| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/23/2009 10:42:49 PM | | Earlier this year I was with the love of my life. I know that sounds cheesy, but it's true. We were both deeply in love. Well, yadda yadda, it just didn't work out. In fact, I'm pretty sure she left me for someone else. Anyway, the point is, the breakup happened back in February and I still think about her. I have not been the same since she left. Since then, I've met others, been on dates, etc., but it's never the same. And most of the time I'm fine, but then every once in awhile, let's say I'm at home being bored, the thought of her pops in my head, what she might be doing right now, who she's with, what could've been, etc. etc., and my spirit just feels crushed. I just want this to all go away. It's destroying me and I don't know what to do. I feel like an idiot posting this but I had to get this out somewhere. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:13:15 AM | I hear you...I've felt that way too.
I think the only thing that works is to get really, really angry and try to remember all their bad qualities. Writing them down sometimes helps. Even the smallest details. If you're able to see them on any social networkings sites such as facebook or myspace delete them. Lastly, this might seem morbid, but pretending they are dead can be helpful 
You're doing much better than I am, at least you've been able to put yourself out there again. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:22:08 AM | There are a couple of things you can do:
1) Try to find things you did not like about her and every time the thought of her comes to your mind, you try to just see her bad side.
2) Find something to do, keep busy for now until the thought of her dissipates.
3) Say to yourself if she just left you like that for another man, she is a slut that does not deserve you.
4) When you get horny, find a way to get off quickly (lol)
Good Luck! | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:26:54 AM | I agree that writing down and focusing on her bad qualities is a big help.
You need to get angry at her and demonize her a bit. You two were deeply in love
and she left you for someone else. Get mad about it. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:56:52 AM | Trust me bro, i was just in this state myself. Yes, getting angry will help out, but not if you don't have a focus for that anger. Find something you enjoy, weather it be music, reading, writing, or whatever, and pour all your heart into it. Eventually, thoughts of her will dissapate untill you don't even notice her when she is around.
And if all else fails, theres always 
"The gray-hearted hero" | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:30:20 AM | | I too met someone I fell for and then realized later that they werent right for me. I am still getting through having a broken heart. I loved this girl with everything in me. I was to propose to her today! I had it all planned out. Back in aug I asked my boss for more hrs. In sept I would be working my butt off for the cash. This wkend I was gonna take a trip with her to Nashville where I was going to take her to my alma mater and to the highest point where you can see the whole downtown city of Nashville and pop the question. Lets say that my job quit me, a week later I found out that instead of wanting me that she was more interested in her things during my hard time.....and well. It just ended. And it was an incredible and loving relationship. What went wrong? I can only think of one thing. Commitment. Commitment in her eyes was only conditional and only went so far. I was going through hell trying to figure out what I was gonna do for work and she took off to Florida one wkend, horseback riding the next, and then wanted to spend time with her girl best friend the next. Lets just say, if she isnt there for me, then I DONT need her! She has her own demons she has to deal with. Im gonna worry about my own life and get back into school. and meet someone much younger and sweeter! | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:22:32 PM | | Lose the idea that there is "the one" out there somewhere. It's like anything in any aspect of life where you invest a disproportionate emotion in - the fall is that much harder. The more people you meet, the more possible "the ones" you'll see there are. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:23:00 PM | OP and others who have gone through this, I understand totally.
After my 14 year relationship ended, yes, it was difficult. - especially during that first year. To tell the truth, I didn't know what I was going to do or what my next move was. I was just in such a fog....until some good friends came along and got me involved.
As in, I joined a ladies bowling league - I'm in my 5th season with these gals now - and it's STILL fun! - I volunteer at a beautiful museum, and I also joined a bookclub. Well, I must admit, it was extremely awkward at first, but in time, it became so positive and constructive and I look forward to these activities each and every week. - and it gets me out of the house for a bit. - An added bonus: I made some amazing new friends who have become such a wonderful support system for me which became very instrumental in a couple of events I never imagined would happen:
At the year anniversary of my ex's leaving, I went out to dinner with some of my "old" and newfound friends and celebrated how far I had come without my ex. - A few others had things to celebrate as well and it such a wonderful evening for all of us. - We ususally get together "off the record" - away from our activities at least twice each month for dinner to reconnect, catch up with each other, and get out of the house for a bit. - it is quite fun.
