| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:05:55 PM | | Am I the only guy on here that has noticed the amount of 40+yo women that don't have kids? I get not wanting kids or can't have kids but the others that don't raise a red flag for me or am I reading more into it than I should? | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:15:17 PM | Last summer I met a really nice man who was married for 20 years, she had kids when they got married. He considered her kids, his...when they divorced he stayed in contact with the kids and is actually helping her raise a grandson (the daughter died in a car wreck). I think the world of this man. However he told me in many different ways how much he regretted not having his own children.
I had three children, I would never give up the opportunity to be a mother for any amount of money. Not everyone had the same opportunities as me.
Some people never got that opportunity ...before raising a flag how about getting to know someone and then deciding if a flag should be raised? If you listen to what they are saying and the words are from their heart then you should congratulate them on knowing themselves well enough not to have a child and made both themselves and the child miserable...there are wayyy to many of them.
I would prefer someone who didnt have kids over the ones who did and didnt take being a parent seriously...to me that is a bigger red flag.
(lol red I got that!) | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:19:21 PM | Some of us chose not to have biological children for many reasons. The lists of those reasons can be long and really are only relevant to ourselves and those we choose to become involved with. Because I have chosen not to have biological children also means that I have chosen not to raise or help to raise someone else's children.
Because someone has chosen to not procreate does not necessarily mean that we are not maternal / paternal or are uncaring individuals. Many of us are maternal or paternal and caring individuals and we choose to nurture and channel those traits through other worthy causes that are near and dear to our hearts.
This topic has been done to death as has the red flag topic. The thread search function could very well become your new best friend. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:50:24 PM | I am curious about the intent of your post ... I'm confused about your "red flag" comment ... if it's a "red flag" for woman over 40 to not have children ... what SORT of "red flag" would that raise? I'm thinkin ... but can't think what that mite be ... unless ...
are you LOOKING for a woman over 40 with whom to have children?
P.S. ... so I checked your profile and you state you do not want children ... so ... I'm just lost as to why not having children is a "red flag" ... | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 2:58:16 PM | | I don't understand your question. When you take away the ones that didn't want them and the ones that can't have them - what's left? | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 4:07:21 PM | | Yeah, where are these women? | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 4:10:20 PM | | Women who haven't had children are the best because they have vast untapped reserves of maternal instinct that comes in handy in so many ways once you insinuate yourself into their embrace. They will, without knowing why and without being able to stop themselves, spoil you with such tender affection that you will be in danger of regressing to infancy for how completely it swaddles your heart with unconditional love. They are acting from their unfulfilled destiny to create and care for life, which benefits you as the object of their devotion. But be careful, always, for many things that mothers would not notice can cause in the barren women such intense reactions there is no telling what may happen. Suck on a nipple just right and the ancient emotions of the reproductive force can cause her to implode with misplaced sexual frenzy, for one thing. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 4:51:57 PM |
...am I reading more into it than I should?
yes.
i suspect you're more worried about the specific reasons of those who didn't want to have them and think that some of those reasons could be indicative of something "lacking" in their character. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:19:06 PM |
P.S. ... so I checked your profile and you state you do not want children ... so ... I'm just lost as to why not having children is a "red flag" ...
He's a troll hon. They wrecked the bridge he was living under to build a Walmart with a Starbucks inside and he became disoriented and wandered in here by accident. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:34:17 PM | | You need to be careful here, OP. Some couples have fertility issues, my ex and I did. It took ten years and lots of money for us to have our kids. I would not trade being a mother for anything in the world, but I do know of others who wanted the experience, but were not blessed. Adoption takes lots of money as well. Not everyone can afford it. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:34:19 PM | Women who haven't had children are the best because they have vast untapped reserves of maternal instinct that comes in handy in so many ways once you insinuate yourself into their embrace. They will, without knowing why and without being able to stop themselves, spoil you with such tender affection that you will be in danger of regressing to infancy for how completely it swaddles your heart with unconditional love. They are acting from their unfulfilled destiny to create and care for life, which benefits you as the object of their devotion. But be careful, always, for many things that mothers would not notice can cause in the barren women such intense reactions there is no telling what may happen. Suck on a nipple just right and the ancient emotions of the reproductive force can cause her to implode with misplaced sexual frenzy, for one thing.
hahaha.. I actually found that very interesting.
