| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/25/2009 3:28:05 PM | Every time i fall for a girl and everything seems great, and for no reason at all she breaks my heart, i don't know why...maybe im too nice of a guy maybe 99% of girls don't care if they hurt others
Em I falling in to it too quickly? Usually I would fall for a girl after a first date, but what should I do, should I ignore how I feel and give it more time? | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/25/2009 3:29:56 PM | Yes, go slowly - don't invest yourself and your heart so much.
Don't be so dependent on women making you happy nor defining who you are!
TAKE YOUR TIME! | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/25/2009 6:15:32 PM | | I don't think you can choose whether to fall for someone or not, it just happens. It does sound like you are acting entirely on your feelings all the time though. Why don't you take time to get to know girls and see if they have the kind of qualities you like? It takes time to get to know someone properly, to get to know their attitudes, quirks and foibles. I bet if you look back on these women you fell in love with, you'd find that you knew very little about them. Maybe they looked good to you. Good looks does not equal a nice personality, though it is easy to overlook personality for a while if someone looks good enough. If you concentrate on finding the right qualities in someone and not being distracted by appearance you might find it works better. | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/26/2009 10:19:41 AM | Yep, you're falling into it too quickly, or at least more quickly than the ladies you've been with have been able to handle or reciprocate.
Even though you're dying and screaming for affection inside, tread lightly. Go slowly. Keep it light and fun. Give a little of your heart and wait to get. If you don't get, hold back on the giving, until she becomes the lonely one and gives her heart fully, then you give your heart fully. It's a game, a balancing act, a dance of give and take. I too grapple with it, because the least little bit of affection feels so good that I want the whole enchalada all at once, and it hasn't worked that way, or maybe I haven't met someone with a similar need to fall in love quickly yet either. That infatuation/lust phase cools over time anyway, and then you've got to find each other in the form of a sense of humor, similar tastes and intelligence-! As easily as it is to fall in love (or lust/infatuation), it's equally easy to fall OUT of love. Maybe that's what has been happening-!
Definitely give it time. It takes time to learn each other's "love language". No one is "built" exactly the same way emotionally. If you're feeling unfulfilled in the first few meetings, she may not be the right one for you. Good luck! | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/26/2009 1:43:49 PM | | Sounds like you are clingy. Stop it now because it's creepy. And if you continue down this path you will be old and creepy. It may also make the woman think that you are trying to get to the snatch as soon as possible. So no more speedy love afairs. Get a hobby or something. Let the next woman have some space to breathe. | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:03:05 PM | | It does sounds like you are needy and very emotionally dependant. Been there. It does not end well. When you break up, it is like you have lost your life preserver. Don't ignore your feelings, just be self-aware that this is your pattern. Don't depend on them to be your everything--I think that is part of "clingy." Maybe see a counselor to learn ways to boost yourself esteem so that you will not be so needy. Good luck! | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:21:07 PM | Op- Some examples of clingy behavior:
1. Calling to say you miss SO after they just walked out of the house
2. Being touchy/ feely ; disreguarding personal space
3. Calling/ showing up to SO job
4. Auto claiming- Saying you are attached w/out the other person's knowledge
5. Needing too much time and attention (6 days on one day off)
6. Showing up to SO home with no invitation
7. Feeling entitled to be that persons world
8.Stealing hangouts - finding out where SO hang out and being there all the time
9. Overdoing the mushy stuff (cards, flowers etc.) - sweet at first but feel creepy when people first meet. Almost stalkerish.
10.Trying to include SO in family activities too soon i.e. "Oh yeah btw, my mom is meeting us at the resurant."
These are my top few if you need more just ask. | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:07:15 PM | You're the common denominator in this picture, so it is you.
A first date is a getting to know each other event, not a "falling for her" thing.