About 3 months after the year anniversary of my ex's leaving, he tried to come crawling back. Seems the person he left me for who he initially thought was the greatest thing since a pocket on a shirt wasn't so great after all. Well, thank God for my friends and their unwavering support, because it gave me the strength to tell my ex he had made his bed and now he could lie in it without me. I wasn't going to pick up where we left off only to have him walk out again as I deserve so much better than that.
Basically, OP, I am coming around to say that getting a new change of scene may be the best medicine for you as it was for me. I would highly recommend it. Stay busy, take a break from dating, go to school, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. In time, you will be so busy, you won't even have time to think of your ex. Trust me, it works. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:25:23 PM | | There is no magic formula, it's a culmination of things - time, distraction, counselling perhaps. The pain cannot be avoided that's something I do know. Face it, accept it and make changes in your life. Ultimately don't let one person define who you are and your happyness. Hopefully your journey won't be a long one and I know it sounds terribly cliche but you will become stronger for the experience. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:38:56 PM | | Yes OP, love certainly does stink....and there's the putrid rot.....oh the putrescence!!! | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:12:41 PM | I am in the same boat you are. I am having trouble concentrating on school, my own life. I was with the love of my life for 3 and a half years and then he cheated on me and broke my heart this past April. Now I am thinking about him all the time. I am in so much pain that he could do this to me. He blamed me for the relationship going wrong but it was him - he sabbotaged it. Now I feel like I will never meet someone. I keep meeting the wrong one. I have no friends to hang out with. Nothing has been ok with me since he left. I had to deal with him being a mamma's boy too and he never truly believed in our love. Now I am alone and my birthday is coming up and the holidays and I feel like I want to crawl under my blanket and wish I didn't have to suffer like this. Anybody out there - can they help me with advice. I am still hurting and I have gone on dates and meet people too but it doesn't work. That person is not interested in me and I have so much to offer a guy. What is wrong with me?  | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:07:40 PM | Time... it's the only thing that can heal a broken heart... you've gotten past the worst of it.. It takes some people longer then others... generally the ones that love more deeply... which is a good quality to have  Stay Strong | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:22:54 PM | The problem with having someone leave us is the feeling that this person has control over our life and that we have lost control. It's frustrating that another person can decide your future for you by leaving you, and that you have no control over it. Being able to control something in my life makes me feel better. I usually scrub my house from top to bottom when I'm feeling that way. Redecorate your apartment or get yourself buff at the gym. Do something that you can control the outcome of. I know how you feel; I am in the same situation right now.
The only thing worse than having your love leave you would be knowing she is staying with you even though she doesn't love you. Her leaving has opened up the door for someone new to come into your life, the woman who IS the right woman for you and who loves you just the way you are. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:14:59 PM | My take on someone breaking up with me is this: If they are willing to let me go then its really a total waste of my emotion to mourn thier absense from my life. In fact, the fact that they are willing to let me go PISSES me off. Cause I'm a great gal. And I'm sure your a great guy......
Another thing that kind of helps me get thru this shyt is coming here to POF. Look at all the single people in the world! We are not alone! Yay!
Take care and hang in there. I know your pain, bro..... | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:50:50 PM | | You know, this site is pretty cool. Just posting this and reading through all the replies really did help a lot. Thanks for that. :) | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 8:44:44 PM | | It helps me to remember something my daughter once told me when I was heartbroken. No (man or woman) is worth your tears, because the one who is won't make you cry. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:24:54 PM | time heals all wounds
It really is true - just keep busy and pretend to be happy when you're not. Eventually you really will feel better.
And it's ok to feel bad, there's nothing wrong with feeling sad or grieving - you feel a loss you have a right to your feelings - just feel them and move on - don't let them possess you.
