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 NappyKAT
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 1
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
Someone wrote that only about 1% of people signed up on POF posts in the forums. At first I thought 'what a shame, you can find out a lot on here about people in general and specific people in particular.'

Now I'm thinking 'that's great because I hope what's posted and asked on POF forums does not represent the greater amount of daters and people on here and in the real world.'

Most of these threads makes me go or

There are too many threads and people that are

bitter over pasts relationships and/or have trust issues

can't get a date and asked POF posters why they can't get a date or is there anybody out there willing to date someone has kids/overweight/disabled/black/bald/short/nice-guy/virgin/short d!ck/too old/too young or has a host of other issues.
And that if you are ANY of the above and a woman it feels hopeless because men are more into physical attractiveness and less inclined to settle or compromise than women are?

Start negative threads with negative comments like:
Men are jerks
The trouble with brown-eyed folks or sagittarians
Is it hopeless for black women?
Should I just give up?
Do all men/women cheat?
and a host of others


Doesn't reading these forums make you disheartened sometimes because it almost feels like what you read on here or what is posted actually is what is represented in the real world? And you have to consciously make yourself come to back to reality and think 'Nah. In the real world this isn't how it actually is. It's better. Or different. Or both.'

Or is it?
 candid_1
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 2
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:46:57 PM
Actually, IMO the forums represent the best of POF - just not necessarily dating or daters. Quite a few aren't even into dating... They just joined and stayed.

What I love about the forums is the different points of view. You can almost draw lines - north, south, east, west - based on the overwhelming trains of thought then factor in urban/rural, age, marital status, etc. Fascinating people watching from this poster's point of view. Toss in some cranky pants and it can be fun. Must say I miss the old flamers - the forums have been positively civilized lately.

As to the negativity, I think it's just indicative of the generations as a whole. Those who've been married, divorced, cheated on, etc. all are a little jaded to some degree. I like the newbies, bright eyed and bushy tailed looking for the "one". Some of us have already had the one, the two, and are working on the more.

So, No. I don't think the forums are the worst representation of daters & dating... I think my IRL little stagnate geographic pool is. I'd like to think that there are signs of intelligent life out there and half the posters prove it regularly.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 3
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:49:30 PM
No it doesn't make me disheartened.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 4
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/24/2009 10:21:53 PM

date and asked POF posters why they can't get a date or is there anybody out there willing to date someone has kids/overweight/disabled/black/bald/short/nice-guy/virgin/short d!ck/too old/too young
You forgot broke-dick..

Online dating is the world encapsulated.. most likely everyone of us here has had at least one of the same experience of that of a thread starter..


it almost feels like what you read on here or what is posted actually is what is represented in the real world?

The bitter, jaded and disallusioned just haven't come to terms with what's happened to them yet. These people do live in the real world.. so, yes.. they are what is represented.
Fortunately.. they are spread out more though.
 dysfunction_junction
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 5
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/25/2009 5:22:22 AM
POF forums are just a microcosm of the macrocosm. if it makes you disheartened then you should stop reading. better yet, is to learn how to read the worst of this stuff without having it affect you personally. ask yourself what is to be gained by letting the f#cked lives of other people you don't know pull you down. if you can't do that, then just find a better room.

i had a recent real-life example of this. i'm working on a project that involves the executives of one of the largest superior court systems in the country. depending on which executive i visit, the "vibe" of their division is radically different from the next one. that's always fascinating for me to observe... for example the vibe of the family violence division couldn't be any more different in every way, than the vibe coming from research & development or capital projects.

and if you don't have a good handle on whatever your own internal landscape is, you aren't going to be able to stand being in places like the family violence division for long. half of getting through life is knowing your own limitations ;)
 SAguy_06
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 6
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/25/2009 6:07:57 AM
Other than the posters that like to tingle-talk in the Sex forum...POF is pretty mild as forums go...

