| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/10/2005 10:00:53 PM | When my son was born, his father and I were both extremely young (I was a month short of my 21st birthday)........and a bit 'naive' so to speak. My son's father insisted that our child be given his last name. I agreed to it, and so there it is, written all over his birth certificate.
My son's father and I separated ways when our son was 3.
I found that as he began school, he took notice that his last name, and my last name were not the same. This appeared to bother him a great deal. He asked if he could have 'my' last name, I told him to think about it a little longer, and then we'd discuss it again.
He approached me about a week later and stated the same thing over again. (You have to understand his father has very limited involvement.....) I agreed to it, and we signed him up at school with my last name.
That was 4 years ago, and my son has 'stuck' with his decision to be known as a (insert last name here).
He does receive a little grief about it from his father, when they 'do' see one another (comments about my last name on his hockey jersey, school reports, etc) Also, every piece of literature that is sent our way from ex's side of the family still reads (father's last name).
My son has done very well with being able to let that slide.......even though it aggravates the heck out of ME! :)
I'm wondering, do your children have your last name? Your ex's? Has it changed since you left,/separated/divorced etc?
My son is eagerly awaiting the day in which he can have it changed legally to (insert our last name here)........
(we can't change it legally yet without father's consent, which he would never give.)
Same situation? | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/10/2005 10:06:22 PM | I think you did the right thing by allowing your child to choose...espeically since you weren't the one who led him into this area.
I don't have the same problem...but if my children ever want to change their last name from mine I'd be okay with it. As it stands, I insisted on giving both our children my wife's maiden name as a middle name, to honor her family name.
Not that it makes a difference. No matter the name, the way they feel about you doen't change, and I'm sure the hugs will feel the same.
VictorNorth | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/10/2005 10:08:08 PM | Well you are from Alberta so I am sure you may be acustom to how the last name thing actually works... if the child was conceived in a marraige, he must retain the fathers last name unless he chooses not too... if born common law, then the great debate starts... the father is not entitled to have his name by law, but can fight for it via the courts...
When my son was born, through a marraige, my ex and I were going through our separation... she tried to out in the birth certificate just her last name... thank goodness the nurse was wise to it and remembered that her husband, at the time, was there during the delivery...
My son now has a hypenated last name... he carries both our names... but the way that works is also a little complicated... it is done via alphabetical order... lowest in the letter first then the highest one next... for example, Smith-Thomas... I did not have to agree to the hypenated name... but thought it was not my decision to make... my son when he is old enough can decide which name he wants... as it stands he has both... lucky for me that I had the lowest letter in the naming convention... :D
People get so wrapped up in the last name saga... unfortunely most kids are too young to decide... I think that the hypentated convention works well, makes it fair to both parties, and can be changed later on if the child so decides...
Just my thoughts... | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 3:18:05 AM | | Both of my children have thier fathers last names. I married my oldest sons father so we share the same last name but my youngest sons father took off soon after the naming. So of course the engagement was also off. My children don't have a problem with the different last names. I have offered to change my youngest son name but he refuses so the only other thing I can do and niether one want me to do that either is to hyphenate the last names. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 5:58:19 AM | all my children have my last name..
and i would nothave it any other way..
there are only a few boy's in our family that can carry on our last name
so i did it,besides idid'nt want my lastname differant from there's | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 7:41:11 AM | | Seeing how my ex and I were not married when our son was born I decided to give him his fathers last name as a second middle name and he has my last name. I figured this way if anything happened and we broke up later on in life my son could decide to take whatever name he chosses. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 12:05:45 PM | First I'd love to congratulate your son on his mature decision.
I think that is amazing he chose his name on his own, and way to go mom for supporting his decision for self identity. That is so important for children. that decision allowed for self confidence, self awareness and probably a dose of high self esteem. 
Pretty soon our kids will be heading off to court on thier own fighting for thier rights~~and will probably win!
