| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:41:32 AM | Hey all,
I would like to know all thoughts on this not just the blokes side off it..it might have happened to the ladys as well...
It has happened to me twice now and to tell u the truth im not impressed..cause if it was a bloke that had done it u would never hear the end of it..
Ok.the..1st 1..I was suppose to to go on a date and well..(she sounded so nice)...anyway i made reservations for dinner pre ordered taxi. and spoke with my kids asking if i could see them sunday as i had a date...that was cool.....630 had approched..jumped in the taxi and the phone rings...Sorry some thing has come up....well thats cool cause it happens...well thought i would go out anyway (i was dressed and was in the taxi.) so I..went to casino and low and behold she was there...with her girlfreinds and asked what happed and was told ....MY Freinds Wanted To Party...well thought why be on pof then and just left it at that...its that i had put alot into it and rearanged seeing the kids.....Thats not nice
2nd...basicly the same as the first but was lunch.....she was to tired to from doing the housework....but the same deal had drinks with friends..(she let it slip out)..
Now i know im no princes charles or but alittle respect and honesty goes along way and the truth wouldnt hurt as well.
It makes me wonder now who is here to find someone and who is here to find someone when they have nothing to do for a night
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:56:17 AM | Yeah , this happens to a lot of people all the time everywhere , what you have described is that you are a standby date .
These women have made a standby date with you , if nothing better comes up in between , then they go on the date with you , otherwise if they have a better offer of fun/drinks/hens night .... etc , then they take that date. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:14:29 AM | that's what happens in a "one pub town"... or one casino town in this case...  ...
not the best way to bump into a "date" who cancelled at the last minute..... the last person you expected to see, I guess.. ooooops..
I hope you handled yourself with that kind of dignity that her friends may have been impressed by... and ribbed her for not having dinner with you before hand... .. one may ask her for your # even....
who knows?... stranger things have happened... | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:03:14 AM | | You da man beachy!!What a great way to look at the op"s situation.I reckon he's got something there op.Effort will always be rewarded ..just not always from the source you might have expected. | |
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~Kyn~
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Joined: 8/24/2009
Msg: 5 | |
| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:38:12 PM | Either stop going to so much trouble and just make coffee dates... or...
...stop asking women out that you dont "connect" with before even meeting them.
May sound a little harsh but its pretty much the reality of it.
Total strangers arent going to change... so you need to change your approach to it.
If someone doesnt connect with you beforehand... they dont care whether they meet you or not and will keep you on standby or dump you if something more interesting or exciting comes up.
Now I know you went to alot of trouble to organize things... but you know what?
... thats not the case for everybody... they've probably just tentatively penciled you in.
Did these women know you well enough to know what trouble you'd gone to... ?
Thats probably your first clue if they didnt. They should have known you atleast that well and vice versa
And if they did... and still blew you off... well its a no-brainer they werent the nicest people and you've saved yourself some trouble.
The way alot of people are nowadays... be grateful you even got a call instead of just being completely stood up.
If you make it a coffee date as opposed to dinner etc... means you dont have to go to so much trouble rearranging things... and if you meet and like each other... you can organize a proper date for another time and she'll probably actually turn up.
Dont assume that because someone says yes to a date that they're actually interested in you... not everyone is like that. Lots of ppl say yes cos they DONT have anything better to do at the time. Personally I wont say yes to a date or meet anyone unless its well established there is actually a connection.
Im just not interested in meeting random men from the net... there's men everywhere if I go out.
And just cos a woman has LTR on their profile the same as you... doesnt mean you just pick them cos you're both looking for the same thing and it automatically works.
Keep it simple... cos I'll guarantee that if your approach to dating is to do the whole dinner thing every time ...
... you'll be back here soon enough starting a new thread about how you arent making it to a second date, how women are using you for free meals etc and it'll be your own fault. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:53:44 PM | | Someone has already said about making the 1st meeting a bit less formal such as the coffee thing.Not being smart OP but she might have got a little nervous about the full on dinner stuff.But if that was the case why didn't she just say so.From this at least you have gleaned (possibly) that she lacks a basic quality (honesty). | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 3:58:33 PM | | In my experience about 50% of women happily stand me up, whether it's a meet for a coffee or a drink or an actual "date". I always give them my mobile number while we're chatting, but I don't ask for theirs. I used to hang around for an hour. Now I just make it 30 minutes and then give up. I'm past being annoyed by their lack of style or manners any more, but when I mention it to my adult daughter she gets quite offended. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:06:01 PM | a very wierd man once said "Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again" but his quote was wrong and stupid...besides you know how the story goes
she had her chance mate... kick her to the kerb.
with internet dating, typing "sure i will go out" in a message is far easyer than actually meeting a stranger. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:25:11 PM | I don't meet anyone from here anymore but for different reasons......................LOL. I haven't been stood up but there are is too much lying going on....................hmmm.
Just here for the forums. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:34:44 PM | I used to enjoy getting Intimate Encounters blokes all riled up and expecting to meet me at midnight in a hotel carparks and then leaving them 'stood up'.
