| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:24:16 AM | I have always just searched for Dating and Long Term, but today I added a couple of the others like Activity Partner and Talk/Email. I didn't know what Other Relationship was so I put that just to see what it returned.
I searched it and then put it back to Dating and Long Term, but now I can't contact most of the people returned in my original search. For example, if someone has the following:
"Must not be looking for Activity Partner"
and I only searched one time to see what it was and my Advanced Search is set back to just Dating and Long Term, why does that ban me, since I'm not looking for an Activity Partner, I checked one time to see who might be there?
But since it does do this, why does my search return people I can't contact? I think it would be extremely easy to add to the database query that is run to check my flags versus what someone else has said they don't want. If I wouldn't be able to contact them, don't show them. I mean, what is the point other than to tease me by showing me women I'm really interested in but can never talk to now?
You could even make it a check box on the search page, "Only show users that I can contact" and it would be very helpful in filtering out the search results. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:42:25 AM | I understand what your asking but I am also betting that your problem is not "must not be looking for activity partner".
Double check and see if they are blocking those seeking Intimate Encounters.
You were playing around and contacted either those seeking IE or OTHER relationships I would bet and your now unable to contact anyone blocking those folks.
Just a hunch as you mentioned seeking "Other". This is most often a sexual type of relationship.
Intimate Encounter and Other Relationship – Is There a Difference
Cowboy
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:58:21 AM | I did search for Other relationships too because I didn't know what it was. I never searched for Intimate Encounters though, I don't want relationships like that. I didn't realize I'd be penalized like that just for being curious what Other relationships was. Maybe those search options should have a little disclaimer next to them that says you won't be able to contact most of the women on PlentyOfFish after using them? Now after reading your link I understand it means sex but I had no idea.
I like this site and have been on here on and off a number of times with some success. But now I can't contact most of the women on the site, at least in my local area and my searches are frustrating because I can't contact most of the women I click on now. Before I'd read their profile to see if they were someone that interests me, and now I just read the bottom and have to click back, and repeat that until I find someone who doesn't have those flags at the bottom.
Other than starting up a new account, is there any way to get those flags cleared? I won't ever search for those again, I've learned that lesson now. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:19:25 AM | I also forgot to mention that the only people I've contacted are women interested in dating or long term dating, I've never emailed women seeking any other type of relationship. This happened just because I searched for Activity Partner and Other Relationship.
I did open one or two of them but then I saw a woman for dating I was really interested in, tried contacting her and couldn't. We had a lot of similar interests too, so it was sad to me to see that happen. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/20/2009 10:51:26 AM | I looked through my advanced search and then looked at my profile and finally found that I had changed my profile to "Hang Out" instead of dating when I last took a break from dating.
Once I changed that back to "Dating" I was able to finally send her a message. Thank you! But I still think that would be a great feature to have in the site to filter searches by who you can contact. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:22:19 PM | > would be a great feature to have in the site to filter searches by who you can contact.
I agree with this.
It is a big waste of time to have people show up who are not contactable.
Another great thing would be to have people not keep showing up in searches who we don't want to keep showing up in searches. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:28:35 AM | I was doing a local search, and didn't put any filters on it. I messaged some of the people, innocently enough, I thought. It turns out that since I told someone that I thought her profile was humorous I now can't contact about half the people here.
(The profile I contacted was one seeking an intimate encounter....)
It does seem a little unfair. Perhaps POF could make this a little clearer when one signs up. This site is pretty much useless to me now, it seems.... | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:32:14 AM | ^^^ It takes several first contacts with IE profiles before the filter is tripped, not just one. It's only once a pattern is recognised you will be subsequently blocked by anyone using the "must not have contacted anyone looking for IE" filter setting.
So perhaps you wrote to 3 or 4 IE profiles to tell them their profile was humourous? | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/28/2009 3:55:39 PM | One or two posts were to tell a lady that I thought her profile was humourous, others were similar...just a comment on something said in the profile. Other posts were to compliment someone on her picture.
The other relationship thing threw me a bit, too. Do people always have to have sex in these? I answered a few posts regarding becoming a potential sperm donor, as I've been interested in this for some time. Apparently this makes me perverted as well. I thought a clinic would be involved.
