| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:28:54 AM | I met this guy two months ago. We have progressed to seeing each other about 3 times a week. I have yet to meet any of his friends. We have gone out with my friends a few times. Keep in mind my friends means a mix of both male and female.
Once, when he was babysitting a friends dog, I ask who's dog it was. He seemed a little reluctant to answer. He made it a point to say "one of my married friends".
I'm guessing that he may think I will get jealous of his female friends. How can I let him know that I'm not the jealous type.
Then there is the flip side of me that has had experience where the guy keeps me from his friends because he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. How can I figure out which is true?
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:32:47 AM | You might try having that bit of conversation that begins with "where do you see us as a couple ... are we exclusive or not?"
That might be a good place to start. As far as not meeting his friends, his general reluctance, etc., through a recent experience of my own -- so, admittedly, from a myopic viewpoint -- I would call your relationship an extended one-night stand. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:39:50 AM | Just ask to meet his friends. Stop the internal drama and tell him what you want. Now I do find it odd that he would not give up the name of his friend, but that is it, odd and nothing else.
I have friends that I won't let a girl meet too early. You see these are the friends that are loud and rude, you know what I'm talking about. I don't always hang out with these friends, and would rather not give the impression that they are the usual group I hang out with.
Regardless, two months are enough to be seen with this guy by his friends, make him introduce you. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:50:15 AM |
I'm guessing that he may think I will get jealous of his female friends. How can I let him know that I'm not the jealous type.
I would think that after a few months, this fact would be evident. I mean, that's something that is pretty easy to pick up on - at least it is for me. Jealous people exhibit definite "red flags": insecurity, self esteem, etc., etc. If you haven't shown any of these behaviors, then he should already know that you're not the jealous type.
Then there is the flip side of me that has had experience where the guy keeps me from his friends because he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. How can I figure out which is true?
Is he "available" all the time? Meaning, are there times when he doesn't respond to phone calls, texts, etc. or waits to get back to you? Does he separate from you when he gets phone calls, so that he can talk "in private". Other than the fact that you haven't met any of his friends, has he given you any reason to suspect that he is otherwise, attached?
Could be that you're being paranoid. Could be that he really doesn't have that many friends. Could be, like me, that most all of his friends are women and he's not sure how you would interpret that. Could be that his friends are "pigs" (typical 30-something guys) and by introducing them to you, it might tarnish the image of himself that he has presented to you over the last few months.
The bottom line is, if it bothers you, then you just need to bring it up and ask him. There's certainly no harm in that. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:06:09 AM | I don't see any other red flags. He does have a few nights a week where he's out with friends and doesn't respond right away to my texts. He doesn't get phone calls while we are together.
we haven't spent time on the weekends together yet. We always seem to have something else to do. I keep inviting him to join me. I'm guessing he's just shy and doesn't want to be around a group of strangers. I just hope that is the case.
Yes we are exclusive. We had that talk a month ago. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:16:54 AM | ^^^ Meh, sounds like you might be overly concerned at this point. Especially if he hasn't given you any reason to think anything else. Have you met any of his family? Have you introduced him to any of yours? Either way, I'd just keep trying to move forward and trying not to over analyze it at this point.
BTW, congrats on the relationship! | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:13:09 AM | "Yes we are exclusive. We had that talk a month ago."
Er, in that case, why does your profile state that you are seeking a man for long term?
I mean, there's one red flag. I guess it's hard to see it when you're the one waving it?
And you've been dating him for a couple of months and have yet to see him on a weekend?
That's...odd. As for not meeting his friends, a few thoughts come to mind:
1. His friends include guys who are much better looking, more charismatic, and so forth, who have an "all's fair in the war that is love" kind of attitude to girlfriend-theft.
2. His friends include one woman who is better looking, more charismatic, and so on, than yourself, and others who have a "not all is fair in the war that is love" attitude to boyfriend-theft. The first woman, would be the woman behind whose back he is seeing you.
3. You are very embarassing in public for some reason we do not know about yet.
4. He is very embarassing in public for some reason we do not know about yet.
5. 4, and he has very few friends to meet. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:22:43 AM |
Then there is the flip side of me that has had experience where the guy keeps me from his friends because he was cheating on his girlfriend with me. How can I figure out which is true?
Unless this man is just kind of private and reclusive by nature--and such people exist--there is indeed something odd about his reluctance to have you meet anyone on his social circle. The best approach is just to ask to hang out with some of his friends. Tell him you want to meet some of the people in his life. If he balks, at this, you may have good reasons to be suspicious. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:27:48 AM | Two months of dating isn't that long.
Many times women introduce a guy to her friends which often turn out to be a bunch of
snooty bitzches and stuck up homosexuals, that he hates to be around.
