girls that get so curious they almost want to check your credit records.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 24
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:26:35 AM
Well I can see both sides of the equation. I am able to pay for myself, and graciously accet a treat as long as I am not asked to "pay for" that treat with something I am uncomfortable with.

I have noticed the phrase "gold-digger" among men who think a woman is a status sybol and mothers of some men that think "no girl is good enough". My personal experience. I have been called a "gold-digger" by both women that thought a guy (due to family or looks) could do "better"(even if I paid all of my own bills and earned more than the guy) and by guys that thought that since they "treated" me to a meal that I should "worship" them for the all mighty bank-roll in their pocket.

A "gold-digger" is like any stereo-type-it wouldn't exist if there wasn't a sizable portion of society that fits the description. And it's not gender specific. Any person(male or female) can be a "gold-digger".

I think the author has a point that for SOME men that is the case, for others it may be a different experience.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 25
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Gold-digger is just a term men invented to
Posted: 10/3/2009 12:36:00 AM
This book should be treated as it was intended...

Glorified ass-wipe.
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