| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:24:37 PM | I met my girlfriend on facebook originally and we did get engaged. Its been long distance as she lives in the USA and I'm in the UK. She was meant to move to the USA on a marriage Visa that was succesful but then some past problems caught up with her and 2 years probation. I offered to move Stateside but she said to wait till her probation was over and she wanted to come here.
Its not been without the odd trauma and we did split for a while hence I added this page although it has been dorment.
but I do love her and enjoy her company.
I went to visit her in the USA in August and on my last day there she was texting some guy Sean who's home she was going to the next day as he was cooking a bunch of them a meal. She said this Sean was an old friend although I'd never heard her mention his name before. Also we hadnt made love for a few months and she had been under some pressure, however I did write her about the issue as gently as I could but she still took offence at it!
Two days later I see on her facebook wall that she has added a Sean to her friends. Then a few days after I see that his profile picture is one of them together!
I decided not to jump to conclusions or ask her about it and appear jealous.
Then last weekend both her and my work found us both in the Mediterranean and we met up in Barcelona for the day and night.
She said how much she had missed me and loved me and we had a great time and made love all night which she instigated. And she tried convincing me to drop work and head back to the USA with her although she knew I couldnt.
When I got back I put a couple of photos up and tagged her in them but she swiftly removed them saying that she didnt like them.
This past weekend I havnt heard from her. No reply to my texts at all. Then tonight on facebook I see this Sean dude commenting on what a wonderful night he had with her last night. I then clicked on his profile and he had an album of photos of him and her draped all over each other and according to his profile they have been in a relationship since early September!
I'm tempted to post on her profile the question " Why the hell was she declaring her love for me and in my bed last week when she's meant to be in a relationship with his Sean for the past month"!
Obviously I'm angry and hurt right now. I don't want to do anything rash and I havnt slept all night. Do I just forget it and try and move on? Or should I post something so that he knows what she's been up to behind his back as well? | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:32:43 PM | The question you have to ask your self is what do you hope to gain by telling him, or letting it be hinted??? Obviously she will have deleted anything you put on her wall, but you know now...
She is playing between the two of you, however it seems by your post you'd take her back in a heart beat, especially if "sean" is disgusted being played for a fool as well...
I would personally just back out...
Allow yourself to hurt, and then start over, perhaps with a lovely gal that isn't all tangled up in some legal affairs, other men, and who knows what else...
I have a feeling he already knows a bit about you, not the whole thing, but it was her spineless why of booting you to the curb... Wish her well, and then walk away... I know easier said than done, but still, she will probably come running back after this little fandango burns out...
What are YOU going to do then??? | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:38:02 PM | I guess part of me has invested 14 months in a relationship with her that I thought was for life...- I do love her. Part of me thinks " better the devil you know". And another part of me wants to humiliate and hurt her and wipe the smile off his face that's so apparant in his photos and by what he says! In these photos clearly is the engagement ring I bought her although she wears it on her middle finger as she says its too loose!
What ever i do I dont want regrets..:( | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:46:11 PM | Take the high road. Wish her the very best in her life and move on. You deserve better than that. She will get her just rewards down the road without you stooping to her level.
Best of everything to you. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:48:10 PM | | I'm always amazed how guys fall for these women who sound like total "winners" *sarcasm*...I read about it time and time again...fortunately I actually don't know any women like this...she is someone of poor character who is playing you...enough said...walk away. I know, so there must be, so many other girls who are more honorable, considerate, honest, smart, kind, faithful...make time for a girl like that...because the other one is just a waste of your time...unfortunately we don't get to choose who we fall in love with but we can choose who to spend the rest of our life with...so start making good choices...good luck!! On a side note...if someone was cheating on me...I'd like to know...so I assume when I know someone is cheating on someone...they would like to know too...no malicious intention...I just think the other person should have a right to have an honest fully disclosed understanding of their situation so they can make an informed decision. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:55:24 PM | | Until something like this happens, us guys do assume that they are honourable, considerate. honest, smart, kind, faithful etc etc...This one also happens to be incredibly beautiful and has a very cheeky and strong character. When in a long-distance relationship you do have to trust the other person or you'd worry yourself into an early grave... Thanks though for your wishes..:) Its all just a few hours old for me and I'm still numb... | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:57:53 PM | I believe in Karma, I dunno about you. That type of people always gets it at the end, trust me.
Take a moment and think, and then you will realize how lucky you are to be free from this person. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 10:59:05 PM | | It's understandable that you want to strike back but you'd be striking the wrong person. She's the one who played you and perhaps played him as well. It will catch up to her eventually. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/5/2009 11:32:05 PM | You've been strung along, all along, since the beginning. This woman sounds like a professional con artist. Let me guess? You send her money too...
we hadnt made love for a few months and she had been under some pressure
Yah...I'll bet.
Forget her. No more contact. She's a liar and a cheat. As far as telling Sean anything...let him find out for himself. I'm sure he'll soon figure out what she's all about. I wouldn't give her an ounce of satisifaction here. Not an inkling...just disappear. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 12:21:10 AM | I'd let Sean know. Not out of anger but out of good sense and common decency (something she lacks): If she's sleeping around like this she's putting innocent people's health at risk. If you were feeling really mean, you could give them an STD scare -- I know, you are too nice to go through with it, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy thinking about it for a moment, imagining how she is going to break it to him that he needs to get tested for herpes.
