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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/23/2009 12:14:09 PM | Here's are parts of an article from GQ (that relate to the question). Does it apply to you or only the George Clooney's of the world?
The Sweet Spot
Somewhere between puberty and Cialis is that perfect moment in a single man’s life when he can date the broadest age group, when he can sleep with 23-year-olds—and their mothers—without being called a creep. He just has to know the rules
The Sweet Spot isn’t about love or even happiness. It’s just an observation of fact: For a presumably brief but glorious spell, the man in his late thirties can date more women of more fascinating types and circumstances than at any other time in his life. The discovery is like waking one day to read in the science section of the Times about the existence of a new planet made of salted caramel with rivers of flowing bourbon. For once, good news about getting older! In fact, it’s a ****ing miracle.
Young women write their names on napkins in bars, talk earnestly to you about Proust until 6 a.m., and demonstrate Cirque du Soleil–ish tricks with their legs. (At 22 everyone’s a contortionist.) Older women look at you like you’re a warm appetizing pretzel that they probably shouldn’t indulge in but what the hell. Then there are the women your own age. They’re the most suitable and almost always the most fraught. They kill you with their eyes, tell you flat out they’ve smelled your type before, even when they’re sliding next to you into the homeward-bound taxi.
A while ago, two women visited my apartment on successive nights. They sat in the same chair. They ate the same ragù I’d made and frozen for these impromptu dinners. The redhead stayed over. The blond did not. The redhead was talkative, never slept. The blond was skeptical but amused. The blond had a kid about the same age as the redhead. The fact that these two would find their way into my life at all still seems to me slightly surreal, part of the dizzying luck of the Sweet Spot.
A friend of mine is 42, a long-term bachelor who loves the company of women but who flees at the first hint of domesticity. (He’s been at this longer than I have.) I asked him where he saw the age range of the Sweet Spot. “I’ve been with women in their fifties, and as long as I find them attractive, age absolutely doesn’t matter,” he says. “Bodywise, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I appreciated them younger, but not too young. Below 23 or so seems dangerous. I mean, ‘Dude, I just f@#ked a teenager!’—that is not a high five I want to be on either side of. And I’ve found that if you’re just looking for a **** buddy, the older-wiser gals are so much better in bed.”
The paradox of the Sweet Spot is that so much of your success depends on your being manifestly Mr. Wrong. Not, obviously, boyfriend material. A woman doesn’t have to think very hard before she jumps in bed with me, because she doesn’t take me that seriously. There’s no need for the standards she’d apply to more suitable mates: Is this person reliable? (I’m not.) Can I picture a future with this guy? (You can’t.) What will my friends think? (They’ll laugh.)
For the 22-to-28 set, I am the Novelty F@#k. What someone like me brings to the deal is an apartment without roommates, and what passes for experience—the kind of little life things (wine-list familiarity, better shoes, less-awkward oral sex) that accrue to someone during those extra 1.5 decades the way sea barnacles attach themselves to a rusty old pier. Maybe most important, the man in the Sweet Spot comes with the unspoken promise that he will not linger. When she’s ready for less novelty, he’s gone, no hard feelings.
For the older woman, he’s another kind of escape, a harmless indulgence, and wrong in a whole different way. For husband material or even a steady date, she’ll look to someone older and more stable—someone with a track record of an orderly life. There’s a woman who comes to see me now and then. She is divorced and lives in the suburbs with her young son. With girls in their twenties, there are endless nights out and 4 a.m. booty calls. By contrast, the divorcée calls the week before. In her large Goyard overnight bag she brings rib-eye steaks marinating in Ziploc bags, a bottle of red, something expensive to wear to bed. After dinner we sit around and talk about travel and divorce. Never once do we mention seeing each other in circumstances other than these infrequent house calls. “I remember this,” she says, looking around my small apartment. “I remember your life.” For her I am the Vacation ****, a reminder of a time without so many adult responsibilities and a little fun with someone who isn’t offering or expecting anything more. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/23/2009 1:13:52 PM | oh the girls are going to hate this one.
But yes...A CONFIDENT, SUCCESSFUL man in his mid 30's to early 40's tends to SEEM to have lot's to offer...so after a glass of wine or two and enough time for her to fantasize about what your life surely must be like...many women of all ages end up with their panties in your pocket and honestly can't tell anyone why..."it just felt right" is what they say...at least that was my experience when I was working at a big company with a nice pay cheque and a company car... | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/23/2009 1:23:26 PM | "oh the girls are going to hate this one."
