| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 4:39:54 PM | I have been in monogamous relationship for over 30 years and I find it very hard to go out and loook for new partner ,..
It feels like entering the forbiden world everytime I get close , Do I have a problem and How do I treat it?
Thanks  | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 4:52:49 PM | Well I am in a similar situation, not like 30 years. I was in a 2 year relationship, took a couple months to get myself better and started dating again. I can not tell you how bad I want to make love again. I have went on dates with 20 or so women in the past 6 months, many were ones where we just did not click but about 5 I saw several times. In every case I was pressured sort of in a way within 3 dates or so to get into the bedroom. I resisted the temptation every time because i know there are diseases out there and I am too young to make a mistanke and potentially get trapped by someone I do not love. So I have been celebate for 8 months now but I know I will find a patient loving women like myself that I will find again.
So my advice is wait and be patient, I am sure you want it bad like me but do not waste your time with a player, weed them out by not having sex right away and see how they react. Anyone can say sex is not that important but when they put the pressure on 3 days later they are probably a player | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 4:54:30 PM | OP -- I hear ya, and I feel your pain lol.
Sorta.
When I was growing up, after a sexual relationship with someone I found it more or less easy to get in the sack with someone new. To me, it wasn't worth the trip to get hangups and pine for that last piece of ass. May as well just move on, and start anew.
However, with that being said...when I got out of my longest relationship (6+ years) I found it damn near impossible to tap some "strange". Offers...check. Availability...check. Ability...fail.
It seemed that, much like you, when I'd get close enough to get that far...it felt wrong to me for some reason. Forbidden as you put it. I dunno why, 'cause I was no longer with anyone...but that didn't stop the feeling from presenting itself. It was stupid and annoying. No attachment to any ONE person and I had free range to do as I please...but I just couldn't do it. In fact, took me just shy of 1 full year before I finally ended up sleeping with someone else. Even then, when all was said and done, I felt...wrong. A year later and I was still feeling like I was cheating.
Dumb...yea I know.
So you're not alone, man. Not hardly.
I wouldn't call it a "problem" exactly, but I would dare say that you have some lingering attachment issues. Fidelity with ONE person for so long seems to put that thought in our heads. Like anyone else...is someone ELSE and it still feels wrong.
As far as "treatment" would go, all you can do is keep plodding forward and sooner or later things will fall into place for you. Maybe not though. Everyone's different. But certainly there's no trick, or cure, or meds that can "fix" you and your situation. Time is the only element that will have any effect. Good or bad.
Best of luck. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 4:55:02 PM | | It sounds like you are not ready to date yet. Maybe after such a long time of being monogomous you feel like you are cheating. Try easing into it more slowly and dating without diving into the sexual side of it for a while and see if that makes you feel better. Get used to the companionship of other women first before you attempt to get any feelings or sexual stuff involved.. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:03:56 PM | It will be easier when you are no longer tied to the other person legally.
maybe a bit soon to get someone else involved when you haven't finished with the last one yet.
You are married still. Many women won't touch that, so maybe find release with a friendly sock puppet. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:05:24 PM | | I agree, some men like myself think of it as a sacred thing, the majority of others do not think of it as special they just want to f^^k. They way I currently look at it is the longer I wait, the more special it will be for me next time, almost like losing my virginity again | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:16:55 PM |
How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Perhaps the fact that your main motivation is ending sexual starvation might have something to do with it. Here's an idea - get divorced, date women and actually get to know them, sort of not in terms of 'sexual stavarvation enders' but kind of like people...geesh | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:26:19 PM | First of all, not that sex and long term are mutually exclusive, but you need to be very honest and upfront about what type of relationship you are looking for. Saying long term in your profile is decieveing yourself and also a potential partner. Are you really ready to get into an LTR right now if sex is really foremost in your mind? You also can't expect instant intimacy from a woman is looking at you as long term. It tends to force and rush things. Get it out of your system by finding someone who just wants a regular partner to meet with, no strings attached and then figure out what you want from there. It's just seems really awkward for me when a guy that gives the impression is looking for long term and gives me the sad story of how he has been sexually deprived and is pressuring me within the first week of meeting him to prove I am not like his wife before he'll date me. It really doesn't make him seem very desirable to me. I just say lay your cards on the table up front (starting with your profile) - you can still be classy about it, don't just compliment a woman to get her into bed - show some interest in who she is as a person, don't share your partners sexual history - a woman won't take pity on you, and she will also wonder what part you may have had in her lack of desire and why you would stay with a woman for so long who neglected you. In otherwords, set forth with a new attitude, and fresh and positive outlook, don't push, and don't pretend you want a relationship if you really don't. Trust me - there are woman around that really LOVE sex - but they need your time and full attention. You are technically still in the old relationship. That won't work my friend.
