| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:06:05 AM | My ex girlfriend has recently ended our relationship....but I still love her so much...cant get her out of my head and its breaking my heart.
I still try and text and call her throughout the week but she remains distant....how can I get her back? Is it best for me to just leave her be and come to me or should I try to get her back..
Would be true saying if she wanted me she would come back or not?
xx
Cheers scott | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:25:15 AM | | scott...give it up dude....if you beg her to come back it will ruin it in the future for you...but! if she comes back on her own then you have a chance....you're way young..she won't be the last in your life....trust me comming from a pro at getting dumped...lol....it takes years of experiance to know this....listen! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 7:27:19 AM | Yes, leave her be.
All you are doing by calling and texting is pushing her further away. The more you do it the further she will go.
As soon as you back off, it will give you the time you need to heal and hopefully be on your way to a new relationship. Good luck. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 9:26:22 AM | You're 19 years old!
You don't even really know what your options are yet as far as women...
Half the fun of being with someone is them thinking you're fantastic.
Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't like you?
It makes no sense.
Get out and enjoy yourself and your large dating pond while the pond's still giant.
Best of luck! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:24:39 AM | Love that is laid on someone as an obligation is an example of an immature attachment. When a child says "I love you" to a parent, what that really is, is a plea to be taken care of. The thought of being abandoned terrifies the child and that desperate need of the parent is reassured by the parent's love.
I need you. I would be lost with you.
I would never leave you. I love you.
Do you love me? Can I count on you? I love you. I need you.
It's about having a reliable connection. When the person whom you need leaves you, you're desperate to get them back. These are normal emotions for family bonds where there is an actual dependency. Because we have emotions that originally served this cohesive purpose, it can be an effort in adulthood to develop a mature attachment. The difference is in how the emotion is experienced. Between adults love is better off being something given and enjoyed in the giving, appreciated upon receipt for the sentiment and intention, known to be subject to whatever circumstantial and psychological influence are in play. There has to be a rational appreciation for the nature and limits of an emotional bond. Otherwise what love is remains the same as during the parent-child relationship, mostly for maintaining an unbreakable connection. If so, then when the adult loses the relationship he or she will collapse into the anguish of an abandoned child and be miserable accordingly, and frantic, and at a loss to understand or recover. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:44:12 AM | Scott.......
One rule of thumb about relationships: - and adopt it NOW while you are still young:
Once you walk out the door and say you are finished, then you are. This rule applies to BOTH parties and is nontransferrable.....In other words, never, ever break up with someone more than once.........an ex is an ex for a reason.
Just leave her be....don't try to contact/text/phone/email her - she left and wants to be gone.
I understand it hurts, but you have to move on with your life. - Take a break from dating and relationships - and take on some new interests and get a change of scene - join a sporting league, a club, or volunteer somewhere. - It will be the best medicine for you. - And yes, in the process of all of this, you will meet some amazing new friends. - Yes, I said friends. - don't go into these new ventures with the idea of trying to replace your ex.
Not only that, but focus on school, get your degree/certificate, get your career off the ground and go from there.
In time, you will be too busy to give her a second thought, as she doesn't seem to be thinking of you at this point.
Good Luck | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 11:45:01 AM | I understand everything you gus have been saying and I realise it.....I just cannot get her out of my head and its been 2 months now....I just cant cope and imagine her being with another guy...I did everything for her told her I loved her and was just generally a good boyfriend....
I text her lastnite saying ..Hiya you had a good weekend, what you been upto...thinking of you. X....
But still have no reply it seems she just doesnt care about me or is even bothered...I just cant help thinking about her and its driving me mad...if I cut all contact how will I ever know if we can get back together?
She knows I want her back and have strong feelings..why the **** do women do this ...I can get other girls but want her!! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 1:17:12 PM | Scott it's human nature to want what they cant have
second as soon as I read the part " I did everything for her ,I loved her and was just generally a good boyfriend" Right there I actually was about to hop on a plane and smack you.
You're 19 years old, you're young I'm not sure if you will catch what I'm saying. You have the " nice guy" syndrome , and girls your age and most women ( not all) quickly tires of a man who waits on them hand and foot, the relationship becomes mundane and predictable, and the first sign of excitement they see , they run like Usain Bolt or Forest Gump.
I seriously doubt you will " get" your ex back, you've said it yourself you were a good boyfriend, that my boy isn't enough to maintain a relationship , people grow people change, just because you were in sync the first time you met doesn't mean you will be in sync down the road.
Chalk it up as a experience, grieve , try some hobbies, and DO NOT contact her, toss her number away, delete her If you dont, what you may end up doing is pissing her off even more and when she starts dating, you might be in for a rough time, Right now you're looking north and about to be hit by a south bound train. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:30:47 PM | | letting someone go is probably the most difficult thing on earth. xx | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:34:52 PM | Sure it is. But think of it like ripping off a bandaid. You can let go now, deal with a little pain and go forward....or you can do it nice and slow and have the hurt linger a heck of a lot longer.
Believe me (and the rest of the posters), you need to walk away. If it was meant to be, the doors will open again. If not, someone better will come along.