Yeah, I don't care. If I have to worry about hurting a single person's feelings, then I would have nothing to say.
And I'm just curious to feel what people feel about this article. Especially the guys. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:34:38 AM | | i don,t know mate when i reached my fortys i went absolutly scatter brained, good luck with that sweet spot thing. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:03:52 AM | Women have their fantasies of romantic grandeur in which they play the starring role, and men have their versions - in GQ in this instance.
The article isn't entirely off the mark in its basic premise, but it's way way exaggerated IME. Talk about pandering to your target demographic... | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:28:46 AM | I would somewhat agree. I mean I'm probably not going to discuss Proust until 6am anytime soon, but I DO think I'm in a good place. Great job, weekends off, nice place, some nice toys. I've dated women from 23 to 46, would like to find the one, but having fun in the mean time. I'm not too hard on the eyes, and getting better. Have found skills in the kitchen, personality, fun. In turn I've met some great people here, had some interesting times, some fun times and some OMG holy $hit what was that???? Kind of times.
Turning 40 this year, and it's a good thing. When I was younger I honestly never thought I'd make it this far. Was always kind of hoping for a "death by misfortune" kind of ending. Almost drowned kayacking (stuck under a log jam) had a good fall rock climbing, (broke 3 ribs in 6 places) had waaaaaay to much fun, and somehow here I am in one piece. A little smarter, a few more scars and stories as a result.
I would say I'm in a sweet spot.
Of course, I wouldn't be caught dead reading GQ, Mens Health and WIRED are more my style.
;) | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:28:31 AM | Yea, that reference to Proust was kinda out there... He was urbane French, chronically sick (he died at age 51), gay, never had an actual job, and was a momma's boy who lived with his parents until they both died in his mid-30s -- and he had a cork-lined bedroom. 
Not sure I'd want much if anything to do with anyone who wanted to talk "earnestly" about him until 6AM, which would be just a little too bizarre. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:34:23 AM | I'm 44, and have found that, when I really want something, it eludes me, so I don't try too hard, and, in the process, seem to be attracting much younger women in their late teens and early 20s. Perhaps I look ripped when I work out, perhaps I have a fun, care-free, don't give a shvt attitude that most guys my age, encumbered with an ex-wife and 3.2 children with one foot in the grave seem to lack, perhaps I'm more confident than guys their age, perhaps my cvck has grown longer in my later years and it shows...don't know, but it feels pretty sweet to me!
OR I attract much older women. No middle ground here...40s seem to be the age of extremes. The ladies my age or therebouts are either not interested in me, too busy chasing the dough in their careers, are already married, or I'm not interested in them.
I too am not thrilled with full-time domesticity (I already have one mother to smother me and drive me nuts, thanks). | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:59:30 PM | Though it sounds logical and it does make a point, the truth of the matter is that in real like does not happen that way.... it is true that you can date woman from a large span of ages without being called a creep, but the problem I've been seeing is that we have a harder time finding dates.... so even when i could be dating almost any woman, I'm almost not dating at all      | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:20:08 PM | | Hmmm would explain why most guys in that age range are so scatter brained and immature relationship-wise. The grass is greener and kitties are on sale at bargain basement prices. *sarcasm* Nice to have a personal theory validated in publication-lol. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:38:37 PM | From purely and age perspective yes, you can date women half your age or their mothers and it does not sound off any alarms. Unless you are dating them at the same time.
As for how sweet it is ?
Doubtful it's sweeter from an emotionally satisfying point of view but from a " yes i have a broad age range of tang " point of view it's like extra sugar in your willy wonka chocolate bar. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:19:24 PM | Nope, guys that are falling for this article are just listening to one guy's opinion. The only guys in "the sweet spot" are rich guys that enjoy buying a gold-digger to pretend to be attracted to them.
If you had read some forum threads, you would see that it's not true.
For example, a lot of girls like to date within 5 years of their age. I myself know a large number of females that think this way. Friends, co-workers, relatives, etc. You can read forum posts from females of all ages explaining that they don't want to date someone 5, or 10 or more years older.
I'm 27, and I don't date guys over 32. 44 year old guys? No way, I don't date guys old enough to be my father.
Also, see the threads regarding men around 40 that have never been married. The closer a guy gets to 40, while being single, the more obvious it becomes that the guy is just a player (thus, unattractive to many females) .
Just like the article you quoted mentioned a 42 yr old commitment phobic man, the 42 yr old long-term bachelor that is afraid of domesticity? Girls know about this. They know so well, that a man being near or over 40, and single, is just assumed to be that guy.
