| Making out in the middle of the first date
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:50:20 PM | | Am I sending out a signal I'm not aware of? Frequently, when I meet someone on here, before the first date is half over, he's trying to kiss me, and steer the conversation toward sex. I'm not the type who wears low-cut tops and tight pants, nor do I show up with every inch of skin covered. I'm getting very self conscious. I want to be friendly when I meet someone, but I'm starting to feel like I have to be standoffish. Or am I just dating the wrong guys? These are men who write sincere profiles that state they're looking for long term. Are they? Or are they just looking for a quick one-nighter? Why does this keep happening? Anyone else experience this? | |
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| Making out in the middle of the first date
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:26:25 AM | Welcome to drive-thru dating, where some folks expect a "Happy Meal" in every first encounter.
It's a mentality you're encountering -- the on-demand, FedEx, IM, drive-thru conditioning of "I gotta have it now!"
Yes, these guys want LTR's -- but they want them by Saturday. Know what I mean? It's the culture of impatience.
My advice: Put on the brakes and try to convince these guys that, as much as they like the drive thru, there's a lot to be gained from a sit-down meal, too. | |
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| Making out in the middle of the first date
Posted: 10/16/2009 8:54:08 PM | You very well could be sending out the wrong signal. I personally only go in for a kiss when I feel or know there is chemistry. There is nothing wrong with that, just a show of affection. Of course, I guess some guys will do it because they have nothing to lose, are desperate, or it is just bad timing. I am not on your dates with you though, and you could very well be giving out the wrong signal yourself, I just don't know.
Sex, lol, the dreaded S word. Look, if you don't want to talk about it, tell them so. Be careful on faulting guys for wanting to talk about and have sex. There are a lot of women that like and want to talk about sex as well, trust me. So it is kind of hard for some guys to differentiate which woman wants to and which woman doesn't. I don't believe just because it is on their mind means they don't want a LTR. Sex is great yet can f*** up so much, but it is a human thing, not a man thing, not a woman thing, but a human thing. Biologically hormones get going. There is a classy way or a trashy way to approach this. A lot of guys will just jump on it, especially if there is some kind of signal, but not always. Again, don't necessarily fault the guy for this; there are a lot of women who feel that if there is chemistry, to just go with it as well. If you don't want this or you don't want getting steered into that direction, when they try, tell them up front you would rather not go there, have open communication. A good guy will understand and probably apologize, a bad guy will get upset, feel a blow to his pride, try and make more advances, and maybe just become obnoxious. At least from there you can see what kind of guy you are dealing with.
With internet dating, you hope to get to know more about a person before you meet up with them, unlike at bars etc. It is very possible that you are dating the wrong guys. Everything happens for a reason....sadly most women will not see true love during their life time....they will get pregnant, cheated on, duped, dumped, lied to, beat on, but in the end, they picked those guys, and have to accept partial blame. Try and get to know the guys you meet up with better.
Now now, I know women put up with a lot, and have to weed through constantly about who is being sincere and who is not. That is just the way it is, and it's not going to change. Guys put up with a lot as well. Just try to keep your head up, really look at the kind of guys you are dating, have open communication so they know where you are coming from, and try not to over generalize on all guys based on your experiences and become too standoffish, that will just make it that much harder for you to meet someone.
I wish you the best. | |
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| Making out in the middle of the first date
Posted: 10/17/2009 6:12:43 AM | | Thank you both for your insight. I'll take them to heart.I've been trying to be very conscious of any signals I may be sending. I'll take your advice and politely steer them in another direction when it comes up. | |
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