| How Easily Can You Detect "Red Flags"
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:52:53 AM | I recently met someone and we "clicked." We met twice and have been chatting for a while. Things were going great until just recently. During one of our IM sessions, he just vanished and I've not heard from him since. I take this as an immediate RED FLAG! lol So, one of two things happened: 1) he either had a heart attack or stroke and keeled over on the keyboard or, 2) he got busted by his significant other he obviously forgot to tell me about.
I was wondering if anyone else has any other RED FLAG signals they'd like to share to possibly help educate others to be on guard for during our fishing expeditions. I'd really like to find a quality man, but I'm beginning to think they are VERY rare fish in the sea anymore! | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 12:56:39 AM | That wasnt a red flag, that was flat out ignoring you.
Alot of people dont see (or pay attention) to the "red flags" until its to late. Then they complain about it later because they wernt paying attention. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 1:45:38 AM | | Red flags are usually placed on the back of logging trucks. A worn out old tattered hunk of red cloth hanging by a chain that dangles down near your windshield... It's the only constant in every new load of timber. I pay attention and can detect them pretty good, otherwise I'm going to run a big ol' log through my head. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 2:18:05 AM | | That is a perfect sign to trash-can that guy. It's disrespectful and deeply inconsiderate of him. I'd unleash some of that Amazonian Sass on him if I were you, and then not talk to him. If you put up with that kind of thing, you deserve it. Stand tall, sis! | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 2:22:15 AM | | think u r right. another i is phone them when they r not expecting it. this is usually a way of finding out if there is a significent other | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 2:49:03 AM | The self-description of "a few extra pounds."
Know how some women joke about measurements, holding their fingers and thumbs about three inches apart and saying "Well, my husband always told me that *this* was 10 inches ...?"
Well, "a few extra pounds" gives men something about which to compare their own observations. And mine is that when many women describe themselves as "AFEP" ... let's just say they're being a bit conservative.
That's my flag. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 3:22:24 AM | Actually, there were far more than two options there.
3. Sick family member
4. Dead family member
5. He's just not that into you
6. Forgot to pay the internet bill
7. Doesn't have time for the internet
8. Computer/modem failure
I could think of more, but I have to go to work.
The bottom line is that not EVERYTHING is a real problem. It's good to be leery of things, but there are a lot of people here who very obviously expect the worst in others consistently. (Which, by the way, is a red flag.)
Other things that I see as red flags for ME. (Me is capitalized because these are things that I see as "we wouldn't get along" messages prior even to talking.)
1. PEOPLE WHO WRITE THE WHOLE PROFILE IN CAPS!!111
2. ppl that wrt n txt mssg. (I write real sentences in the rare times that I text. This bothers me in things that aren't texts.)
There would be more... but I gotta run. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:28:21 AM | sometimes what looks like red flags are not, and sometimes what looks normal to you is the other person letting their freak flag fly.
if your own perceptual filters are all screwed up, either you're not going to see the red flags when they'd otherwise be obvious to most other people, or you're going to have a wild-haired knee-jerk reaction over nothing.... the first option is just stupid, but the second one is crazy and it's going to undermine every single potential relationship you'll ever have before it even has a chance to get started.
i think the whole M.O. that says you should be "on guard" with every person you come across online completely blows. when you're sitting there with the attitude that you're just waiting for somebody to say/do something that pisses you off, then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy for being alone and lonely for a real, real long time. and when you approach everyone defensively with the expectation that you will likely be hurt/disappointed/offended/abandoned, then you're not dating material and you should retire to your hole. and when everything everywhere becomes a half-paranoid landscape of red flag tests for the other person, YOU SUCK.
dating requires a reasonable balance of openness and discretion.... otherwise known as common sense. i guess maybe that's not the commodity i thought it was. just because the first five people weren't what you wanted or otherwise didn't work out, that doesn't mean that everyone else should be responsible for your expectations. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:32:35 AM | What was the last thing you wrote in the IM before he disappeared? Maybe you said something that was a red flag to him? There are numerous reasons why someone may have been pulled away from the computer in an IM - have you tried to call him?
Too many unanswered questions here to make a good judgement call.
I also have to say, for the record, to WRITETHINKING, what the hell does your post have to do with the question? Did you just feel the need to insult someone today? Did that give YOU a nice ego boost? Shame on you. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:34:36 AM | | Ooops, sorry WRITE TIME -- I now see the context of your comment. Still not nice, but not directed to anyone in particular here. My bad. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 4:42:46 AM |
Red flags are usually placed on the back of logging trucks. A worn out old tattered hunk of red cloth hanging by a chain that dangles down near your windshield...