Good luck. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:50:48 PM | | I just hate thinking of her with someone else...makes me feel awful...I have thought about her nearly every second of the day since we met..its unreal ! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 4:01:20 PM | Get some self control and stop allowing yourself to think of her!
When your pity party starts... get to the gym and work out. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 4:21:44 PM | Listen to Farceur and Mahogany! Of the many men participating in the PoF forums, they are the wisest and most articulate IMO. Farceur is the master of elegant-speak posts, i.e., sometimes poetic and often bordering on poetic. And Mahogany is the master of plain-speak posts, i.e., painted boldly across your wall with lots of attitude -- as in what part of "nice guy syndrome" don't you understand?
Scott, you are very fortunate that, for some reason that escapes me, both of those guys decided to weigh in on this thread to help you out. Consider it a gift of great value. With them at your disposal, you have a real opportunity to extract advice from two men who have been there, done that, and come back to tell the story. If you don't understand what they write, ask them a pointed question referring to what they said. And if you don't agree with what they write, tell them where you think they went wrong. They can handle it. You will not be disappointed. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:03:48 PM | What the f ck are you doing here if you are not over your ex?
Look man finding another girl wont help. Get over her first then find the next one.
You are just going to waste your time and the girls time if you still have fillings for the ex. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:47:28 PM | | my ex broke up with me literally out of nowhere about two months ago as well, and i'm still having a hard time dealing with it. if you aren't going to listen to anyone else, listen to me. DO NOT contact her anymore. she knows how you feel and she is still ignoring you. that right there is a sign. if you must contact her once more have it be a good bye thing. then, as hard as it is, we have to let them go. there is nothing more we can do about any of it. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:59:34 PM | Its hard at first
Then it gets easier once you have come to terms with it
Do the things you couldn't do with her and get out there
Move on and do better for yourself and look for the better deal in life | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 12:50:10 AM | | Got a text lastnite from her saying....hey, sorry havent been in touch, yeh im ok..thanks for helping me with my rent. x | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 1:50:01 AM | Ive just read through this thread mate and I can tell this is hard for yopu like its har for others...
LISTEN to the above posters and stop the contact you are making....you will know in your heart and mind if it is right and to me it isnt! She left you so the ball is in her court let her be if she truly loves you she will come back but dont get your hopes up!! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 4:01:20 AM | | you will not be able to "buy" her with rent money....you're starting to look foolish and nothing you are going to do will work...rent?...geez, now you're a sucker | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 4:51:30 AM | You're using money to keep her around???!!!
You're indirectly black mailing her to be in contact with you!
DUMB DUMB DUMB!!! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 5:50:42 AM | I knew there was more to the story, Scott there is nothing more anyone can add, the only thing left to ask is what " flavor" of lollipop are you?
In my neck of the woods we call that a " sucker" and you know what they say about suckers?
I'm not sure what is not to understand kid? she broke with you, and she's probably with another guy. She doesn't want you back, you constantly text her and she's distancing her self from you, but uses you to help her pay her rent.
You're constantly texting her ( dangerously close to stalking) and you let your feelings and intentions known to her , and she still ignores them except when it came to paying her rent?
You're a big boy now, time to let your balls drop bud. The advice on here has been spot on, yet you still do things your way and you're on the edge of depression and once you cross that river into the land of depression its hard to get out with out therapy, medication or both.
It's Your call kid.... you know what to do. if you dont want to heed the advice, good luck to you and keep paying her rent until the guy moves in with her and parties up and they have a laugh at your text's over a few pints. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:46:45 AM | | You have “some college”. At 19, why not go back and finish it rather than focus so much on relationships? | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:53:06 AM |
I just hate thinking of her with someone else...makes me feel awful...I have thought about her nearly every second of the day since we met..its unreal !
Dude, this type of thinking is very unhealthy. You need to get over this chic and move on with your life. Realize that when she gets in touch with you is mainly to be polite, and because there is a residue of emotion left. That residue is not enough to get the relationship back. The only emotion at her end that could get the relationship back is, if she misses you. And how do you achieve that, by living her alone. | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 8:09:09 AM |
I just hate thinking of her with someone else...makes me feel awful
The chances are she probably ISN'T with anyone else and is hurting like you are. Don't be thinking it's only you who is having to get over this relationship.
No contact gives both parties the chance to move on and heal, everytime you contact her and she doesn't respond it's rejection all over again so why prolong the agony? Stop contacting her, as hard it will be - absence makes the heart grow STRONGER! | |
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| Still love her!
Posted: 10/6/2009 9:09:17 AM | Scott, Scott, Scott.....
Stop "helping" her with her rent, stop texting/calling/e-mailing/carrier pigeons/pony express... stop any and all communication with her.
She's using you, keeping you on the hook in case she needs more "help" with her rent.
You're young, cute, fairly intelligent-there will be many more ladies for you in your life.
Go back to school-I'm sure you'll meet all kinds of women that would be interested in you.
Amputations hurt less when done swiftly...
Good luck~ | |
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