But I hardly ever do that these days coz it's just wrong ain't it. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:40:07 PM | | ^^^^^ It is wrong LULT! and I'll never forgive you for doing it to me hahaha | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:44:25 PM | In my experience about 50% of women happily stand me up
Sorry to hear it Rob. I had no idea there were so many people who did this sort of thing.
Some of the comments on this thread have quite surprised me...back up dates etc. I admit I have chickened out of first dates a couple of times, but I have always called beforehand, and rescheduled. And I wouldn't agree to dinner, or anything that required booking or complex arrangements beforehand, as a first date anyway.
Nope, I've never stood anyone up, and actually I'd be far more inclined to ditch my friends for a hot date.
I used to enjoy getting Intimate Encounters blokes all riled up and expecting to meet me at midnight in a hotel carparks and then leaving them 'stood up'.
But I hardly ever do that these days coz it's just wrong ain't it.
Yeah and it's not just the blokes hey. I am still waiting in the carpark of the Pink Poodle Motel. Can someone send food. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/15/2009 1:51:57 AM | Kyn,
Was here choice to do what i did....I know we all have options...but the truth would help....or would u like me to lie to you....and yes starting to think like alot of others out there that we are the secondary option.....Idont like saying that.
As i said we talked about it i did the org on it....something better came along....end of story. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/15/2009 4:32:53 AM | That "first impression" thingy ...... people seem to harp on about how important it is to create the "good vibe" etc. etc. I could'nt help thinking, while I re-read your original post, that you have your answer as to your prospective Date's character ..... pure and simple ...... once a dud always a dud. I've had a "no show" happen to me once ... I imagine everyone will have it happen to them sooner or later .... in my case, I did'nt bother chasing her up again since she had pretty much said everything with her actions ... saw her a few weeks later while I was out with someone else and she came up to apologise ( and probably have a good snoop !!) ..... I just said " sorry ... who are you again ???" ... she got my point.
Anyways .... shake off the bad dust and have another bash .... plenty of other desperados out there .... just throw a dart at your monitor when in search mode and then gopher it .......!!!  | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/15/2009 11:59:35 AM | It's not only you or (Men) stood up -
It has happened to me...
bit embarassing sitting around waiting for 'a NO show' but
no big deal! Got over it pretty quickly & went for a walk
he rang me after a couple of hours (I was back home) he
said his Son was sick...... | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/15/2009 11:00:15 PM | The courteous thing to do is not agree to go on a date if you don't intend to go. The next thing to do is always call in advance to let your date know if you can't make it or are going to be late.
Making excuses after the fact that your son was sick is a cop out as it only takes a quick phone call to say you can't make it. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 12:56:26 AM | it amazes me the amount of girls here say they dont like players etc,yet most do it themselves,and its no wonder then the respect goes out the window.
i made tentative arrangements(wasnt set in concrete) to meet someone,but told them if i didnt call on the friday or by sunday morning as i had a work/sports thing then i couldnt go....well she took it upon herself to go anyway and abused me for ditching.....weird female race. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 1:36:48 AM | Roatw ...We're not all weird.. personally I NEVER agree to go on a "date" unless I know I can absolutely definately go.. I figure what have I got to lose.. Nothing!!
And who knows.. maybe I might meet someone really interesting and nice.. In saying that tho I have met some weirdo's.. as we all have I'm sure.. I think Klausie you probably had a lucky escape..  | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 4:42:08 AM |
i made tentative arrangements(wasnt set in concrete) to meet someone,but told them if i didnt call on the friday or by sunday morning as i had a work/sports thing then i couldnt go
Most excellant on many counts!
Make her wait all weekend for a phone call.......make sure she knows that work/sports "things" are far more important then she is.....pout when she gives you grief for being a clueless tool.
Fark me....anyone would think you fella's were Pierce Brosnan or something the way you carry on!  | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 6:31:09 AM | | Stand tall klausie, time is on your side. Only the weak of mind can't stand firm to their commitments. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 6:37:38 AM | View it as a positive. You were lucky to find out what she was like before getting involved. Now you know she is someone of low moral standard.
I tend to view unreplied emails the same way. If someone were to say hi on the street, you say hello back, few people wouldn't. If someone doesn't reply to an email, good chance manners aren't a high priority to that person. There are exceptions of course. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 7:49:23 PM | Hey Klausie
As someone who has been out of the dating game for 2 decades I have to say that the dating game has changed substantially for the worse. I think that our ability to superficially connect via internet , sms and other essentially artificial means is a very pallid substitute for the vibrancy of true personal relationships, however it seems to satisfy the needs of some young, attractive albeit shallow young ladies who the mere knowledge that they are desirable and have power over men is all the narcotic that their fragile ego requires.
