| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:28:57 PM | Boy meets Girl. They have been dating for 10 months. They seem very happy together.
He proposes, She accepts.
In the heat of the moment, he says: I never thought I could ever love a woman so deep to ask her to marry me"!
So she gigglingly asks : Why?
And he says, because I used to be GAY until 2 years ago.
She felt very hurt. Gives him his ring back.
Now my question is: Did he have to tell her off the bat that he used to be gay?
Putting yourself (men/women) in the woman's shoes, How would you react to such an announcement? Did the woman over-react in this scenario? | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:33:17 PM | | I'd say she over reacted. However; you should be open and honest about stuff upfront. I'd be hurt that he didn't tell me sooner, not so much about the fact he used to be gay. Though, I don't think you can turn on "gay" and "straight" like a switch, so either he was NOT gay......or he's not being 100% honest with himself NOW. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:38:17 PM | Depends, It really isn't a choice. What that is, is likely a bisexual.
*GASP* People can be attracted to both sexes? Why indeed they can.
IN FACT. Way back in Greek times (those wacky philosophers) it was common practice
for the soldiers to sleep with each other.
Strengthened bonds in the battle field it did, but in the end they went back home and had wives squeezing olives for them. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:41:28 PM | Men will probably have less issues with such a scenario than the women. But the again, how many of us tell a partner right off get go how many escapades they have had or other little silly things...not that I am belittling a sexual preference change.
So as Rickeyes say..DIDNT they say this is NOT a Choice? If so, how does one change? | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/18/2009 10:44:31 PM | | Ha msg 4, those sexual pervs. Nah, not my cuppa. But in OP's scenario, dunno, I'd have to know more..is he just using her to start a family, is his heart not really in it, is he gonna revert back to his gaydom! If he's over his bisexual ways...hmm..it's perhaps the only possibility for reconsideration. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:16:11 PM | My advice:
RUN. Run and don't ever look back.
Normally I'm the type to say "stick through things and work it out"...
But I've been in a similar position. I've been in a serious relationship with a guy who claims to have "been" gay in the past and said he could never love another female as he loved me.
Guess what? Down the road it caused mega issues which ultimately led to a breakup.
Secondly, (and this is actually more likely the bigger issue)... 10 months into a relationship... he is *finally* telling you the truth?
This sounds too familiar. By all means, run. If he has been dishonest for that long a time frame.... he will likely continue. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/18/2009 11:20:08 PM | Gives him his ring back. - good idea
Did he have to tell her off the bat that he used to be gay? He should have told her long before they became sexually intimate.
How would you react to such an announcement? I'd stop seeing him
Did the woman over-react in this scenario? I think it was the smart thing to do. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 2:03:29 AM | I have no problem at all if my SO drops the gaybomb and tells me she used to be lesbian until 2yrs ago. Honestly I'd have a bigger problem if she told me she was bisexual today.
You see because I know that qualified geneticists have yet to identify any homosexual descriptors satisfactorily in the face of peer review. And I know that despite the fantastic aspirations many gay/bi individuals and also many others might claim, relatively few who claim to hold detailed insight to the human genome are in fact qualified geneticists. Finally I know that the term homosexual describes the physical act of same sex relations, whilst there is also a subcultural fashion of gay/lesbian/bi individuals whom also I fully support for their right to individuality, freedoms, etc. but a subculture and a noun are two different things. And once again claims are just claims unless you've got the evidence sitting there in front of you.
Thus you see, if she told me she used to be a lesbian obviously she is referring to having previously slept with women exclusively. Good for her (way to go for the girls), at least her sexual desires are being satisfied by me today, honestly I'm honoured. But if she told me she was bisexual today like some of you seem to prefer, then she's telling me right now, or just after we'd made it, she wouldn't mind a bit of pus-sy (edit: a frackin date site censors pus-sy? wtf is this christians international?). I think that's asking for trouble.
Like all other behaviour you are dealing with nature versus nurture and the consensus by the scientific community is it's always a bit of both in every case, but choice is choice and wherever possible and reasonable should be free and facilitated by any conscionable government.
In other words I can easily envision statements relating to sexuality made by individuals, particularly when involved in serious relationships to be as likely dissertations and commitment as they are observations and whimsy, in either case they may be described as sentiments.
So to my lesbian girlfriend, after jumping on the bed and calming my glee, I'd just check that she liked me now though. Then get back to the celebration and hump her four hundred times a day for a week. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 3:08:04 AM | Last time I checked, being gay was not a phase in a person's life, it was a preference. So obviously the man in this scenario realized that he was bi-sexual. No biggie as long as he's monogamous.
I think he could have used more tact and consideration when telling her, after all, this is a huge bomb to drop on a person in a light manner, but to call an established relationship quits over it, nah... timing is everything and his timing should have been months earlier. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 4:06:54 AM | She should have kept the ring and said...."Yeah...and I can't believe I'm giving head without a major credit card".
That's a pretty big thing to throw out there as a side note.
I would think that by ring time the "circle of trust" issues would have been transparent.
