| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 12:47:40 PM | Ok I have a guy friend over the years I have developed strong feelings for this man and have told him how I feel and he has expressed the same towards me but for some reason we have never gotten together b/c we have been in other relationships. He has been my rock and shoulder to cry on. Recently my relationship ended (he knows this).
This weekend he found his girlfriend had been cheating on him with another woman he told me about it Sunday night. Monday morning he asks me out (and of course I said yes, even though it was a bit to soon for him) but by Monday afternoon he was back together with his girlfriend and I am incredibly hurt. I feel like he was going to use me to get back at her he says thats not it at all but I don't understand why he would even ask me if he didn't mean it? He knows how I feel for him, why would he hurt me like that? Please someone explain it to me because I just don't get it.   | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:07:32 PM | | Because you are in the "friend zone." Look a few posts down from yours, and you will see story after story of the same. Do a thread search on the "friend zone" and you will see pages and pages. I'm sorry you got hurt, but better sooner than later. | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:09:48 PM | | You don't know what his girlfriend that he broke up with did to try to patch things up so he would give her another chance, do you? I'm sorry you got hurt, but you should also acknowledge that it is his choice as to who he wants to be with and if that has to be someone that has cheated on him, that is his choice. | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:31:13 PM | Ok well, in my opinion I think he went back to his cheating gf for two main reasons 1. he wanted to get her a second chance and 2. He would have no doubt been afraid of losing the strong friendship he has with you.
Lets be honest the dynamics of your friendship with your friend is great and he has been there for you when you have needed a shoulder to cry on, and he will no doubt be there again when you need him (as a friend) hurts right?. Take solace in the fact that you still have your friendship with him. I am sure that there will be someone out there who will be right for you.
Happy Fishing :-) | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:33:01 PM | | I know that its his choice, not trying to get him to be with me. I would never interfer in another person's relationship no matter how I felt. My question was why did he ask me out knowing how I feel about him if he didn't mean it? | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:33:57 PM | Just another opinion,
Cause people are subject to do just about anything when emotions are involved. When someone is luvsick or emotionally torn, they're at their most unpredictable.(edit: Also the whole time U 2 were together, she was .0003 secs from doods mind. )
Not to mention, like whoever said, U are in the friend zone and have stayed that way for years for a reason.If there was ever the strong MUTUAL attraction U believe existed. It wouldve been acted on a long time ago. Whatever obstacles supposedly got in the way, I think U already know are rationalizations.
Good news though, there's plenty of fish in the sea girl. U can find someone who really wants to be committed to you. And let your friend deal with hiz unfaithful gf and all that drama. She's cheating on him with another woman ??? Shyt I dont even need a front row seat to that deal.
Its gotta be drama central waiting to happen, he better buckle hiz seatbelt. He's on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Been on a few of those and they have a way of sucking.  | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:35:36 PM | | that is true but I am unsure of over friendship now because he did this I don't feel I can trust him not to use me and hurt me whenever he gets mad at his gf. I wish he had never asked me out. I am afraid our friendship is already gone | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:41:53 PM | | He was very hurt with what his gal did to him. He asked you out as primarily a friend. It is o.k. to want toalk with a frind and vent if somthing like tha happens. I do not think he thought too much about your feelings at the moment | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:43:36 PM | | oh there is mutual attraction we have both admitted it. and oh to ur edit we were never together had made plans for the next day but he was back with her that night i am just upset that he would do me like this its fine he is in a relationship sure i wanna be with him but i am not the type of girl that would interfer | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:54:47 PM | Don't date a fellow who broke up with his cheating girlfriend the night before and expect him to be completely rational in his choices.
Shame on you for having expectations from someone in that situation. | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 1:56:18 PM |
Monday morning he asks me out (and of course I said yes,
First of all no where do I see he asked you in anything but friends. If he did, then in all honesty you set yourself up for heartache IMO you knew he hadn't had time to dry the sheets before making the move on you. That is tacky, classical rebounding situation.
I feel like he was going to use me to get back at her he says thats not it at all
How did "he" use you, he asked you out, then things changed, he didn't stand you up he told you he couldn't make it. I think this guy is telling you the truth.
Why did he hurt you? I think you hurt yourself. IMO.
