| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:46:39 PM | A business associated of mine has been seeing a woman for about four months. I'll call her April. They get along fine, and have had a fair amount of fun and laughs. His physical attraction for her is, he says, about 68%. Nothing earth busting, but not too bad either. He could do a lot worse.
Last week he was at a trade show in the same city where he lives, it was about 3pm in the afternoon and he slipped into a dark pub in the convention hall for a quick one. Nobody was in there except for him and the bartender who was a woman. They got to talking and he finds out she's 38 years old, back in college to become an RN and tending bar part time. They have a lot in common, and he is extremely attracted to her. So he drinks his drink, pays his tab and as he was about to leave she pulled out a pen and wrote down her number and gave it to him and told him to call her. He tells me he is going to call her and go out with her.
Now, he hasn't stopped seeing April yet. They started having sex about a month ago and he says the sex is great, even though his attraction to her is not stellar. They have made no commitments. I suspect it's a FWB, but he denies that it's only FWB. I have not discussed it with April, I don't really know her well, but I'm betting that to her it's more than FWB from what I can see when I see them together.
He tells me that if he and the bartender begin a sexual relationship, he will not necessarily cut it off with April. He wants to have sex with both of them (not at the same time) on an on-going basis. He doesn't want to tell April about the bartender. This does not sit right with me, and I'm strongly tempted to spill the beans to April even though I don't know her very well. What would you do in this situation?
Mouth shut or tattle? | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:52:08 PM | You have a situation involving three adults, there is no firm commitment or exclusive relationship and all parties are free agents. As long as your friend is smart enough to have safe sex and not make any promises he has no intention of keeping, he should enjoy the company of both women. If anyone wants more than what he is currently offering they are old enough to speak up for themselves.
As an outside party, I would keep my mouth shut. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:55:05 PM | It's a good thing he's a business associate and not a friend or I'd have to wonder why you would even want to be friends with someone who uses other people, doesn't care who he hurts and appears to think deception is a-okay. You should know that if he'll do this to people he sleeps with, he's likely not too honest with you either. If you're in business with him, you need to watch your back.
But as for this other scenario, I don't think I would be inclined to tattle. I sure wouldn't cover up for him if someone was to ask me any direct questions though.
Hopefully, the women will be smart enough to figure it out for themselves. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:58:00 PM | | Hello. If you are friends with him, talk to him and tell him how you feel. That's what friends do. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 7:58:47 PM | Mind. Your. Own. Business.
It's a great program about the pitfalls of not looking out for your own business records.
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:00:27 PM | | Unless either of them is your sister, it is NONE of your business. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:00:34 PM | | I handled this kind of crap by telling this person that I will not keep his secret, I will not lie to his girlfriend and I will not be a part of his bullshit. So if he doesn't tell her the truth and she asks me, I will, and to be honest, I wouldn't want his type of friendship anyway and wouldn't be hanging around him. No, I wouldn't run to tell her, but I will not lie to her. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:00:52 PM | Decisions, decisions.....you live your life and let him live his. Case closed. Next!
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:05:11 PM | | and this involves you how???? if you ran a red light with your friend in the car, you would think nothing of him telling the cops because "its the right thing to do"? they used to call this type a person a rat | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:05:23 PM | sheeesh.. Mouth shut
Mind your own damn business.
Ya know.. I read your profile.. and RE-read your post.
It smells.. Smells like you got a thing for April.. smells like you got a problem with some guy getting HIS life set up HIS way.. and maybe you cant..
Or oh hell.. there are a 1000 possible threads to your motivation.. but PLEASE dont try to take the Holier-than-thou approach.. It doesnt wash
Oh.. YOU know way too much about the intimate particulars of this guy to have him be JUST a "business associate"
I've dont LOTS of business.. had 1000's of "associates" and NEVER knew this amount of detail about any of their personal lives
I think you have LED HIM TO BELIEVE you are his friend.. and THAT stinks even more | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:14:13 PM | Mouth shut. BOTH of you.
You two are business associates, for crying out loud... not a couple of immature frat boys. There's no reason for him to be sharing the intimate details of his sex life with you ... and there's no reason for you to involve yourself in his personal affairs, however he chooses to conduct them.
