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Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Does sex feel different with someone you love?      Home login  
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 _emma
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 1
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Does sex feel different with someone you love?Page 1 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Hi, something that has been on my mind a lot recently was this question:

Does sex feel different (better) with someone you love?

I've only been with one person my entire life until recently. The guy i was with wasn't a virgin but i wanted to know, from the guys, does it feel special with someone you're in love with? I know sex is different for a man than for a woman and that some men do not connect sex with love whatsoever, so to a man it doesnt matter what woman he is with it feels the same. Is that true?
And for women, does sex feel differently with someone you love as well? I always wondered how some women can have sex with multiple partners casually. I cannot see myself being with anyone else whom i am not in love with or feel a strong connection with, which worries me quite a bit. I don't want to feel such emotional connection with someone while having sex, and i feel like i wont ever feel this way again with anyone else. I've recently slept with someone and it didn't feel anything like what i felt with my last boyfriend (whom i was with for three years). I feel like i'm never going to enjoy sex ever again. Is something wrong with me?

I'd really appreciate your input.
 Normal is relative
Joined: 8/17/2009
Msg: 2
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Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/9/2009 8:15:36 PM
Oh, honey - you're so young yet. There's nothing wrong with you at all! Of course it feels different with someone you're in love with. It's so much better to be connected mind AND body. That's not to say it's not good with someone you don't love, just different (like you asked). Sounds like you weren't ready to sleep with anyone new, but don't judge him against your ex.

Guess what - it can feel better with different people who you are in love with (to make it more complicated). Don't compare your future with your past. It's always a bad idea. I remember at your age I lost my first love and was devastated. You know what? I got over it. It does take a little while, but you will be fine. And sex gets better with age - trust me. There will be lots of folks who will agree to that.

Good luck to you....
 Erinlove
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 3
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/9/2009 8:20:58 PM
It feels great with someone you love, much better than with someone you barely like. For me it feels best with a dominant and experienced sexual animal : P Someone who I can feel liberated with because I was raised sex is wrong.
I am not sure I can love any more though.
 farceur
Joined: 5/3/2009
Msg: 4
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/9/2009 8:35:51 PM

I'd really appreciate your input.
Not too subtle, but I'm listening...
 Blackhawks_Brian
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 5
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/9/2009 8:54:35 PM
100% better with someone you love and respect... should go without saying...
 Heptone
Joined: 6/28/2007
Msg: 6
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:18:58 PM
This is such a peculiar question. Shoveling snow feels better with someone you love. Taking out the trash feels better ... mowing the lawn ... shopping ... sitting at a red light feels better. Strangely, sex is just the opposite. Huh? Of course, sex is better. And what's this about "some men do not connect sex with love whatsoever..." What fairy tales are you reading? This kind of toss out a mindless fact with no scientific veracity ... just seems you might think it through before launching some toads ...

Is something wrong with you? A) If you think there is, there is. B) You might be depressed, mildly. C) Love is harder to find than sex. Wish it weren't true. Wish it weren't true.
 Iamsexyone
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 7
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:25:29 PM
I think so...I never had a man "make love to me" so I honestly couldn't tell you. But I can imagine that if a man REALLY wants you, he will make love to you and it should feel amazing!
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/9/2009 9:32:46 PM
Just another example of a younger person only seeing the world in absolutes, and not all the subtle variety it really has. There isn't anything wrong with you OP, other than you putting too much pressure on yourself and your partner. Of course sex (and anything else for that matter, as noted above) is different with someone you love. Now don't get my wrong here, friendly, recreational sex can be wonderful, and its perfectly normal to enjoy your body and all the pleasure it can give you, and others. But making love with someone you have a deep, soulful connection with is a positively transcendent experience. If you can't have sex without being in love that's your choice, and if that's what works for you, so be it. It might get lonely though, waiting for that perfect love to come along.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 9
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:41:37 AM
Sex is a whole lot different when you're in love. It can feel like your heart is opening up like a flower. But sex can be great when you're in like as well.
If I were you, I wouldn't worry too much, but I would wait until I felt something for a boy before I slept with him. Hey, it's worth the wait - you've seen this already when you slept with a guy you felt nothing for. You felt nothing having sex with him.
Don't feel pressured by this world we live in - you be true to yourself. Good luck!
 3Therm0pylae0
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 10
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:57:40 AM
Oh my GOD YES! I have F'd, had sex, had great sex, made love, and then... realigned the foundation of all Heaven and Earth in the heart of eternity with the grace of passionate love expressed most beautifully in the arms of she whome I lived and died for with every mote of my existence... OMG there's such a powerful difference!
 nothing_sweet_about_me
Joined: 9/3/2007
Msg: 11
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 12:59:20 AM
My honest opinon on this is;

I've had bad sex with someone I love

I've had bad sex with someone I didn't love

I've had good sex with someone I love

I've had good sex with someone I didn't love



sex is sex, love is love. Sex doesn't feel different just because I love someone or not. I appreciate that this might not be the norm for many women, but it's my honest opinion.
 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 12
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:11:35 AM
^^^yep, you're right. OP, listen to her. Sex is sex and love is love.
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 13
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:26:30 AM
^^^^^^listen to her listening to her...
 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 14
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:28:34 AM
"I'd really appreciate your input.
Not too subtle, but I'm listening..."
You crack me up every time. Keep 'em coming, some people appreciate your jokes.