It is interesting that many ladies work very hard to protect themselves from "players". This seems illogical to me as a true player's weapon are his looks, charisma and charm and without the ability to converse and eyeball his target would consider the internet to be a pretty low percentage place to play. If a player were to decide to play on here, he is the one that will find his way through the firewalls they put up, while the 95% of us blokes who aren't smart enough to be that dishonest will strike out! You know how it goes.... girl gets a message from a guy, he looks a bit lame, but he meets all her anti-player requirements and next thing you know - READ DELETE - if he meets all those requirements he must be lying - must be a player - and BTW he didn't look that hot either. Then they wonder why all the guys they meet here a players. At a spiritual level it is a natural law that a lady that doesn't want a player will always attract one, whilst pushing the real gentlemen away.
And here is another observation I have made. Every morning I walk. I walk around the same time, and the same way for about an hour every single morning. I see the same people over and over, and being a polite gentleman I like to greet everyone I pass with a polite hello, or good morning, or how are you? After all we see each other almost every day. We have a connection, yeah? You get the picture anyway. Now, older people of either sex will always politely acknowledge me. Young men will always acknowledge me. Average looking young ladies will politely reply. Attractive young ladies look at me like they are going to take out an AVO.
So is it me? Or are these girls so scarred by players that they tar all of us with the same brush?
Now my sample of around 100 people, of whom less than 10% are attractive young females, is too small to be scientific, but I have noticed this peculiarity elsewhere as well, and many friends of mine have observed the same phenomenon.
So from my observation it seems that polite gentlemen are now categorised by many attractive females as "creepy stalkers". Therefore, to overcome the fear of the creepy stalker, a potential suitor needs a hell of a lot of charm and good looks to build desire high enough to overcome the young ladies' fears. And guess which guys possess that level of charm and good looks?
Well, I'm sure you will all come to your own conclusions.
I believe this is the modern day curse of the beautiful woman and I really feel for them.
These ladies, at the time when they agreed to meet you were certainly intellectually saying yes to you because you seemed to be the "right" type of guy that they "should" be going for. However, as the reality of the meeting grew so did the fear and unfortunately your charisma, looks and charm were not big enough to create a strong enough desire to overcome their fear. Therefore they went for the safety of a night out with the girls rather than taking the chance with the potential man of their dreams.
And unfortunately, you can probably now see why the more that these beautiful creatures try to protect themselves from these vile players the more they will attract them.
As for answers to satisfy your dilemma. May I suggest charm school, a marketing degree and a makeover! | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 9:32:07 PM |
Now my sample of around 100 people, of whom less than 10% are attractive young females, is too small to be scientific.... Sure, but even being aware of the danger of extrapolating from a small sample it's still possible, as you note, to extract a worthwhile generalisation.
The reasons for it, the tendency in certain situations for women to be stand-offish, are potent and valid though so one must understand, and learn to deal with, the reality.
An attractive woman has market power. She may not feel it, or want it, but she will have seen its effect on other people. Who knows, she might be disgusted by the phenomenon or she might revel in it, but either way, if she's got any sense, she'll be aware of it.
I imagine a very wealthy man might have similar experiences and would likely tend to react to 'friendly' advances, depending on the situation, in a similar way.
Of course, a rich person has the option of revealing who/what they are, whereas a very beautiful woman does not. So it's probable a lifetimes experience has taught her to be cautious?
Additionally, and this is an awful truth, women have levels of fear regarding their personal safety that are incomprehensible to most men. Whether the fear is justified or the expression of it valid, is irrelevant. It's part of the reality, her reality, that men need to understand and learn to deal with appropriately.
I just tell massive lies, and that seems to work. | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/16/2009 10:26:41 PM |
I just tell massive lies, and that seems to work.
Thank you for illustrating my point so perfectly!
a rich person has the option of revealing who/what they are, whereas a very beautiful woman does not
I don't entirely agree with this. I know of many beautiful women who dress down, eschew make up and the latest hair styles, and whether consciously or sub-consciously disguise their beauty. If this were not true then businesses such as glamour photography would have nothing to trade on.
Whilst we are generalising, every experience is an opportunity for learning, so as a person has more experiences to learn from, she can acquire more knowledge. More knowledge is the number 1 remedy against fear. The biggest danger is [bold]not[/bold] learning from experiences.... if we do not learn and move on we are destined to either follow the patterns of the past or withdraw from potentially enjoyable new experiences because of our fear that unpleasant past experiences are the blue print for all experiences. What is worse, is that from the moment we are born we are also saddled with all the fears of our parents, grandparents, teachers, journalists, religious leaders and well meaning friends. It takes a gargantuan paradigm shift to break through all that baggage.
Fear is the most powerful of all human emotions and dominates the lives of all those who cannot conquer it whether they are male or female. There is no justification that will change that reality. Everyone, male or female, who can deal with their greatest fears will have a far better shot at happiness.
At the end of the day, lying for self-serving reasons whilst potentially momentarily satisfying physically for you both, does nothing for your own growth as a person and certainly will not enrich the life of the lady who has been lied to yet again! | |
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| Do You Want To Meet Me
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:16:05 PM | well went on another date was good....now ladys what is it...u say no 1 night stands..but you do do that......we are in a mixed up world....we all dont know what we want...anyway yes we did have breakfast..and i did make coffee was a good night and morning | |
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