I wouldn't stick around for the "rest of the story". | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 4:21:25 AM | holy load of b.s.....batman!
i would stick the ring where it would give him feelings of nostalgia... and send him back to the land of happy dreams...
unfortunately we do not chose the sex we are attracted to no more than we chose the foods we are attracted to... but we do chose the reality we choose to live in.
and as an old friend and an accountant for the mob once said to me.... when the numbers don't work! you have to force them or run!
any homosexual person looking to marry a heterosexual person is doing so for job security not love.... | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 4:42:25 AM | I'm having trouble putting myself in the shoes of a woman who giggles. If I could get past that I might be able to imagine how I would react to the news. Maybe if she was a woman who wore boots and chuckled I would find this easier to relate to. A big, strapping woman with dusty old work boots, and bulging biceps.
Why would she be hurt and give the ring back? | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:14:37 AM | | I don't understand how he stopped being gay, is that a euphemism to mean that he got sick of being rejected by his family or society and decided to be straight for acceptance and ignore the fact he was gay and start dating women? Did he decide that he wanted a normal family like everyone else and ignore he is gay? I didn't think you can stop an attraction or who you are attracted to so is he bi-sexual and has decided to ignore his attraction to men? | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:17:26 AM | There are a number of red flags here.
They've only been dating 10 months and he proposes? Is 10 months really long enough to determine that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone???
They've been dating 10 months and this is the first that she's heard of this??? I mean... c'mon! Sure you don't have to reveal every nitty gritty detail in your life up until that point (it would not be possible!) - but this is a pretty big detail to leave out.
He feels ready to propose without having revealed this massive detail about himself??
These people clearly do not have an intimate relationship (by intimate I mean emotional intimacy). They have no business getting married.
I think they should BOTH leave, be thankful that this came to light, use it as a wake up call and go figure out why they felt they should marry someone they did not have an intimate relationship with.  | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:21:15 AM | No siree,
I like my men straight and my women gay, those tricky bisexuals will get ya every time. (let's ignore the irony of that statement)
Other points:
There really isnt any "used to be" as far as sexuality is concerned.
Why would he hide his "previous homosexuality" from the woman he "loved" for so long? Just smells fishy to me. 
I'm just sayin' | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:38:48 AM | People say things in the throws of an orgasm but don't truly mean if it were a regular situation. Saying things in during the very act of intimacy shouldn't be taken too seriously unless you are already in a deeply committed relationship with someone who does tell you the same things out of the bedroom.
That is plain foolishness for someone to say "I used to be gay". No one, who starts out as gay and ends up in bed with a woman, ever gives up being gay. If anything, this is the same situation where the person is straight and ends up in bed with someone else of the same sex. This is what they call bi-sexuality. Others choose to keep it quiet and lead double lives on the down low where they never give up their little secret for fear that it will ruin what the relationship and home life they already have. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 5:44:42 AM | | What you're saying about how people are doesn't match how people are actually. Your idea would not fit reality in cases where people have changes in their sexual orientation. That some people do might seem incredible to your opinion, but if we're talking about what happens in real life, I have to go with what the people themselves say ahead of what someone else wants to think instead. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 6:15:47 AM | Well gee, I thought we were "born" gay or hetero? So how did he "used to be" gay? You know, some of these people need to make up their minds. Were they "born that way" or not? Because if, when he was "being gay," did he go around saying he was born that way? And if he was born that way, how did he "change" into a heterosexual?
If gay people are "born that way," then he's STILL gay, and the ring would be returned. Yes, this is something she needed to know. He should have told her from day one, so she would know what she was getting into.
She did NOT overreact, because what would happen 5 or 10 years down the road, when she's got a couple of kids with this guy and he suddenly decides that he has to "be true to himself," and leaves her for a man?
She'd be an idiot to set herself up for that. | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:01:43 AM | The woman did not overreact I think she did the right thing and so did he
Full disclosure... sexuality.... criminal record.... marital status....likes to groom the dog at midnight covered in peanut butter....
I need to know these things preferably before you find out where i live.
if your a person who has been presented with this
it all depends on what kind of relationship you want from this person... who used to be gay
ask yourself are you the type that will have a problem if they dabbles...(good chance they may as this is sexuality we are talking about, you can bend it you can shape it but it will snap back to the form it desires)
The thought of two women in bed though arousing would never out weight the naggingx2 when i mess up 
I know my limits
seriously i could never date a woman that slips back and forth from men to women.
To me it would be very unstable
and the instability would drive me nuts. | |
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PiggyT
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Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 26 | |
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| So he/she USED to be Gay/Lesbian! Would you still date them?
Posted: 10/19/2009 8:08:36 AM | Frankly, I've never heard of a guy who "used to be gay." If a guy is making that claim which isn't uncommon . . . as a claim anyway, he's just opted to pretend to be straight in order to fit in. You can't expect this guy to actually have romantic feelings for you if you're a woman; he's faking because he wants to have kids or something like that.
On the other hand, plenty of women switch around although the charade there is that they were lesbians in the first place when they were just indiscriminate seekers of romantic attention--bisexual if you like--and eventually realized it still makes more sense for them to wind up with a man considering they don't especially need some spiritual link with another woman. On top of that, most guys don't really care either. If/when I get married, my wife is welcome to get nasty with other women if she wants. Obviously, I'd appreciate caution regarding STDs that I don't deserve to be exposed to, but beyond that, whatever. | |
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