If he's avoiding you on weekends, then why do you keep making plans without first talking to him. I would have dumped you long ago just for this reason !
As for not bringing you around his friends....it's definitely something about you !
There's not other reason a guy would'nt bring a girl around his friends unless he felt she won't fit in.
Maybe you should get off your high horse.....chew on some beef jerky.....drink a glass of tang, and get into his world. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:43:30 AM | Have you met any of his family members?
Does he talk about his friends much? There could be any number of reasons why he hasn't introduced you to them. Maybe he is trying to transition away from a less-sophisticated crowd. Otherwise, he may be trying to hide something from you that all his friends know about. If he's reluctant to discuss his friends whatsoever, then it's probably the latter.
How can I figure out which is true?
You are going to have to put your foot down. If he isn't hiding anything, then he should be okay with providing a reasonable explanation. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:55:04 AM | | OP there are many reasons why you have not met his friends. Years ago a man I was seeing behaved the same way. I eventually found out he had a girlfriend that hung out with his friends. I am not saying this is what is going on in your situation. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:55:29 AM | How can I figure out which is true?
What happened to good ol' "communication" ? You said you have already been exclusive for about a month, but can't even talk about such crap issues ?
Why are you here asking "this" to bunch of strangers where we have absolutely no-friggin idea why this guy does what he does ?
Why not talk to him instead, ask the source ?
Everything you read here is and will be "speculations" and will do nothing but even confuse you MORE....
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:25:27 AM | If he's avoiding you on weekends, then why do you keep making plans without first talking to him. I would have dumped you long ago just for this reason !
I do consult him before I make plans. Did you not see the part where I invite him?
He wants to do something tomorrow but there is a Latin dance party I want to go to. This is something I know he wouldn't enjoy. He used to be into dancing but needs to practice before going out in public. I'm not totally concerned about the weekend thing. It just seems that we still haven't 100% meshed out our schedules yet. but as you say
Two months of dating isn't that long.
snooty bitzches and stuck up homosexuals
my friends are far from snooty or homosexual. we are very outdoorsy. yesterday he came hiking with me and my friends.
As for meeting the family.....
1) it's too soon for that
2) both of our families are about an hour away
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:15:26 AM |
1) it's too soon for that
Who says? I don't think I've ever had a serious girlfriend who didn't meet my family (at least vicariously) within 2 months. If it is too soon for family, then is it also too soon for friends?
2) both of our families are about an hour away
My girlfriend's family is overseas. Regardless, we learned a few things about eachother in the first few weeks of dating, even before things got serious. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:01:38 PM | I guess OP you could take the bull by the horns instead of getting confrontational..
Plan a get together a mixture of YOURS and HIS friends. Ask him to invite a few of his friends as you are going to be inviting a few of your own.
The married friend could be an EXGF. no big deal if it is, since you two have only been seeing each other for a couple of months. He may have had some sticky experiences with the dog in the past.
I think to assume he is cheating on some other woman is a stretch.
I firmly believe in communication by 2 months this should be pretty easy to do.
Talk to him... | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:27:56 PM |
Maybe he is trying to transition away from a less-sophisticated crowd.
My first thoughts - I don't introduce girls to my friends for a really long time, mostly because a lot of my friends are still in Frat Boy Mode, which is a little embarassing when you're almost 30. I don't need them making a bad impression until I've had a chance to make a really good impression. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:32:25 PM | hey VEGATHEGREAT ...
I love your main picture..that dress is soooooooooo ELEGANT!!
well by now you have received lots of advice. ..but I have to be honest..something doesn't feel right to me based on what you have told us.
I would think that by 3 months I would have met my guys' friends and family...maybe even so friends to be honest. I would be a little concerned by this but try to examine if he is 'intentionally" avoiding introductions or there are really truly challenges for this.
IF you have had the TALK ...then you shoudl communicate all that you feel.
we women have a great 6th sense...USE IT !! | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:40:13 PM | {
My girlfriend's family is overseas. Regardless, we learned a few things about eachother in the first few weeks of dating, even before things got serious.
but did you meet her family?
We have discussed family. We both have things going on in families right now that make it hard to do a proper introduction.
Friends is more casual, family is serious, we're going to get married thing. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:43:07 PM | | Here's a suggestion, OP... this has worked for me in the past. Get tickets to some sort of event (sports game, wine festival, concert, etc.) and suggest to your guy that you each invite 2 friends to join you. If he isn't on board with doing that, then it looks like you have a problem on your hands. | |
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| I haven't met any of his friends
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:43:29 PM |
I love your main picture..that dress is soooooooooo ELEGANT!!
Thanks!!! that was for a charity event. | |
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