OP, lovey-dovey sex sounds great until you engage in really good hate sex for a while. Then life sends an awesome FWB across your path to further confuse you. Some of the emotionally vested sex pales in intensity compared to the BDSM experience you were lucky enough to sample. That leaves you confused, and you post your first thread on POF which gets deleted within minutes. Just like a cheap movie ad, life is full of twists and turns - you trust nobody and before you know it life eludes you. All there is is sex and PlayStation3. But enough about me, how is your day? :-)
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 15
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:35:52 AM
I happen to agree with nothing sweet about me!!

If sex feels different maybe your not putting enough effort into it! It should be good ALL the time!!

So yes
sex is sex
and
love is love
 wolftxus
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 16
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 1:38:44 AM
""some men do not connect sex with love whatsoever..." What fairy tales are you reading? This kind of toss out a mindless fact with no scientific veracity"
It is true, deal with it. 'some' does not mean 'all', so it just takes the presence of one to make it true (much like for disproving it only takes one example to kill a theory). If anything, your opposition is 'mindless' because your opposing claim would have to be that ALL men connect sex with love somehow.
 r90sboxer
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 17
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Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:31:18 AM
And does their "expression of love" include getting knocked around the house?Bruises,broken limbs,black eyes......?
If so....I'd say go for the casual stranger who just seems to like the way you push the grocery cart and not run into the displays.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 18
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:00:32 AM

sex can be great when you're in like as well.


Now THIS concept needs to be expored, by forum thread, and in practice!!


If I were you, . . . I would wait until I felt something for a boy before I slept with him.


Shytttt!!! She runs with boy-wolves!!

OP, there's an old Henry Fonda flick caled Spencer's Mountain, and in part of it, he is giving fatherly advice to his son, a "boy" who is about to marry. Henry asks why he wants to marry her, and the boy claims he totally loves the girl. Henry says, "When I married your mother, I didn't love her, but I surely liked her alot! But as the years passed, I came to understand what love means, and that's how I've come to feel about her."
That stuck with me, because I don't think, as a young man, I was fully capable of loving a woman, probably still too involved with myself, though in alot of ways I guess I was a late bloomer (for you Brits and Aussies, think flower, not pants, lol).
"Sex while in like" for somebody may be a much more workable definition for you, OP, at your age. jmho
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 19
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Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:03:07 AM
When it comes to the "physical" feelings......
Sex feels good when it's done right.
Orgasms feel just as good with a casual encounter as they do with a committed partner!!

Now....."mentally".......is a different story for alot of people.
There are those that feel "empty" after a casual experience.
Or just can't quite get into the whole experience without the "heart" connection.
It's not that the sex isn't a pleasurable experience.....it's that mentally you can't allow yourself to enjoy those pleasures because your too busy thinking about not being in love.

Only you can decide what works best for you.
 lovemesomemen
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 20
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:25:00 AM

Does sex feel different (better) with someone you love


Nope. You might think it's better because you think you're in love but it's still the same.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 21
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 11:14:48 AM
Well if sex is sex and love is love.
I can say I have never had an almost spiritual and physical bliss with someone I did not adore.

Heck, maybe he was just that good. I think a toy would be better than with someone I don't like.
I have had good angry sex, but loved them. Damn this is complicated.

It's been so long I am confused
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 22
Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 3:09:30 PM
Sex is the best with someone you find really hot, whom you like and trust. It's great it you love someone, though I've not found a huge difference in quality of sex when you love someone as opposed to when you are in love with someone (and yes, to me there's a difference). The essential qualities are being with someone you find really hot (and not int the objective sense, more in a having crazy chemistry way), and that person being someone you trust enough to open up with. And I must say, I've had some great in-like sex as well.
 TooShadows
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 23
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Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 3:50:04 PM
Well,to me it doesn't feel physically better,but sex is much better with someone you love because of the connection you have with that person.
 Antithetical
Joined: 8/13/2009
Msg: 24
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Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:41:17 PM
Depends on the individual.

For many people, myself included, it is difficult to fully enjoy sex unless you have a connection with the other person. Others seem to have the ability to separate the physical sensations from everything else.
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 25
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Does sex feel different with someone you love?
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:42:42 PM
OP -- Sex doesn't change...love doesn't change. As many have already pointed out - sex and love are mutually exclusive. You don't need one to have the other. You don't need or require one to make the other "better". Having one or the other doesn't render the remaining "worse" by the same token.

It's Hollywood, and romance novels, and media exposure in general, as well as fairy tales heard as a kid that make one believe that one HAS to have the other, and that one makes the other "better".

Fallacy. All of it.

Speaking only for me - I used to believe in the fairy tale myself, and in some remote instances I have fallen back to that old myth that sex with someone you love is "better" in some way...but truth be told, it doesn't matter who I sleep with - there's passion exchange and that's all that matters. Whether I love them or not is irrelevant to how "good" or "bad" it is. Really...the only difference I can see or report is the use of or absence of the word "love". Like you're f*cking away and get to say or hear the L word used. That's really the only discernible difference I can spot.

People just love the fairy tale too much to see reality for what it is.

JMO.
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