I wouldn't worry what his response is -- he may not believe you or he may not be someone who cares about monogamy; but I do think it best to give him a chance to escape.
The hardest thing to deal with, in my opinion, in cases like this, is not the feeling that what was important to you was not real: you feel stupid and angry at yourself and betrayed -- what was serious for you was a joke for them, but you will get past this emotional response...
The hardest part is going forward, wondering if you're seeing reality or just someone else's illusion -- feeling that you can't trust your own judgement any more. You can: you have no choice, in fact: one way or the other it is always you making the choices. There are some messed up people in this world and anyone, no matter how clever, can be fooled. If the betrayal you suffered involved a degree of self-deceit borne of hopeful wishful thinking or of fear of being alone, learn to be aware of these influences upon your perceptions: perhaps at some level you felt the relationship connection end but chose not to believe it. Perhaps you have become too accustomed to telling yourself not to worry and ignoring your instincts. Don't blame yourself: nothing justifies her behaviour -- but learning about how your perceptions are influenced by your hopes and fears may help you see more clearly in future.
I hope you feel better soon. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 3:13:58 AM | OP... I'd tell him.
I would be really, really pissed off and feel used.
I believe in the golden rule, and I sincerely hope that if I were this Sean guy, someone would tell me.
Don't you?
Not only that, I can be a vindictive and hateful person. I could not let an opportunity for vindication like that just walk away... lol.
I hate cheaters and liars... with a passion. It's precisely because good people stand around and do or say nothing that so much bad behavior and evil is allowed to flourish.
What if this guy tries to give her a ring? Don't you think he deserves to know the character of the woman he is dating?
Just another point of view.
-8sf8 | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 5:19:31 AM | I do suppose since it IS an engagement ring, he is entitled to it back, and he could ask her on her facewall to return it...
He doesn't want to make a mistake, which seems to translate to doesn't want to burn a bridge. She wrong you once, shame on her, she wrongs you twice shame one you...
Thing is, revenge has never done much good, AND as I said before, Sean already knows, probably not the full extent, but he knows... Face book is a tell all, and I have little doubt the "trist" was told to him was her saying good bye... | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 5:47:39 AM | OP, I believe that you should tell this guy. But not while you're angry.
When you calm down enough to think straight, send him an email. Do NOT post on your wall, her wall, his wall... do NOT plaster this for the world to see. Simply send him a note, tell him who you are and why you're messaging him. Warn him politely and gently, then bow out.
As far as what to do about the gf... yell at her and cuss in her face for all I care. I'd tell you to smack her too if you felt the need to, but then I'd have the PC-police in here calling me a woman beater. Honestly, she doesn't deserve an ounce of your respect. Just make sure you do it in private, not in public for the world to watch. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:03:44 AM | Asking for your ring back on FB...nothing wrong with that...she should be happy to return it if she has any decency left.
Get through the grieving process, avoid all contact with her...focus on healing for yourself and later since this will bring you closer to the better person for you.
Keep busy. There is no way to escape your pain right now but believe that this too shall pass as you know. Most importantly...do not let this make you a slave of your own past.
There is a positive to everything...it was 14 months and not years ...Good luck to you :) | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:07:37 AM | | OP. What the hell do you expect? There’s nothing between you both but an online friendship. Come on, she’s at the other end of the world. Be realistic. Move on and find someone locally where you have a chance to make it work. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 6:09:03 AM | If it were me, I'd really, really want to think I'd take the high road and walk away.
However, since she put so much effort into decieving you and lying, something like that should not go unnoticed.
I mean, she asked you to uproot and leave the country based on her deceit.
That takes a special kind of cruelity and callous behavior. Been different if she told you about this guy, that would have been on you.
I'm usually for letting people sort their own dramas out, but in this case I think i would tell the guy about what she did to you and then just stay away from her.
But, like I said earlier, I'd really, really would WANT to the take the high road and just walk away, but in reality I know I'm just not the magnanimous. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 7:00:02 AM |
I guess part of me has invested 14 months in a relationship with her that I thought was for life...- I do love her. Part of me thinks " better the devil you know"
She cheated on you. She cheated on that other guy with you. She will do this again and again.
Is this the type of life that you want? | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 7:30:59 AM | OP -- Put her and her memory where it belongs...out to the curb with the rest of the trash.
And just remember that a cheater always has the same M.O. They cheat because they can. She cheated on YOU with HIM. She WILL cheat on HIM with some other poor sucker sooner or later. If he thinks that she wouldn't, he lives in some alternate universe where reality doesn't apply.
Cheaters will always go back to their roots eventually. She ain't worth your time, venom or even your disgust. Drop her like a bad habit and move along. Unless you enjoy being someone's muse, you deserve better than that. We all do.
And laugh at her if she tries to "win" you back. | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 7:42:22 AM |
Cheaters will always go back to their roots eventually.
@BDJ,
You are correct in the majority of cases, however, there are some who acutally
change. They change because they've been "Rocked" to the bone because
they have had the tables turned on them and don't like the feeling, or they've
matured and found the part of humanity that lives within all of us.  | |
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| Do I tell the other guy she's cheating him as well?
Posted: 10/6/2009 8:04:32 AM | | Send a curt message to Sean telling your story and include some of the damning quotes from her. Then, end it with a dismissive, "She's all yours. Good luck with that one. You'll need it." | |
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