| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:42:17 AM | I know we all have different takes on "Cheating" and the pain it causes but is it still cheating even if there is no sex?
Not like cyber-sex...more like:
I was involved with a man who lied to be with an ex. He would travel great distances to see her as a "friend" and her traveling here to see him. Now I know this sound silly but I do know there was no sex or even the thought of it...But to hide phone calls to eachother, to stay with her for a couple of weeks at a time (twice for 2 weeks each time, that I know of), without a word to me.
When confronted, more lies or I didn't tell you cause you would get mad...not true if there was nothing to hide.
I'm I wrong in calling him a cheater?
Is lying a form of cheating?
Can one be a cheater without sex?
P.S. Sorry for my spelling...my bad! | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:54:10 AM | I'm sorry you are hurting I truly am....how can you ascertain there was no sex? and yes emotional cheating is cheating all the same....its more harmful then the physical sense. Heal sweet and keep posting | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:55:10 AM | There are a lot of forms of what people call cheating... He may be emotionally cheating, and why there isn't sex is odd, especially since you don't know all the details to these two week stays...
As well the hidden phone calls, et al, that is all a lot strange for nothing going on...
Just saying... | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:06:57 AM |
how can you ascertain there was no sex?
Like I said as silly as it sounds...this I know.
Perhaps this is why I have such a hard time with this...or as he said "I did nothing wrong, there's no sex she is my friend"
Yes...you lied to be with an other women sex or not...
I know it made me feel like I was cheated on. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 1:43:31 AM | Anytime you're doing something you wouldn't reveal openly to a significant other ... it's cheating.
To say otherwise ... well, that's called rationalizing. :) | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:43:04 AM | OP.
I do not think infidelity is the issue here. It is the lies that raise red flags for me. No healthy relationship can survive based on lies. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 6:35:11 AM | Dah.. lf I am suppose to be with you and I lie and say I am other places, and go hide and have phone calls to someone else, probably won't even answer when you called.
Somebody is "getting cheated", and it's not me.
To lie... cheat same thing | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:02:05 AM | | If he wanted to see her as a *friend* why didn't he invite you along? Sounds as if he was emotionally involved with her and it's cheating just the same. Lying, hiding things, etc....he can't be trusted. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:04:07 PM |
Sorry Cynderella but you're awfully naive to think you're 'so sure' that this guy wasn't sleeping with his ex.
Not Naive...as strange as this sounds, I know this...
also hope you're not considering giving him a 'second chance' because you're trying to justify what he did as "not really cheating."
Nope not a chance, I already gave him one chance the first time (I did step back), when it happened again...he sealed his fate.
I ask because he seems to think...I'm Wrong" of course I think he is wrong.
So I asked my many POF forum fishes...who's really wrong.
Trust is gone how can you move past lies and cheating...YOU DON'T!!! | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:22:36 PM |
again....emotional cheating is the worst.He cared about her not you...sex has nothing to do with this.
I'll second this...
you reminded me of a great song by Henry Rollins "Liar"
OP he's a liar first before anything what more do you need to know. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:30:12 PM | Yes he is cheating if he is staying with another woman and lying to you about it.
And I don't believe there was no sex. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:48:25 PM | If you know for sure he wasn't having sex with her,it must be because he couldn't have sex with you or anyone other woman,man,or inanimate object.Who in the heck would travel a long distance to see an ex for 2 weeks and not have sex?
Give me a break!
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 3:08:53 PM | Ok, I can't help be curious, but sex as in intercourse??? There are a heck of a lot of ways to have sex without intercourse, and it is a lot of the same as having sex... Unless of course you subscribe to the Bill Clinton idea of NOT having sex...
Unless this woman is in a full body cast, then he's able to get jiggy in some manor...
HOWEVER that seems well beyond the point, he's been having secret conversations, trips for two weeks... I just can't imagine where any trust would exist, let alone think it is rebuildable...
There is a LOT that is missing in your story however I would say that there is just to much distrust that has been established, and if you two are departed, then being right or wrong is merely semantics ... or just a need to feel right and vindicated for the choice you made.
At some point it will not matter because these things never really matter, or make a difference as to who is right or wrong, BUT rather, how you handle things in the future, with the desire to be right and him wrong... | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 4:52:29 PM | | Whatever he was doing he was lying to you to see another woman. Lying is not something you do to someone you respect and care about. It might not be cheating in bed but it is cheating on your trust. He still needs this woman a lot. If you feel you cannot just let them be friends and see each other, then you must feel there's something there. You don't trust him. Whether it's because he's fundamentally untrustworthy or because you are jealous is something only you know. If he just wanted to see her as a friend and there was truly nothing more, he should have talked with you about it to resolve matter. If he tried that and it can't be resolved, then he is not the right man for you. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:04:24 PM | I am glad to see that YOU see him for what he is.
