| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:10:00 AM | Sure, this is the Internet, but don't we come together with hope, wanting to put our best face forward, being open to others - cutting them the same slack we cut our friends?
So many forum threads are full of attacks on the OP or other posters...single words seem to generate attacks with name calling. Personal features are attacked. Accusations are made from extrapolations. Spelling and grammer are held to task.
Or when I get the profiles generated just for me I often read highly defensive profiles - no this, no that...don't be this way, don't be that way.
Sure we're wounded - relationships do that. Hopefully we lick our wounds and dive back in and take reasonable chances again....
But can't we "Be Nice" to each other in the process and withhold the personal slams?
Not sure why we feel the need to attack each other on a board designed to generate friendships. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To Be Nice Anymore?
Posted: 10/10/2009 8:13:52 AM | | well, it's because there are no boundries here, we can say what we think and nobody can really be hurt from it...if you don't like it? deleate...simple...I mean it's not like it's "in your face" kind of thing....and most are so far away there's no chance of running into them anytime...besides, most of this is entertainment value anyways...we all sound and look pretty good on here...in real life most are pretty screwed up... | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To Be Nice Anymore?
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:09:18 AM | Amen Riverkilt! It seems I been preaching the same sermon today.
Bitterness and personal attacks really should be moderated. I guess in the end we know who we don't want to contact. It must be hard living with the weight of the world on the shoulder.
Don't feed the trolls and especially don't feed the angry bears! Maybe if they go back and hibernate they'll wake up on the right side of the cave! | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:13:05 AM | I have felt the same way when reading these forums , and have fell into the constructive critivism (for fear of more powerful) word. Who knows why others get there rocks off hurting others. or trying to. If I have done so, I fully state this was never my intent.
But darn you are so right some of these people can be sooo cruel, and sometimes I cannot help but return the favor. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 9:20:34 AM | Don't forget it's all too easy for anyone to spout nasty retorts and disdain when they are hiding behind a monitor.
It is, after all, their safe place. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 2:30:43 PM | Amongst it all though, is advice that the OP can work with, or understand and often you will read " to those who wish to ....." and then "thank you, that makes sense"...
So, all I can say is keep posting your advice, it only takes 1 for an OP to get a close answer, that makes sense to them and it was all worth it.
And, often if they come back and reply to yours, other-like-minded people continue from there and those little nastys have to go or butt out, cause the thread has turned.
So, keep posting advise  | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 3:14:32 PM | OP, I get what you are saying, but some of these stories/situations I read on these forums can be NOTHING short of mind blowing and if I were to sit down and try to write a fictional story that tops some of these scenarios, I don't think I could.......In other words, you can't make this stuff up, and some of the situations I read about scare me to death.
And yes, while I along with many others are just as guilty of what you are charging, finger pointing, name calling, etc. well, at least I tell it like it is, and don't mince words. And some of these folks sometimes have it coming and DO deserve it. - and I do think there are people out here who will agree with that.
I don't cut a lot of slack to those - not even my friends - of dating married or otherwise committed people, playing head games, etc. - I just don't have the tolerance for that. -
One of my friends, of whom I have lost a LOT of respect for IS at current dating a married man. - And the sad thing is, she'll call me up complaining that his wife left her scathing messages on her answering machine, he had to break a date etc. - and I tell her the same thing......that she is not being very smart in dating a married man, it's a road to nowhere but hurt, stress, and anguish, and yes, she is getting what she deserves. - "Being nice" about it to me, is not an option. - She knows deep down she is in the wrong but keeps on seeing this chump - and yes, I DO call her on it. And no, I don't cut her any slack. - In fact, I have recently told her that I just don't want to hear it anymore whenever she calls me in a good whine about what her married boyfriend did to piss her off today.
A lot of us out here in the dating pond have been hurt, - down to the bone......many of us on here have been subject to cheating, abuse, drugs, illegal activities, and otherwise unacceptable behaviors and yes, some of us may go to hypervigilant extremes to protect ourselves and cut our noses off to spite our faces in the process. BUT, we know what road we don't want to go down again, and yes, while it may seem quite brusque on our profiles and sometimes on the forums, we DO get our messages across about what we will and won't tolerate. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 4:54:26 PM | Good golly Miss Mollie....even got this one shoved back down my throat....hello? hello? Is there any common sense out there? Has anyone read that old Dale Carnegie book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"?????
Telling it like YOU THINK it is ain't gonna work making friends...."Hi there, my that's an UGLY dress you're wearing..."
NO ONE deserves to be treated rudely....
Maybe the moderaters could set aside just one thread, just one topic, where those who wanted to "Be Nice" could post and feel safe about posting and leave the other threads to the trolls, angry bears, and holier than thous.
Honey, you're entitled to your anger towards men - but I've paid my dues. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 5:43:27 PM | No, I don't tell it like I think it is, I tell it like I KNOW it is.
OP, contrary to what you believe, I am not a rude person and am definitely NOT angry towards men and don't really care if you have "paid your dues" or not...I've dealt with a lot of bitter men out here and wonder if you are one of them........I simply stated there are certain behaviors/things that many of us won't tolerate out here. - Dating married people, liars, cheaters, drug abusers, etc. There is nothing wrong with putting as such on our profiles. It's called setting boundaries and being up front. If you have a problem with that, then maybe you need to go elsewhere.
Maybe the moderaters could set aside just one thread, just one topic, where those who wanted to "Be Nice" could post and feel safe about posting and leave the other threads to the trolls, angry bears, and holier than thous
So what.....you are now saying we need the forum/profile police???? If so, then we are all in trouble for spouting off our opinions and the last I checked, we live in a free country with freedom of speech, press, and expression.
I rest my case!
Edit** I am wondering if this isn't some stupid-a$$ troll post. If it is, then it needs to be deleted.
