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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?      Home login  
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 SXFTC
Joined: 10/5/2009
Msg: 1
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Bit of advice needed. Six weeks ago my girlfriend of nearly three years dumped me. Her reason she did not love me with her heart but she still loves me so much? If she does then why did she do what she did? And she wants to be really great friends ie still doing what we was doing no bedroom activities though.
I am trying to move on she is involved in my social scene a lot thing is though she will turn up at home after a quick chat and cuppa with me and stay for a long time? Just trying to figure out what is going on?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 2
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:57:45 AM
I would avoid her company until you are over the break up. You cannot have it both ways, she wants to be single but still have you on the sidelines? Noy good for you at all.
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 3
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:58:18 AM
Three years was pretty much "sh1t or get off the pot" time anyway.

If she's having a change of heart and those options are still open to you...that's what you need to tell her.

If not...tell her to "get off the pot".

She wants everything you have to offer and is willing to take it.

She wants some other guy to give her the rest.

Unless you're ok with having a c#ck blocking ex stopping by when she feels.
 SXFTC
Joined: 10/5/2009
Msg: 4
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:43:49 AM
Cheers revilors for that I always thought once you split up that was it. She likes quoting the "we will never be lovers again" talk then the " I want to be really good friends" quote. Thing is how can this work? Apparently she misses my company.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 5
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:54:36 AM
She should either miss the whole package or nothing at all. Until you are completely over this girl, I would not be friends with her at all.
 realistic4 now
Joined: 9/27/2009
Msg: 6
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 11:58:28 AM
Here's a thought: when she shows up at your door next time, tell her you assume she wants to have a quick F*** since she knows you still want to with her, and start getting undressed. the worst that will happen is that she won't be back, the best is that you'll get some spontaneous sex. Either way, you will know for sure. I think she's just keeping you on hold until she sees if there is something better out there.
 voicebridge
Joined: 9/24/2009
Msg: 7
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 3:45:14 PM
Tell her to come over and introduce her to your new girlfriend.

She just wants to make sure she still has some control over you. Very selfish thing she is doing.

I would avoid all contact.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 8
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 4:27:34 PM
Why do some guys have so much trouble with the concept of friendship? To me, if I liked a guy enough to have him be my boyfriend, he's certainly going to be good enough company to be my friend without the sex. I cherish my friendships and think they are worthwhile (ya, een if I'm not having sex with them!)
 El Chupacabra
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 9
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 7:07:38 PM
Dumpling-Girl:

That was a very dense thing to say. Quite obviously you don't get it.

The OP didn't want to break up. He still imagines himself with her, having sex with her, being called sweet nothings....etc.

After three years those feelings don't just go away because she told him she wants to break up.

Often times I think it is impossible to be friends after the fact. In many instances it's possible sometime down the road, generally after each of them has hooked up with someone else again.

You apparently haven't ever been dumped by someone. Or apparently you've been been crazy about someone.

It hurts. Stings like none other. You don't just wanna hop into a friendship and consult with her on her new love life! Ewww..
 Revilors
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 10
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 7:23:07 PM
It hurts. Stings like none other. You don't just wanna hop into a friendship and consult with her on her new love life! Ewww..


Exactly...

There are times...especially when the couple mutually agrees the "love" relationship has run it's course. And many times even if it isn't mutual...it can eventually turn into a friendly acquaintance thing or even friendship.

But that is most often the exception...rather than the rule.

 Talisman30
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 11
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:11:31 PM
Dam, I wish these forums were available 17 years ago. I could have sorted thru a situation faster, lol. I can only laugh now because it was a long time ago.
 meloff
Joined: 8/8/2009
Msg: 12
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/9/2009 10:27:15 PM
Wow! My girl(ex) called me last night saying she mmissed me and invited me for sex.(she's living with a new guy) Then she proceeds to tell me that she humped a good friend of mine recently.She told me she loved me(haven't heard that in awhile)Of course I had some hope of getting the slut back.I didn't sleep at all last night.Today she told me she just wanted to visit.I proceeded to tell her to F/O. Your girl likes knowing she can have u anytime she wants(as does mine). Run like hell!!She's probably kind of evil(like mine).
 **~renegadeoutlaw~**
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 13
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:16:16 AM
OP, I hate to tell you this, but your ex G/F left for something she perceived as better and now she is trying to save face and be "friends with benefits" then eventually pick up where she left off with you. Truly, it's her ulterior motive.

