| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/17/2009 8:18:36 AM | | I thought I had such a good guy for 25 yrs. Boy was I ever wrong. Cheating, lying and other hurtful stuff. My question is, "How do I move on?" I don't have many friends to go out with and I'm not the type of person that likes to do things alone. I'm really not into the bar scene and this on-line dating stuff isn't happening for me. Any comments??? | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/17/2009 2:35:04 PM | | lisa many of us are "not into the bar scene" but there are POF events at times held at them. During those times I attend and have met some really great people and safe. There are POF events held in parks (picnics), at jazz fests, bowling ally's, etc. Especially if you are not "into" the online dating stuff, you will at least be able to get out and socialize while making "friends". | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:08:12 AM | | Hi Lisa... Try taking some group dance lessons. Go online and see what you can find in your area. Over that last 8 years that I have been dancing, I have met hundreds of the people that have become very close friends also. Good luck to you. | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/18/2009 8:23:13 PM | first you say that you are a better person then you ex will ever now. then you put feet forward and start going about to prove it. keep you head up and a smile on your face.
my ex-wife and her low life daughter did some mean hurtful things to me. 2 months later i had to pick up some things at the house and there jaw droped when they saw how i was walking, and smiling.. my life is going upwards, while theres is going thru the crapper. i would also go to church and pray. that helped me more then anything!! | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/19/2009 7:06:40 PM | | Lisa, you need to stay busy now and try to find yourself again. I thru myself in to volunteer work when I became single and that helped tremendously. Find what you like to do and just do it! As others have said, go to pof events. There are many nice and friendly people that go and it is usually pretty easy to start meeting new friends. Meet-up.com offers different events that might be of interest to you in an informal fun situation. Join a gym, take classes, even dance classes as someone else suggested. Just do it! Good luck and have fun! Peace! | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/21/2009 11:13:16 AM |
Find what you like to do and just do it!
Could not have said it better myself. After 25 years, your life was probably as much about him as it was about yourself.
It can be lonely, especially if you were with someone for that amount of time, but find yourself, and be happy with yourself and the rest will fall into place.
If you haven't already, make a face book account and start looking up old friends and acquaintances, school mates, forgotten family, you would be amazed at how many people have started using that site. | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/27/2009 4:28:27 PM | I was reading the forums on this subject and read to your reply...I thought it was very sensitive and insightful of you to note that a life with someone else is about two people and that the process of seperating yourself from that "identity" is the hardest part. Excellent answer.
Suzanne | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/27/2009 5:48:29 PM | I once read that grieving was a process of turning what was two in to one.
I think one needs to first look deep inside themselves and keep the parts you like, dump those you dont and change those that need updating.
After that, the best advice has already been given... do all those things you always wanted to do!
I think the worst thing one can do is to jump back out into the dating world until you have fully worked through the process and "they" say it takes one month for every year you were together!
Jumping out too soon is like a snowball rolling down hill... it starts off small but the further it goes the more debri it picks up so that when it finally hits bottom its so full of sticks, twigs, leaves and other garrbage that it can't stay together...
One question I always ask those jumping back out into the dating world is: Why would you want to risk blowing the perfect relationship because you didnt take the time to heal completely? Seems self defeating to me! | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/28/2009 11:22:41 AM | | And also, until you are happy alone, you wont be happy with someone else. Dont do the rebound thing. Just relax and it will happen. | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:30:42 PM | Wish I had NOT done the rebound "thing". Now I wonder if I'll ever find a woman who I will be comfortable with. Met a couple on here and had face to face meetings, but there was just "nothing there" if that makes sense.
Probably should just forget about dating and get on with the other parts of my life. | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:51:27 PM | Flbiker in your profile you state......
"As the ABBA song goes; Take a Chance on Me. I am safe and normal if there is such a thing. Someone once told me Normal was a setting on the dishwasher! I have seen a lot of ads on dating sites where people (both men and women) say "no baggage". Well, here's a news flash; EVERYONE has baggage! The key is how they deal with it. I like to think that I deal with mine in a way that wouldn't pose problems in a relationship. life has taught me the hard way that no one can fully understand what another person is dealing with. They might empathize, might be in a similar situation, but when all is said and done, only the individual knows what is right for themselves. Life is much too short to waste time judging others. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this, if you are interested, please drop me a line and we'll talk more...................................................................................................."
So Listen to your self,Take your own words and learn from them enjoy life .you are safe and normal :) so take a ride, clear your head, see the sites and since you were in the Mili you have probably seen many places so take a moment stop smell the roses, the fields, the smells that are good (haha be sure you don't inhale the bad odors ) LOL
When I turned 50 I realized I was grown enough to actually start enjoying my life, My Boys are grown enough to take care of themselves so I owe it to me now. Be patient and your fishie will come your way ..
Creamy | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:56:02 PM | OP
Take time relax and as I said in the above post enjoy yourself, enjoy life. it takes awhile after a rough divorce to start over and sometimes you can be good friends with an ex and then sometimes it is better to have nothing to do with them unless you just have too
and remember Forgiveness is the beginning to healing .
creamy | |
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| Getting over the bad ex
Posted: 11/4/2009 12:10:54 PM | Wow, Easy Man, very wise words. Hadn't heard the 1 month for each year stat, but it's like kid's maturing...some go at a faster rate than others...some slower. I think if a person has been married/divorced or married/widowed/widower previously, the process doesn't take as long, but is just as painful...
 Isn't it nice that there are POF groups and events that can offer a diversion, without the pressure of being on a "date"?
Incidentally...you're a good lookin guy!
Suzanne | |
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