 
Well, also when you are pulling an oversize load there is supposed to b a 12 inch red flag on each corner of your tractor-trailer. And on the overhang.
They are pretty easy to detect.
But I kind of going with the poster who asked what did you say last? | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:08:44 AM | | Send him a text and ask if he's ok. Make your decision from there. It could be any of the things mentioned but it sucks not knowing whether to be mad or worried. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:35:15 AM | | "disappearing and never coming back" is a red flag? Of what exactly? That he's gone? A red flag is someone who can't see you on weekends, or can only chat with you while he's at work. Disappearing is pretty cut and dried, there's nothing mysterious about that. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:50:57 AM | A "red flag" is a ridiculously over used term. Just like "he's just not that into you".
GAG...
They can be used for practically every situation and no longer have any true meaning.
Odds are OP that he just found someone he "clicked" with more. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 5:55:13 AM | | I take it from your question, that you don't feel you have enough reasons to reject someone instantly, so you want to borrow some from the rest of us. Yes? | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 6:11:47 AM | | Use of the term "clicked" means we didn't and use of the term "red flag" is one. It's as easy as falling off of a log, but only half as fun. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:30:42 AM | I've seen red flags hanging out of people's back pockets when they were exiting the Ramrod, but I don't know what the signal means in the BDSM community... and I'm just as happy not to know. Someone did tell me about yellow and brown once and I've never quite gotten over it.
A "quality man." What sort of quality? High-quality? Low-quality? Retail quality? Prime, Choice, Select, Standard, Commercial, Utility, Cutter, Canner, PSE?
Anyway. This isn't a warning, this is an ending. Even if you'd offended him mightily, he should've told you so, but at least you didn't have all that much time invested anyway. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:44:52 AM | | The "red flag" would have been only being able to have IM contact with him and especially after having met him twice. If you can't pick up the phone, call him and say, "Hey, where'd you go all of a sudden?"...yup, something stinks in Columbus. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 7:51:11 AM | I agree that isn't a RED FLAG that is a dumping you fact. There are so many reasons why someone does that, could be he likes to get a little close but might be married, or have a girlfriend, or broke up with a girlfriend and back together, or out dating to have someone "in the wings" in case his present situations keeps going bad, COULD be tons of reasons, but remember, it happens to all of us, and THINK good riddens as he is not trustworthy or honest and would do it again and again.
Red Flags are"
He always leaves the room to answer his phone.
He doesn't tell you about his family
He calls and calls then you are intimate then it might be days and days
He is sweet and open one minute the next he sounds like a stranger
He won't let you meet his family or children
He shows control issues
You see him scream and yell at people instead of a handling things in a peaceful firm way.
He calls you names or puts you down
He always says how "he hates people"
just a few there are many others. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/8/2009 9:14:09 AM | | For me it is a red flag meaning phone number were never exchanged. I agree, it is not hard to exchange phone numbers and should happen early on if really interested. | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 6:29:32 AM | OK. Thanks for all of the replies. Got the messages loud and clear. Just to respond to some of the messages, we did speak on the phone and in person. No, I'm not paranoid, otherwise, I wouldn't be out in the world. I can take the fact he's not into me, no big deal. My definition of a quality man is treating a woman with respect and dignity--same thing I offer to him. Maybe "red flags" isn't a term that should be used in this forum. However, I'll continue to keep my eyes open for signals that things aren't exactly what they appear to be. I try to take people at their word, until they prove otherwise. Yeah, setting myself up here, but hey, I do believe in trust as the foundation of a good relationship.
As far as the "few extra pounds," I probably haven't updated my profile in a while. But, hell, that's ok. I'll do that now.
Thanks again for the feedback! Happy fishing!  | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 6:42:19 AM | | Oh, BTW...I don't put up with it! ;-) Done, over, gone! Life's too short! Thanks for the positive note. It's appreciated! | |
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| How Easily Can You Detect Red Flags
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:19:15 AM | How easily can I detect a red flag?
Time and experience have taught me. I have installed a BS detector in my brain, and a firewall in my heart. I'm not falling for anyone, till I know all the details.
If I dont have access to him at anytime, something is up. His own family would have access in an emergency, even at work. Only seeing him at certain times of the day/evening.
He agrees with me on everything. Yeah, right, he really does like cooking for my sisters.
Watch his eyes dart here and there when he is saying something, trying to cover his a$$, while he tries to think up his excuse.
Too much too soon, trying to make things happen too fast. I had a guy propose after the 3rd date. 1c diamond and all.
Nasty attitude when talking about his ex. Blames her for everything. Next time it will be me he is badmouthing. | |
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