Some logic in that and truths...
More to the point, you've pointed out that women who do not have children and are 40+ not due to not being able to have a child, are not cold fish, heartless or don't love children. I see you have several, what you feel that they wouldn't love your children and wouldn't know how to because they never had any?
Your 55 not 25, what a question..................
I for one have a wayyyyyy lot of love to give and love my nieces and nephews to death.
So, I was career orientated, age caught up with me, 36 married, was going to have one, but alas, ex-husband who agreed, changed his mind the day we got married.....:)
Then again, at 46, I can travel and do what ever I want because I don't have children, it's the way life went. Maybe that's your problem... You feel that we are more carefree and don't want to spend our lives with your children... Not true, but you also need to share your life outside of your children's life as well....
So, don't assume that a woman who is 40+ is heartless, or non-loving or what ever your thinking pertaining to red flags.
Don't judge or put people into little boxes of catagories....
Now you've spoken to a 40+ woman who has no children
So what? lol. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:35:39 PM | | I was giggling at your reply and it was a great one. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:36:27 PM | My lack of having children has been a private choice that I made.
Currently, I work on a one to one basis with other people's children and find that it satisfies a lot of my maternal instincts. Had I had children of my own, I don't think I would be as effective as I am now.
Do I miss having children? Yes. But it was never quite the right time for me to bring someone into the world. Having a child is not to be taken lightly. I believe that it is the supreme decision for an adult to make and not to be done lightly. There are too many children who suffer in this world. I was not going to add another by making a cavalier choice.
However, I applaud those who have made the choice to have kids and are very effective in raising wonderful human beings. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 5:43:12 PM | I think most women do have kids, so I don't know where you're seeing all these profiles
of women with no kids. Then again, I don't read women's profiles unless they said something in the forums that makes me curious and want to take a look at their profile.
I don't see how it could be a red flag. I have a friend who is a great person who thought she would not make a good mother because of her busy life. I think she was smart to realize she did not have the time it takes to raise a child. She is a great person who made an intelligent
decision. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:24:29 PM | Where are they?
Point em out!
Be quite the prize....
less baggage. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 6:30:23 PM |
I get not wanting kids or can't have kids but the others that don't raise a red flag for me or am I reading more into it than I should?
well not wanting them and/or the inability to have them seem to me pretty good reasons for not having them. and op says he gets that too.
the only other option i see for a woman who doesn't have kids is if the state removed them from her home. i can see the red flag there, but otherwise, i don't see the problem.
i chose not to have kids because we have more than enough people on this little planet already. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 7:01:21 PM | " if it's a "red flag" for woman over 40 to not have children ... what SORT of "red flag" would that raise?"
It would not be any red flag to me, where do people get these stupid ideas from anyway? Find me a women over 40 without kids (nothing against kids but I'm more of a dog person) and I will be very grateful. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 7:31:36 PM |
Am I the only guy on here that has noticed the amount of 40+yo women that don't have kids? I get not wanting kids or can't have kids but the others that don't raise a red flag for me or am I reading more into it than I should?
I'm with the other guys...where the hell are you finding them?
As for the red flag thing...that's a choice on your part to call that a red flag or not. I know my share of women who have not had kids...have no desire to...and they're well adjusted and doing just fine in life. Not a red flag for me.
Paul ;) | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 7:46:30 PM | I can think of 3 female friends who are single and don't have kids. Usually the story goes something like this: they dated for a bunch of years out of college, got into a couple of long-term relationships only to get their heart stomped on and broken by guys who didn't want to commit, went on a bunch of lackluster dates, got to the age where it was harder to meet men, and more or less gave up.