You're cute, smart & sensitive - you're gonna be fine & one day she'll be a fond memory. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:50:55 PM | | Pookieman, I am going through the same thing just broke up yesterday from a wonderful 5 month relationship of sweet love or was it lust? I think if you think back you will find the warning signs that we choose to ignore because we go for what we want and it bites us in the butt later. I am 53 and have experienced this more times than I would like to but I will tell you the quickest way is to get over someone that everyone else has not said and this will work miracles ... get laid! It may not be sweet love but it is a form of love making that heals the soul, and then I want you to take good care of yourself physically and mentally. Read this book my sister gave me "He's just not that into you" it's about those warning signs I mentioned earlier. Also pray for healing that is so important ask God to work in your life and maybe reach out to help others volunteer at the homeless shelters it will make you feel good. So get some lovin immediately for quick release of your heart strings because it could be more of an addiction than it was love. Maybe not only you know sweetie so take care. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:36:23 PM |
No (man or woman) is worth your tears, because the one who is won't make you cry.
Damn..methinks there's a lot of truth to this. I remember seeing my partner once upon a time crying over a movie Born into Brothels or something and that fecked me up real bad. Seriously...I know you think I am joking. I don't like seeing them upset to the brink of tears...no matter how ruthless I get, I'm a bit of a softc0ck when I see them like that. Yeah, I've developed a heart. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:47:03 AM |
I will tell you the quickest way is to get over someone that everyone else has not said and this will work miracles ... get laid! It may not be sweet love but it is a form of love making that heals the soul.......
smooth, are you kidding me???? that is the worst thing the OP can do right now is just go out and engage in casual meaningless sex. You are 53 years old and should know better.
I have seen waaayyyy too many folks out here get out of relationships, start hitting the bars and clubs in search of what they are missing, and yes bring home partners for the night etc. Then after a time, they wake up one too many times with a freight train running through their heads - aka a hangover, and have NO earthly clue who in the world is lying next to them. The feelings and guilt and shame are overwhelming and they find out that in the end, it isn't worth it.
And yes, more often than not, these said people are heading down to the happy VD clinic because they now have an STD to make matters worse. - and they have NO clue WHO they got it from.
take good care of yourself physically and mentally
OP, going out and getting loaded and laid is not going to solve your problems. Get out there and get a new change of scene. Join a gym or sporting league, a club or volunteer somewhere and make new friends that way. Hitting the bar/party scene isn't going to do anything for you. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:56:38 AM | Hello to everyone,
Dealing with all of the painful emotions that go along with "The break up" is something we have to go through, It's okay, you've got to let it out in order to let it go. Cry, scream and moan. Whatever it takes to release it, do it. Vent every single emotion you have and get it out of your system. Cleanes your soul of your pain. Grieving your loss is perfectly okay. This is the time to cry away the past so you can begin to put it behind you. It's normal to go through the break up mourning process. So don't feel bad for feeling sad. Keep reminding yourself that you will get through this, allow yourself a little time to heal. Pat yourself on the back; you're doing what it takes to help yourself on the road to a better life. Stay focus on your future. . and know that time goes by you are getting closer to a stronger YOU! Just because your relationship is over, does not mean your life is over! You deserve all of the happiness and love you have always wanted and you can still have it, it will just be with someone new.
lea | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 9:40:31 AM | | I think this forum is just great. I guess it is true time does heal all wounds. Also, it is important to get out there, involved, and meet new people and that's what I am doing. Of course, I will not lie of course I think about him but I have keep telling myself to move forward. I haven't talked to him in almost a month so I feel I am doing good. | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:31:27 AM | Hey Jordanjamessx,
You are taking action by moving on, you picked up the pieces and you had moved on. You must remain in "NO CONTACT" to heal yourself. Focus on yourself. Remember, the end is a new "NEW" beginning.
lea | |
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| How do you get over someone?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:57:11 AM | | Stop feeling like such a victim and come to the realization that you are lucky to have gotten out when you did, you are still alive, good looking and able to meet someone else. You are also a good person, and the moment you realise she is hindering your emotional state and you must move on, the closer you will become to meeting someone who will make you truly happy. | |
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