OP quite honestly, there can be an attraction between two friends, that is why I make it an iron clad rule I don't cross the lines of friendship with romance. I have seen this happen to many times with other friends that have. Rarely does it work out.
You know have a choice can you accept that it isn't to be, and can you be his FRIEND... only. IF not cut contact, so you can move on with your life.
Good luck | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:15:42 PM | You used him for a shoulder to cry on,
he had planned to use you for a dinner date.
If he's your "friend" why are you incredibly hurt?
You knew full well it was too soon for him to "date" other women, and he's been a
guy friend over the years.
He wasn't plotting to her you. He just wanted some company | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:35:37 PM | Stop being in denial.
You're hurt because he is more than a friend to you. You want him to yourself. Now you know its not going to happen. Accept that you're in the friend zone and move on. | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:48:24 PM | | You have to give a person time to recover from a relationship. Doing so will assure you that they are ready to date again, and that they are not simply on the rebound. | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 2:49:04 PM | Hi,
I have been in a situation similar to this just recently. A male friend (but he's not a long time male friend) has a rocky relationship with his girlfriend, its sort of a long standing joke that they fall out one minute and are 'fine' the next.
I find him attractive but he doesnt really know that. There's no point in me expressing anything of that nature as he's in a relationship.
He had a fight with his chick and ended up at my place. He had been drinking but wasn't drunk. We spoke about his situation and then as the night went on he tried to make many sexual advances...as hard as it was for me, I refused and never crossed the line with him.
Sure enough, the next day him and his girlfriend are 'working it out'. Neither of them have the balls or sense to break up.
I was hurt that he would even TRY anything with me.
I know your situation is slightly different and I know the hurt you're feeling right now but as everyone says, there never seemed to be any indication that you two going out the next night was on a 'romantic' level.
The hurt you're feeling, I suspect is because you wrongly assumed it would have a more non platonic meaning.
I dont think this guy mean't or intended to hurt you, and probably doesnt even realise how bad you're feeling.
You have two choices as I see it. To think of what a good friend he has been in the past and pick yourself up and brush yourself off and carry on a PLATONIC relationship with him or, if you feel that your feelings for him can't handle that, explain to him and stop any contact with him.
I have decided to go for the first option with my friend. He doesnt know I am attracted to him and I CAN handle being friends with him as long as he doesnt try to get down and dirty with me again!!!.
Hope you feel better about the situation soon . Take Care x | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:13:13 PM | ok let me clarify it was not to be a platonic date not at all i wouldnt be hurt if he said "i need a friend and a shoulder to cry on lets have dinner tomorrow so i can talk to you."
what he said was that he "had feelings for me and wanted to see what we could have together." so that is why i got hurt cause he knows how i feel. I am not stupid enough to confuse the "go out with me as my friend" and "go out with me because i have feelings for you i want to explore and see what we could have". Guess I should have put that in the original post sorry | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:17:44 PM | Well that does make a difference, kind of...
I'd be wary of entering into anything so soon after a break up with anyone.
I think your best bet is to just call him or meet him for a chat. I STILL don't think he intended to hurt you, but it wasn't really a time when he was thinking about anyone else but himself...
Who are we to know, he might be kicking himself right now for giving his girlfriend a 2nd chance and his heart might truly be with you?.
Let us know how it goes x | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 3:48:02 PM |
he "had feelings for me and wanted to see what we could have together."
(and of course I said yes, even though it was a bit to soon for him)
And you were right.
So why so upset?
You knew! | |
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| Why would he ask if he didn't mean it?
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:36:27 PM | Because he is not yet ready for a new relationship. He just got his socks knocked off finding out his girlfriend left him for a women. The fact that someone left him is added by a question of his manhoood due to a women being more desirable than him. That is something he needs to deal with from a male perspective. You need to be realistic, if you want a decent relationship more than friends give him the room and respect at this junction in his life.
You should not take it personal, think about when you were hurt in a relationship, you need time to heal and understand what went on. It took me two years till I was ready to start seeing someone seriously. For now be his friend like you are. If there is more for the two of you cross the bridge when it seems right for the both of you. Time heals all wounds. Never pick a grape before its time, or it may be bitter. | |
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