| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:49:54 AM | | Ok, so you search the profiles, make contact with another person, start chatting, maybe some phone calls, and then that person (who has the same needs and desires as you) drops a mental illness bomb on you. How do you react? Do you just run away and not respond to the person? Are you up front with your fears about the illness? I tend to think that media portrayals of people with mental illness (anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc...) as individuals incapable of navigating the world as everyone else does has pretty much shaped the way society thinks about it. I guess the other question is if people with mental illness can truly find success with online dating when having to eventually disclose before ever actually meeting someone. At any rate, what are your thoughts on the abovementioned? | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:38:36 AM | | oy it's hard enough to start and maintain a relationship with so-called normal people. who wants to take on a mental illness too? it's a psychological burden that most people are just unwilling and/or unable to carry. plus it depends on the mental illness, but there are lots of them that make it inherently impossible for the person who is ill to maintain a healthy and normal relationship with a significant other person over time. most people looking for a relationship want a partner at their own level, not to be the other person's mommy/caretaker/nurse/shrink/enabler/emotional crutch, and you can't blame them for that. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:59:40 AM |
At any rate, what are your thoughts on the abovementioned?
Honestly, I don't know. It would depend on the person, the illness, the severity of the illness, etc. With that said, the person would have to be an almost perfect match in every other way for me to think about pursuing anything. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:15:31 AM | | Mental illness is like any other illness and a lot would depend on the person's attitude towards it. Are they getting help, fully cooperating with their treatment and how they cope with it etc. A lot would depend on the severity of the illness, too, and how it affects their every day life. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:41:52 PM | | I have few friends who suffer from depression, Aspergers, OCD, and a bipolar friend. They are professionals holding great jobs and some of them changed many people's lives. None of them can hold a long-term relationship because living with people with mental illness is simply not easy. I mean, come on!, "healthy" people are not giving each other the time of the day, it is naturally double hard for someone with mental illness. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:48:51 PM | | yeah, being with a mental person is hard work and you have to have strength you cannot believe. i say this because i grew up in a household with someone and it was rough, It's to hard to balance, some people can handle it but I can't, I still i have to kinda watch out for that person now. Remember mental illness don't go away, its something you have to deal with for life, i have a hard enough time keeping myself afloat. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:50:37 PM | | I was married to someone who was severely bipolar for 12 years, and there's no way I'd knowingly get back into that situation. There may be some people who are cut out to cope with that sort of thing, but I know I'm not. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:52:47 PM | There are different levels of mental illness I personally would not equate anxiety with schizophrenia. It all depends upon what you as a partner want to deal with day to day.
Certain illnesses requiring daily meds, therapy or hospitalization on occasion would be far more than I would want to have in my life. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:06:31 PM |
Dating a person with mental illness scare u? Not scare me. I'm simply not interested in getting involved with someone who has mental illnesses.
How do you react? I say we're not a match and wish them well.
Sorry but I'm not in a position to want to deal with someone's psychosis. I firmly believe that unhealthy people cannot form healthy relationships. But that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of unhealthy people who would feel right at home with someone mentally unstable. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:40:50 PM | | At one time or another in each and everyone of our lives we all will have to deal with some type of mental illness in ourselves. No one gets through life without experiencing depression or anxiety. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:49:30 PM | Run on the other direction. I was married to somebody with a mental illness, and it wasn't pretty. I loved him, but he refused to get help and got to a point when I couldn't cope with living with him anymore.
Sorry. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:54:01 PM | I'm going to say something some people might think is just terrible, but here it goes.
I've never dated a woman with a mental illness, but I have had friends with such problems. The trouble is people with mental illnesss are often esxtremely needy, even smotheringly so. They have few friends. They demand every spare moment of your time. Their problems are far beyond your ability to deal with. Inevitably, you begin to resent them for always needing so much and giving so little.
