| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:36:42 PM | First a background info. I've got a female friend that I've know for about 11 years. I've asked her in the past to keep an eye out for a gf for me and she always told me that she didn't know anybody single. She's always liked me, and recently broke up with her boyfriend of 6years. She was only broken up with him for about a week, but during that time me and her became a lot closer beyond just the friendship level. I found out that she liked me much more than I thought. Anyway, she got back together with her bf, and while talking to her tonight, I said that since she got back together with her bf that I wouldn't hold her to a bet that she lost, but instead she could find me a gf. She told me that she couldn't do it. Now before, she never said anything like that. Just that she didn't know anyone single, (that she thought would make a good gf). Now tonight, she said that she couldn't do it, and me being a guy, asked why. She got quite and asked that I don't make her answer that, just that she couldn't do it and didn't know anyone single anyway.
So here's the question. How should I take this? We've had some discussions about her and her bf before, and she really cares about him a lot. She says that she can't see himself with anyone but him. She also told me how much she really liked all of these years. I'm just trying to figure out what her reasoning is. She has a bf that she loves and plans to marry, yet it seems like she wants me to be single. I'll admit that when I met my ex-wife that I didn't keep in contact the same as before with this friend and I wonder if thats part of it or something else. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:40:04 PM | | MAYBE, just MAYBE she doesn't know anyone single who would make a good girlfriend for you. Her exact words. What a concept. Why are you trying to read more into this than there is? | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:42:28 PM | She wants you in her side pocket as a just in case. Or she may even think you're the better choice but she wants to keep you around for when it's time.
Women in general don't seem to help guy friends find someone anymore. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:45:33 PM | | Maybe because she wouldn't tell you why because you might have been offended by the answer. Sometimes one might be friends with a person without feeling that one could possibly recommend them to anyone for a relationship. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:49:55 PM | You should take it as, stop asking her questions that make her uncomfortable. She already told you she doesn't want to do it and doesn't know any single women. Quit being a pest.
She likes you, yeah, since you both were 14. But she has a boyfriend, and when she broke up with him, she didn't get together with you. That says all you need to know, really.
it seems like she wants me to be single.
Not wanting to have to be the one to find you a girlfriend -- "Here ya go!" -- is not the same as wanting you to remain single. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 8:57:50 PM | We've had a pretty open and upfront friendship until now, and other than that one thing nothing has changed. She never acted like its bugged her before either. This is new. When she broke up with her boyfriend, me and her went beyond the friendship level. Its not me being a pest either, because I haven't asked her in months. I did it jokingly to give her a hard time about following through on a bet that we had made while they were split up that she lost (instead of what she actually would have done for losing the bet). As far her not thinking I'm good enough for her friends, she's had them ask her for my number before when I went to see her at work. She told me about it, and about the girl, and I decided agaisnt it based on what I heard. (this wasn't around one of the times I had asked her and was just a random occurance). I'm thinking that there is quite a bit more to it.
On a side note, there was a girl that I dated in highschool that was good friends with both of us, and at the beginning of the year was trying to locate me after having not talked for years, and she made me aware of that, since I wasn't aware that she was trying to find me at the time. So that makes me wonder. She didn't really approve of the relationship though | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:02:45 PM | You want to believe there's more to it, but the bottom line is, she doesn't want to do it. And she has a boyfriend. If she wanted to be with you, she would.
Find someone else to date. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:07:44 PM | She probably doesn't want to get involved in your love life. Honestly - even if two friends actually hit it off enough to date - you as the one who fix them up end up in the middle when they fight, or one can't figure out something about the other. They both call you to talk about crap you don't want to know about and try to pump you for information.
If it doesn't work out, you're typically forced to choose sides. Very seldom do you maintain both friendships when there's a falling out. Too much drama, no thanks.
I think "I like you" combined with her not knowing anyone and she can't do it means it's not her place or something she wants to make her job, and she'd rather you go find a mate on your own - which, typically if you are an adult you should be doing anyway. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:15:18 PM | I had one of my best friends ask me to set her up with one of my friends, and I just couldn't do it. It wasn't anything against her, just none of my single friends would be a good fit for her. Nothing against her or them, just I wasn't going to set her or them up for failure.
I've also had guy friends ask me to set them up with one of my female friends, and I couldn't do that either, for reasons that I couldn't really tell them. It's not that there was anything particularily 'wrong' with them, but it takes a special person for some people to find a match and I knew I just didn't have any friends that would meet the particular requirements, and it was these types of guys that always ask me for help.
So, it could be you, it could be them, it could be any number of reasons.
I wouldn't really read into it too much though.
On a sidenote, I am dating one of my friend's friends, and my friend never thought that we would be a good match at all and would have never thought of hooking us up. Proof positive that finding your own special someone by making your own moves and advances usually works out much better anyway. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:22:21 PM | Only she can answer if her reason for being unwilling to find you a girlfriend is because of some hidden feelings for you. The fact is she made her decision, both about who she wants to be with, and whether she will help you find a girl. My suggestion would be to take about 75% of the effort you put into your friendship with her and put it into finding your own significant other.