She hangs out on your doorstep, turns up at "social events" with your friends so she can hang onto some semblance of a relationship with you, etc.

It isn't that hard to figure out.

Yes, you have some mutual acquaintances/friends, etc., and you are trying to move on........My advice: while you can still maintain some of those relationships with those who are important to you but in that, set your boundaries with them in reference to her - you don't want to hear about who she is dating, screwing, etc., If she turns up at some of the social functions parties/get togethers, etc. be civil with her, say hello, and turn your energies and attention elsewhere.

It would also be a good idea to embark on some new friendships with those who don't know her. - Now you are probably asking how to go about it........Join a sporting league, a club, volunteer somewhere, take on a new hobby, etc. You will not only broaden your social circle, but you will also make some new friends who aren't associated with her and get a change of scene.

But you also need to set your boundaries with HER. Let her know you are NOT going to be her friend with benefits, a soft place to land, or to be very blunt: a quick lay. It isn't worth it, because if you allow that, you will then garner the false hopes you can get back together. Ex sex has a tendency to cloud the reality that the relationship is truly over.

This is when the Golden Rule of Relationships needs to come into play and it goes like this: Once you walk out the door and say you are finished, then you are. This rule applies to both parties and is nontransferrable. There is NO going back, because if you do, it will invite the instability of the on/off again crap that can go on for many many years. Never, EVER break up with someone more than once.

My ex tried this sh*t a little over a year after he left me for someone else he perceived as better. - After that blew up in his face, he tried to "be friends", then ultimately tried to pick up where we left off. I basically laughed in his face, told him he had made his bed, now he can lie in it......without me.

OP, you deserve much, much better than her. She is sending you very mixed signals saying she loves you but doesn't. - Don't fall for it. Don't be available when she tries to call/text/email you. If she shows up at your doorstep, let her know it isn't a good time, and ask her to leave. Don't take the bait and play into her hands. You need to take care of you and focus on what you want.

Good Luck, Godspeed and keep us posted.
 GreatExpectations31
Joined: 9/28/2009
Msg: 14
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:21:43 AM
I say give her the chance she wants, but do it on your terms. She dumped you but at one point she loved you enough to start a relationship with you. You never know, if you go into a situation you thought was over with an open heart, what you might see.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 15
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:58:09 AM
You never know, if you go into a situation you thought was over with an open heart, what you might see.


I disagree. By giving his ex-gf a second chance, the OP is taking on the huge risk of being dumped again. He was not good enough for her then, who's to say that he's good enough now? Never let someone break your heart more than once, as it will be so much worse the second time around. Not only would you have to live through the heartache all over again, but you'd also question your intelligence and why you haven't learned anything from the last time around. Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice...

OP, don't be fooled by "did not love you with her heart but still loves you so much". This clearly is her way of using words to make herself come out looking more saintly. And if she really cared about you and had your interest in mind, she would let you heal your emotional wounds as quickly as possible by distancing herself. Being "really great friends" is not for your benefits but for hers. You are her emotional refuge until the next prince charming comes alone.