Very disrespectful to you and your relationship to even
think that you would accept this from him as I am pretty
sure he would never accept this from you.
I have had this happen and it is beyond me that they actually
THINK we are so stupid as not to know what is going on.
Good luck to you and continue to have no contact with him.
You deserve so much more than some guy who has a need to lie
to you - like you were not worth the truth. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 5:26:38 PM |
You deserve so much more than some guy who has a need to lie
to you - like you were not worth the truth.
^^^ Amen! | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:23:01 PM | The cheating-liar-of-a-boyfriend test:
1) Talking on the phone behind your back.
2) Emailing/texting behind your back.
3) Seeking comfort/assurances behind your back.
4) Kissing behind your back.
5) Offloading behind your back.
6) Hugging behind your back.
7) Shopping behind your back.
8) Browsing at bookstores and record shops behind your back.
9) Running to them at the first instance for anything behind your back.
10) Massaging their foot behind your back.
11) Massaging their lower back behind your back.
12) Their balls getting massaged behind your back.
13) Getting a blow job behind your back (although it was claimed to only happen in their imagination...nothing suss!).
14) Fecking doggie style behind your back (this was also claimed to be just in their imagination...nothing suss!)
15) Fantasizing about each other behind your back..that's right, you're not included in that threesome.
16) Sharing a bottle of soda without wiping the straw or the mouth of the bottle first (technically kissing) behind your back.
17) Shampooing then massaging head with conditioner behind your back.
18) Reading them the paper behind your back.
19) Going to church together even though they're not religious, behind your back.
20) Adopting a child from World Vision behind your back.
There's many more, but I think you get the idea....any discomfort in doing all that in front of you is cheating...would you open your textbooks and dictionaries in a closed book exam? That would be cheating. Would you do all that in an exclusive relationship? No that would be cheating. Would you do all that in an open relationship? Maybe just the sex part..the rest would still be cheating.
Apart from doing all those things behind your back, you'd think they're dating...and you're just a support unit...fall-out...reserve...back-up? Methinks you got demoted to lesser girlfriend.
Would my teacher let me cheat in a closed book exam for compassionate grounds? I doubt it...she'd be cruel to be kind and instantly fail my sorry ass. She'd think I was only cheating myself if she did. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/25/2009 10:08:07 AM |
If he wanted to see her as a *friend* why didn't he invite you along? Sounds as if he was emotionally involved with her and it's cheating just the same. Lying, hiding things, etc....he can't be trusted.
Sorry to hear that happened to you OP, but this comment is totally correct, even if there wasn't any sex involved, as you state, the cheating is still there and anyone that has to or feels the need to hide anything like that clearly CANNOT be trusted, ever! Time to move on to someone that will appreciate and respect you. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/25/2009 2:55:56 PM | When I thought I needed the answer to this question...I was second guessing myself. Not really who was right or wrong...I already knew the answer in my head...it's my heart that needed the answer...
Forgiveness really is for ourselfs, to lift the burden off our shoulders...
For me I thought I could believe Lying was like a disease.
He would lie about the stupidest thing...for no reason but to lie.
Not understanding himself as to why he does this.
After excusing this behaviour (for way to long) I unearth the trip to his ex...
I forgave, but with the only hope of the relationship surviving was professional help.
His action spoke he was doing it...
Then off the wagon he went...An other trip...all lies to me.
Just a note or as they say alittle insight;
<div class="quote">His ex remarried and her husband was included in the event as was his adult daughter...everyone knew about this trip but me. When ask why he didn't take me? "You and my ex have animosty towards eachother".
I tried to be this women's friend as I excepted their friendship right from the start. It wasn't till she started playing games...she was losing his attention, it bothered her (all before her husband). I could see what was going on and voiced my opinion...thus being left out.
I unearth many lies between them once my eyes were open...
The part of this that nagges me is this...His Words: "Why can't you get over this, I never slepted with her".
It's the emotional cheating that I can't get over...He just doesn't get it.
I could have gotten past the lying with proper help...years of it I'm sure.
I feel I was cheated on even if there was no sex...I can't get passed the hurt, the feeling of not being valued...DONE!
I have to move on...no choice! | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:53:02 AM | | There is such a thing as "emotional cheating". Sounds like a bit too much money spent and setup for there to be just friendship with no sex. Either way, you should be enough for him. | |
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| Is it still cheating...with no sex?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:58:46 PM | If you're just going on the fact he said he hadn't slept with her you could be wrong on that front, too - but it really doesn't matter....as said several times on this thread, emotional cheating, betrayal of trust, lying, whatever you want to label it as it is not acceptable.
Be good to yourself and don't allow someone to do this to you. | |
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