How you make any correlation between POF posters and the rest of the real world is a big stretch...and has been to death on these forums...
 Samantha44
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 7
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:06:57 AM
Yes to the Op's question....it makes me feel there are a lot of messed up people out there. Hence why I have given up looking for anyone from this site or any others.

I've opted to let life take its natural progression what will be will be...if that means being single for the rest of my days so be it rather be single than be in a less than fullfilling relationship.
 rosebuds57
Joined: 1/21/2007
Msg: 8
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:32:42 AM
The POF forums is just a slice of what IRL is all about. We are all just a little bit "messed up" to some degree. If you think you aren't, well then I'll just borrow from a thread title in another room: "YOU NEED THERAPY!"

Ain't nothing new under the sun.....
 RichLarry
Joined: 10/17/2009
Msg: 9
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:26:33 PM
It is disheartening to see so many angry and stupid people. But hey, that's life.
There are some decent and intelligent people as well...
 wonderingsole
Joined: 8/26/2009
Msg: 10
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/25/2009 7:52:10 PM
I think that although the percentage of pof members are actual posters that there is a great readership of the forums. It doesn't seem conceivable that everyone else just reads profiles.
When I log in I will see the same faces in my area and not many new members so if you spend an hour online logged into pof, they can only read the same profiles and stare at the pics for only so long.
Many times you will come across a post that states that this is their first post because they finally gathered the courage to say something or the topic finally inspired them to say something.
I have clicked on the viewed me icon and have never seen their face on any forum and they do not live anywhere near me so they had decided to check me out based on a forum post.

I have no real desire to meet anyone from here anymore after my initial attempts when I joined fell short of expectations, since then I reinvent myself with a new profile every so often and really do not care if I get mail or whatever.

There is a different vibe depending on which section you choose but there is some good stuff here once in awhile that make me think or laugh.
 itechman63
Joined: 7/7/2005
Msg: 11
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:55:23 AM
I have learned a lot about many things from the forums here. One thing of which isn't often taken advantage is the ability to stand back to appreciate an opposing point of view and to take an expanded view of the topic from that as a positive growing in understanding. I might still not agree with the poster's point of view, but I now see the topic in a broader way. That's a benefit.

There are some impressive posters on the forums and then there's always going to be those that are so impressed with themselves that I don't think even their mom could like them. But all included, I think we can be better people from mingling with all of the people here by being exposed to the extreme diversity in attitudes, knowledge, and expression.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 12
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:07:48 AM
You get out what you put into it.

I doubt I'd be interested in dating a guy from here who is not into participating in the forums. Why? Because I want a man who has an opinion on things ... who can express himself in writing ... and can articulate his thoughts.

I've known way too many men who can't even carry a decent conversation. That's just boring. So if I see them in here participating, then I know what he's capable of.

I don't look at percentages when it comes to what POF represents. I could care less if POF if a good or bad representation of "Dating and Daters". I don't care if people are getting dates and what they are doing in order to get dates.

I have no interest in how many men there are to women on here or what percentage posts in the forums, or how they vote on other peoples' profile pictures or how many are just looking for sex ... yadda, yadda, yadda.

Just as no two schools in any one area represent the norm of all students who attend school in a city ... no dating site is ever going to represent the norm of all people who frequent dating sites.
 Strings6
Joined: 7/14/2007
Msg: 13
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:12:46 PM
Most people avoid the forums either because they have no interest in anything discussed here or they just want to blend in and be all things to all people in hopes of attracting some.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 14
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:25:29 PM
While we may be only 1% of the entire population as posters--I can assure you, many more people READ the Forums. I get views and comments from many men who do not post at all.