Does this mean people with mental illnesses are doomed to lonliness? No. But it takes a very special type of person to have such a relationship. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:06:37 PM | Scare me? No, I like crazy folks. I think EVERYONE is somewhere to the left or right of normal.... that is if you can even find 'normal' on the the line at all.
I always attributed this quote to my grandfather... because he was crazy as a sonavagun and I know somebody in my family said it
'It's better to be crazy and know than to be crazy and not know it.'
That's true. Those with the real problem are the ones who deny ever having a problem. But if you know you got a problem, then you are able to better control it and do something about it - if you want too.
I knows I ain't got all my marbles and I live with it jus fine. So I ain't ready to really change anything.
I'm in denial of having a problem 
What? Me crazy??
So is your momma.
And yo daddy.
And erbody else. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:45:23 PM | | It really all depends on what the consequences of this illness are and if it is realistic when you think about the amount of effort and hardship required to endure it. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:50:47 PM | i recently dated a woman who had depression, OCD, and bipolar. I have depression too so i knew where she was comin from. she was very suicidal always wanting to kill herself, she did so recently thats when i broke up with her cuz she was draining me emotionally and i couldnt concentrate on my studies.
ppl who have these mental disorders obviously cant seem to function in the real world, they always want help but dont wanna take the help that was my ex gf. most ppl dont wanna be someone's caretaker, i was ALWAYS her caretaker and had to play wonder woman for cuz she was 2 immature to figure out her own probs and she is now 20 yrs old.
i wanted to help her, im serious about that. i wont help someone who cant help themselves, so no i wont date someone with probs that severe. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:34:55 PM | I have to say that I don't really care for the vagueness of the topic here. Mental illness can range from depression after the death of a loved one, post traumatic stress disorders all the way to schizophrenia. As I said before each and every one of us will be affected by a mental illness at some point in our lives, just as each and every single one of us will be affected by physical illness at some point in our lives. So to outright say "no I would never date anyone with a mental illness rules out every single person out there". You really need to be more specific about what you mean by mental illness. Are you asking would I date someone who suffered from paranoid delusions and hallucinations? No I would not as even with medications such people can be dangerous without meaning to be.
Also what if in the future your spouse goes through something horrible and from that traumatic event develops post traumatic stress disorder or panic and anxiety attacks or if after giving birth your wife develops post postpartum depression. You would leave them? I suppose you would also except the fact that they will leave you when you inevitably develop depression or anxiety at some point? There are some very cold and heartless people out there who are single for a very good reason I guess. Life is not and never will be always sunshine and roses as I have learned through out my life. Things happen. Physical illness will happen to us and our loved ones just as mental illness will happen to us and our loved ones, so should we throw away those we love because at some point they will need to lean heavily on us?
During my life I have had loved ones lean on me heavily and have had to lean on those I loved heavily. I was grateful they were there for me and grateful that I could be there for those who needed me.Human beings are social creatures. We need each other so we should be careful about disregarding or throwing people away who are in need because at some point we will be in need and will be grateful for kindness and love during dark days. Our social circle remembers both the good and bad things we do and when we do good for others at some point it will be reciprocated back towards us and when we do bad, well you get the point. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:47:41 PM |
I firmly believe that unhealthy people cannot form healthy relationships. But that doesn't mean there aren't plenty of unhealthy people who would feel right at home with someone mentally unstable.
Rather Draconian, isn't this?
^^BG^^ | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:52:46 PM | | I was in a relationship with somone who was bipolar for 3 years. you HAVE to be patient and supportive. If you are niether then it won't work. simple as that. Although he was not dignosed until after I sent him to a dr. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:08:56 PM | I did the bipolar express and wanted a refund, after six years of all the up's down's no med's more med's , the late night fright fest's and the who will meet me at the door when I get home stuff .
I had enough and got the hell outa there .
If the person who has the illness and has a handle on it then fine, no problem's , when thay decide to go off the med's ,stop going for the help thay need then it's time to check and see if everything brought to the table is worth it!!!.
