| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:28:57 PM | I sent out 15 messages this week and haven't gotten a reply :(
Oh well, such is online dating (or lack thereof). Maybe next time around things will be better off.
Any comments on the profile are appreciated. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:38:43 PM | you need to start smiling man, get some pics of yourself smiling, nothing is more attractive than a great smile.
just read over your profile, being completely honest, your wording gives otu a lot of insecurity.
ex. ball is in your court, please don't kick it into the street.
get rid of it or reword, it. Harmless it maybe, you can sense a lot of self esteem, lack of confidence, and insecurity. Women want confident guys.
Don't worry you are a good looking guy, there is a lot working for you, change your attitude, and you will see an improvement.
just my 0.02$
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:44:28 PM | | IDK. If I were a girl, I wouldn't really like someone listing what they like in a girl. Or what they want. Get to know the girl first and talk to her. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/25/2009 8:50:01 PM | | Well, that bit about what I'm looking for was added a couple months ago. It came in response to a suggestion from the last time I posted in these forums. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/25/2009 11:18:53 PM | I like your profile, but that main picture has got to go. How about the one with the 9 on your shirt? You look much better in it.
The headline needs to go bye-bye too. Sounds like you may be talking about something else and I don’t think you want to go there!
What is that you are doing all in tan? I would guess roller derby with the pads and helmet, but could it be paintball or something with the military? Whatever it is, it’s a very interesting picture, talk about it unless you can’t, then maybe just touch on it a bit?
I will assume it’s the messages that you send, do you go into detail about your life or are they short, just one or two words? I am assuming you read the profiles and question them about something in theirs, right?
“I guess the ball is in your court”…… get rid of the word “guess”.
You are a good looking guy, I wouldn’t think you would have a problem on here.
Good luck! | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:45:15 AM | Maybe it's not your profile but what you are writing in your messages. What are you writing? Is it too long or too short? Maybe take another look at what you have sent in the past.
Best of luck to you | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 9:15:20 AM |
I like your profile, but that main picture has got to go. How about the one with the 9 on your shirt? You look much better in it.
I agree with the above posters. Something about that main pic gives off a Michael Jackson impersonator vibe. If you use the suggested pic, if possible, crop it and make it larger so it is more of a face-shot.
Over all, I think it is a good profile. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 11:35:27 AM | Hi JC…your profile is pretty generic. It could belong to any one of 20,000 other men.
A few suggestions….
1) First, get better photos. You’re a nice looking man, smile and click click click.
2) Can you give her a general impression of the type of work (catching bad guys, decoding stuff, working with radio signals, etc.)?
3) Ladies like men who like their jobs. Maybe you can’t talk about what you do, but you can say if you like it and what you studied in school to enable you to do it.
4) You’re in the army….so she’s wondering if you’re going to be around or going to be deployed. If you’re going to be stateside for the foreseeable future, it’s a good idea to tell her that.
5) Do NOT begin with “Hi ladies”….she wants to feel she’s the only one you’re addressing this to.
6) Nix the “fishy” headline. You know better than that….and if you don’t, it’s time you did.
7) Your check-list for the ladies could be ANY lady. It’s good to give her an idea if she fits who you’re looking for, but the way you’ve phrased it comes across as “demanding” ….which is a turn off for all ladies.
8) Nix the “lost a bunch of weight”….you’ve got her wondering if you’re going to gain it back ‘cause many folks do.
9) Add some interests…. 10-15 should do it. It gives her an idea of what you like to do and they are searchable.
10) Summary….go thru your profile and add SPECIFICS where all the generalities are. Talk about something fun you did lately and that maybe she’d enjoy doing with you. Make yourself STAND OUT in a positive way. Don’t wimp out on the 1st date…give her something to look forward to.
You’re cute, but your profile isn’t doing you any favors. Time for a rewrite. Read some of the good male and female profiles to get an idea of how to make a profile INTERESTING and fun to read.
Best to you. DenverSky5280  | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:15:44 PM |
1) First, get better photos. You’re a nice looking man, smile and click click click.
Yes, I'll work on that, the not smiling thing hadn't really occurred to me.