One of them formally gave up on dating and never looked back. The other two, I think, test the waters now and then but don't expect much. Both wanted kids but just never met the right guy... it does happen. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:08:47 PM | I know a lot of women in their 40s that don't have kids. A couple of my female friends have been married a long time, but weren't able to have kids (or their husbands couldn't).
I was 38 before I decided to have one, just because I wasn't sure I wanted one or not. Kids aren't for everyone. I would love to date a man without kids, it's so much easier.
Women who don't have kids live longer! So more power to them!! | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:26:04 PM | You may be reading too much into it. I'm divorced after a very long marriage without kids. Should women with kids judge me suspiciously because I don't have kids? If they want to ask why I don't have kids I'll tell them!!
Maybe you're fishing in a different pool than I am but I haven't noticed very many women without kids that are divorced. Most of the women without kids never married, and I tend to judge that a little more suspciously like maybe you are.
To me never having married suggests the lack of an ability to commit to a partner. That's cause for concern if you want a long-term relationship. Maybe there is some other issue.
There are however women who have had very long term relationships with one man but never married. Currently I'm close to a couple who have been together for 7 years and for practical intents and purposes they are married and they treat their relationship like they are married......but they aren't legally married.
I'm sure now that I've written this that I'll get some flack from a woman who never married. I'm like a lot of guys who married and later divorced. I just don't understand the inability to sign a piece of paper and make a major commitment to someone....but if that happened in your case I hope there were legitimate reasons for it.
The only way you're going to know for sure about a woman is ask her, and hope that she answers honestly about this question. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 8:28:01 PM |
I get not wanting kids or can't have kids but the others that don't raise a red flag for me
Looks to me like you might be worried about non-custodial mothers. But even non-custodial parents *have* kids. So ya, I think you're reading too much into the fact of not having kids.
As infertility becomes more prevalent among both sexes, you'll be seeing it more and more. It's a trend at least 50 years old, and may be accelerating. We allow businesses to throw so much crap into our environment without keeping track of what they're doing, or protesting, I don't think the human race really has much of a chance, eh? What we breathe, what we eat, what we eat out of, what we drink, what we drink out of -- all of it pretty much poison to the human body. How is that body supposed to reproduce? The answer is: increasingly it doesn't.
 | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 9:01:59 PM | I don't entirely buy it.
First of all I'd have to ask why these women were wasting their time on men who had obvious "commitment problems"? Of course that would be begging the question about why women stay in emotionally abusive relationships but that's for another page.
I agree that once a woman reaches her 40s it's probably too late to find a guy who wants to have a family with her. What I question is....despite what these women say.....how big of a priority was getting married and having children to them?
What I've found in the majority of cases of women without children who never married is 1) getting married wasn't that important or they didn't want to get married at all and 2) having kids wasn't important to them either.
People make choices in life, and they have to live with the outcomes - good and bad. Some people are going to think it's great if you don't have children, and some will be horrified.
What I wish is that people would withhold judgments on these things until they have all the facts and they've asked all the questions that need to be asked. You don't really know until you've done that. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 11:10:57 PM | I read your post differently than others ... you understand that people don't want to have children, and that some people want, but are not able to have children. I read your "red flag" as being a concern as to whether these 40+ women that *state* they have no children are being deceitful.
Sorry, I have no answer to your question, other than to suggest that you not assume the worst about someone who otherwise appeals to you. | |
|
| Lack of Kids
Posted: 10/5/2009 11:23:45 PM | I get not wanting kids or can't have kids but the others that don't raise a red flag for me or am I reading more into it than I should?
==========================================================
huh? The other's that don't?
Your sentence raises a red flag for me in that I don't understand what you're trying to say. Are there 3 choices?
Why is it such a red flag to you? Are you reading more into it ? YES, DEFINITELY!!!! | |
|
Home
login 