It's not a deal breaker ,but you have to look long and hard at what the problem is and are you willing to deal ,with all it entail's ( I do mean look long and hard at it all, long term and short) because like Bipolar it can get worse with age and not all time's but most in lady's as thay hit the Big M......Jmo..... | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:19:25 PM |
I tend to think that media portrayals of people with mental illness (anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, bipolar, etc...) as individuals incapable of navigating the world as everyone else does has pretty much shaped the way society thinks about it.
I disagree. You will be hard pressed to find one person who hasn't dealt with some type of mental illness in the form of a friend, family member, co-worker, neighbor, etc. It's not the media portrayals, it's the real life experiences. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:21:27 PM | | SO, is trying to cultivate potential long term relationships through online dating the wrong way to go? What if folks are not experiencing ups and downs on a continuous basis? Most of the comments suggest that "normal" people would not want to date someone with a mental illness. Is visiting online communities, such as true acceptance, dbsa, or nami which are geared for people with mental illness the better route to take? | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:05:55 PM | This is an interesting post and most everyone's input is based on a previous relationship. Either a family member, friend or significant other. I can certainly understand never wanting to date someone that has a mental illness after you have recovered from a failed relationship with one.
Some opinions I think are a bit out of bounds. Landra y0u surprise me the most. You can "firmly believe" but that doesn't make it so. I am bipolar and have some great relationships with healthy women. In most of your posts you show a degree of intelligence that should preclude this type of narrow minded bigotry.
Because I am bipolar I am not normal. This does not mean that I am mentally unstable either. It means that I live differently than I would if I was not bipolar. I have to avoid sugar and caffeine, get regular exercise, take meds, lean on my dr when I need to. I have made mistakes in my life because of this disease. These are mistakes that will never be repeated because I have learned a great deal about myself.
Bi-polar people struggle with impulse control. Having learned that about myself forces me to think before I act on emotion. I do it well. I often have very irrational emotional responses to situations but I have learned to recognize them. It is not always an easy life but it is not a life I would change for anything.
Bi-polar also gives my some positives to my life as well. Us bp's are often intelligent, creative, funny people. I do not live a boring life and I bring alot to a relationship. I am will never apologize for who I am as I will also not use it as an excuse.
I am who I am and I am a pretty awesome guy. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:54:33 PM | This is a tough one. I think it depends on the degree of said mental disorder. I've known people that were bi-polar that weren't as bad in many ways as some with ADHD. It depends on how sever the illness is. The bi-polar people I knew and know are on meds to help them.
I dated a girl that had pretty bad ADHD and I thought she was just quirky and she was a lot of fun. When she found out she had ADHD she didn't do anything about it and not long after that I found out about her, well let's just say dark side.
All in all it's something to think about and although it may seem ok at first, you never know what direction it may take. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:19:11 PM | I think scare is a strong word. Maybe makes you more cautious before entering into a relationship. There are varying degrees of illness. Some are mild, easily treatable and hardly noticable. Others are thrill rides in extremes. I think a person has to weigh what they want/see with what they can handle. It can be kind of scary if you thought you were dating a fairly normal person and then suddenly had no idea what you would encounter from day to day w/ that person.
A lot has to do w/ how in control of their illness a person is. If they are in total denial, it will be a nightmare, same as if they play med games or are out of touch with their illness. Those variables will definately temper how one approaches a relationship unfolds.
If some one has had a bad past experience w/ a mentally ill person in their life, you can't fault them for being gun-shy. If you get burned once you avoid the cause for it after. Just the nature of the human beast. | |
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| Dating a person with mental illness scare u?
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:46:14 PM | A very close friend of mine married a woman with a borderline personality disorder. It was a disastrous marriage. She had serious issues which got her in trouble at work. They finally split after a very costly divorce. Their children are now teenagers. The children seem to be healthy, but they hesitate to bring anyone home to meet their "crazy" mom. When they were little, none of their friends wanted to come play at their house because of her unpredictable behavior.
Don't inflict that nightmare on yourself or your kids. | |
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