There is no bigger turn off for me (and I've seen it over & over with men) than the poor pitiful me attitude of the sexually neglected man. It's not sexy, because I know it's very manipulative in most cases. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 5:36:51 PM | Okay psychologically speaking learn to find your bliss with holding intimacy as sacred and special and something you only share with someone you want to spend time with intimately.
Look folks here's the thing about sex.
(Apparently some of you aren't aware of it.)
A man places a part of his body within a woman's MOST intimate part of her body.
Body's merge.
Becoming one at that moment in time.
Not just body to body.
Eye to eye.
OK?
Folks we have a body within a body.
Only pregnancy is so intimate.
Some folks? Do this with thousands of people.
Wow what fun is that?!?!?!?
It's like the Holland Tunnel everybody's been there and rammed on through.
You need psychological reasons WHY you don't what to be that bus driver?
Ok....seek religion. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:35:16 PM | HI Miss Mewsic , In case you misunderstood I want to clarify the meaning of my staement .
As said in my post I am having psychological issues getting sexually too close , and yes I am honest
when I say I am looking for a long term relationship . I happen to have a history of 30 years in monogamous relationship
unfortunately lost to mental illness , I am sure I haven't lost the qualities of maintain good long term relationship,...
Not sure if divorce will do it but I think you are right wen you say time will show ,.. You made me feel like I was one of the
losers trying to deceive women so they can get laid ,.. well if that was the case I wouldn't be here asking my question
thanks again | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 6:45:26 PM | | The feelings of sexual arousal can and do frequently happen before the rest of your brain is ready. It's nothing to whip it out and stick it in, unless you are conscious at the time and having thoughts about yourself, the situation, the person you are with, the consequences, and memories of your ex, and more. It can take waiting past the initial arousal and opportunity to get everything lined up. That's pretty straightforward. You just borrow a page from the womens' playbook and wait until you know her well, until you have become comfortable together, and have some basis other than lust for intimacy. It falls into place then. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/12/2009 7:13:22 PM | | Ya, that does relate...makes more sense than anyone wishes to face...sometimes, it has nothing to do with fear of adventure but fear of allowing one's self to become vulnerable to another. time truly does equal to time of understanding each other. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/13/2009 12:49:30 AM | | Going out and finding a new partner is as difficult as you make it. Go places and do things that will attract the kind of women your intrested in. If you are a spiritual type, churhes have single mixers. If you enjoy dinning there are single dinning clubs. Try meetup.com as a start, it has activities to choose from of your intrest. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/13/2009 1:52:46 AM | | after fine dining, it's hard to settle for mc donald's. so save your emotional/spiritual energy. when the right person comes along AND when the time is right, the rest will follow. why jump from the frying pan into the fire? as to sexual starvation, that is the easy part. it's the other aspects of intimacy that you cannot address "alone". nonetheless it takes time, patience and perseverence--along with the ability to successfully achieve the "balancing act". immediate gratification only lasts a few minutes. a good strategy for how you want to live your life, and with whom, will get you longer term benefits, and ones you can rely upon. instead of seeing the first course as starvation, know it will be followed by other servings and that you will eventually feel fulfilled. | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/13/2009 11:11:14 AM | George2: I understand your dilemma, I know a certain Miss Mary Palmer, she is not a whiner,nagger,high maintenance,doesn't crowd you space,you don't need to her take to dine out , or spent money for gifts ,she is not a Golddigger.. In other words it is a free gratification, with a little imagination............ | |
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| How to end Sexual starvation after leaving a long relationship
Posted: 10/13/2009 9:07:05 PM | | you are just out of practice...you haven't been in the single world for so long it is like a foreign land to you...dark and strange..i have been single 20 years and it still feels dark and strange...because it is...that's what i like about it...so enjoy the kooky, weird and wild world of singledom...don't take it too serious...there is no right or wrong way to do things...the goal is to have fun and meet as many interesting people as you can...when, where and with whom you have sex is up to you...do what feels right to you and have fun... | |
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