A lot of us are hangers-on, too--not dating any more. But addicted to the Forums, for some reason needing to be heard by youse mo fos. The popularity of blogging and other forums leads me to believe we are not alone...
 r90sboxer
Joined: 9/18/2005
Msg: 15
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/27/2009 6:19:43 AM
Would the simple act of looking at the columns that show how many people actually posted an answer and the folks who just looked at it to see if they even had an interest provide any answers?
Duh!!!
 deltadallas
Joined: 7/13/2009
Msg: 16
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 10/28/2009 6:35:56 PM
i am pretty impressed with this site for the advice from cooking to tech support. i haven't found a partner, lover or husband but after reading some of the sad , gloomy, mad and destructive threads on relationships it might be best to leave that alone.
 Selima
Joined: 3/28/2009
Msg: 17
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:16:39 PM

Someone wrote that only about 1% of people signed up on POF posts in the forums. At first I thought 'what a shame, you can find out a lot on here about people in general and specific people in particular.'

Now I'm thinking 'that's great because I hope what's posted and asked on POF forums does not represent the greater amount of daters and people on here and in the real world.'

Doesn't reading these forums make you disheartened sometimes because it almost feels like what you read on here or what is posted actually is what is represented in the real world? And you have to consciously make yourself come to back to reality and think 'Nah. In the real world this isn't how it actually is. It's better. Or different. Or both.'

Or is it?
Well, nappycat, I'm going to agree with you, at least more so than many others who have posted in this thread, so far. I feel like I came to these forums a complete 'innocent.' I had not previously had much experience with internt forums, and still don't have experience with many others, so I can't really compare, but I will speak to what I have found on the POF forums. Fifty-seven years of life, an independent, single women, educated and a professional in a job in which I talk to and discuss life on a daily basis with people from all over the world, and yet I had never see so much negativity, in all my 57 years, as I have read on the POF forums.

I think a lot of that is because people feel more freedom, when they are online, to express ideas they would not express in face to face conversations. As well, they feel freer to lash out at others in a way they wouldn't in a face to face discussion or debate. So, in some sense, we see the worst in people rather than the best.

As a person who has not had any really miserable experiences with dating or in relationships, who has not gone through a divorce, I have found it eye-opening the amount of bickering going on here between men and women. It's like they hate each other. None of my relationships were ever like that. Arguing constantly over every little thing, seeing every statement and opinion as an attack? Did not happen in my life, ever, so when I see it here almost continuously by some people, I feel it is a window into what they were like in relationships, and perhaps they think that is a normal or ordinary way to function withing a relationship. It seems to me, there are more people than not who seem to function in that way, based on POF forums.

Regarding the pirana like attacks on people who post threads asking for personal advice: This really shows a low level of humanity, and again, I cannot but think those posters who do that are essentially 'hiding behind their computer screen' and would not speak to a stranger like that in person. Regarding the visciousness and animosity that goes on in the political and off topic theads (for example, I just read in one thread a poster calling people he disagreed with as 'anti-gun idiots'), these are people I would normally not, in real life, engage in discussion with.

So, in a way, nappykat, you are right: This is discouraging, if I believe it representing the greater world. In one sense, as others have posted, POF is a microcosm of the real world. However, in the real world, we choose with whom we associate or with whom we engage in conversation. Much different than here, when you can post a comment, an idea, an opinion and get smacked in the head for it by someone with whom you would normally never exchange words. And I am not talking about discussing ideas with someone who doesn't share my views; I am talking about discussing ideas with someone who is capable of reasonable discussion. Big difference.
 handsoflove
Joined: 10/26/2009
Msg: 18
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/2/2009 11:36:07 PM
The forums are interesting because the site uses software that delivers to each viewer a version of what was actually posted that is customized to them individually based on how they filled out their profile and any posts they made. The only thing you see here that is actually what was posted is your own posts. The rest are edited on the fly by the software to more closely match what are calculated to be your personal views, opinions and prejudices. This means we are all seeing either a slightly or radically different thread than what everyone else sees. For example if the software has determined that your outlook is more upbeat your personalized forum views will seem largely positive, whereas if the calculation is that you tend toward pessimism, then the view presented you will be likewise more negative. Even the icons change. To me, this is a banana, but you may well see it as a pickle or even a cucumber.