I'm sure there were other incidents, but I never mentioned sex anywhere in my posts. I thought they were innocent enough, but looking back I suppose it was my fault for posting in the first place.
I understand that this must be a terribly sensitive issue to handle, from a site moderation point of view.... | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:52:53 PM |
i think you are a bit confused. it's not a moderation issue, at all. what you post to the fora has no effect on your ability to send mail. you can post about sex, or about being a sperm donor, or whatever you like. as long as you follow the posting guidelines, you'll have no problems.
your problem stems from messaging users w/ IE or other relationship profiles. it doesn't matter what you said. it only matters that you sent messages to at least 4 users with those profile designations. that is what tripped the filter. the result is that now you can't send messages to those who choose to employ the IE filter.
"other relationship" is a vague term. but here is why admin included it to trigger the filter.
http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts1800336.aspx#1800835
you might also find msg 8 illuminating. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:06:18 PM | Tripping a filter for "other relationship", when other relationship can mean going hiking or bird watching or anything else that is totally innoculous, is inane.
Anyway, probably most people have had an intimate relationship in their lives, or at least hopefully so.
The only time I tried to block someone was a guy who kept sending advertising spam, but I was not able to block him and had to turn off notifications for singles events. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:29:01 AM | Yeah, if I'd known that X number of posts to people like that would result in not being able to contact others, then I suppose I wouldn't have posted. Although I kind of resent that I have to think of people as "people like that" on this site.
It seems a little draconian, is all. I can't think of one instance where I received a reply other than thanks, and I very seldom got any reply at all. I didn't really expect one, as I was just trying to make that person feel good about themselves. Maybe there should be a way to give an honest compliment to these people without setting off a flag? | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:29:34 AM | | I see this could also be an issue for the people that post in the forums. Many times, I have been contacted in regards to a thread or a post on a topic. All sorts of folk post there and some could be penalized for emailing others about something unrelated to dating. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:51:36 PM | if a forum user receives a message from a member with an IE profile, they may reply with impunity; replies don't trigger the filter, only first contact messages do.
however, it would be prudent for a forum user to check the "looking for" status of other forum users they wish to contact privately, in order to avoid running afoul of triggering the IE filter.
as far as i'm concerned, any regular forum user (ok, ANY user) should be aware of the forum rules and familiar with the faq. i would be unsympathetic to claims of, "i just contacted these IE profiles to discuss forum topics".  famous saying, "look before you leap" applies. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/29/2009 10:51:46 PM | > if a forum user receives a message from a member with an IE profile, they may reply with impunity; replies don't trigger the filter, only first contact messages do.
As far as I am concerned, people can contact who they want to contact. I have at times, since learning of this status thing, checked the "status" of people before sending any message. Doing so has kept me at times from sending a message to someone who I might have sent one to otherwise, based on the profile and interests. I regret that it has.
In fact I saw a profile today that showed an interest in camping, but I saw the "other relationship" status and did not send a message. I really don't have any idea if the woman was looking for sex, and personally I don't want to have sex with someone who I have never met (which would be difficult to do anyway). Conversely, I could figure that any woman who did not pick such status is only looking for sex, so it doesn't really make any difference. People are people, regardless of what status they put on the profile.
There is the thought of sending a few messages to such profiles, to trigger the trigger and thus remove any fear of associating with a "wrong person", as determined by another (not me). That would remove any feeling of someone else determining who I may or might not speak to, without me having any choice of my own in the matter. I am probably older than most who would try to make such a decision for me anyway.
>> Apparently the intention of the rule is to protect women from sexual diseases, or promiscous guys.
