| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 10:58:38 AM | I find a lot of guys want to talk about sex in a relationship. In a lot of the profiles I've read, a man will say a lot about what he wants in a sexual relationship. In view of this, I thought I would share some thoughts on the subject of sex in a relationship, and you guys can tell me what you think and feel on what I've said. (feel free to IM or email me)
I feel that in any relationship, it's a healthy thing to talk about sex. It is the most natural thing that can happen between two people, and should be shown towards each other with respect and consideration towards meeting your partner's needs before your own. I'm a very deep person, so when I talk about sex with someone I care about, I talk about it in a lot of details.
I think it's very important to talk about sex in a relationship before doing the act, in a mature way, so that each person will know where the other person is at and what they like with it all.
To me, the act of sex in a relationship is the ultimate, deep show of love, affection, respect, deep feelings and emotions you show towards one another. Talking about it gives both parties not only the knowledge they need to please and give pleasure to one another, it also gives opportunity to compromise with one another, and consider the other person's needs before your own. It gives opportunity to really dig deep and to know what pleases the other person and what your partner is ready for and feels comfortable in doing.
If there is this kind of understanding, sex can be a very passionate show of the ultimate intimate relations between two people. It can be very rewarding, satisfactory and a unique show of love, affection and caring for one another, bringing both partners to the ultimate point of extacy in the relationship. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:00:51 AM | I think that you should hold out for a man who feels the same way.
I dont disagree with any of your statement at all. I just happen to KNOW that many others wont necessarily share your view of sex being the "ultimate" showing of anything. Watch and read | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:03:21 AM | I have met ladies that dont agree with your thoughts....there has to be since so many guys are getting casual sex from somewhere...maybe just from 1 lady
I think most normal people have no problem talking about it.... | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:03:48 AM | | Good point as long as your both open to talk about without her freaking out and running for the hills because I like to try something sexual she wouldn't even dream of doing in a million years. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:14:02 AM | Hmmm
You post a thread in Ask A Guy about sex, state a number of times that you're all for it and think talking about sex is extremely important... and invite the men to contact you by saying "feel free to IM or email me" | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:25:43 AM | | One point I missed in saying is that while I feel it's important to talk about sex with your partner, it doesn't mean I agree with hoping into bed with any man on any occasion. I'm talking about one man for long term relationship, and remaining faithful to him alone. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:35:46 AM | I don't believe sex is the ultimate, deep show of love, affection, respect, deep feelings and emotions you show towards one another. Sexual desire and activity tend to degrade over the long term, and, IMO, personality reigns supreme. I would rather have infrequent sex with somebody who consistently expressed their love, affection, etc. through amorous gestures and actions than have regular sex with somebody who did not.
Furthermore, negotiating all of the steps up-front strikes me as awkward. I am thinking my first kiss with somebody might be less surprising if all of the details were arranged in advance. I can't speak for all guys here, but my sexual desires change over time. To plan ahead for each change might consume more time than making changes on-the-fly. Also, I have had partners show me things I never knew I would enjoy as much as I do.
That said, I think the advantage of advanced discussion about sex is that it might heighten arousal - like watching a porno together before doing it. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:50:45 AM | There are many different ways you can show your love and affection for your partner, in many different areas of your life. This is only one of those areas. If you were married, wouldn't you talk to your wife about all of this in a mature manner, and not think of it as being dirty or pornographic?
"Furthermore, negotiating all of the steps up-front strikes me as awkward. I am thinking my first kiss with somebody might be less surprising if all of the details were arranged in advance. I can't speak for all guys here, but my sexual desires change over time. To plan ahead for each change might consume more time than making changes on-the-fly. Also, I have had partners show me things I never knew I would enjoy as much as I do."
Step by step instructions, no, I don't think so either. Spontaneity is good fun in any relationship. Changes in sexual desires, yes, we all have those, that's one of the things I mean that is important to talk about. It keeps the relationship growing in this area, and draws you closer to your partner. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 11:53:40 AM | Darlin', most men are like hound dogs trackin' a particular scent: you put 'em on the trail by talkin' about it or wavin' it in their face and they're gonna track it down. And once they've treed what they're in search they're gonna make a ruckus until they get what they've been sniffin' out. My suggestion, keep it on the down-low, and after you've figured out if'n he's one you want to get to know better, then have the talk. And keep talkin'.
Other than that, I agree with your premise, sex is something a couple ought to and should talk about. If for no other reason than to determine if'n they're on the same page. As one who strongly believes in delayed gratification, I am a strong believer in availing myself of all the lines of communication possible.