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 6:10:55 PM | Honey, you're entitled to your anger towards men - but I've paid my dues
You started a thread which means you want opinions.
You feel people should be nice and more compassionate in posting on the
threads.
You proceed to call Renegade "honey" in a very condescending manner
and than backhandedly call her a "man hater".
All she did was give her opionion - so my question to you is - didnt you
just implement the behavior that you abhor here?
Hmm.....
Yeah people are mean and then there are people here that express themselves,
very hard sometimes because they want thier point to get across, they want to
get you to read thier response amongst all the candy coated ones.
Sometimes candy does not fly here - sometimes the situation is so thick and the
poster is so thick headed that there is no other way than to be "in your face"
posting.
"awe I am so sorry that happened to you" does not cut it when the problem the
poster is having is merely thier own stupidity.
So, what do you do - You post a response that gets read and taken to heart so they
"see" it for what it is and not pacify them that everything will be okay.
I dont think I am mean- I may guilty of seeing things and telling it like it is -
but I am not intentionally mean.
When starting a thread here you are taking a chance. You are dealing with
alot of different personalities and different agendas- people having bad days,
people in love, people unhappy about something. Anything. Its an open free
forum and it will attract some pretty different people.
Good thread OP - | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 7:09:32 PM |
Good golly Miss Mollie....even got this one shoved back down my throat....hello? hello? Is there any common sense out there? Has anyone read that old Dale Carnegie book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"?????
You think this got shoved down your throat??? OMG. No one here attacked you but now since you want to act like an ass I guess it's open season. And you know something I am not here to win friends or influence people so you can keep your advice.
NO ONE deserves to be treated rudely....
You do
Maybe the moderaters could set aside just one thread, just one topic, where those who wanted to "Be Nice" could post and feel safe about posting and leave the other threads to the trolls, angry bears, and holier than thous.
You don't feel safe? do words really hurt you that much? step away from the keyboard, the internet should only be used by adults.
Honey, you're entitled to your anger towards men - but I've paid my dues.
sure talking down to people is a good way to show just how "nice" you are. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 7:47:11 PM | Ok so back to my theory of natural selection...this is why the wounded and weak are always the first ones to be eaten | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/10/2009 10:17:43 PM | You folks crack me up.
Thanks from the support from them that "gets it."
And....don't think I could possibly disagree more with the rest.....
No troll....probably a good candidate for masochist of the month award though...
Oh, there's no poster named "Honey." The quote is a generic one, often voiced by a guy named John Lee who ironically writes a lot about being wounded. Not intended to be a put down, intended to point out that not all men are assholes and a few have done a lot of work in overcoming "testosterone poisoning."
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/11/2009 12:08:19 AM | Well Riverkilt... I am gob smacked, because your thread was very valid and something people could actually relate to... however, how we relate is up to us, as individuals is it not?
Old Dale Carnegie... Yes, he is old.. there are much better inspirational speakers of today's age believe it or not.... Allen Pease even, on body language is very interesting and if you put that into "text" and "words" your body language borders the complete opposite as to why you started this thread, in effect you just dissed someone, exactly what your complaining about?
Debating is okay and there is a huge difference from debating and "putting down" and Honey is condescending, bloke...
She was in my opinion purely pointing out that some threads started are started for wars, because they are caught out, they start with a question but their real intent and how they think is disgusting, should we not actually note that?
It's totally different, than dissing someone who sincerely just wanted to ask a question and idiot trolls reply, verses, their story doesn't add up and they are in-deed needing to hear the truth..
How else does anyone learn in life?
You just did exactly what you are complaining about and you should, sorry, be ashamed... it is in fact trollish, if you can pose a question then get offended and off on a tantrum, and call her honey, put CAPITALS, ???????????'s... you got angry, see how you contradict yourself?
Perhaps you need to see a bit more clearly over the difference of debating a topic, verses, dissing a person. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/11/2009 7:06:53 AM |
Honey, you're entitled to your anger towards men
It always amazes me how most - notice I didn't say ALL men will say that to a woman who tells it like it is and doesn't mince words. - those of us women who don't take any shit from anyone.........especially men............ are labeled man haters, bitter, angry - as what you have called me in not so many words, b*tches, or other choice names that aren't even printable.
It's usually a retort that is used when nothing else constructive comes to one's mind.
there's no poster named "Honey."
You are right.......but still, it was used within a very condescending manner
Curlygirl and Sox are right.......hearts, flowers, and roses don't fly here in the forums, and I sincerely thank them for pointing that out to you.
If you want further examples, take a look aroud these forums and have a good read........if anything, you WILL get quite an eyeful. If you can't handle it, I along with Sox agree that you need to step away from the keyboard. The internet is definitely NOT for the faint of heart. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/11/2009 9:36:52 AM | Haha!! As much as they have a right to be rude and personally attack we still have the right to say they rude...so actually we all exist and have a right to freedoms of choice! We will continue to say whats on our minds just as openly as the next person! Some folks put words together differently and different generations speak with their own inflections. No one really has the right to say who belongs and who doesn't.
No we can't all get along because that would be too easy! But ya just pass by the bitter bad stuff and read the pertinant information. Freedom of choice at it's best. | |
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| Are We Too Wounded To
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:11:29 PM | Most of these types do not have a picture of themselves in their profile. That
would be the same for them as actually having the guts to say what they really
think in the real world, and would make them open to attack, which is something
they deeply fear.
What a wonderful medium for sick individuals! To be anonymous and be able
to attack and spew anger and hatred at will.
The defensive profiles I can understand. I have a list in my profile of what I don't want. I find that it saves everyone's time. I feel I am very open minded about
people and yet, I also know that certain things or problems a man might have
would make me not be interested in him. | |
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