| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:39:34 PM | Men always seem to want sex, after like 2/3 dates but i don't feel confortable. Things happened when I was younger that has put me off willies. Don't get me wrong im ok with sex once I feel a bit more confortable but touching them, it makes me shiver just thinking about it. I find it really embarrassing to tell them but I've tried changing and I can't.
Please help me!! | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:45:09 PM | | Don't do it till you are ready. If they seem put off by that you should be dating some one else instead. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:51:07 PM |
Can you wear oven mitts to start?
I was thinkin' kitchen tongs. Their spectrum of usefulness will broaden with the comfort level. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:51:37 PM | Um, what do you mean, you don't like 'willies'....are you into girls now?
Maybe you should explore that a bit.
Beth | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 4:57:55 PM | Go to a Sex Shop.. Buy two or three different size dildos.. Fondle, etc.. until you've desensitized yourself and until you've lost your fear, and have lerned to love da willie..
You are missing out of some amazing tactile experiences.. 
P.S. Start feeling them with oven mitts on .. lol | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:27:53 PM | | Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. If you want to wait...wait. If they aren't willing to wait....find someone else. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:38:48 PM | OP, Ignore the peanut gallery...
They're not half as smart as they wish they were.... Hell, they're not half as smart as I wish they were...
The harder you TRY the harder it will be... you will set yourself up to fail most of the time....
Don't try, just let it happen to the degree that YOU are comfortable with..., keep your mind blank...
Remember most importantly... YOU can be in charge and set the rules and guidelines... anyone who doesn't want to go at YOUR pace, or halp you remain comfortable, kick them to the curb... it's not your job to make things easier for them or keep them happy... it's your job to keep YOU happy...
By placing yourself in charge of things, you will be happier and more confident... and it's not all going to happen at once... baby steps... lead to bigger steps... | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:48:14 PM | I'm sorry.....but all joking and kidding aside.....
any grown woman that can't handle touching a man's penis without it giving her the shivers....
needs far more help than a forum can give her.
you need to work out this "thing" that happened in the past....and you need to do it with a professional.
Good luck. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:54:07 PM | If a guy cares about you and respects you he will wait for as long as it takes. Sex is not something I should have to "pressure" a woman into. She either wants to go 20 toes or not... simple as that. And I as a man am willing to wait or I am not... again simple as that.
Personally I think that wait is worth it. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:54:30 PM | Danni,
I recommend seeing a professional. Perhaps someone in sex therapy could help you with this. There's nothing wrong with having things that you can't change on your own, but this isn't healthy, and it might be a barrier to relationships.
m. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 5:57:00 PM | | There are therapists who are specialized in sex therapy. Just make sure one you get really is. Cuz the ones I've been too have sucked. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:15:44 PM |
any grown woman that can't handle touching a man's penis without it giving her the shivers....
needs far more help than a forum can give her.
you need to work out this "thing" that happened in the past....and you need to do it with a professional. Exactly! take those who actually are serious with a grain of salt.. (and try to get a laugh at the silly one's) It appears your issue is far more complicated than "just waiting until your comfortable" will remedy ..
Good luck,hun.. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 6:30:50 PM | Just tell them. If they arent ok with it then you are dating the wrong guy.
Women hold all the cards as far as sex is concerned. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:20:57 PM | no advice needed
simple
just don't do it. Say no and tell them why....if they dont' like it, show them where the door is....
a man who will really care for you will NOT mind waiting...
good luck
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:25:47 PM |
a man who will really care for you will NOT mind waiting...
Just be warned though....there will be a lot of guys who aren't willing to wait. So you'll feel upset and feel as though you should change your feelings. Just stick to what you want and don't do what you don't want. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 7:48:42 PM | | Journal how you feel and you will soon see a pattern in your writings. Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with and don't try to please others because you are not being true to yourself. With time, once you find someone you are comfortable with--things will happen. Stay away from men that are pushing you into anything you are not comfortable with because they are being self-centured and selfish. Just be friends with guys for now and get to know them as people and then you may feel comfortable with one along the way and things will happen. Don't dwell on the past---just learn from it and understand it. Write it down in your journal and the answers will come. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:52:24 PM | Bad things happen all over, that is the way life goes.
Don't listen to most these people OP they are enablers.
The only thing you can control is yourself, what you feel and think is yours. You aren't a random display of emotions/feelings if you don't want to be, but you can control this if you REALLY want to.
Everyone only has a certain amount of time on this mud ball and it is just stringing the guy along if you never get comfortable enough with him and yet still like him. It is just unfair and a waste of time, long term there isn't a guy that would probably stick around that isn't emotionally crippled (a tool) after a period of time.
I would recommend the dildo thing and maybe watching pornos. With the guy stroking it or a chick stroking the guy so you could get use to the image. >.> maybe take care of yourself while you watch it after awhile. Then go on to watching and fondling the dildos while pretending it is a/the guy you are seeing and like. There is dildos with balls that store a liquid that you could fill that looks like semen so you could have to visualize less the successful pleasuring of your man.
Your mind/person is your own, you aren't weak/lost just misinformed about your potential and techniques. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 8:56:50 PM | ....I meant "the only thing you can ABSOLUTELY control is yourself"
I forgot the absolutely, outside of that you can manipulate and arrange events to distract them but I am sure you are looking for a successful relationship, so I was ignoring that potential... not that I have any reason to think you would do that, just don't want my self empowerment speech to direct you in a way that might lead to over self analysis and lacking an existential view of things. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 9:45:24 PM | | If you're okay with it once you get to know them better, then there's nothing wrong with you. After 2/3 dates, a person is still pretty much a stranger. If they can't wait until you get to know them better, then they're looking for something instant. Let them keep moving. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 10:19:40 PM |
If you're okay with it once you get to know them better, then there's nothing wrong with you. After 2/3 dates, a person is still pretty much a stranger. If they can't wait until you get to know them better, then they're looking for something instant. Let them keep moving. This isn't about being pressured to have sex too early. The Op is afraid of a the penis. . Even if she waited until he married her, before having sex she's still going to be afraid of penizzzz's. Op says:
Things happened when I was younger that has put me off willies And she says ...
Don't get me wrong im ok with sex once I feel a bit more confortable but touching them, it makes me shiver just thinking about it. She's adverse to touching their "willie" What man is going to be satisfied for any length of time with only getting vaginal penile stimulation ?
If I've read your Opost incorrectly, OP.. Please clarify. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/22/2009 11:22:08 PM | | I would open up now and tell him your issues. If you are afraid of touching him you might want to work on that issue before you start dating a man. | |
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| Really need some advice!!
Posted: 10/23/2009 1:54:20 AM |
Men always seem to want sex all the time...
fixed
is that supposed to be funny?
Hope so, I literally LOL'd
are you into girls now? Maybe you should explore that a bit.
Agreed. Seriously.
Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. If you want to wait...wait. If they aren't willing to wait....find someone else.
Agreed. Also – seek professional help. Seriously. If just touching a penis freaks you out, it's probably worth trying to work this out with a professional. It's going to be very challenging finding a man that's okay with you being afraid of his 'willy'.
a man who will really care for you will NOT mind waiting...
Not sure how much I agree with this. Relationships are equations. A man may very well have deep feelings for her, but also have a deep need for a good bedroom life... and something like this will create a problem. Which may cause animosity towards men... which could make things worse... rinse repeat.
And, looks like I'll be the first to say this, but a couple of your pics look suggestive. I would peg you for someone more comfortable with your sexuality. So, you may be setting up some bad expectations. Just a thought... | |
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