2) Can you give her a general impression of the type of work (catching bad guys, decoding stuff, working with radio signals, etc.)?
No. I have in my profession Engineer/Investigator , which is really pushing the limits in a place like this.
4) You’re in the army….so she’s wondering if you’re going to be around or going to be deployed. If you’re going to be stateside for the foreseeable future, it’s a good idea to tell her that.
I'm not in the Army, I'm just a federal employee. Trying to explain that on my profile would be really awkward too.
5) Do NOT begin with “Hi ladies”….she wants to feel she’s the only one you’re addressing this to.
I think that's a stretch.
6) Nix the “fishy” headline. You know better than that….and if you don’t, it’s time you did.
Huh? The name of the website is "Plenty of Fish" the last time I checked. I don't think that's any more suggestive than what's on my profile.
7 ) Your check-list for the ladies could be ANY lady. It’s good to give her an idea if she fits who you’re looking for, but the way you’ve phrased it comes across as “demanding” ….which is a turn off for all ladies. Well, last time the feedback I got was that I was too wishy-washy. I agreed, so I thought that would be a way to show that I actually stood for something. Also, the fact that it could apply to anyone was more or less the objective when I wrote it.
8) Nix the “lost a bunch of weight”….you’ve got her wondering if you’re going to gain it back ‘cause many folks do.
Never occurred to me but it's unneeded and I'll delete it.
9) Add some interests…. 10-15 should do it. It gives her an idea of what you like to do and they are searchable.
10) Summary….go thru your profile and add SPECIFICS where all the generalities are. Talk about something fun you did lately and that maybe she’d enjoy doing with you. Make yourself STAND OUT in a positive way. Don’t wimp out on the 1st date…give her something to look forward to.
Things to work on I guess.
Maybe it's not your profile but what you are writing in your messages. What are you writing? Is it too long or too short? Maybe take another look at what you have sent in the past.
Most of my messages follow the same format:
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Hey [your real name if I can figure it out from profile]!
I think it's really cool that you [some random interesting detail from their profile]. Do you [some follow up question to the random detail]?
By the way, [something else that I feel like saying].
-[my name]
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Well thanks for the help guys. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:43:28 PM | Hi JC…
1) If you say you “work for the Army”….she’s probably going to think as I did that you are IN the Army and/or may be deployed.
2) Women don’t want to date men who may be shipped overseas next month.
3) Can you NIX the Army reference and say instead, “I work for the government….yes, I’m one of the good guys”?
4) That way you’re not revealing your work, but you’re also not giving her the idea that you’re going to Afghanistan tomorrow.
5) If you don’t think the “Fishy” headline offends most women….take your own poll, hun.
6) Ditto the “Hi ladies” at the beginning of your profile.
7) Those are the first 2 things the ladies read after your email (which actually sounds pretty good).
8) You only get 1 chance to make that 1st impression, and the FISHY start comes across as a sexually overt, olfactory image. “Plenty of Fish” is quite different than “Plenty of Fishy Smells” or “Somethin (Smells) Fishy”.
9) Your photos could be better, but my guess is that it’s your profile that’s deep-sixing you.
10) Summary….if something isn’t working for you….try changing it. If you’re batting 0 for 15, you’ve got nothing to lose.
Good luck. DenverSky5280 | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 2:59:26 PM | Your main pic expression is somewhere between sad and confused. Why use it? Are you attracted to photos of women where they look sad? Probably not.
You're tired, and sore, and look sad. And have no ideas for a first date. Be more positive and energetic, and if you're just not a positive, energetic person you may end up waiting (in person and on here) for someone equally blah to come along. If that's not what you want - talk about what you do want!
Good luck! | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:13:03 PM | | Thanks Denver! After reading your response, I had to go back and check mine! You really do have a good handle on clear, precise and sound advice...even for those not asking the question! You're awsome! Thanks! :) | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:16:34 PM | I just want to weigh in that " Something's fishy" and "Hey ladies"(especially)
is instantly smarmy to me and anyone of ANY age I know. It's seen all over the net
(no fish named dating sites as well) and is so often done that it's the biggest way anyone can shoot themselves in the foot in regard to getting people past that to read a profile and respond to it. At the moment the woman is reading, SHE is the only one (to her) reading your profile and is much more receptive if that concept is not stepped on with a plural greeting that completely elimates that impression.