Here I see a man sneezing while he masturbates. but others might see a man laughing so hard he has fallen and is rolling about.

 FriendlyFreeSpirit
Joined: 7/27/2009
Msg: 19
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/3/2009 1:56:52 AM
achoo! Did the earth move for you, too?
What's this one, handsoflove?
Or this one?
The forums drive me insane. I vow every day to go cold turkey and leave Pof world forever, but then I just have to peek to see what so-and-so has posted..
They've made me laugh so much that I put up with the occasional anger surge.
But one day I'll get a life and then it will be
 Monongahela Sal
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 20
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:07:55 AM
Thankfully it's the very best. Also the very worst, and everything in between.

From my small sampling of people who I met through POF who ignore the forums, they're either people who hate to read, and/or people who focus single-mindedly on Looking to Meet and they don't see how the forums can assist with that.

It is my hope that FFS, Frau Blucher, Motown, HandsomeLove & Others find their true loves but still never get quite enough of a life that I become deprived of reading their stuff.

I won't call out the names of posters who I skip unless I am wearing a mask strong enough for a dose of acid in the face.

I've given up the idea that I'm going to give it up. hee hee. When my B/F notices I've been on here for the 3rd day in a row, he may just whoop my butt for me, or even worse, raise an eyebrow in my direction.
 ashley1861
Joined: 11/6/2004
Msg: 21
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POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/3/2009 12:01:36 PM
I bet Dr. Phil makes you wince, soap operas bore you and the people on Jerry Springer just don't seem real... (they are exaggerated versions of real life).
The Forums too are just entertainment in another form.
It's this, TV or a good mystery novel - sometimes they seem quite the same.

What I get out of these forums are some gap filling time warps between work and sleep.
Some really funny goofy stuff happens
quite by accident too
that keeps me reading.

Some other people are lucky enough to have a hidden place in the forest alongside a steam of googly eyed fish. If that ends up being a POF fish, all the better.

Don't believe everything you read. Don't trust everything they tell you on a first date.
Don't pick your nose or their nose. Everything Mom said is true.
 edisto
Joined: 6/30/2009
Msg: 22
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/3/2009 4:01:14 PM
I would rather read what a pof member has written on the forums then read their profile or look at all the pics they've posted~

it's more insightful
 demondingleberry
Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 23
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:47:33 PM

Doesn't reading these forums make you disheartened sometimes because it almost feels like what you read on here or what is posted actually is what is represented in the real world?

Ummm...not to nit pick but the forum posters live in the real world, and whatever they are posting about happened to them, so it has to be represented in the real world, right?

But IMO the forums don't represent anything except individual experiences. Or at least individual interpretations of individual experiences that are then translated taking away any personal feeling, context, or meaning, allowing whomever reads it to run it through their own bias and add their own personal feelings, context, and meaning.

IOW what you read here and how you respond to it is exactly what you want it to mean.
It's great entertainment and it seems it may be a great way to determine where you are in your own head. If you can respond in a completely unemotional way, that's great. If you are actually feeling anything as you type then you might want to take a step back and realize you are responding to yourself, not the person or idea that you just read.


Or is it?

It is what you want it to be, what you fear it to be, and/or what you hope it is.

All judgments are your own, based on your own bias and mood.

IMO
 justin_gf
Joined: 10/28/2009
Msg: 24
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/3/2009 5:54:08 PM
I think, the majority of people who resort to online dating have given up, and are bitter with the real-world and its dating scene. So, it doesn't surprise me when I see the negativity on these threads.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 25
POF Forums - The Worse Representation of Dating & Daters?
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:29:32 PM
There is some really useful information to be had from forums. I like when it reinforces some of my beliefs, particularly those that arn't commonly understood and acknowledged.

But, I never fail to be amazed that people asking questions never realize that answers are very different depending on who answers them. Factors such as age, relationship status and history, kids or no kids, attractive or not have a huge bearing on the perspective and answers you're gonna get!
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