(I was adopted, so between my bilogical mother's, father's adopted mother's and father's last names...well...last names don't really mean a whole lot to me unfortunately...so sorry if I don't understand about last name pride guys ) | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 1:08:19 PM | They have my last name. As far as I'm concerned, if they want to change their names they can do it....... when they are old enough to do it and can do it by themselves. I'm a bit of a traditionalist this way and would fight tooth and nail if their mom tried to change their names. When my oldest son first started school, his name was accidently put as their mom (cause she signed him up over the phone and they assumed). It was changed the first day I found out and thats the same with any sports, clubs etc. to this day.
and way to go mom for supporting his decision for self identity
I wanted to change my name to Lance Storm when I was 8.. thank god my mom didn't support my decision for self identity..  | |
|
jaxxx
|
Joined: 5/10/2005
Msg: 9 | |
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 1:23:33 PM | Both my kids have their dads lastname, I should have given them mine , but if they want to change it when they are older then they can. I did name both my kids first , middle and I was the one to give them their dads lastname. In ontario if you are married but have different lastnames which alot of women choose not to change their names, you dont have to give the child the fathers name , but the lastname has to be one that one of the parents has, whether it be the dads or the moms lastname.
Not many people know my lastname unless they are close friends or family. Why that is I dont know, but if you asked most of the people I know what my lastname was they wouldnt have a clue. So I guess with my kids having a different lastname isnt that big of a deal. At my kids school everyone calls me by my sons lastname. It isnt my name but if it means the kids are less confused then it doesnt bother me. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 1:39:33 PM | As long as both parents are an active part in child life the child should stay with the birth name until he/she is old enough to change it.
I was never married but when my son was born he received my name.
Choosing my sons name was his mother’s decision and I would be upset if she attempted/suggested to change it. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 3:57:29 PM | ~I wanted to change my name to Lance Storm when I was 8.. thank god my mom didn't support my decision for self identity~ (sorry havn't figured out the quoting thing yet)
well maybe if she had...you wouldn't be making fun of other's opinions...just a thought. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 4:11:31 PM | Hottie, if your boy was so consistently wanting to have your last name, you did the right thing. You didn't do it for yourself, you did it for him. Just let the snide comments from his father and father's side of the family slide. Your boy is happy with his name now and that's all that counts.
I did the opposite...I was married to my son's father. Upon divorce, I had my last name legally changed back to my maiden name. My son has his father's last name. We divorced when he was so young, it did not occur to him that this was in any way odd....that he and I had different last names.
I guess he was about 8 when he finally asked about it. I told him my last name *was* (insert name here) when I was married to his dad. He just fell out laughing! It sounded so bizarre to him. He's never brought it up again.
You did what the child was longing for....nobody got injured, nobody is in trouble, nobody died. Ya did the right thing.
-sparkle | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 8:20:29 PM |
well maybe if she had...you wouldn't be making fun of other's opinions...just a thought.
sorry if my true and relevant story offended you.. good thing her other teachings allowed me to develop a healthy sense of humour.... another thought. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 10:33:21 PM | | DCO, I "do" truly see it as another issue altogether, if you're an involved parent, which you obviously are......I was simply stating 'our version' of things, and wondering what other parents "out there in the parenting world" were doing.........thanks for your input! | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/11/2005 11:23:55 PM | DCO, I "do" truly see it as another issue altogether, if you're an involved parent, which you obviously are......I was simply stating 'our version' of things, and wondering what other parents "out there in the parenting world" were doing.........thanks for your input!
