| the hardest thing
Posted: 10/19/2009 9:14:16 AM | background: I met her in highschool. she was beautiful blonde straight A student, involved in everything: sports, activities, everything. I was a degenerate kid. skipped class, drugs, trouble didnt care. i remember first seeing her in 9th grade. and i was completely stunned. she had caught my eye then and everyday since. the gutless wonder that i was i never did anything about it. 12 grade came and i decided enough, I was going to tell her how i felt all this time. On my way to go talk to her I was taking by security, excorted down to the office and expelled. shortly after I decided to write to her telling her everything, how i went off drugs, finished school, tried my hardest everyday to be a better person in some way all for the simple reason that if i ever was to have the chance to talk to her again I would be someone who could be respected enough to be given a shot. now since i knew her last name but didnt know the address. i sent a letter to all names in the phone book under that address hoping it would somehow find her. I never heard anything.
Time moved on as it does. I eventually got married....and divorced. well after the divorce I had asked myself what is it that i really wanted. I need to find what is meant for me. and it was her, and i realised for the past 13 years I never really stopped thinking of her. She was always in there, in my dreams, in my mind. so about 2 years ago i went on a misson to find her. and i finally did. we had started simple talking, she knew who i was. she had gotten the letter. and has it today still like it just came out of the evelope.
the hard thing is that i was in school 250 miles away at the time, but every weeked one of us would drive to see the other. we had so much in common, we had such fun togethor, she was everything a guy could hope for. we had plans for a life togethor, goals set we were saving and wanted to move out of the state. over the past few months things started to decline the passion was gone, he excitment was gone. no more butterflies. about 2 weeks ago she said she was going to add a program to her current masters degree for art therapy. which doubled her class load and with that and work.... the phone calls became shorter about 5 min at the end of the day before she was going to bed.. and the texting was maybe a "have a good day today <3 "
I left her the other day. I told her that there is no more room for me in her world, that i have been slowly outcasted from her life. I know she could put more effort into showing me she still cares about me and this relationship.. i sacrificed alot of time and money.. job offers all over the country to stay here so we can do it togethor. I told her i would never make her chose between her goals and dreams and me. im not that person it wouldnt be fair to her. but i also said this whole is making me sad and i cant do it anymore.. i feel alone again and its not fair to me either to be just dumped to the back of the priority line. I call and call and send flowers and text and plan weekends and there is just never any acknoweldgement of anything... so i said im done...ive had enough. she has spoken nothing since.
she really was the love of my life....to the point where the relationship caused nothing but pain and sorrow, there was no more fun. But my life matters too and I have enough respect for myself not to be tossed aside to just exsist..
the thing of it is... after its all said and done.. Im really not that upset about it. youd think based on the story behind this, it would have affected me more.. yet it hasnt. there is nothing certain in this world.. and nothing is a safe bet. I guess just trust that there will always be a path to the right place to be in life.... and Im optimistic ill soon find mine. | |
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| the hardest thing
Posted: 10/19/2009 9:18:36 AM | | yep...life sucks sometimes...get used to it | |
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| the hardest thing
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:09:14 AM | Well.......we all have the "one that got away" in our lives.
In spite of your getting your life straightened out and all the sacrifices you made, she didn't feel the same way you did in the end. Sad but true. - I understand you hurt, but you need to let her go and move on with your life - and create a good one for yourself.
Distance rarely, if ever works, and unfortunately, you being 250 miles apart, her being in school with a double major/class load, and not even making an effort to make time for you, blew it all apart
You now have to take care of you and not worry about her anymore. Life your life, let her live hers, and move on. - and do the best you can. Stay busy and stay focused on what YOU want. | |
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| the hardest thing
Posted: 10/19/2009 12:02:35 PM | I had "one that got away". We dated for about a year, tried to get pregnant, and when that didn't work, sort of fell out of the relationship and he moved away. I recently got together with him again--15 years later. You'd think we'd have changed, perhaps matured into better people, right? NOPE--same old issues popped up, almost immediately.
I no longer think of him as "the one who got away". | |
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| the hardest thing
Posted: 10/19/2009 1:14:04 PM | | You need to check out the lyrics to the Garth Brooks song, "Thank God for Unanswered Prayers"... I bet in the long run, you'll feel that way. | |
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| the hardest thing
Posted: 10/19/2009 3:07:42 PM | Jeremy, your post is one of the most disturbing I've ever read.
What are you smoking? | |
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| the hardest thing
Posted: 10/19/2009 7:26:00 PM | I understand how you feel, I am going through a similar situation myself. The guy I had been with had talked of how I was the one and that we would be spending the rest of our lives together...then I saw myself being put on the back burner more and more, and felt that he took me for granted. I told him I couldn't do it anymore, even though I love him with all my heart. It hurts but you have to remember that you love yourself more. You love yourself enough that you can't allow yourself to not be a priority in your partner's life. You just have to get through one day at a time. Try to push thoughts of her out of your mind...I'm told it gets easier as time goes on... I wish I could think of something to make us both feel better. Never give up hoping and searching.  | |
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| the hardest thing
Posted: 10/19/2009 11:56:05 PM | What the????...what is your point????...you say your fine with it all...what the??
I don't know OP and the way you couldn't get some high school crush out of your mind for that many years is definitely..."creepy"...You better work on those obsessional stalking traits before it graduates into something more serious..You totally come across as a potential stalker...man...someone else said that your posting is disturbing and i totally agree...get a good therapist and I am very, very serious... | |
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