TK | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:29:41 PM | OP, or ...... U can just get naked and have some dirty ass slapping, thigh nibbling fun. Cuz 2 be completely honest. A guy will want 2 ( and probally will, if your attracted to them ) have sex with U, long before they actually have strong enough feelings. To be considered in "love" with U.
Think hollywood, or fantasyland, has sensationalized sex, to the point of myth. I mean goes without saying, someone should be considerate of their lovers pleasures/feelings.
But expecting to hear symphony while your having sex, isnt realistic. Alot of times, sex is just sex, even with someone who loves U. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 1:42:57 PM | | To me sex is something that you do to the woman to keep her hormones in balance so she doesn't become psychotic. It's almost like a chore except for how good it feels. Talking about sex should be confined to procedural and ritual phrases, like, "YES YES YES", and, "Can you still see the TV?" | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:20:52 PM |
To me sex is something that you do to the woman to keep her hormones in balance so she doesn't become psychotic.
Ohhhh, thanks farceur....now I know what my problem is lately.  | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:43:52 PM | | SpiritBorn, you talk about sex the way Shirley McClaine talks about chakras. I have never read less titillating sex talk in my life. Ugh. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:51:54 PM | If you were married, wouldn't you talk to your wife about all of this in a mature manner, and not think of it as being dirty or pornographic?
Ugh... that's the problem with many women, concerning sex. They want to take "sex" and turn it into "making love." Maybe I'm the only one here, but I show my love by cuddling, stroking her hair, holding hands, doing the little things...
And I have sex because I'm horny.
As cliche as it is, "lady on the street, freak in the sheets" is the preferable option. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 2:53:22 PM |
SpiritBorn, you talk about sex the way Shirley McClaine talks about chakras. I have never read less titillating sex talk in my life. Ugh.
Ok I think I pissed my pants on this one.
Damn it sucks to be getting old.
Anywho, what was this about? oh yeah, sex. Really, why do so many people put so much THOUGHT into the whole process? I think farceur nailed it on this one. It's to keep women from going psychotic :) | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:19:34 PM | | Tarnished Knight is right on. Don't preheat the oven unless you're prepared to put the cake in. Don't get the guy all prematurely all riled up unless you're willing to go all the way. | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 4:25:08 PM | Ya know.. My ex had an UNdiagnosed mental disorder. Now when we were younger, I just thought she had anger issues. About the ONLY way to calm her down was to initiate sex with her. I'm talking about 4 to 6 times A DAY. NO LIE. Well, when that stopped working, and besides they didnt have that blue pill back then, we finally split up..
Early on, I was dating these calm women and I started to LONG for that angry biotch.. but I digress.
However back in the day, I was doing a stint in the construction trades. We were out on a big job where ALL the different trades were there, breaking for lunch when the roach coach came. We were sitting around campfire-style eating lunch when one of the guys started the round-table with
"My wife is SUCH a biotch.. I havent gotten laid in a week!"
Next guy said. .. "Oh yeah?? It's been TWO weeks for me" and so it went to where ONE guy said "A WEEK??? Hell, it's been OVER a year for me"
My friend and partner leaned over and said to me.. "Just shut up". Well someone heard it and asked him LOUDLY why he told me to shut up, then started egging me on to tell my own "My wife is a biotch" story.
I said:
"Well, MINE is a biotch too.. but she DOES me 4 times A DAY. I was thinking divorce but after seeing that when YOU guys divorce YOUR wives.. the ONLY dating pool will be YOUR divorced women Who I already know NOW.. DONT PUT OUT" I think I'll stay married a little longer! | |
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2run
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Joined: 7/31/2009
Msg: 19 | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:15:17 PM | I find the OP refreshing, and I agree strongly.
It doesn't seem to be a popular attitude amongst many women here, or amongst many people in society. Talking about sex is bad. George Michaels got pilloried for singing "Let's talk about sex, baby/Let's talk about you and me/Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that could be."
Of course, he was a wuss and muttered something apologetic about monogamous relationships. He should have said, "The song is about talking about sex. With the advent of AIDS, not talking about sex can kill people. Opposing talking about sex is literally murderous, and I do not feel that I should apologize to murderous people." | |
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| Sex in a Relationship. What do you think?
Posted: 10/14/2009 8:53:35 PM | Well, when men come to understand what the phrase, "sex starts waaaay before the bedroom" means, only then will they have the level of maturity to discuss it as you've defined it, OP. JMO.
~ds~ | |
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