And seriously... he measures his attraction to women in percentages? What the hell are you two - duelling statisticians? | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:24:20 PM | | I wouldn't say anything. What I would take away from this is to be cautious if he wants to partner up with you in some sort of business deal. I'm guessing his display of character isn't just isolated to the dating world. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:24:22 PM | | Yup... mouth shut. BUT you are free to tell this "business associate" of yours that what you think he is doing is wrong. You are entitled to an opinion - whether he chooses to listen to your opinion or not is his choice. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:27:21 PM | Op,you DO seem to know an awful lot about the lovelife of a "business associate"(as another Poster said)...........???
Are you sure this isnt YOUR story.......??
He sounds like a bit of a Tosser who liked tossing it around everywhere.....
Id stay out of it.............unless you're perhaps interested in "April" ??
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:45:42 PM | A business associate.
You know there is a computer programme aimed at businesses, it’s called MYOB it stands for Mind You Own Business.
Sounds like your associate is a bit COCKY and too sure of himself his up for a lesson, I would not be surprised if April makes a fool of him – becomes April’s fool.
As for the bar tender (lady) you say that the pub was dark – well perhaps your associate will discover that it wasn’t the bar perhaps he is a bit dim or at least not too bright anyway.
You pulling a joke on us OP??? | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 8:57:40 PM | | I can't imigine a man even thinking about discussing the situation with anyone!! Is it possible you are jealous that your "business associate" has two women interested in him and you have none? I would think if you had a gf you would be home taking care of your own life and not meddling in his ! Time for you to get a life !! | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:05:40 PM | Especially considering that he is a business associate, you need to stay out of it. I hate to say this, but I don't think you want to jeapordize your business interests on behalf of these two women who for all you know may not be expecting an exclusive committment from him in the first place.
He sounds like a jerk and I'd watch my back, like another poster cautioned you. But I don't see where you should be getting involved.
It does sound like the two of you do an awful lot of talking about personal issues outside of business, it might not hurt to just mention to him that you aren't really comfortable with what he is doing and tell him why. Beyond that you should leave it alone. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:12:56 PM | | Of course you tell. This is a golden opportunity to watch the s**t hit the fan. Where's the fun in not telling? Personally I'd also fib a little and tell one girl that the other also has an STD to see what reaction it causes but to each his own. He's a jerk and made his bed of nails so make him squirm in it. Life's too short to miss chances like this. By flaunting his disgusting lack of character he's basically admitting to you that he doesn't even qualify as a living human being who gives a s**t about these women's feelings so why care about anything that happens to him? He's human waste so treat him as such. I don't know what kind of associate he is but if you get the opportunity to get him in trouble or fired from his job I'd do that as well. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:15:19 PM | | I'll bet April thinks it's an exclusive relationship! She didn't jump in the sack with him right away for a FWB, she waited til she got to know him. The guy is a liar, tell him to man up and be up front with April. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:16:58 PM | The one that always falls the hardest on these deals is the one that is....or thinks he is doing the right and moral thing.
It's none of your business.
Mouth shut.
The only time I'd get involved is if April was my daughter or maybe sister.
Then...there might be more than beans spilled. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:19:36 PM | | I'd keep my big yapper shut. It can't help your business relationship, and from the sound of it, his love life will probably unravel soon enough anyway. I see by your profile you live near Nashville. Remember that ex-football star who got killed by his jealous girlfriend a couple of months ago because he was two-timing on her? Jealousy can be a real biatch. Two-timers always get caught one way or another. Forget about it and let him self-destruct in due season. | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:20:31 PM | suprised by the fact that I could still be surprised by some of the human behaviors :O
back to the point...morality is something subjective to each every one and it's their business but it's good you care about someone's feelings :) | |
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| Mouth Shut or Tattle?
Posted: 10/20/2009 9:25:32 PM | Ok, you are a business associate. If you rat him out, will it cost you business? This man has no morals, or ethics, so I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him, he has shown you his true character. I'd be wary.
But although it may not 'be any of your business', when you see something happening that is wrong, you have a moral obligation to stand up and do the right thing. This is called character. If more people did this, the world would be a much better place...women and men might think much longer and harde before cheating on their SO.
I think you probably see April as a good and decent woman. I don't necessarily think you have a thing for her, I think you just know that she wouldn't do such a thing to him, and wouldn't appreciate him cheating on her.
You know what you have to do. You didn't have to come on here to have me or anyone else tell you. Go and have your talk with April. Good luck.
Beth | |
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