Maybe you're projecting what you want on the girls you don't know that well, yet admire??? | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:16:49 PM | | I agree meet first dont let your pinus think before your head that gets so old with woman. Just relax fallow your heart and listen to it . | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/27/2009 7:00:14 PM | OP,
I would try to take it slower, but the heart is a difficult thing to reign in. Love and or infatuation are emotions that are designed to override reason and objectivity. I am not sure why God made it this way... perhaps to punish me for some past misdeed. (Yes it is all about me hehe)
Try to pace yourself, and have days off from her. I would start out only seeing each other once a week or so with emails and phone calls periodically throughout the week. And NO sex. Slow is the way to go IMO. Hey that rhymed. Time to start that Rap career that I have always wanted! | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/28/2009 7:04:21 AM | I agree, my life is pretty fast paste, with school and work and other things on my plate...things kind of happening really really fast at a finger snap...so perhaps I head down the road of life 200mph
I need to slow down a bit | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/28/2009 9:54:22 AM | You scare a girl off when you get involved too quickly. Makes you seem like a loser which I don't think you are. You should teast the waters with her. Don't fall so quickly because you will fall hard & hurt yourself.  | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/28/2009 10:10:10 AM | I wish I had better answers to this topic or even an understanding of how it happens. I know what usually happens to me is the your such a nice guy and treat me so well. I keep making attempts at a relationship once I pass my limit I cut them off and go about my life. It is getting easier to cut them off. I would almost suggest you develop an exit plan so at some level you stay protected.
-Travis | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/28/2009 5:00:18 PM | OP; Do not ask "why this keeps happening to me". Instead, ask yourself;
"What have I learned from this mistake and what can I do to ensure that I do not allow it to happen again to me"? | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/29/2009 6:40:05 AM | after the first date, huh? i had to laugh. of COURSE you should give it more time! not only is your level of emotional involvement inappropriate given the amount of time you have known these ladies, but my guess is that you're probably making yourself into a doormat as well. normal people dont like that, and the rest of them will just take advantage of you.
the other problem as i see it, is that so far you haven't been able to compartmentalize your feelings.... and you probably don't know the difference between infatuation/lust and love. you can't POSSIBLY love (a.k.a. "fall for") somebody after a first date, because you can't POSSIBLY know the person well enough to make that kind of an emotional commitment to anybody so quickly.
give yourself at least 6 months to get to know somebody. that's because it usually takes about 6 months for all the glitter/infatuation to wear off... this is about the time when people start letting their guard down and they are no longer on their "best behavior"... and when all the bad habits and stuff that pisses you off starts to show more clearly ;)
better luck next time! | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/29/2009 9:15:43 AM | Yeah...agree with everyone else here. You are the common denominator, and you are falling WAY too quickly.
Might want to step back and work on your self esteem a little bit...falling head over heels first time out just means you are needy and lack self confidence. You become a doormat for these girls and they stomp all over you (because you LET them, BTW).
Search this forum...lots of good suggestions for building your self confidence and self esteem. Try using the word 'doormat' as a search topic...you'll have dozens of hits.
Paul ;) | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/29/2009 8:27:39 PM | Its just how women are man. All the comments about how "its you" you can disregard. Women don't appreciate shit now days. Its not your fault just like its not mine.
Their just kinda programs wrong I don't know. And the good ones aren't going to be single. At least not long enough to be single AND looking. Cause as whats well established, women have a easier time finding someone. | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 10/30/2009 2:24:31 AM | i envy you on how often you fall in love , its hard to fall in love for me...but the rule is specially on new acquaintances , just give them what they give you .because a date is not a commitment yet. there are more things to consider.weigh everything before you call it love.because its more complicated than you think | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:03:23 PM | | on the contrary I found out that there was another guy in the picture, that is why she was acting completley different after a week... and all this time i was trying to figure out what I did wrong | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:17:38 PM | It sounds to me that you are more in love with BEING in love than with the actual girl.
You need to set some standards and open your eyes to each woman that you date.
Don't wear your heart on your sleeve and hold back your emotions until they prove
they are worthy of having them.
Good luck. | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 11/1/2009 4:53:45 PM |
on the contrary I found out that there was another guy in the picture, that is why she was acting completley different after a week... and all this time i was trying to figure out what I did wrong
Just learn from your experiences and hey stuff happens to everyone.
-Travis | |
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| Why does this keep happening to me?
Posted: 11/1/2009 5:43:21 PM | op,
i don't think this issue has a gender bias. it happens to all of us. for some reason, they're not as into you as you are into them. not much you can do about it...other than not take it personally...it just happens...wish i could be of more help.... | |
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