Also, the next time (if it happens again) she and her bf break up, don't let yourself get into a position to become her "rebound" like you almost did the last time, because if things go even farther and she gets back with him it could cost you your friendship. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:31:03 PM | | I guess I should state that while we have a close friendship, but as far as actually seeing each other and hanging out, it doesn't happen to often. We now live an hour apart and both have crazy schedules. As far as being a rebound, we hadn't seen each other in quite a while other than a few minutes one day when I stopped by to see her at work while I was in town. She had come over to help me work on a house that I recently bought and am remodeling. She wasn't the one that initiated any actions, but it was all over her face. I'll admit that I've had mixed feelings for this girl, and when she first came over that day she was just a friend. That look she gave me triggered something in me though, and she took to another level. I apoligised to her for the things that had happened and she told me not too, and that she had no regrets about any of it. I was honestly looking for a way to gracefully get out of the situation, because I'm looking for something long term, and while she's a great girl, I don't think she'd meet my needs long term. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 9:53:59 PM | What, is this junior high school? Why don't you find your own GF?
I'm looking. Because of her personality and where she lives she has a larger social circle though. I'm not asking her to actually do the hook up. Just steer me in the right direction.
Did you have sex with her? Did you even do some french kissing? We were very close physically during her split. Didn't go all the way, but did enough for me to get her off on a few occassions. I'll just leave it at that. She may have some low level romantic feeling for you, or she may be afraid any woman you get involved with with interfere with your friendship, which she seems to value and does not want to lose. But she doesn't want to jump your bones. And never will. Never ever. So get that idea out of your head. You're not her Forever One and never will be. She's made that clear as crystal. You are her best friend, and this is what you'll always be. No romance and no sex with this woman. Time to grow up and get the fishing pole out and find a GF on your own. She may be afraid that a woman would interfer with the friendship. As far as jumping my bones, I can say that she would have no problem with it. She even brought it up the first night we were together. We both try to be moral though and prefer to be further into a relationship before things progress to that point though. From what she has told me, I think romantically that she is very interested, but as mentioned, she's been with this guy for 6 years so she has a very strong bond there. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:29:52 PM | She understands that this door of opportunity might close, but she doesn't want to close it with her own hand.
You are building illusions and hopes.
Your last sentense confuses me. What does your ex-wife have to do with any of it? | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 10:44:24 PM | ^^^When I first meant my now ex-wife I focused all of my attention on her. Friends kinda got pushed to the side, and my ex wasn't to found of this friend. I think mainly because she (my friend) is a little "top heavy" and likes to hug. Being a close friend I usually got longer hugs and I think that made my now ex (gf at the time) jealous.
So maybe she's afraid that it'll happen again and that our friendship won't be the same. I think she knows that this time around if I get involved with someone its going to be for the long haul (hopefully) and she may worry that I won't keep in touch | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/12/2009 11:43:27 PM | You really need to let this go. You said :
She says that she can't see himself with anyone but him
There is zero chance that I would say this to you if there was any possibility of dating you. I would have to REALLY think a guy was the best choice, perfect for me, to say "I can't see being with anyone else"
Basically, she used you. Maybe because she was upset that they were broken up, maybe to get revenge for him talking to another girl/cheating or something, etc. Whatever the deal, she has told you that HE is it for her.
You are WAY to invested. Did you see how many times you wrote that she "took it to the next level"? and now you don't see her much? Even more embarrassing, then you say that you didn't have sex, but you helped her get off?
Dude, she used you. You weren't on the next level. I really think you are now on a worse level, not friends, but someone that was used. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/13/2009 3:47:50 AM | | If I were you, Id accept her response. She is not into playing matchmaker for you, and she has a boyfriend. Doesnt matter if there are 'secret' meanings behind it or not, fact is, that was her response. You cant force people to do what you think they are secretly wanting to do...even if it is not all in your own mind. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/13/2009 4:25:24 AM | dude, cut all contacts with this chick and get your dignity and power back.
whatever happend between you guys sort of jaded whatever friendship/relationship you guys had. time to move on dude. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/13/2009 5:00:52 AM | What does it matter what's going through her head.
She's not interested in you or finding a gf for you.
Distance yourself from the drama and get out and date. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/13/2009 5:41:26 AM | She does not know anyone.
She doesn't want you for a reason and doesn't want to hook up anyone with you for the same reason.
Leave it/her alone. This sounds so desperate.
I would never ask my friends to "find" me someone. | |
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| Female friend said that she couldn't do it
Posted: 10/13/2009 7:30:06 AM | | I'm amazed that half of the people on here don't understand the question. Its not "does she like", "do you think anythings there", or anything like that. Its simply why do you think she said what she did about not being able to help look for me a gf. Nothing more. If I wanted opinions on anything else I would ask. | |
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