Cut all ties. Go no contact. This is the most important thing for you to do now. If you have friends who are also her friends, tell them you do not want to hear them talking about her anymore. Make sure they understand your seriousness. And if she barges back into your life, tell her politely but firmly that your relationship is over, and that you wish to move on. She's made her choice to breakup with you and you are not obligated to be her emotional refuge anymore. You won't look good doing this but trust me, in the long run, this is the best thing you can do for yourself.
 SXFTC
Joined: 10/5/2009
Msg: 16
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:30:42 PM
Still a bit weird at the mo. Was outside yesterday trying to get on. And she turned up. Just waiting for the microwave to finish. She then started the we can be only be friends now talk. I did not start this i have gone past that stage. What is going through her head?
 clockwork lime
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 17
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:57:16 PM
She's rubbing it inyour face.
Obviously she's dealing with this in a very passive-aggressive manner. It sounds like she has some latent anger.
"I'm having a party and you're not invited."
Next thing you know, she'll be trying to give you dating advice and be telling you not to date jealous girls who won't let you hang around with your ex. Secretly she's hoping you won't date again.
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 18
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/10/2009 2:03:33 PM
Cut off contact with her.
It will only prolong your grieving process if she's still around.
Don't waste your time trying to figure out what's going on inside her head, work on your own and move on. Best of luck!
 Mahogany-Rush
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 19
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:08:09 PM
sxftc, I wouldn't listen to Dumpling-girl, that is truly the dumbest thing, its like asking a hillbilly to shop at Walmart ? " look Pa there's road kill packaged up in plastic wrap, aint that cool?"

Renegade explanation was dead on, avoid this woman, set your boundaries and learn the skill of " ignoring" people like your ex kills me, they are soooo stupid, bud you cannot be friends with a ex especially every time you look at her you desire her even more.
 danlfc1983
Joined: 3/6/2009
Msg: 20
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/11/2009 4:36:41 AM

Cut off contact with her.
It will only prolong your grieving process if she's still around.
Don't waste your time trying to figure out what's going on inside her head, work on your own and move on. Best of luck!

Agreed.
 only_a_man
Joined: 6/19/2009
Msg: 21
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/13/2009 8:08:15 AM
Leave her alone. When she stops by or calls you... be too busy for her. Even if you have to pretend to be busy. Tell her you are glad that we can still be friends and that it would have NEVER worked out, because (then agree with whatever the reason was she gave you for breaking up). But always be the first to say you have to go, and be short with her. Execute this plan, and it will help you feel better about yourself, and will force her to respect you. You have to actively try to do this. This will give you self respect and make her less happy to be away from you.

But... do not show her that you care. Do not tell her you love her..... Tell her you are dating someone else and you are happy. All she wants right now is your attention and your affection.... it makes her feel great. Dont give it to her. I guarantee she will come running back to you if you deny her what she wants. You need to look out for yourself, and your best interests, but nobody can do it for you.
 missbrandi28
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 22
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:01:44 PM
I understand her situation. You were not only her boyfriend of 3years, but most likely one of her best friends as well..it's hard enough being without the one you loved for so long, but then you have to lose your best friend too? Love hurts.
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 23
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/13/2009 3:33:15 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This is why the person who initiates the breakup has to really think things through thoroughly before pulling the switch. There are consequences to everything we do, a price to pay in every action we take. Imo, a breakup is an irreversible act and should not be taken lightly. In the case of the OP, when his gf of 3 years broke up with him, she has also forfeited the privilege to be his friend. When she gave up on him, she gave up everything that was him. There is no half way. If she didn't want to lose him as a "great friend", perhaps she should have tried to work hard at resolving whatever issues she may have with him. For her to try to coerce him into a one-sided friendship/relationship after he was dismissed is utterly most selfish. I hope the OP is wise enough to realize that.
 whenwillthiswork26
Joined: 11/13/2008
Msg: 24
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She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/13/2009 4:14:21 PM
She dumped you because she does not love you. But she uses you for companionship because there is no one else around at the time that she can be with.
She is keeping you as a friend.

If you can just like her as a friend then there is no problem.
If you love her and want her as a girlfriend then you should find someone else
to love, and not see her for a few months at least. It will only hurt you more.
 skier51
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 25
She dumped me so why does she still want to see me?
Posted: 10/13/2009 6:56:17 PM
Don't answer the phone or door. It is hard but you need to heal.
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