If you are talking about scoring sex with the drunk girls that screw multiple guys every week, sure, you're welcome to all share bodily fluids with those same girls and each other.
But, if you're looking for quality girls, the girls with that have looks and brains and don't have sex with everyone, 35-44 isn't it. The "eligible bachelor" age is around 33 to 37, with the sweet spot being 35. If the guy is still single at 40 - he is confirmed player and out of the running.
OH, and BTW? None of this applies to the George Clooney's of the world. THEY are rich and famous, so their sweet spot is their whole entire life. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:04:35 PM | my initial reaction while reading the article was negative. after reading the comments i would put my opinion closest to coloneldingus':
it seems like pandering to their demographic.
btw, any older guy who is somehow ashamed to have had sex with a teenager (legal age of course) gets a hearty lol from myself for being in denial of his instincts and nature. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/25/2009 12:08:02 AM | Hmm, then what with all the desperate posts from men in their early 40s on here? Where is their sweet spot? 
When I was 22, those 40 year olds looked like antient dinosaures to me. With wrinkles and grey hair! And bald heads! And the protruding beer bellies! Forget the shoes, forget the wine list (I'm better at it anyway), they looked hopelessly *old*. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/25/2009 4:03:06 AM | Hmm, then what with all the desperate posts from men in their early 40s on here? Where is their sweet spot?
When I was 22, those 40 year olds looked like antient dinosaures to me. With wrinkles and grey hair! And bald heads! And the protruding beer bellies! Forget the shoes, forget the wine list (I'm better at it anyway), they looked hopelessly *old*. Yep, pretty much my thoughts.
Will be interested to hear how the guys are finding it. There is no way I would have dated someone over about 30 when I was 23-28. 33ish on seemed waayyy too old to me back then. BUT......
I have never been interested in the whole FWB/FB thing. I think if I had of been interested in doing that then age would have been way less of an issue. Although, can't recall ever coming across any 33+ men who were not overweight and/or balding and/or pretty disinterested in their personal presentation, making them look far older than their years. And when you're already talking about something like a 10+ age gap, that ain't good.
I think to carry off the "sweet spot" you'd have be a guy who really takes good care of themself.
oh the girls are going to hate this one. Why? We're not talking about relationships here. We're talking FWB/FBs. As long as there's plenty of condoms and birth control in the mix and everyone's on the same page; no harm, no foul, surely? | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:23:13 PM | When I was 22, those 40 year olds looked like antient dinosaurs to me. With wrinkles and grey hair! And bald heads! And the protruding beer bellies! Forget the shoes, forget the wine list (I'm better at it anyway), they looked hopelessly *old*.
Jesus, I hope I don't fall to shit in 6 weeks, I'm turning 40 this Dec.
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:39:23 PM |
Jesus, I hope I don't fall to shit in 6 weeks, I'm turning 40 this Dec.
LMAO You won't, I can tell.
Funny, I get messages from guys that have my age as their upper limit..I go" Oh my gawd I will be to old for you in 10 months.
I agree George Clooney is in a sweet spot, has been for a while and can't imagine him not ever being in one.
Women have a sweet spot. Real sweet. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:41:00 PM | | i keep trying to help my men find my sweet spot but it takes a lot of direction and patience, you know how those silly men are, they just hate to ask for directions! | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/25/2009 3:03:21 PM |
Talk about pandering to your target demographic
yep. the testosterone version of carrie bradshaw and her shoe collection.
Although, can't recall ever coming across any 33+ men who were not overweight and/or balding and/or pretty disinterested in their personal presentation, making them look far older than their years.
you live a long way from l.a. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/25/2009 3:13:53 PM | Its true if shagging is all we're ever concerned about...and I'm butt ugly and a nerd! I think we're in a good spot right now...shagging-wise. I'm bored with that sh1t though...aren't you? My circle of friends love it too (the unmarried ones), ruthless **stards...like there's this explosion of available women for as long as they :
1) Hide their age, for the young chickenees.
2) Keep fit...lose the beer gut.
3) Be pop culture savvy
4) Have good taste
5) Be polite yet be an ***hole at the same time...infront of your friends (darling...would you grab me a beer from the counter? I'll just be on a phone for a sec...yep James Squire Golden Amber please. Cheers (don't forget to wink)) For some unbeknown reason to them, women just enjoy being confused.
Shagging I don't find it difficult one bit. True love...faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaark. | |
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| Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:34:49 AM | | God, now i'm worried but im nearly 40 and i am not balk, tubby and i have been married but yes single now, but as for sweet spot... mm not sure thats true | |
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