The status on a profile is probably not a good way to determine who has a sexual disease, nor of who is promiscuous. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/29/2009 11:25:43 PM |
searching or looking at profiles won't trigger it. You would of had to make first contact with them. Again it was just a hunch I may be wrong. Could any comment on this thread have been filled with more double speak than this one? First, it's obviously clear from the above statement the poster is stating that searching or looking for IE or OR profiles will not trigger the filter. Second, saying that "You would of had to make first contact with them. leaves no doubt that this is being presented as factual information. Still, the following disclaimer, Again it was just a hunch I may be wrong. makes me wonder why anyone would even bother to present personal speculation as fact? The only known fact about how the IE filter is triggered is known by only one person. Sure, the 'Help' link states that "Once you have contacted FOUR OR MORE users looking for Intimate Encounters you are restricted from contacting members that have this feature in place." But no where does it state that this is the one and only, singular, reason that will trip this filter. The link provided in post 13 bears this out. Are some here tagged unfairly? I have no doubt that they are. But I believe it to be such an extreme minority that the overall benefits to the majority out weigh any injustice to so few. The status on a profile is probably not a good way to determine who has a sexual disease, nor of who is promiscuous. I'll agree with the part about determining whether or not a person actually has a sexual disease. But the promiscuous comment? Totally absurd thinking in my opinion. Only a complete medical exam, tests etc., will reveal an STD. And even with that some can hide for quite a long period. I'll stick with the totally absurd comment as far as what a person states they are looking for. I'm not saying that someone stating dating or long term is not looking for a one nighter. I just find it difficult to believe that someone listing Intimate Encounter is truly looking for their last love. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/30/2009 9:55:49 AM | >> I just find it difficult to believe that someone listing Intimate Encounter is truly looking for their last love.
Intimate to me, means capable of having an open minded and honest view of the world, which does not mean having sex with someone.
An example of the opposite of intimate to me would be someone who would walk by and stomp on my head if I was laying in a gutter, and then laugh about it as they danced off in the distance. A more personal example are the types of conversations that I had with my Dad before he passed away a few years ago. Whenever we talked, it was important for me to keep the subject matter on the surface, otherwise the conversation would denigrate into some type of negativity or anger. It was not possible to have an intimate conversation with my Dad.
A person with intimate feelings, to me, is one who would have compassion and feeling for the person laying in the gutter, and who might think had their circumstances been different then they might have been in that same place. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:12:19 PM | That is your interpretation - not mine.
What I feel is that if there is a specific meaning attached, for purposes of the profiles, then having the specific meaning would be more clear. For example instead of the person "looking for intimate counter", it would be more clear to have the choice "looking for sex" or sexual encounters. Otherwise the choice is ambigious, as not everyone has been clued in to the secret special meanings.
Likewise, doesn't "long term" mean looking for "long term sexual encounters? Most people probably think it does not. So why would "intimate encounter" mean sex. One or two choices have secret meanings, the others do not. What you and I think things mean is not the same as what others might think that they mean. Having the choice "sex" vs "intimate encounter" would make it more clear.
To me, the status gives some clue as to what the person is looking for, but does not define any person completely.
Other than the status, I prefer a person who is "real" vs "unreal", to toss in a couple more ambiguous terms. :) | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:25:14 PM | What I feel is that if there is a specific meaning attached, for purposes of the profiles, then having the specific meaning would be more clear. For example instead of the person "looking for intimate counter", it would be more clear to have the choice "looking for sex" or sexual encounters. Otherwise the choice is ambigious, as not everyone has been clued in to the secret special meanings.
Type "intimate encounter" into any search engine and let me know if you get a variety of results?
I tried it and they all came back with the same theme.
It is clearly understood that someone looking for an intimate encounter is someone looking for sex with out any attachments unless otherwise specified.
Nothing ambiguous about it. | |
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:43:25 PM | Maybe google is giving you hits based what you have been looking for?
Search engines are known for doing this.
I typed "intimate encounter" in google and only 1 out of the first 20 responses was referring to sex.
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Interesting. I just did the same search again and now the top returns are for dating.
"Intimate encounter" got 152,000 returns, and "intimate encounter" + "sex" got 74,900 returns.
Just under half of the search returns for intimate encounter had the word sex mentioned in the link.
It remains that more than 1/2 the returns did not mention sex.
Why conclude that everyone is thinking the same thing that you do, when that is not the case.
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| Searches should only return people you can contact
Posted: 10/30/2009 4:24:42 PM | Maybe google is giving you hits based what you have been looking for?
Search engines are known for doing this.
..know for doing this... You mean like how some posters try to insult others by insinuating things?
Why conclude that everyone is thinking the same thing that you do, when that is not the case.
I never did,
I said "It is clearly understood that someone looking for an intimate encounter is someone looking for sex with out any attachments unless otherwise specified."
What or how you want to interpreted something is completely up and is a personal decision.
The site is not responsible for telling people what to think, that is up to you.
That is why I like POF, they do not dumb it down. | |
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