This is wise , when describing who you would like to meet. It is infinitely better to say, I like a woman who ..., rather than I like women who ... .
Small distinction to you, perhaps, not so for any woman with dignity and respect for who she is and what she has to offer.
You do, like many attractive young men here, with red flags in their profiles that can be solved, sound very defensive in your last reply to advice here. If you don't want to take advice, ignore it, no need to answer to each point defending why you won't change something.
That too, happens way to often here and seems very revealing.
Listen, absorb and reflect on the information given, before deciding what you will and will not change. Then, take what you will and leave the rest. Otherwise, you really are getting in the way of your own success here. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 3:37:48 PM | @Rita….thanks for chiming in….it’s important that JC gets lots of feedback.
@JC…what Rita said about “defensiveness” is spot on.
In this forum we see it more in guys’ replies than in women’s replies, but she’s right….it’s very revealing.
What does it reveal??
Inability to consider another viewpoint; inability to change even when something isn’t working; …and that’s just for starters.
My suggestion….be aware of this….and don’t make that error in the emailing process. Also...remember....Ladies can’t hear your tone of voice in emails, so word choice becomes even more critical.
Good luck. DenverSky5280 | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:09:26 PM |
@JC…what Rita said about “defensiveness” is spot on.
In this forum we see it more in guys’ replies than in women’s replies, but she’s right….it’s very revealing.
What does it reveal??
Inability to consider another viewpoint; inability to change even when something isn’t working; …and that’s just for starters
I never said that I wouldn't change my profile. I'm just not so willing to cede my profile over to strangers on the internet. I wanted to go a little deeper.
My suggestion….be aware of this….and don’t make that error in the emailing process. Also...remember....Ladies can’t hear your tone of voice in emails, so word choice becomes even more critical.
...and forum posts neither, apparently. I wasn't trying to be defensive.
10) Summary….if something isn’t working for you….try changing it. If you’re batting 0 for 15, you’ve got nothing to lose.
It's also important to consider bias. If I had posted here saying I was 14/15 you just might be proclaiming how innovative my profile is. This is why I need to be skeptical to weed out the good advice from the bad. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 4:19:05 PM | People generally don't "try" to be defensive, they just are, or come off that way.
It's important info and you are defending again!
No one responded about the defensiveness because they heard you saying you wouldn't change your profile or take the advice. I responded to it because your answers said it for you! You have clarified, but sure sounds like defending to me, and thou doth protest too much. I wrote a really careful, thoughtful post advising you to absorb and consider before rejecting or explaining why certain advice doesn't work for you.
You seemed to have ignored all that with this last speedy rebutal ( no time to absorb when you are all over replying first!) and that just reinforces the take I pointed out about you in my first message. It's info worth considering, that is all, arguing back and forth, or trying to, is a waste of precious time that you could be learning something new about how to do things and applying it. If the results aren' t there, go right back to doing it all "your way" and listening that way too. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 5:42:53 PM |
If you don't want to take advice, ignore it, no need to answer to each point defending why you won't change something.
That too, happens way to often here and seems very revealing.
I could not agree more. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 6:39:14 PM | OK Guys and girls. I hope you appreciate the way I have skillfully implemented all of your suggestions while still maintaining my own individuality.
Now I'm ready for some of that sweet, sweet FISHY! | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:23:24 PM | Yes. You're not only uninteresting... but you got that "still live with your mother " going on.
Listen up -
I get about 5 emails a day from women; and its not because I look like Brad Pitt.
And one more thing Sparky,... do you also wear a pocket protector ? Lose it.
Hope this helps fishy guy. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 7:25:55 PM | Well, I suppose that's one way to way to handle constructive criticism.
Have fun hanging out under the bridge. | |
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| Am I really not that interesting?
Posted: 10/26/2009 8:02:28 PM | | No not really.......................................................................................................... | |
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