That's fine and I respect that... however, my "Lance Storm" story was true and it was in good fun. There was nothing malicious about it. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/12/2005 6:45:15 AM | | No maliciousness taken! I wanted to be Kim Lee Lundistar. My brother? Mario Lemiux.........Now that I'm 31....I'm glad not to have the "star" thing in my name!!! lol! | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/14/2005 8:47:07 PM | | my ex not only gave my daughter her maiden name, but she gave the baby an entire different first and middle name than what we agreed upon and didn't even let me sign the birth certificate. I wont' go into detail on the specifics, only that i have NEVER tried to deny any responsibility and have been there whenever i was allowed through the pregnancy. it's ridiculous, because we lived together with HER 4 kids for 6 months and i was given full access to do anything with the kids whenever i wanted. Full trust, you name it. But, my daughter is almost 3 months old now and i've seen her for 20 min the day after she was born. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/14/2005 10:23:51 PM | | my daughter has my last name..... and that is the way it will stay.... | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/14/2005 10:50:45 PM | | I was with my ex for 13 yrs, so both my kids has his last name. Now my dilemma is when I get a divorce, do I change back to my maiden name? I'm also in Alberta, and all I would have to do was show my birth certificate at registries to get a license in that last name. But I'm not sure I want to have a different last name than my kids. But on the other hand, it would be a final sign of freedom to not be tied to him by a name...kwim?? | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/14/2005 10:55:17 PM | | That's a tricky one Chele! I have a friend that is getting remarried, and she too, is wondering how it's all going to work out with the last names.... | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/15/2005 7:19:29 AM | why not a joint last name as in child father-mother ei: sonny day-outside
This gives him the last name of both parents, that is if the father is active in his life. He is young yet why not wait til he is in his teens to decide. Children at that age just want to please and make there parents happy, I wonder if he says the same to his father.
I think if the father is not involved then he has no right to it. I also think that if two years goes by and there is no interaction with the father you can make an application to have the named changed. You have to post it in the paper that it will be changed but, hey if he doesn't read the paper oh well.
My girlfriends son has not seen his father in 2 years now and barely seen him before he is 11 and wants my last named as I am active in his life. Actually wants me to adopt him but thats another issue. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/15/2005 12:28:43 PM | | My son was nearly two when my ex and I split. We were married at the time, so my son was given my ex's last name........but he was given my maiden name as a middle name (like a few others here). When we divorced, I went back to my maiden name, but my son still carries his father's last name. I would like to change it to my name, but with that already being his middle name, I think I'll just wait and give him the option to do what he wishes later (he's 7 now). I tell him for now that his first name is his, his middle name is mine, and his last name is his father's. He seems happy with that for now. | |
|
zgirl
|
Joined: 5/30/2005
Msg: 23 | |
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/15/2005 8:09:32 PM | | well, i never thought my daughter's dad and i would break up. So she got his last name. She has my sister's name as her middle name. The funny thing is, my last name is my ex husbands! My daughter's dad and I weren't married, but that didn't stop me from giving her his name. I'm not sorry I did it. We aren't together, but he's a great dad to her. Talk about confusing the poor kid when she's older! | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/15/2005 10:59:30 PM | | My kids have their dad's name and they'll keep it unless they decide to change it. My middle daughter asked if she could switch to my maiden name....her reason? Because she's tired of being last in the lunch line at school! I told her that wasn't reason enough to severely damage her relationship with her father, no matter how angry she is with him right now. | |
|
| What's in a (last) name?
Posted: 7/16/2005 11:26:06 AM | My son has his mothers last name,we agreed on this at the time of his birth.We were not married and having severe financial difficulties.It was in his best interest so that the gov't would help with welfare assistance.My name is not on his birth certificate.We thought that we were married by common-law (cohabitating for more than 7 years).That turned out not to be as that practice was abolished in the mid-sixties.I feel great remorse that my son will have to deal with being called a **stard-child.I also deal with being called Mr. (her last name) by the folks at school and by some of the kids.His mom an I have discussed it an she is willing to let him have my last name.I also have custody of him.We split when he was 6 an I regained him at 8.He is now 12.I now wonder what is the best thing to do?Change it immediately,while he is young enough to adjust or wait till he is old enough to better understand why I think it is best for him to change it to prevent any further awkward moments? The thought of taking her to vegas and marrying her for the day did come to mind!His best interest is what's at stake here not mine! Any Thoughts Welcomed | |
|
Home
login 
